~~X~~

Chen is encountering one of his life’s crises  again.

Chen faintly remembers the feeling of embracing his family. It had been so long, many months, weeks, days have passed by his eyes since the fateful day he changed both his destiny and his name. When he had begun his journey towards the spotlight, his family never failed to fabricate themselves into his dreams, whispering nothing but words of longing and sorrowful support, embracing him and his inherited features. Chen would bolt up, waking up sweating. He then realizes that he was still confined within the walls of his dormitory. Subtly, he cried himself to sleep right after.

Being homesick was supposed to be the least of his problem though, seeing that another set of concerts were already being arranged, and practices were anticipated to plague their minds and bodies with endless muscle contractions pleading for relief even as they sleep. He should not feel this way: he was a professional singer for God’s sake!

It was in these kinds of days that Xiumin gives a little motivation to his dongsaeng.

The oldest member would often see Xiumin slumped in the corner of the practice room, tracing the cloud pattern on the wall absentmindedly. Even when he slams the door shut, Xiumin does not flinch, much less, move an eye muscle. When he approaches the younger, he feels an enormous guilt building up in him, eating his consciousness alive. He admits that he was not always there to empathize with his younger members, for he was yet to get over his own.

It takes more than Xiumin’s courage to walk up to him.

“Chen, are you feeling alright?” Xiumin occupies the seat beside his daydreaming friend. Chen refocuses back on reality and smiles half-heartedly at the elder. “Yeah, hyung! I was just visualizing my performance for the concert! I want to do something, unexpected for –“Xiumin automatically brings a hand up to Jongdae’s cheeks. “Jongdae. Breathe” And so the fragile Jongdae follows.

“What brings you here, hyung? Are you going to practice your routine?”

“I came for you” This shuts Jongdae’s mouth into a thin line. His eyebrow furrows and the crinkle of his cat like eyes loses form. He opens his mouth with an unsure look, just to close it once again. He was trying to  formulate his string of words correctly.

“You heard from Baek?”

“Not really. I already kinda had a feeling you were entering a slump” Xiumin leans back his head to touch the cloud behind him.

“Even you know my mood patterns already, huh?” Jongdae slumps against him. In turn, Xiumin cradles the younger’s head, running his slender fingers to caress him. The room hushes for a while, except for the occasional ticking of the wall clock and the swishing or the air conditioning.

From an outsider’s point of view, it was the perfect scene of peace and serenity combined together.

However, this truth remains void amongst the million things running through both members’ minds. The world they lived in was a harsh one. If you could not keep up with its standards of success, a downward spiral was threateningly waiting for you to fall in. The smallest mistakes and miscalculations could cause the equilibrium of a whole company to collapse.

“It’s hard Minseok-hyung” It was one of the rare moments when Chen would revert to Jongdae. Those rare moments that Xiumin would be the vulnerable Minseok just for Jongdae.

“It’s the same for all of us, Jongdae. We’re one after all.” Minseok decides to bare himself for a moment. Not the every smiling hyung. Not the oldest hyung that to constantly mask himself for the public. He was the 26 year old man who wanted nothing more than to make his “brother” happy again.

“You have a bad sense of humor, hyung” Jongdae snickers.

This makes Minseok a lot more relaxed. He traces the nimble features of Jongdae.

Soft and kind eyes, a playful crinkle, sharp and prominent cheekbones, Cheshire-like mouth, and a perfectly cut jaw.

He puts a hand over Jongdae’s eyes.

He whispers softly.

“Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up. Just like back in China”

“Thanks hyung”  

In a matter of moments, Minseok hears slow breathing.

He looks at the labeled beagle.

Dark circles stretching its limits, a pale complexion, chapped lips, sweat falling by gravity’s will, and tired sighs.

Minseok kisses Jongdae’s forehead. 

“Let’s get through this together, Jongdae”