1

The first time Nana met Jaejoong, she was kissing another man.

The fact that Nana was publicly kissing a guy in a dim corner of the campus stairs was not supposed to be groundbreaking. After all, Nana was infamous around the campus for changing her dates kissing partner as often as her best friend, Heechul, changed his hair color (and Heechul once changed hair color thrice in a week). The rumor inherently caused her to be known as the blonde-haired-bimbo-, but she was kind of used with the (mis)conception.

What Nana was not used to, however, was the look on his eyes when he glanced at her.

The first time Nana met Jaejoong, she remembered his eyes more than another man's lips on hers.

2

"To be honest, Dear. Half of the campus probably already sees you making out at least once," Jessica told her later that evening. "What's the fuss of adding one to the dozens?"

"Well," Nana deliberated as she slurped her strawberry smoothies. "He's kind of hot."

", please, spare this one," Heechul remarked with a sigh; his fingers were still skillfully braiding Nana's hair. "I know that guy. Jaejoong from the music major, isn't he?"

Nana instinctively turned her head around –earning Heechul's groan as he lost grip of her blonde hair. "Is he taken?"

"No, but –"

"Save one for Heechul, Nana," commented Jessica in a deadpanned voice. "I think he's Heechul's type."

3

At first, Nana thought it was rather foolish to compete with Heechul. But then she remembered the precedent where a guy she liked took interest on Heechul instead of her, and she thought that it would be a shame if the same case got repeated again. The competitive side of her rose, and she supposed it was what coaxed her to embrace her bold side again that day and greeted Jaejoong.

"Is this seat taken?" Nana finally asked him one afternoon in the library (after four sprays of flower-scented perfumes, two minutes of chewing peppermint bubble gum and a touch of pale pink lip tint). She leaned down slightly to point out at the chair across his table –high enough to make everything still looked natural, but low enough to make sure Jaejoong would be able to smell her perfume.

Jaejoong did not reply but he shrugged, and Nana gave him a smile before she pulled the chair in front of him so that she could sit there. She clasped her hands together and propped her chin on top of it. Unashamedly, she stared at him.

After a minute of no response, Nana cleared and asked him, "Is that a good book? You seem to really be engrossed with it."

Jaejoong took his eyes off the book to briefly glance at Nana with a somewhat irritated stare before he returned his attention back to the book.

Surprised by his reaction but not deterred, Nana spoke again, "I have a cousin in the music major. He graudated. I think he's your sunbae. Donghae. Do you know him?"

The second lack of reply began to irritate her. "Hello? I'm actually talking to you here?" she exclaimed –tone high enough for the girl on the other table to turn her attention from her cell phone game and stared at Nana.

But even with the attention she was drawing, Nana still could not get a proper reaction from the boy she was (one-sidedly) talking to.

"Hey you –"

"The book is fine and yes, I do know Donghae," Jaejoong said as he closed his book and stood up. "Now excuse me," he declared before he actually left Nana staring dumbfounded for at least a good seven seconds.

4

"Kim Jaejoong. 4^th year music major, guitar. Works part time at the music store across the station. Supposed to get the highest score in his major for the past two years, but he angered one of the lecturers so he never got the chance to perform at the music festival. But he often accompanies the band at a downtown cafe as the guitarist," Heechul recited his findings to Nana.

Nana did not seem pleased with the information Heechul gave her. "And he's gay, isn't he?" Jaejoong had to be. No living hormonal boy could ever turn their eyes off her.

Heechul rolled his eyes. "Oh, I do wish so, darling."

5

Nana was never a quitter. She may not have been the smartest kid in her high school, but she really studied hard on the last semester of her high school so that she could enroll in this campus –the top three in fine arts. She carried her principles in most of the things she did –including her attempts in wooing Jaejoong.

"So, you like music, don't you?" she asked him when he was sitting alone on one of the benches in the campus' terrace. With a smile that would make a dozen of boys offer their souls to Satan, Nana added, "What kind of music do you play?"

She nearly expected it when he just flipped his text book and said nothing in response. Nana casually placed her hand on top of the book –earning her an irritated look from Jaejoong.

"Someone's actually asking you questions?" she reminded him with a half-sweet-half-irritated smile.

Jaejoong sighed and closed his book (Nana drew her hand back a second before he stuck her hand in between the pages of his book). Giving her a deadpanned stare that reminded Nana of Jessica, Jaejoong replied, "I don't see any reason why I have to answer your question."

Nana scoffed. "And why is that?"

"You wouldn't understand anyway."

Perhaps she wouldn't, but Nana kind of disliked the way he already underestimated her. "I might not look like it, but my GPA is actually quite decent and –"

"If you were that smart," Jaejoong interrupted her. "You should be able to read the situation and understand that some people just don't want to be bothered."

Nana snorted. She understood his point, but she still snorted. "When was the last time you actually have conversation with people other than your family?" she asked him –having observed Jaejoong long enough to know that Jaejoong spent his words only when he ordered food in the campus canteen.

"I don't see why you should bother yourself with my conversation history."

"You don't live this world alone, you know," she told him. "You should socialize. Socialize. Ever heard of that word?"

"I've been living my life just fine, thanks for the concern," he said and she easily detected sarcasm. "You're meddlesome. Ever heard of that word?" he said calmly before he left the bench for Nana to fume alone.

6

"Oh, so that guy from the music major was a rather quick fling," Jessica concluded after she waited Nana bid farewell to a guy from Jessica's class (and Nana's definition of farewell often times included a quick peck on the lips).

"What?" Nana demanded as she applied a generous amount of lip balm to her lips. "Urgh, your classmate's lips were so chapped. I felt like I was scrubbing my lips when I kissed him."

"Jaejoong's must be better then."

Nana rolled her eyes. "I don't know."

Jessica stared at Nana. "So you meant you ended your fling with Jaejoong without even kissing him? Wow, that's –"

"Jessica, even if I'm a ," Nana paused to apply another layer of lipbalm. "I don't kiss just anybody. Most importantly not someone who disrespects me. He's not that hot anyway and –"

"My God, he rejected you, didn't he?" Jessica guessed with a mirthful clap.

"No, he did not!" Nana defended herself. "I wasn't even serious. I was just –"

"He rejected you!" Jessica confirmed it. "Now, this is something."

7

Jessica could be a sometimes (nothing new, and Nana still loved her despite that), but the story of "Jaejoong from the music major rejecting the oh-I'm-so-beautiful Nana" just spread out in Nana's class the day after.

"Jessica..." she growled.

"I only told Heechul," the brown-haired girl defended herself.

"And telling Heechul is the same with telling the entire campus, ," Nana scowled as she pinched Jessica's waist hard.

                                                                     8                                                                                         

Nana doubted that Jaejoong actually paid attention to his surrounding, including the mockery that had been flying around campus for the past three days, but she couldn't help but to still feel rather embarrassed when she met him on the vacant campus staircase that day.

"I was not even serious," she told him with a pointing finger to the dark-haired boy who was just going down the stairs. "I was only trying to be friendly, but I just happened to be talking to an ultra-insensitive jerk with social ineptness."

Jaejoong walked down and frowned at her, and still said nothing.

Nana knew she might just risk embarrassing herself even more, but she couldn't help it. "Hey you!" she shouted when he just walked pass her.

Jaejoong turned around and stared up at her. Nana tried to ignore the deep, piercing stare he gave. "Yes?"

For a second, Nana felt her tongue was tied, but then she decided to just repeat her words. "I was not serious with you."

Jaejoong looked as if he was trying hard not to frown. "...I don't understand what you're talking about."

Nana was surely bound to embarrass herself more. She should have not talked, but she did. "Do you know who I am?"

Jaejoong did not bother to hide his frown now. "Do I have to?"

Gaping open wide for a moment, Nana then quickly shut it. "You've got to be kidding me. Do you live under the rock for these past four years?"

His shook his head slightly and she swore she saw him cursed. If her hearing was correct, she believed she heard him mutter the word "Crazy" under his breath.

Before Nana could come up with anything smart (but she rarely could), Jaejoong already turned around again and hastened his walks away from her.

9

For the next few weeks, college did take up most of Nana's attention. Her midterm was coming near and she still had dozens of paper works to prepare. Nana had not given much thought about her assignment originally, but when she found out Jessica and Heechul already finished theirs, she kind of freaked out.

So that kind of explained her presence that afternoon in the college's library alone (Jessica and Heechul were off to hunt some limited edition scarves in the newly-opened boutique), stumbling for words to type. Nearly untouched references books were piled beside her and Nana spent most of her time reading her text book, but the comprehension just did not come easily. 

"Is this seat taken?" someone asked her.

Already in her foul mood, Nana retorted, "You see it's vacant, don't you? That means –" she looked up to the man and nearly choked herself. It was Jaejoong. Standing and staring at her. Asking for a seat in front of her.

The man himself did not bother to say anything in reaction to Nana's dumbfounded expression. Jaejoong casually seated himself in front of Nana, opened a notebook and silently started scribbling something on it.

Nana closed her lips after a while and cleared . She nearly wanted to give a mocking remark to Jaejoong but when she darted around and found out that all other seats in the library were indeed taken, she realized that Jaejoong genuinely only wanted to have a seat –and the only  vacant one just happened to be the one in front of hers. Nana refrained herself from saying a word.

Jaejoong did not look disturbed –completely absorbed with writing notes on his composing book –and gave an air of not wanting to be disturbed as well.

Nana, on the other hand, couldn't finish reading until the end of the chapter.

10

Nana did not even realize she was asleep until someone shook her shoulders.

"Five more minutes..." she replied in a slur.

"Five more minutes and the librarian will lock you in the whole night," the voice told her.

"...Leave me alone," she mumbled.

The shaking on her shoulders stopped. "Fine. Don't worry. You won't be truly alone at night in the library anyway."

At the comment, her eyes snapped open and she immediately got up. Forcing to cast her disorientation away, Nana darted her gaze around. She was still in the library, having spent God knew how long to sleep on the table. The librarian was already out of the door, and there was only Jaejoong standing beside her.

Nana blinked. She felt the trail of wetness from the corner of her lips and had a muffled scream as she embarrassedly wiped it off. Jaejoong did not even wait for her as he already made his walk out of the library.

Panicked at the possibility of being locked with ghosts, Nana quickly closed her laptop and pushed all of her belongings into her tote bag and dashed to him. "Don't leave me alone here!"

Jaejoong did not slow down his steps but he did reply to her. "You told me to leave you alone."

"I was half conscious!" she retorted as she tried to match her steps with Jaejoong's. The man ignored her and gave a curt nod to the librarian. Nana instinctively did the same thing and she still tried to keep up with Jaejoong's walking speed. She heard the sound of the library's door being locked behind her.

It was already dark outside and there was only a countable number of people in the campus area. Nana never stayed up at the campus until that late and the somewhat foreign sensation made her have a resolution not to be too far away from Jaejoong.

She followed Jaejoong to the car park and only then that she realized she did not bring her car. It was Heechul's turn to bring car that day, but Jessica and he already took the car away to the store opening.

"Until when are you following me?" Jaejoong asked as he clicked the button of his car's remote lock.

Nana stared behind her; the campus parking lot was situated at the back side of the campus ground, and it was deserted already. The bus and train station were on the front side of the campus. She would need to cross the campus again if she wanted to take the bus or the train. It was already dark and the campus guards had not fully turned up the sufficient lights of the buildings.

Warily she returned her sight to her front again and had a skip of a heart beat when Jaejoong was already inside his car; his car engine . Nana stood dumbfounded as Jaejoong began driving away.

Before her mind could tell her otherwise, Nana screamed and jumped in front of Jaejoong's car –making the boy abruptly stepped on the brake. Rolling down his car's window, for the first time, Nana heard him shout at her.

"Are you insane?!" he shouted from the inside of his car.

"Can I get into your car?" Nana stammered, but did not move from her spot in front of Jaejoong's car. "J-just until the train station? It's already dark and I – hey!" Nana shouted when Jaejoong rolled his window up and steered his car aside to avoid Nana. And to Nana's horror, the black jeep truly did drive away, the engine roared noisily in the parking lot. Nana stood silent for a second, before she started screaming and chased over the moving jeep. "Bastard! Insensitive jerk! You dare to leave a girl here alone?! You scumbag, douche –argh!" she screamed when she tripped on her way and fell to the rough pavement block. She stared in disbelief at her bruised elbows, then at the car –which chose not to stop, even after that.

"Bastard!" Nana screamed once more.

11

Donghae –Nana's older cousin who now ran a cafe nearby the campus– picked her up ten minutes later. When Donghae found his younger cousin, the blonde-haired girl looked like a human-sized ball waiting on the back terrace of her campus (waiting at the parking lot did not seem safer). Donghae helped her get into his car. Nana was already more irritated than she was when she had her worst PMS, and she felt sorry that Donghae had to hear a lot of craps he did not deserve to hear.

Her cousin took them both back to his cafe, because he had an event at the cafe that he was not supposed to leave and Nana decided to just wait there until Heechul picked her up. Donghae placed a glass of iced strawberry tea in front of Nana's table and ruffled her blonde hair fondly. She giggled at Donghae's affectionate gesture.

"Feeling much better now?"

Nana smiled and shrugged casually. "Yeah. Though one of your female fan is clearly having a misunderstanding and is throwing dagger looks at my back now," Nana responded as she gave a secret signal to a young lady who was sitting some seats behind her. At Donghae's confused gaze, Nana elaborated, "I am used on being hated by girls. I am pretty sensitive to these kinds of matters."

Donghae stole a glance at the girl Nana was talking about, recognized her, and chuckled. "Ah, no. Yoona-sshi is definitely not my fan. She is just a loyal customer, and she's not like that. But now that you mention it, she looks kind of grumpy today, I wonder why."

Nana only shook her head at Donghae's incurable denseness. "The wedding bell is surely still a decade to go, Oppa," she said under her breath. Darting her gaze around Donghae's cafe, she took note at the display of unattended yet prepared keyboards and microphone on the small stage at the coffee shop. "You got live music in your cafe now?"

"A major music company is holding an audition here tonight. My band is auditioning as well," he said with a grin.

Nana's face paled. "You should have told me! I wouldn't have asked you to pick me up if –"

"It's okay. I wouldn't leave my baby girl there alone. And besides, our band has enough practice. We're all set–"

"Our guitarist has not come yet," Hyukjae, Donghae's best friend joined the conversation. "I tried to contact him, but his phone is off. He's not usually late." 

"Don't worry," Donghae said with a cheerful face in contrast to Hyukjae's panicked one. "He'll come. He will do anything for this. Just wait for a while. Nana, I'll be leaving you now, you'll be fine?"

"Yes, just do your practice," she assured him, and Donghae disappeared with Hyukjae to the back of the cafe.

Heechul and Jessica came (with at least three shopping bags on each of their hands) nearly an hour after –just when the third band was playing. Nana persuaded them to wait for a while until Donghae's band (the fifth one) performance. For the sake of the elbow injury Nana had, Heechul and Jessica decided to stay.

There was a mild ruckus when it was Donghae's band turn to play. Nana worriedly saw how Donghae was saying something to the stage manager about postponing the turn (but she couldn't hear clearly). A slight quarrel happened just when the fourth band was performing their last song. Nana was cautiously watching over her cousin that she did not realize it until Heechul eagerly tapped her shoulders.

"Hey, isn't that your failed target?"

Nana glanced at Heechul briefly, then to the direction Heechul was pointing at.

And even amongst the crowd, she would recognize the feature anywhere.

A pale-skinned, dark-haired boy rushed to the backstage; a guitar case was slung on his back and he looked as if he just had a marathon two minutes prior. Nana frowned when she remembered how the very same guy just left her alone in the parking lot earlier that evening. Jaejoong was now rushing to Donghae and the others, gave several apologetic bows, and Donghae just patted his back casually.

Then the number was called, and Donghae along with Jaejoong and the rest of the band members took their respective positions behind their instruments. Nana knew she should focused on her cousin, but for some reasons, Jaejoong just silently demanded her attention. He stood behind a microphone and prepared his guitar. His dark eyes briefly scanned the audience, and Nana swore his eyes stopped at her direction. A mild surprise was reflected on his eyes. He held her in his gaze for two seconds, before he closed his eyes, exhaled a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again, he was all set to play.

And the moment Jaejoong started playing his guitar, and Nana thought something inside her stirred, and tingles were all she felt inside her ribcage.

12

Nana nearly had a heart attack when she saw Jaejoong waiting next to her car the next day.

"I'm sorry," Jaejoong said first thing first. "I shouldn't have left you yesterday. I was just a bit panicked with my performance. And I always thought of you as a psychotic stalker, so... well."

Nana stared at him for a couple of seconds –not knowing what was there to say.

"I wanted to apologize to you right after the performance, but I couldn't find you," he told her again.

Nana blinked and regained her composure a second after. She put up her super-irritated-to-the-extent-I'm-not-acknowledging-your-presence expression and walked to her car instead. She pressed on her car key's button and opened the car door. Nana sat and slammed her door in front of his face.

She regretted still catching him saying his next line.

"But I'm sincerely relieved you managed to get back home safely."

13

Only after she got into Jessica's bedroom and reached for Jessica's cow-shaped pillow that Nana gave a muffled scream to the cushion. Even after screaming, the ticklish sensation in her stomach did not disappear.

Jessica only rolled her eyes, gazed unsympathetically at Nana, and continued texting Tyler.

14

Nana came to Donghae's coffee shop more often. Partially it was because Donghae, but a half part of it (which she would not admit out loud), was for Jaejoong as well.

15

It was one of their worst Saturday mornings: accompanying Jessica in her date with Tyler. Well, it was supposed to be another Saturday brunch session for the trio only, but Tyler just decided to drop by suddenly and that meant, he got all of Jessica's attention. Nana and Heechul had no choice but to be ignored. Not that Nana particularly hated Tyler, but she was hoping the brunch session would be exclusively spent among the three of them.

Heechul probably was having the same boredom, because he decided to ask Nana the question out of the blue.

"I nearly forgot. Who was the last guy you date again?"

Nana drew her attention from her cell phone to Heechul, who was sitting on the cafe's couch next to her. She gave him a stare and told him, "The young teacher when I was in my 11^th grade? You seem to forget that I don't do dates, Heechul."

Heechul chuckled at the truthfulness of her statement. "You're not thinking of actually finding a good guy to date and actually get serious with?"

Jaejoong's face flashed on her mind for a nano-second, but Nana spoke faster before her imagination could form a more concrete form.  "There's no good guy around. Donghae is my cousin and I don't date my best friend," she said with a nudge at Heechul.

Heechul snickered. "But now that I notice, I've never seen you with any other men lately –even for a quick fling. Lost your touch already, Dear?"

Nana glared at him, but somehow found herself unable to answer the simple question.

16

Perhaps it was to prove Heechul wrong, perhaps it was out of boredom –whatever her reason, Nana found herself on duty again.

And when she set her mind to be on duty, there was not much that she needed to do. Donghae once told her that Nana could be dressed up in a totally unflattering outfit and she would still shine –Nana agreed to it 100%. She went to the club that night with Heechul, practically only needed to sit and sigh, and she had caught the attention of at least five guys.

One of the guys ended up hitting the jackpot as Nana agreed to kiss him at the back of the club.

Easy, she thought.

She wondered mildly why it had never been that easy with Jaejoong.

17

"Just tell my cousin you like him. He's so stupid, he won't realize it unless you say it to his face."

Yoona, the cute, doe-eyed girl who sat in front of her nearly choked on her ice macchiato. Nana instinctively pulled her chair back –fearing that the next time, Yoona would splash her drink to her face if Nana caught her by surprise again.

Ceasing her coughs and fanning her suddenly burning cheeks, Yoona declared, "I do not like your cousin. I-I come here everyday just because I really like the coffee, t-that's all."

Nana chuckled at Yoona's reaction. A month ago, Yoona would constantly send silent suspicious glances at Nana whenever the latter decided to visit her cousin's cafe. It was not until Nana voluntarily told Yoona that Donghae was only her cousin that she finally gave Nana an embarrassed and surprised expression. They were fast in becoming friends after that.

Two glasses of chocolate mousse were laid down on the table and both girls looked up to see Donghae grinning at both of them.

"Extra for my two favorite customers!" he exclaimed happily before he left the table and went back behind the cashier table again.

Nana did not even need to look at Yoona to know that the girl had been fighting hard not to blush at the simple comment. She rolled her eyes, but decided that she was not any better herself. 

18

"You're obsessed with Jaejoong. Even my sister agrees," Jessica finally declared the statement in one of their Friday's night out session.

Nana ignored the how's-and-why's on the issue of Krystal's knowledge on the matter (everyone knew that Jessica and Krystal told everything to each other) and focused more on the substance of Jessica's statement. Nana was past the age of denying. It was not that she had been trying to deny it in particular –the chances just did not appear. Now that Jessica brought it up, she supposed she could clarify.

"Curious would actually be a better term," Nana corrected. "Or... intrigued," she paused. "Or...interested."

Jessica and Heechul stared at each other before they stared back at Nana with a knowing scoff. "Oh my, this time it's serious."

Nana shrugged. "Well, you can't blame me. I won't deny that he's good looking and he has a certain charm to him."

"A lot of other guys are good looking and charming," Jessica pointed out.

Nana knew where this was going and sometimes thought it queer that of all people, Jessica and Heechul were actually influenced by the ideas of romance. Even Jessica, who had been going on a rather steady relationship for the last two years, was never a romantic herself. With a roll of her eyes, Nana explained patiently, "This guy is the only one who embarrasses me and actually rejects me a couple of times. Of course I'm bound to feel challenged. Once I get him, my curiosity with him will be over, really."

Jessica and Heechul only laughed among themselves as if there was an internal joke that they shared.

19

Nana knew that her curiosity with Jaejoong was not getting healthier as days passed. She tried to get rid of the image of Heechul and Jessica's knowing smirks off her mind, but even before she got rid of that image, she had a priority to get Jaejoong off her mind first thing first.

So bold (and out of her mind) was she that day, that Nana decided to sit in front of him in the student lounge.

She maintained her poker face as she dropped her bag and purse, and shot him the question directly.

"So what part of me is actually not appealing?"

Jaejoong looked as if he needed a second or two to comprehend the situation, before he closed his book and actually looked at Nana straight in the eye. Suddenly, Nana did not think of this as a good idea. But she couldn't draw back now, not after she promised to settle this once and for all.

She rephrased her queries. "I know you are not seeing anyone right now. And while I do understand I might not be your type, but at the very least, I know that I am attractive and I know the charms I have on boys. It's not even for a long-term relationship, just for a quick fling. Why do I have a feeling you are –"

Jaejoong chuckled and shook his head. "You've never been rejected your whole life, haven't you?"

Nana pushed the thought of how cute Jaejoong's smile actually was and maintained her stern expression. "Exactly. I haven't. So do enlighten me why do I always get the impression you're thinking of me no better than a dirt? I am –"

"You are very attractive," Jaejoong told her and Nana felt her knees buckled, even when she was sitting. "And Donghae Hyung told me a lot about you. I know you're not necessarily a bad girl. You're very honest, you stick true to what you believe, and you are not a hypocrite like most girls are. Putting your rather crazy antics aside, there's nothing materially wrong with you and you shouldn't feel low about yourself."

She did not know how her face looked right now. Not that it was her thinking priority either. In fact, she did not suppose she was able to think of anything at that moment: when Jaejoong looked at her straight in the eyes, when he was actually complimenting her, when he –

"But no matter how attractive you are, you..." he paused, and Nana suddenly wished he would not say those things she was afraid to hear. But Jaejoong proved to be cruel –intentionally or not. "...you won't –"

She froze for a while, but insisted otherwise. "I can –"

"I've been living in my own world for too long," he said honestly. " To me, there's only my world and the rest. You belong to the latter. I won't be able to treat you any differently, Nana. So you'd better stop."

"..."

"It's not your fault," he explained. "It's just that you won't be in my line of vision."

Jaejoong ironically kept staring at her, but Nana's mind was no longer there. 

20

Nana stopped coming to Donghae's coffee shop on Tuesday nights. She kind of felt bad for Donghae, but at least, she still visited him often –only when she was sure that Jaejoong wouldn't be there.

21

But even when she stopped coming to see him, even when she avoided him at campus, she would still be able to catch the sight of him. Effortlessly.

She thought it was ironic and unfair –because when Nana was not in Jaejoong's line of vision, she knew he would always be in hers.

22

It was not Donghae's fault, but Nana couldn't help but to feel slightly displeased at the information Donghae let her know. Now. After all the time.

"You remember the day I picked you up at your campus' parking lot? When you were telling me about the annoying guy who left you alone in the parking lot? The day I had my band audition?"

"Yeah?" she responded rather reluctantly. She was not ready yet to remember Jaejoong and his blatant rejection –not that Donghae needed to bring him up to for her to remember him.

"You remember the guitarist in my band? The one who showed up late? His name is Jaejoong. And apparently that day he was late because he decided to return to the campus and look for you. He couldn't find you of course, because I already came to pick you up."

"Oh," Nana replied shortly –hoping that her face remained neutral even when there was something doing somersault in her stomach.

"Well, I just thought you should know," Donghae stated. "Jaejoong's a bit of a difficult guy. Overly cautious at times, but he's always been a good kid, a responsible one. Well, I did reprimand him for leaving you out that day, but he's not that bad. I just don't want you to have a wrong impression."

The thing was, she thought she never had a particularly wrong impression on him. What first began as a physical attraction (and a bruised ego) developed into something more. Sure, Jaejoong was ignorant and he created a world where only he and his guitar (and maybe Donghae's band) in it. But for the past four months or so, Nana had been watching him enough to know that he was not as careless as he presented himself to be.

She was not in love with him. But she was in love with the way he gave his all to composing his own music –even when people around him were busy talking about their mundane lives. She was in love with the way he helped his old lecturer walk the stairs. She was in love with the way he carefully cleaned up his shoes on the doormat after one rainy day –so that the campus cleaner would not have more works to do. She was in love with the way he chuckled, the way he stared at people, the way he said her name (once, but it reverberated something in her soul and echoed in her heart for days).

Nana's throat ran dry all so sudden. Donghae was still waiting for a response, so she gave him one.

"And how is this supposed to matter to me?" Nana stated, silently feeling sorry that Donghae had to be the target of her suddenly foul mood.

Donghae shrugged. "I don't know. I just think that you should know."

She chuckled darkly to herself, but the tight grip in her heart never loosened.

23

At the beginning of their college years, Jessica once told Nana that people did not sympathize with pretty girls. Nana had begged to differ. Nana had lived her whole life being pretty and she believed whole-heartedly there was more merits to it than curse. Sure, Nana knew that she, Jessica and Heechul were often being ill-gossiped behind their backs (and this common ground was one of the main reasons of their sturdy friendship), but Nana never gave a true damn on what people talked about her. If she was asked to trade her beauty with a life where all people thought of her as a saint, she'd choose beauty without much of a thought.

So she thought it wouldn't hurt, but apparently, when the hit came, it did.

"70 bucks for half an hour ?"

Nana stopped dead on her tracks on the vacant campus corridor and stared at the random boy from her sociology class.

"Excuse me?" she asked with a raising tone.

The boy cringed. "Not enough? How about a hundred for half an hour?"

She gaped open and fought hard to remain as polite as she could. "I think you're mistaken. I don't do that kind of thing. I don't know where you get that idea, but I –"

The boy cut her speech with a laugh. "Come on. You kissed at least a third of my own team members, and you're asking me where do I get that idea?"

Well, true, she could not blame people for having that idea, but even when Nana thought she wouldn't get hurt by the comment, she was wrong. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. But I am not that kind of girl."

"What, Nana? You're just a ."

She was often called as a . That was the majority of the girls' favorite nickname of her when they were talking about her in the toilet –not knowing her presence just behind one of the closed stalls. She ignored it. She usually did. But this time, she just couldn't. So she slapped him.

The boy looked surprised. His face reddened and his shoulders shook in fury, but even his angry trembles couldn't compare to Nana's. Not wanting him to see the angry tears that she might be shedding, she turned her heels and started walking fast leaving the boy.

But boys were creatures whose ego couldn't be bruised after all.

"Don't act too mighty, Nana! You're nothing but a cheap ! I'm even a hundred percent sure you got into this college by opening up your legs to the head master! Be grateful that I still want to taste your ing loose and –"

His speech was interrupted with a pained shout. She heard the sound of dull punches behind her, and even when she thought she was not interested to find out, in a wave of reflex she turned around –only to see that Jaejoong there; clearly being responsible for the sudden blue-bruised guy in his tightened fist.

There was not a bit of sympathy when the unnamed boy groaned in pain; Jaejoong only gave one last punch that rendered him unconscious immediately. Dropping his grip around the boy's collar and letting the guy fell to the floor, Jaejoong then stared at Nana. He locked gaze with her for a few seconds, before he approached her slowly. She could hear him sigh.

"You shouldn't have."

It took her a while to reply. And when she found her voice to reply, it came out in a simple, "Huh?"

Jaejoong shrugged as he picked up his thrown guitar case from the floor. "You probably don't mean it. You probably had thousands of layers of reasons. But boys think simply."

Nana cringed. "You're thinking of me as a as well, aren't you?"

"I did," Jaejoong told her honestly – and past tense or not, it still hurt to hear it coming from his lips.

There must have been this dejected expression on her face, because Jaejoong opened his lips to speak again. "Nana," he sighed, as if this was difficult for him to say. "The thing is, you can't... really blame him, or guys in general, or even I,  for getting that kind of impression about you."

Nana knew Jaejoong had helped her. And saved her. And while a part of her would forever be touched by Jaejoong's gesture, but a bigger part of her felt like she was being stabbed by a poisoned knife. To know that boys would always have that kind of impression on her was already bad enough. To know that Jaejoong also thought the same crushed her. But even when deep down Nana knew that this was the result of her own action, a part of her still refused to let go of her dignity.

So she stared at him coldly. "No matter what, I don't deserve this kind of treatment."

"I know you don't," Jaejoong said slowly, as if he was a cautious animal tamer handling a lion that had not been fed for three days. "But I think this is a lesson learned for you."

"Stop this."

"What?"

Nana pointed her finger at him; did not really know where the rage was coming. Perhaps it was the accumulation of her frustration, or her lingering anger. Or her silent acknowledgment. Perhaps it was the embarrassment. But the thing was, she thought she had enough of this –of the way Jaejoong always made her feel like she was a bipolar person with thousands of emotions to feel. "This. You. Intruding my life affairs."

"What?" he asked again.

"I'm not even in your line of vision," she hissed, returning his words back to him, her voice cracked when she said so. "You don't even care."

He frowned. "It has nothing to do with my line of vision. Am I supposed to stay silent when someone is being mistreated?"

She scoffed. "Funny. Never thought you like playing hero. You don't suit it, Jaejoong. Don't pretend you care and just leave me alone."

He gave her a look as if she was idiotic and that he was not having any of this stupid conversation. In another circumstances, Nana would regret what she said, but she had been too tired regretting too many things in her life. When Jaejoong's eyes turned cold a second after and he simply turned and walked away, Nana stood still on the place.

The boy who asked her for a suddenly groaned, waking up for his minor unconsciousness. Nana had been irritated with Jaejoong, with herself, with the whole ordeal to the point where she just kicked the boy from the sociology class right at his balls –sending him sprawling on the floor – before she walked away to the other direction.

24

It must have been rather serious because Jessica even cancelled her date with Tyler that night when Heechul called her and said that it was Emergency #23 for Nana.

And there they were, in Nana's apartment where Nana just hugged her pillow and stared at the view outside her room's balcony. Jessica and Heechul stared at each other because as much as they understood Nana, it was the first time that they realized Nana had never once felt heartbroken until then.

25

"Do you know how much I want to punch your cousin?" Yoona said to Nana one day when they accidentally met up in a 24/7 minimart. "He told me one day that he wrote a song about me. And when I listened to the lyrics, it's actually a song about a beagle! I don't know whether he did it on purpose to irritate me, because if he does, then he really is successful!"

Nana smiled softly at Yoona's rant. "You're smiling the entire time you're telling me the story, by the way."

Yoona flustered and threw her gaze away. "But it's still annoying! I mean –"

"Beagle is Donghae Oppa's favorite dog ever since we were kids," Nana told the girl; enjoying the spreading blush on Yoona's face. "It's so nice to be in love, eh?"

"I don't!" she hastily said. "I mean, I... urgh. Your cousin is just..."

"You'll need extra patience to go out with my cousin," Nana told Yoona. "But if it's you, I think you'll make it."

Yoona cursed under her breaths some more, but after she calmed down, she asked Nana instead. "What about you and that guitarist?"

Nana did not even bother to hide things. "There's nothing between us," she pondered about what she said and felt a pang of guilt all so sudden. No matter how embarrassed, how brokenhearted she was, Nana did not want to classify her feelings to Jaejoong as merely 'nothing'. Because it was not, she knew that. Sighing, Nana admitted, "I like him, but it's one sided. He told me that I should stop it. I won't be in his line of vision anyway."

"Really?" Yoona questioned as she took a sip of another extra drink Donghae made especially for her. "Weird."

"Why?" Nana idly asked –focused more on stirring the ice tea that was left untouched for the past hour.

"Doesn't he always look at your direction when he's playing his guitar?" Yoona said as she munched on her cake. "Well, you probably won't know because you're too busy avoiding his gaze, but I clearly saw it. For weeks. He's been staring at you. The whole time he's playing."

Nana pretended not to hear Yoona.

And most of all, she pretended not to hear the erratic beating her heart did –because she did not want to be disappointed twice.

26

Yoona insisted that Nana had to come to see the band's performance again. Nana had wanted to refuse but Yoona could be stubborn when she wanted to. Somehow, Nana found herself standing in front of Donghae's coffee shop on one Tuesday night again. The sound of acoustic music could be heard from the inside of the coffee shop, and Nana already felt like she wanted to flag a taxi and go home. Yoona held her in place and the skinny girl was actually much stronger than she looked like.

So Nana agreed to accompany Yoona inside. She caught the glimpse of Jaejoong on the stage and felt like she wanted to go out. Fortunately, it had been rather crowded that night, and when the opportunity strike, Nana managed to slip off Yoona's radar and she went outside.

She stayed outside.

She should have gone home. Or joined Heechul in his night facial treatment session. But something glued her to the spot. She couldn't get inside but she didn't feel like leaving anyway. Nana did not know how long she stayed that way, but it must have been long enough because the band had stopped playing music, and then he spoke right beside her.

"Donghae Hyung told me you're outside."

Nana nearly jumped when she realized that Jaejoong was standing next to her, talking to her, and staring at her with that kind of gaze that always made her want to run one kilometer away. She paused for a moment, before she weakly said, "It's too crowded inside."

"But isn't it too cold outside?" he asked –noting at the still present coldness early spring had.

"Then you can just go back in."

He looked mildly irritated with her response, but he looked as if he was genuinely trying to be more patient. "Just go inside, Nana."

"I won't," she said without having a strong basis on the reasoning.

"Don't be difficult."

She paused and stared at her shoes. "I don't like it. I have to see you if I go inside."

"Well you see me now anyway," he pointed out.

She glared at him before she shook her head. "I'm going home," she declared without looking at him and focused with flagging any taxi.

"Are you coming next Tuesday?"

No taxi stopped for her. "I always come," she lied.

"I've never seen you. Not for a while."

She chuckled. "Of course you won't. You don't allow yourself to actually see people, do you?"

A taxi stopped. Nana hastily opened the door and was about to get in.

Jaejoong chose that exact moment to shatter her world.

"But when you're not in my line of vision, I'd notice it."

...

Nana didn't know that she had been standing at her spot for so long –not until the taxi driver mumbled angrily at her and drove away. And even after the taxi rushed away, she still stood there.

Jaejoong sighed and brought his hands to his pocket. "Come inside, Nana. It's cold here."

She still made no movement. Jaejoong ran out of patience, and he grabbed Nana's freezing hand, enveloped it with his bigger ones, and dragged her inside the coffee shop.

He did not even let go of her hand –not until Donghae pointed it out and he embarrassedly let go of his grip around Nana's.

27

Nana did not particularly know how to classify it. Nothing had particularly changed in her relationship with Jaejoong. If there was a relationship, to begin with. There was never a clear line, and Nana thought that even after that event outside Donghae's coffee shop two months ago, Jaejoong was still Jaejoong. He was still as ignorant as ever, still refused to talk to her when she asked him (too many) questions, still glared at her as if she was a nuisance to the public order, still challenged her viewpoint in most of the things. 

But Jaejoong never asked her to leave when she was nearby; he voluntarily kept a seat vacant for her when he was sitting on the terrace bench; he took her home when Heechul and Jessica were not able to; he somehow agreed to wait for her finishing her thesis until the library closed down (and this time, he never left her alone in the parking lot).

Nana thought she wouldn't enjoy this uncertainty, but she thought wrong. She enjoyed the often silent (or filled-with-one-sided conversation) walk with Jaejoong. She enjoyed being near him, and knowing that this time, at least, he saw her, and that she had became part of his vision.

They walked down the stairs one afternoon–the very same stairs where she first met him. She chuckled at the memory and pointed at the corner where she had been kissing another man six months prior.

"I probably wasn't in your line of vision that time," she told him, stopping her walk and dragging him closer to the corner. She boldly encircled her arms around her neck and pulled him closer, and he did not refuse (he rarely refuse lately). Tiptoeing and giving him a light peck on the lips, she then whispered to him, "But ever since that day you passed by when I kissed another man, you've been in mine. And now that I think of it, I think even back then, I knew that you would always be."

He stared at her silently and she smiled back. Nana was about to let go of him, but Jaejoong stayed still, cupped her chin so that she only looked at him and kissed her deeply.

She lost track in time, and nearly protested when he drew his lips from her, but she stood frozen when he whispered to her lips.

"And I'd appreciate it if you won't look at any other man when I'm kissing you from now on," he said before he pressed her to the wall and kissed her again.

[End]