My days without you aren’t that sad

I won’t hear any nagging even if I come home late from partying

My days without you aren’t pitiful at all

I can eat whatever I want, I don’t have to adjust to your tastes

It’s actually better without you

Ever since we broke up, all I have felt was bitterness. I was nervous to ask you to be mine after the filming for WGM ended. I texted you to meet me at the park across your building after the crew left. I was nervous, but seeing your face made me calm. I knew you were the one I wanted to be with. But I was a coward and broke up with you. I still wonder if it was the right thing to do. I see you in all the dreams I have, and sometimes I cry in the middle of the night wondering if I did the right thing. I miss your naggings. I miss the ma juice you make for me every morning. I miss you. I wish I could just pick up the phone and call you, just to hear your voice. But all I can do is listen to the songs you sing. I miss you so much, but I see you smiling happily, and I think that maybe I did the right thing. I will smile, because you're smiling. I will laugh, because you're laughing. And maybe, just maybe, my days without you aren't that sad. Maybe it's actually better without you.

My days without you, they’re not hard at all

There’s no need to go along with your whining or your mood

It’s actually better without you

Every morning, I wake up and hope that all my dreams were not just dreams. I wished to wake up with you by my side, or you in the kitchen preparing breakfast for me if you had a free schedule. There were days when it was hard for me to even get out of bed. I dreaded life. I dreaded having to pick myself up and make music. There were days when all I wanted to do was quit everything and run back to you, beg for you to accept me back. But I knew I had to be strong. I had to face the days without you. Days without you getting angry at my choding-ness, glaring at me with widened nostrils. Days without you having mood-swings that surprises me although we end up in front of the tv with you lying your head on my shoulder. I miss your touch, your warmth, and your shy face when I kiss you. I miss you, but I will persevere. I know life without you will get better someday.

Not a single thing has changed

We didn’t even share a deep love

I can’t even feel that you’re not here

I’m happy even without you

Even after the break-up, I still had opportunities to see you at music shows. I look forward to them more knowing that SNSD would be there, knowing you would be there. I would always look out for you, but whenever I do see you, I get stunned. You’re still as beautiful and angelic. I especially loved seeing you smile and laugh when you were around your members. I thought that maybe I had done the right thing leaving you to do what you needed to do. Leaving you to strive and be a better musician and entertainer. Seeing you smile and laugh, I guess me leaving you had no effect. Maybe, to you, the love we shared was not that important. Even in the crowd of people, I only saw you. But you didn’t notice me. My presence was not important to you since it didn’t affect you, but to me, your presence, or lack of it, made so much impact in my life. But I knew I had to live life happily, even if it was without you.

When I remember you sometimes

I do shed tears without even knowing

But it’s still bearable

I watch over you, and still follow up with your activities. When your self-written song was released, I was so proud of you. When I heard the song, I felt the tears stream down my face. I miss the memories we shared. I regretted leaving you. It was then, when I knew that leaving you wasn’t the right thing to do. I wanted to let you know how much I missed your voice, how much I missed your innocent laughter. You are the one for me, how could I have let you go so easily. I cry in the middle of the night wondering how you felt after what I did to you. Listening to your lyrics, your words sincere from the heart, made me realize how much pain I caused you. I was angry at myself for causing you pain when I knew that I should have been the one who protected you from it. To hold you in my arms when you needed it. To give you comforting words when you needed it badly. But I caused it. I caused all the pain that you’ve been hiding. I feel the tears running down my cheeks, but I still had to be strong. Maybe the song wasn’t about me. Maybe the song was just something you wrote, and not what you felt. Nevertheless, I had to bear the days without you.

If you were here, if you were here, I think it’d be a little better

It was one of those nights. I miss you more than usual tonight. I plugged in my earphones and listened to your songs, just to hear your voice. The nearest thing to a lullaby I could get. It was when “Only U” played that I realized how much I wished that you were by my side. That things would be much better with you, than without you.

I wish you were here, I wish you were here

I picked up my phone, scrolled down to your name and clicked the message icon. I took a deep breath and typed. “I wish you were here. I miss you.”