Abstract

Man, You're...

 

The usually cramped interior of their spaceship became 20 times even smaller when the ambient white bulbs went out and was replaced with a garish blare of emergency lighting. Everything came down with an orange-ish tinge, making the actually very pale acting captain RM to look fairly healthy, and contorting his terrified grimace into one of excitement. Especially when their lovely AI started to spout serious sounding messages. RM knew, when L reverted back to her original prim and proper syntax, 's gonna hit the fan. Their spaceship was the fan, and those asteroids banging against the outer metal insulation were the .



Warning. Violation of Galactic Union speed limit. Maximum speed of travel in: Milky Way Galaxy is: Warp factor 5. Warning. Vi-



"JN WHAT DID YOU DO TO OUR SHIP?!" 

"I... I... I DON'T KNOW!" 

Poor JN. He was just trying to help. Did he punch the wrong button? To be fair, there were thirteen of those that were colored silver. And that didn’t even include the switches!  



Warning. We are in a direct course heading to: Terra-N4 class planet. Current population: 7.2 billion. Impact in T-minus 10 minutes. Expected population after impact: nil. 



"I hope you two are not going to kill me." A trembling voice coming from under the navigation table managed to seep through the cacophony of beeps, bangs, and blaring PA system. V hates turbulence when he knew he was safe. V hates turbulence even more when he knew he was going to become space junk in any minute.

"I HOPE WE TWO ARE NOT GOING TO KILL US ALL."



Warning. Impact in T-minus 7 minutes. 



Accepting the fact that his steering wheel had somehow gotten manually disconnected, which meant navigating around the obstacle was impossible to do, RM desperately tried to deploy any remaining landing gears that would at least, at least decrease the speed in which they were going. Belly jets were all out, completely mangled after their attempt to evacuate from the last planet they visited. Peripheral propellers might still work, but even so, judging by the warp level they were in, nothing would help them slow down in any bit. Whatever JN did to their accelerator, it was irreversible. It might mean a probable mass extinction on whatever was the inhabitant of this planet.

They were supposed to be pioneers. Scientists. Cool people. Not bringing genocide to an entire planet!



Impact in T-minus 3 minutes. Expected population after impact is:... 



All three of the passengers didn't get to hear the end of L's message when suddenly they were blown off their feet and sent tumbling around the interior of the ship like some kind of cloth on a tumble-dry mode. 

And then there was silence.

Only L's voice was there as she repeated the same words over and over again, the clarity of it blended with piercing mechanical beeps and eerily bounced around the navigation room.



Recalculating. Recalculating. 

Expected population after impact is: 7.2 billion.



"What?" JN's voice croaked from under a stack of star maps, "that's... That's impossible."

He looked around and noticed that the ship was skewed on an angle, as both RM and V had to slowly scale the coffee cabinet to reach the navigating table. They were disheveled, but nothing seemed to be broken.

"What did you do?" RM breathlessly asked a still dazed V. His eyes were fixed on their front window, which now that they were off warp speed, revealed a very beautiful, slightly elliptical planet clad in wisps of white cloud. He wanted to walk over and plant his face on the transparent aluminium to trace his fingers along its rounded shape, but the lack of flooring underneath his feet meant that he had to be content to only look from a distance.

Realizing that he'd left his captain waiting over a session of 'planet ogling' (which he did often), V silently pointed to the underside of the table, then even deeper to a small black box screwed behind a supporting beam. The word 'Emergency Shut Down' was written in discreet metallic ink. 

Even though he wanted to be angry and give a complaint call to the manufacturer of this ship for not informing them the existence of an emergency stop button, RM let the sense of relief wash over him in a form of nervous laughter. "We did it." 

Too soon RM, far too soon.

L chimed in and reminded them that they were still cruising across a populated airspace. Their destination loomed greatly upon them.



Impact in T-minus 3 minutes. 



"... ."



- - - - - - -



"Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder where y-... What y-... what you are? Giant burning ball of gas, that's what they are." 

Tonight was a perfect late-autumn night for stargazing, Hoseok decided. Even though it was a bit chilly, it was nothing a thick woolen scarf couldn't handle. 

"That's the moon, that's... Venus? And that's... The big dipper? Or..." He stared deeply onto his constellation map, looking at it in an angle, turning it 90 degrees on all sides, putting it horizontally right under his nose, all that, and he still couldn't figure out what constellation it was. Too many stars, too little comprehension on how ancient astronomers could link them all together and saw a pail, out of all things.

Just like how these star gazing nights ended in the past, Hoseok sighed and tossed the map aside. Instead he stretched his limbs and laid down on the dewy grass, fingers moving as he linked the tiny bright lights on his own personal quest to create the most absurd imagery he could conjure up out of this DIY connect the dots adventure.

"That one's a turnip. That one's a block of tofu. That's a definite chicken wing." The simplicity of his imagination easily reflected the state of his stomach. 

"That's... That wasn't there before." At first he thought that dot who shined brighter than the rest was Venus. But however bright Venus was, Hoseok was sure it wouldn't take the size of a basketball. Even in the vast night sky, nothing but the moon should take up that much space.

He also noticed a distant whistling sound. The kind that'd been around for a while and once you noticed it, you wonder what'd took you so long for you to do so. Because it was grating, and foreign, with occasional hiss of what Hoseok could only describe as when the steam was released from a pressure cooker. 

"Meteor?" In that short contemplation time, the unidentified object already doubled in size. Then tripled, quadrupled. Only when it was an equivalent of a small VW beetle did Hoseok prop himself up on his elbows. 
By then, the whistling was so deafening that even his eyes started to water. It was as if two thin metal wires were unceremoniously shoved deep into both of his ears and twisted around with no clear rhyme or reason.

Seeing that he was unable to observe the tail of this meteor, he finally deduced a fact. A correct fact, but one that came a bit too late for him to do anything to safe himself, really.

"It's heading towards me." That night, horror came in the form of a whisper.

And he was completely right.

 


A/N: So yeah. Pre-introductory chapter (hence the title, lol). Might still be a bit too short to judge anything but still, I need you to leave some feedback so that I'll stop spewing super lame puns.  Thankyouu~

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SungrinBF
#1
Chapter 2: OMFG XD I HAVE EXAMS BUT I AM READING THIS X) This is so funny! Someonr call a hollywood director and make this a family comedy series and BTS as the retarded characters ASAP XD

P.S. Are you high while writing this xD
BaraBaraBap
#2
Chapter 2: OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING!!!! SO COOL OMG *A* PLEASE UPDATE SOON <3 ( can Hoseok be the bottom please? )
nihil_
#3
Chapter 2: Cliffhanger! Man, that last line ominously reminds me of RL Stein's Goosebumps or something similar.
This chapter was so vivid and idk why but I think it would look really good as a pixar/dreamworks/disney 3d film cause the way you describe hoseok esp in the beginning gave me a comical-looking mental image xD; AND THE LIGHTSS
ok so I'm betting that dry hay had some urea I MEAN, there are horses in that place (and god knows where they pee)
overall great chapter! /it could use a bit of proofreading though ehehe /slapped
nihil_
#4
Chapter 1: Mmmmm puns and comparisons omg
I'm pretty sure my favorite parts are when you described everything that happened and spewed metaphors left and right
v is the most competent of the aliens, I'm calling it right now
kwon_jae-mi_
#5
Chapter 2: Totally forgive ya. No worries, you're only human.. are you?
Btw just wonderin if you hv other pairings in mind for this fic besides vhope?
stharamal100 #6
Chapter 2: *gasps* omgomgomgomgomg this update! waaaaaah, your writing did not fail to disappoint! Hwaiting author-nim! <3<3