I met my best friend on a warm July day, when we were both thirteen, still so awkward with our bodies, our minds, our opinions, everything. The schools were on a break, and my mom, who was somehow always under the impression, or maybe scared, that I wasn't making enough friends for a girl my age, send me out to have some fun outside. I much rather prefered staying at home and play my guitar with the window wide open, or watching a fun movie, or playing with my dog in our beautiful, flowery garden, but I didn't want to break my mother's heart. I knew that deep inside, she wanted me to be more like my older sister. She always went to parties, she had lots of friends, she went on dates, and she was often the center of attention.

I was the total opposite of her.

She was an ice-cream cone when our boddies collided against one-another. It was my fault, really. I just kept staring at her, I completely forgot how to walk. She was too focussed on making sure her summer sweetness didn't spill on her white dress. Her beat up Converse shoes left steady, calculated steps on the ground. I didn't know what caught my attention, or what intrigued me so much when it came to this girl. Sure, she was beautiful. Her black hair was tied in a high ponytail, her dress was short and cute, but somehow, she didn't seem like the type that paid an awful lot of attention on how she looked. 

Her eyes widened in shock as her strawberry cone dropped right on top of her chest. I started apologizing quickly.

We ended up walking around for hours, just talking and talking until we both had to go home.

I had my first kiss with her when we were both sixteen. It was my first kiss in general, and it was hers too. We just wanted to get it over with, the kiss that is. What better way than to loose it to someone you love? I just didn't know it was going to confuse me so much. Every time I closed my eyes, it felt as if her soft lips were brushing against mine again, her tongue moving against mine in natural movements, the pit of my stomach filled with exitement, I had never felt this nervous, never this eager before. I grabbed her neck, and we got more and more passionate.

If you opened her bedroom window, you could step outside and sit on the roof of the kitchen, as it was right under her room, and slightly bigger. When it was night, we sat there for hours on an end. That's where it first happened. I could hear her breathe loudly inbetween our kisses, I heard her moan lightly, after which she apologized. 

I don't know if her aunt had ever heard anything that night, but if she had, she never mentioned it to either of us.

We made love for the first time in that same year. I had never felt more loved or more connected to anything or anyone in my entire life, and I never had after that either. If she'd asked, I would've sold my soul on the spot for her. If she'd asked, I would've jumped off the nearest bridge for her. I don't know if there's anything I wouldn't have done for this girl.

We had our first real fight when we were seventeen. I cheated on her with a guy my sister introduced me to. I was too scared to confront my family with my feelings, so I just pretended like they didn't exist. She caught us kissing on my front porch after a date night. I could never forget the look in her eyes. She just stared at me, tears b, a thin line, and she shook her head. She just shook her head. Her fists balled, she shook her head. And then, she walked away. 

I took a long time for her to come back around, but I was happy she did. It probably hurt her ten times worse when I told her I had to move, five months after we got back together again.

And slowly, we started calling less and less. And I started skipping our weekly sleepovers. And she made new friends. And I was left alone to battle my internal conflicts, thing I couldn't tell her, because I didn't want to dissappoint her, things that cause me to have sleepless nights, but I could never confide to her.

So when I saw her again that day, the words b on my lips, I couldn't. I just turned away. And I left her again, for the thirth time.