“what does an oikawa say” (534w) | oikawa/channing tatum | george orwell’s animal farm au | for laura

Oikawa Tooru was not your average barnyard animal. In fact, he wasn't even an animal. But for some reason, he found himself living on Ushijima's Farm, which had previously been Miyagi Manor.

Ushijima was a cow. And being a cow, Ushijima was not an actual farmer, but he owned the farm after leading a rebellion to drive the real farmer off the land. The real farmer was not Oikawa, but some other guy. Again, Oikawa didn't know how he wound up living on the farm.

Luckily, Oikawa existed within the universe of a political allegory which enabled him to communicate with animals. Magical. Still, being not-an-animal made it difficult for Oikawa to make friends on the farm.

He tried talking to Ushijima, but the cow only spoke to him in simple, short sentences. It was off-putting, but Oikawa expected that Ushijima couldn't handle more than ten syllables at a time. He followed the cow around the barn just to make sure that Ushijima wasn't being rude to him on purpose, and he found that Ushijima had few hobbies other than mooing at some swans on a nearby lake.

"So I'm not bothersome at all, Ushiwaka-chan is really just that dull," Oikawa thought triumphantly to himself.

Oikawa tried talking to Kageyama Tobio, but he would always end up with a face full of feathers when Kageyama's best friend greeted him a little too enthusiastically. And then all the other crows would flock over to them, wondering what the fuss was all about.

"That's the trouble with crows," Oikawa grumbled to himself. "Even if you want just one, you end up with all of them."

He tried talking to Kuroo, a cool black cat that reminded him of someone he saw on Farmer Miyagi’s television once. But Kuroo would always slink off to play with all of his cat friends. Oikawa tried cornering a calico cat named Kenma, but he couldn’t get within a meter of him without being attacked by Kuroo, so Oikawa decided to stay away from all the cats altogether.

There were also many owls living in the barn, but Oikawa was only truly interested in one of them. This owl was a beautiful dark sooty owl named Akaashi, but any time Oikawa drew near to him, a great horned owl named Bokuto would chase him away.

It was difficult for Oikawa to make friends on Ushijima’s Farm. And so Oikawa was very lonely being the only non-animal, until one prosperous day when a new face arrived at the farm. A new face with a body beefier than Ushijima himself. His name was Channing Tatum.

“Channing-chan!” Oikawa exclaimed when he discovered the other non-animal’s name.

“Please don’t call me that.”

“You sound just like Ushiwaka-chan,” Oikawa giggled.

“Please don’t call me that,” Ushijima mooed from the other side of the room.

“Hmmm, I think you’re right, Channing-chan,” Oikawa considered. “Channing-chan is a little heavy on the tongue, don’t you think, Channing-chan?”

“I’m just here to fix the plumbing,” Channing sighed.

“Wait, I know!” Oikawa exclaimed. “I’ll call you Squirrel-chan!”

“But I’m not an animal—”

“Me neither!” Oikawa said delightedly. He hugged his Squirrel-chan, thinking about how beautiful it is to have a friend.