The snow which was covering the roof, street, and trees from 2 months ago, were starting to melt slowly. The frozen water in the river was also flowing as a small stream. The sun was shining brightly trying to erase the cold which was created by the god of ice. The winter came to its end. The warm would come soon and showed off the buds of flowers which were trapped in the snow. I also believed that the weather would show my heart. The same hope always came together with the new weather. Yes, I remembered his promise when he said that he would come back in spring.

I looked out the class’s window in silent. My students had been out from the class since 30 minutes ago. But I was too lazy to stand up. The memories about him, a man who was missing since 17 years ago, always disturbed me at time like this. He left me in early winter and promised that he would be back in spring. I didn’t know what spring he talked about. But to make it clear, I was waiting for him for so long, and I still did.

His name is Wu Yi Fan, my childhood friend. In the spring 17 years ago he came to me with redden eyes. He cried. He said that he had to go back to China and followed his dad. Seriously, I lost a figure of guardian and partner in crime at that time. I thought that it would only last for a moment, since I was only 6. But the days, months, years just passed by without brought my yearning for him. I really wanted to meet him again, soon.

I was curious how he looked now. As far as I remember, he was a handsome boy with chubby cheeks. His hair was dark brown, almost black. They were so matching with those orbs inside his eyes. I smiled alone remembering that adorable boy.

Yi Fan, please come back to me. I am waiting for you.

***

This evening was still felt a little bit chill. From the school, after remembered my past memories of course, I decided to drop in my favorite ice cream stall. The late winter with ice cream, they did not matched at all. But I didn’t care.

After took my chocolate ice cream, I it little by little while sat down in the wooden bench in front of the stall. I took a glance at the words written there. Yi Fan – Nana. Yes, he carved it for me as a birthday gift. He made a small thing here for both of us. My hands it without I realized and I let out a smile. It was between happiness and sorrow.

At least give me a little news about you, Yi Fan.

I moved my sight before my tears fell. I captured a figure of a man who was sitting inside the café across this stall. He looked like he was watching me. I tried to figure out who he was. My heart beat extremely fast. I didn’t care about the melted ice cream in my hand. I locked him in my eyes. I stood up from the bench and ran, crossed the road. I was lucky the road was rather empty. I saw him went out from the café.

I was in front of him. I examined carefully each centimeter of his face. I looked into his eyes. I thought I knew them well. My eyes were blurry because of the tears which were flooding in my eyelids.  I hope that this is not a dream. If this is a dream, please don’t wake me up.

 “Yi Fan?” My tongue went numb and my throat was in pain when I said that name

“How are you Nana?” He greeted me. Then he looked at my right hand and saw the melted ice cream there. He cleaned it with the tissue, which I didn’t know where he got it from. I still couldn’t believe anything in front of me. I couldn’t feel the thing in my hand anymore. And I didn’t care. I hugged the man I called Yi Fan before. I was so afraid that he would disappear suddenly.

 “Yi Fan..” I could only let out that word from my mouth. I cried in his embrace. He let go of my hug.

 “Don’t cry. You know that I hate it. I hope it was only me who feel all of the pain in this world.” I couldn’t really understand his words. “As I promised, I come back when the spring comes.” He added. My mind was blank, or tangled? I was not able to loosen it one by one. But I have so many questions for him.

***

I brought him a cup of hot chocolate. He sat in my living room. Yes, definitely I asked him to come to my apartment since I had a plan to interrogate this grown up man. I placed the cup in a small table in beside the couch.

“Thanks.” He said flatly. “Where are Mom and Dad?”

“You missed too many stories I guess. They passed away a year ago in an accident.” I said.

“I am sorry to hear that.” He looked a little bit awkward.

“I’m okay.” I smiled at him. I saw him took a sip of the hot chocolate.

“You are so different. You seem so cold.” I was afraid that I would hurt him. But I guess I was brave enough to say what’s inside in my mind.

“You think so?” He placed the cup again. “Live made me this way, maybe.”

He was really not the Yi Fan I knew. He was so warm and caring toward every single little thing. The light in his eyes was no longer bright and soft, but cold and stiff. He used to love to smile to everyone. But he tended to keep silent now.

I sighed. I decided to ask him about another thing. “You will stay here, right? I mean like for a long time or forever?”

“No, I am here for a while. I don’t have a good reason to stay.” He said calmly.

Yi Fan, am I not enough to be the reason?  That stupid question stopped in my throat. I asked him another question. “Really? How long will you stay?”

 “I don’t know. Until my Dad ask me to come back to China or until I am bored.” He really changed.

“Yi Fan, you know, I am still waiting for you since that day. Since you left me with a promise that you will come back” The words came out freely from my mouth.

“Don’t wait for me, Nana. I can promise you nothing from now on.” His sentences succeed in surprising me.

I looked at him with so many questions in my mind.

“As you said before, maybe the ‘now me’ is not me. I was not your little friend from years ago.”

“I hope that my warm little Yi Fan was still there.” I mumbled in silence. “When did you come?” I tried to change the topic.

“Exactly an hour before I met you.” He said.

“Where will you sleep?” I asked him again.

“In the hotel for this night, or maybe as long as I am here.” I nodded slowly. This felt like a unidirectional conversation.

“You can stay here if you want.” I gave him an option. “You spend so many times at my home before.” I remembered the memories I shared with him

“I’ll think about it.” My little Yi Fan was gone and replaced by this cold man

“Hmm…If I may know, why did you come back to Korea?” Actually, it was disturbing my mind since before.

“Mom is sick, she asked me to come back here. You remember that my Mom and Dad were divorced long ago, right?“ he said. I couldn’t read his eyes at all. His face was so stiff, but not as stiff as when he said about ‘divorce’.

 “So you came here to accompany your Mom.” I talked to myself. “What is she suffering from?” God, it looked like an interrogation in the police office.

“Heart cancer, since 6 months ago.” I saw his smirk, but it was full of pain. “Can you imagine it? A person with no heart is suffering from that stupid disease?” I could see the sparkles in his eyes.

“Yi Fan…” My heart ached when I saw him again. I sat closer to him and his wide back.

He slapped my hand. “I am strong, Nana. Don’t make me look so weak and stupid. I am not that kind of man.” His eyes were cold again. “I came back to fulfill my promise too. I don’t want to have an unfinished matter with you.

So does it mean that if the promise between us is done, you will leave me forever?

I could say nothing. My mind went fast, produced any kind of questions and found the answers by myself. I couldn’t share it with him. Ehm…let’s said that I didn’t want it. Actually I was not ready to know the answers which I didn’t want to hear from him.

The night clarified its existence. Yi Fan was frequently in silence.

“I have to go now. It’s late already.” He stood up.

I reached his right hand. “I miss you. Can we meet again before you go back to China?”

He nodded without a smile. “I’ll call you later.”

My head went down to hide my tears from him. “Yi Fan, can I hug you for a while?”

I didn’t hear any answer from the man in front of me. I felt his hand in my back and pulled me closer to him, cut down and even erased the space between us. Wu Yi Fan hugged me. It was only for 2 or 3 seconds, but it was more than enough. It became the longest seconds that I had ever spend.

He lessened the hug and his right hand lifted up my chin, forced me to look at him.

“I am sorry, Nana.” He said softly. It was heard like regret.

Both of his hands cupped my face gently, and a kiss was landed in the top of my head.

“Good night.”

_ To be Continued_