All those conditions Jongdae had given, Baekhyun had indeed fulfilled. He had even done more than what was expected of him.(Making it harder for Baekhyun to let go).

Baekhyun had held him tightly, Jongdae’s warmth slowly burning out. Only the machine, keeping Jongdae alive, was the bare sound of the room. Bakehyun hates it. He can’t even keep the person he loves alive. The scent of many drugs have taken over Jongdae’s body that Baekhyun cannot even recognize the person bed-ridden in front of him. This same bed-ridden man was the person behind the rich sounds of their songs; the same person behind all the laughter in the group; the same person behind Baekhyun’s passion for singing. He was everything to Baekhyun.

However, it seems that Baekhyun cannot accomplish Jongdae’s last task at the very bottom of  the checklist.

[ ] Untangle yourself from my hold

“After all that we’ve been through just that we can be accepted by the public and be able to freely roam the streets without being stared at strangely. Just when I thought there was someone capable of holding my hand forever”

Before Baekhyun could even whisper the words, “I love you”, Jongdae’s hand lets go.

His body was lifeless and the damned machine is keeping on reminding Baekhyun how pathetic and worthless he really is. Out of pure frantic, he pushes the button for the nurse and doctor and just blankly sits down on his chair. He gradually turns to Jongdae’s sleep-like state.

Baekhyun shakes his head.

“He just looks like he’s sleeping. He’s dead, Baekhyun” he says to himself. He looks at his own hands, shivering impulsively, like it was involuntary.

Jongdae’s warmth is still here, right in Baekhyun’s hands.

Its fleeting yet perpetual.

I wanted warmth never to be forgotten, but it seems he won’t allow me to forget.

Not with his mint orange scent.

Not with his delicate fingers.

Not with his Cheshire-like smile.

Not without his twinkling eyes, all once full of life.

Within a second, Baekhyun suddenly remembers something profound in his memory.

“Hey, Baek?” Baekhyun turns his computer chair to his lover.

“Hmm?”

“You know, its preety easy to hold someone’s hand”

He entwined his fingers unto mine and whispered his last sentence just keeping his gaze on the image of their hands.

“However, you and I both know how hard it is to let go. But I want you to remember, Baekhyun. Don’t forget the heat you feel when I hold your hand even if it’s just for a moment.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“So that you never forget.”

“Forget what?”

“How it feels to be with me. So that when I go, you can let go of me properly”

So this was what he meant, all this time Jongdae knew what was going to happen.

Baekhyun knew it was wrong, wrong to crave the dead. He knew he had to move on in the near future, but for now, let him say good bye.

Baekhyun stands up from his stool and kiss Jongdae’s cold lips.

“I love you”

In the morning, there would be no Kim Jongdae to hold his hand, beginning their day together.

He was already resting his weary self in a place where Baekhyun can never hope to get him back.

Before Jongdae revealed to be sick, it was heaven. Now that Jongdae has gone and passed, Baekhyun falls into Hell.

He decides to endure the flames until he gets to where his beloved Jongdae lies.

That is all he hopes to do.

That is all Byun Baekhyun can do.