“Luhan, get up. We’re going out.” “What, Minseok? No we’re not, America’s Next Top Model is on.” Luhan hadn’t even glanced up from the television where the foreign show was playing. “Yeah, we are. You haven’t moved from that spot since that Sehun—“ Luhan clapped his hands over his ears. “—guy left town, and anyway,” Minseok continued, very loudly, for Luhan was now humming, “THAT EPISODE DOESN’T HAVE SUBTITLES AND I KNOW DAMN WELL YOU CAN’T SPEAK ENGLISH SO GET UP LUHAN WE ARE GOING THE OUT.”

“Maybe we should’ve just stayed home.”

Minseok had brought Luhan to a new club in town, thinking he’d have a few drinks, loosen up, and maybe have a little fun. What he didn’t anticipate is that with Luhan, there are never just a few drinks. He also didn’t anticipate that Luhan would find the hottest guy in the club and try to take his pants off. Literally. With his teeth.

Minseok dragged Luhan back to the booth where he was sitting. “I’m cutting you off, you’ve had way too many.” Minseok took the shotglass out of Luhan’s hand and downed it, because god, what a waste. That poor bartender spent all of 10 seconds pouring that drink, and Minseok would be damned if he’d let that hard work go without recognition. It burned his throat and set off fireworks in his stomach. “, Luhan, what were you drinking? You must’ve had 5 or 6 of those.” “I dunno…” Luhan mumbled. “I asked for the strongest thing he had.” He seemed to have trouble sitting upright; he kept swaying back and forth, like he was on a ship. “Why’d Sehun leave me, Baozi? I loved him so much,” Luhan wailed.

This was nothing at all like what Minseok had anticipated.

Minseok scooted closer to Luhan and put one arm around his waist. “I thought you said he left town? He’s coming back soon, right?” Luhan pushed his head into Minseok’s waist and cried harder, mumbling something he couldn’t hear. “What?” “I LIED HE LEFT ME FOR SOMEONE NAMED JONGIN.” “Oh.” . Minseok rubbed soothing circles on Luhan’s back, resolving to track down Sehun and rip off his .

Fifteen minutes later, Luhan was all cried out and was snoring softly, his head in Minseok’s lap. Minseok his hair, a smile on his face. He hated it when Luhan was upset, and not just because living with an upset Luhan was like living in the seventh circle of Hell. He hated it because seeing Luhan upset was like seeing someone kick a puppy or steal a little child’s lollipop, like seeing a three-legged dog or a bird with a broken wing. It was completely and utterly wrong, and it made Minseok’s stomach twist into knots that would make a Boy Scout troop leader proud. Before he knew it, he was running for the restroom, hand clamped over his mouth, Luhan still snoring on the bench seat.