The Last Secret

Kibum wanted to tell him how much he loved him but judging by Jonghyun awkwardness over the few weeks since their kiss in the subway, he could only assume the worst. At least that’s what he thought this morning when he came into the kitchen and Jonghyun fled the scene almost immediately. And when left for the hospital there was no Jonghyun to him through the bustling crowds that squashed him at every turn. He was left completely alone to fend for himself, and it scared him to be out alone in such a big city. He was only a simple boy from Daegu that had never been to the capital once.

He made his way to the hospital where his rehabilitation had been going well, he could whisper strongly and sometimes a louder tone would slip from his throat by mistake… that kind of sounded like a strangled cat in some ways. He could tell Jonghyun the truth, but he wanted to say it with a strong confident voice, not a soft whispering one.

Suddenly his world tumbled around him as a woman walked into him and sent him to the ground. He was yelling at him to watch out and insulting him for being one of those rebellious kids of these days. However, he didn’t hear her well as he was trying to get up on his feet again, and due to the loud chattering around him. He felt trapped within the masses of people, he couldn’t breathe. He quickly looked around to see if there were any open spaces but there were none… so he ran away as fast as he could, he had to get out of this suffocating environment.

Somehow he found his way to the hospital and rushed in, there was always a lot of space in a hospital. He could finally breathe easy again, it had been an enormous feat for him to run this far and not have fainted. He really hated crowded places. He felt so small and inferior.

Quickly, he made his way to the waiting area and checked his watch, he still had fifteen minutes until his appointment. They were going to be long and boring since nobody came with him.

He wondered that now he was getting his voice back if he wasn’t as important anymore to his bandmates as before he had his operation. Jonghyun certainly didn’t think he was important or else he would have been here. Taemin was mostly at his parental home, stating he wanted to cram in extra hours with his family before becoming an idol. Minho was usually playing soccer outside and Onew went to the S.M entertainment building to get some more practise as they had ushered him to.

A hollow feeling came over his heart and he started wishing he had never come to Seoul and auditioned. If he had still been in Daegu his grandmother would have been with him for sure. She would have never left his all alone in a hospital, surrounded by strangers.

He sniffed as he noticed his cheeks were becoming wet and felt eyes on him, but he didn’t care this time. He felt so abandoned by the people that were supposed to be the people that he could depend on. Why did they do this to him, what had he done to deserve this? Why was life so mean to him!?

“Kim Kibum, Rehabilitation center, room two please,” a soft male voice announced.

With tear streaked cheeks Kibum stood up and walked solemnly to his destination. Kids were playing in the kids’ corner he walked passed but he didn’t notice them, it was all a blur of grey and numbness for the raven haired boy. The dark grey clouds that were looming dangerously in the sky didn’t help brighten the day either, it was much like his own state of mind.

The first drops had started to fall as he made his way through the door of the rehab facility, where he was immediately reprimanded by his coach for being so slow.

“It took you ten minutes to get here? What are you a turtle?!” He spoke, his lips pressed in a thin line.

At that moment Kibum really wanted to become a turtle ‘they must have better life than this’. He knew that the coach only had limited time for him, he had half an hour to work on his voice every day, but he knew it wasn’t enough so he got homework to do. Still, his coach looked a bit crankier today, and he was proven right in the twenty minutes that followed.

“Damn it Kibum, if you’re not going to try then you might as well stop wasting my time and go home!” the coach yelled and pointed towards the door with an angry frown carved between his brows.

With eyes glazed over with unshed tears, Kibum stood up and walked to the door. He couldn’t blame his coach, he wasn’t paying attention as usual, and his thoughts only went to Jonghyun and to why he was acting so strange. If he hadn’t liked the kiss than he should’ve just said so, there was no need for this stupid avoiding game he was playing. It hurt more than it helped their relationship as friends. He would take it all back if he had known this would have happened.

Maybe he should just give up on Jonghyun all together, it was clear that he had no romantic feelings for him at all. Why hurt himself over such a thing like love.

It was the moment he opened the door to the dormitory he shared with his friends that everything changed. He came home to the sight of Jonghyun standing front of him, not all too happy for whatever reason. Kibum was late for dinner, since he had taken the long route.

"Why did you kiss me? It would have all been so much easier if you hadn’t!” the elder yelled at him, completely agitated, yet there was a blush on his cheeks that was unbecoming of him.

“I mean, I accidentally bumped into you I could help that, but you… you!” Jonghyun pointed at the younger before continuing “You did it deliberately! Why!? We can’t do stuff like that in public, that’s gonna create conflicts when we become idols, not to mention in the band!”

Kibum hadn’t planned on it, not at all, but it was all just too much for him to take. Jonghyun ignoring him, the woman that he crashed into, and the mean words the doctor had yelled at him. It was like it was pick on Kibum day, and he wouldn’t have it, he was sick of being picked on and being the cur. He had feelings too, he was a person like everyone else, and just because he couldn’t talk didn’t mean he was less that Jonghyun, the doctor or that in the streets.

“Because I love you, you stupid idiot!” Kibum yelled loudly.

He quickly covered his mouth with his hands, in shock about what he had just said… Oh god, he said he loved him! A dark blush dusted his high cheekbones as he carefully gazed back up from the ground to the man who now knew he loved him.

Jonghyun’s eyes were as big as saucers… did Kibum just say something… did he say he loved him… was this really happening? It wasn’t like he didn’t like Kibum, not a t all, he really liked him. And not in the normal way either, he had fallen for the silent beauty gradually.

It had started with how Kibum reciprocated his touches and never seemed to mind them, even if they were sometimes more intimate actions. Due to this Jonghyun had grown to see Kibum a potential lover and desired to be together with him after the first month of living together with him. However, he had buried those feelings, thinking he would only complicated their relationship as friends that way…but now… the secret Kibum had kept from him was out in the open and the box in his heart was being unlocked slowly, scared that the younger beauty was lying and just toying with him.

“Who was that?!” Onew yelled as he came running to the front door, only he tripped over his own feet along the way.

Minho and Taemin quickly followed, thinking there was an intruder in their midst. Though when they saw no one suspicious was there, they deducted that the voce belonged to none other than their, until now, silent bandmate.

Jonghyun steps forward insecurely, “Do you mean that?”

“Y..yes.” the younger replied shyly, looking at everything except at the man in question.

That was all the convincing Jonghyun needed to envelope Kibum in a tight hug. Just the way Kibum was so hesitant and shy about it was evidence enough that he was scared to be rejected, but he wouldn’t.

“I’ve liked you for a long time, but it all seemed so unlikely to happen… so I lost hope of it ever happening. That’s why I reacted to distant, I thought that you were toying with me.”

Kibum buried his head in the crook of Jonghyun’s neck and shook his head, “I would never toy with your feelings Jonghyun, I really love you… so much.”

The elder pulled away slowly, gazing at the beautiful boy that he loved. His hand grazed those lovely high cheekbones before he leaned back forward, though this time he had a different mission.

Kibum’s eyes fluttered closed as he saw his lover draw near, his whole body preparing for the kiss that came shortly after.

I was a soft press of the lips, but it was simple and sweet… just perfect. They both smiled in the kiss and pressed against each other with no space left between them.

“God, this is like one of those sappy romantic dramas… I’m going back to my room.” Minho blatantly stated as he turned to retreat back into his room, Taemin on his tail.

Onew simply looked at his bandmates that were kissing right in front of him. It looked like he was okay with it, but in his mind he was pulling his hair. How were they going to hide a relationship between two guys in their band for the press, managers, and fans at the same time!?

“Lord help me…”