The First Time

"I’m sorry I wasn’t in there with you... I hope you feel okay. It all just went so fast and I couldn’t react in time to give you some courage... But hey, you’re save right? I guess you don’t need me to give you courage,”

The boy stirred, his head replaying the same dialog over and over. That was Jonghyun’s voice, he was sure of it. What did he mean with: you don’t need me to give you courage? Did the older even know how much he needed him? Jonghyun had been there for him when he needed him, even when he though he didn’t. Kibum trusted him with his life already, he loved him!

‘Wait, love?’

Was he in love with the older? He felt his heart thump rapidly in his chest... He guessed that that was his answer... He loved Jonghyun.

Suddenly a nurse forced her way into the room to check out his vitals, but to her relief she saw nothing was wrong. For a second there she thought that the boy was going it to shock, but his heart was just beating fast.

"You’re awake aren’t you?" She asked the supposedly sleeping boy.

He answered by crumpling the sheets in his hands. It was the only thing he could do. His voice didn’t work, he couldn’t move his head and everything else was numb from the drug he got. He even had to concentrate really hard to bawl his hand into a fist.

"This is quite strange, you shouldn’t be awake yet. I’ll call the doctor,” The nurse said gravely concerned about the boy.

It was only a couple of minutes later when Doctor Jung walked into the room and asked what had occurred. The sweet nurse told him that Kibum was already awake and that shocked him a bit.

"His dosage was probably too low, keep in mind that he has been operated on before. You know as well as I that every time a person gets a certain drug they become a little more resistant to it,” He explained while he walked toward the hospital bed.

Kibum forced his eyes open to look at his doctor more closely. The last time he saw him everything happened in a blur and he didn’t really take in his appearance.

His hair was gray and came to his ears, he was quite old judging from the wrinkles and that his veins popped up from his hands like most elderly people had. He was wearing the standard blue scrubs and a white coat with his tag hanging from it. His eyes were blue, so Kibum guessed that he was a mixed child of someone, seeing his nose and eye shape were absolutely Asian. He had high cheekbones and thin lips which made him look strict and cranky.

"Well Kibum, the operation was a success and we managed to close the holes, though your vocal cords suffered some damage, but not much. Perhaps you didn’t talk much in the last four years, which may have saved you more than you know,” The doctor smiled slightly and ran a hand through his hair. "We just have to wait until you’re healed and then we can start your vocal rehabilitation, though you have to keep in mind that your voice will never be the same as it was before,”

Kibum closed his eyes and smiled at the good news. He already knew his voice wouldn’t be the same, they told him that before he had the operation the first time. He used to have the voice of an angel according to his grandmother. She would have to get used to his de new voice... But then, so did he and everyone else.

"For now you need to rest,” Doctor Jung stated as he drew a syringe from his pocket and injected into Kibum’s IV tube.

The boy’s eyes closed as the fluid entered his bloodstream and sent him into a dreamless sleep.

Slowly Kibum opened his eyes to the black white ceiling of the hospital. He heard the sounds of those machines around him again, it sent shivers down his spine. There wasn’t a soul in sight, he was completely alone in the room. A lonely feeling washed over him, knowing Jonghyun wasn’t next to the bed watching over him.

He gazed outside from his peripheral vision to see that the sun was slowly coming up from the horizon. A new day had dawned and so Kibum knew he was a step closer to recovery. How long it would take, he didn’t know... But it would take a while.

"You’re awake?" The familiar voice of Jonghyun called out.

A jittery feeling stirred in Kibum’s stomach as he heard it coming from the door. How was Jonghyun here, it weren’t even visitor hours?

“I snuck past the reception... I just had to know if you were okay,” He now whispered as he made his way to the hospital bed.

His large, warm hand found its way to the flawless face of the younger and it silently. They merely looked at each other and it already made them both feel calmer than before.

"You… were really brave," Jonghyun spoke before hopelessly looking at the ground.

Kibum frowned at the unusual behavior his hyung was portraying. It wasn’t like Jonghyun to look so hopeless and somehow rejected. What happened? The younger grabbed Jonghyun’s hand and have it a firm squeeze, pleading his crush to tell him what was wrong when he finally looked at him.

“I felt so useless when you were in there, I couldn’t do anything… I wanted to support you… but you were able to get through it on your own, so I guess I wasn’t needed,” The elder said solemnly before looking away from those kitten eyes he could drown in and trying to get his hand back.

However, Kibum wouldn’t let him and tried to sit up, though he was still too weak to do anything and quickly sank down into the bed again. He wanted to tell Jonghyun it was going to be okay, that he did still need him, that the only reason he was so strong was because he knew Jonghyun would never forgive him if he hadn’t been.

But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t even move his head without it hurting his throat. His eyes filled with glossy tears of frustration. He hated this, he just wanted to say something to sooth Jonghyun’s depressing state of mind. Something that would make him regain his confidence in himself.

“Why are you crying Kibummie? Are you in pain?” Jonghyun asked worriedly.

He became quickly confused when Kibum pointed at him and back at himself. Was he trying to tell him something?

“You and me what Kibum?”

The latter made two circles with his fingers and connected them to show a chain-like gesture.

“Are linked? You and I are linked?” he said while raising one of his brows.

Kibum stuck up his thumb to say that he was correct, and continued right after with pointing at himself again, then putting his hands in front of him and clasping them into fists, as if he was trying to grab something, and brought it back to his chest with a grave expression of need.

“You…. Need? You need… me?” Jonghyun guessed, uncertain about the word he added, but was rewarded with one of the most gorgeous smiles he had ever seen gracing Kibum’s lips.

His heart started pounding in his ears within seconds of seeing that fragile, but sweet face so happy. He felt his cheeks has become a little warmer than usual and his hands were shaking slightly.

“T-thank you Kibummie… you really knew what I needed to hear didn’t you?” Jonghyun smiled adoringly at his friend sat next to him on the bed.

It wasn’t long after the nurses came to check up on Kibum and were shocked to find his friend sitting next to their patient just gazing at him as he slept. It was bordering on creepy to them, but they knew Jonghyun wouldn’t do anything to hurt Kibum, they had already seen that he cared deeply for his dongsaeng just by looking at that sparkle in his eyes.

It was weeks later when Kibum finally left the hospital. His recuperation had been tiresome in the least, there hasn’t been a moment where he has stopped writing about all the people around him. Jonghyun had been so sweet to bring him his notebook and pen so he could write, he told him that he knew about his love for writing. They had an honest and heartfelt conversation about what had happened the day of the operation, well one side talked while the other wrote on a notebook. Though Kibum had no idea he meant so much to Jonghyun that he would cry about it, it made him feel loved and accepted even if he couldn’t vocalize anything.

Kibum looked up at the number board above him to see if it was his turn yet. He needed to take his prescription from the apothecary for his throat.

"Damn this line is long, did an epidemic hit?" He heard Jonghyun’s voice say behind him. The boy had insisted to him home, like he was some fragile damsel that couldn’t take care of himself.

Kibum shook his head at his friend’s impatient demeanor, he was quite the impulsive and straightforward person. He chuckled in his head when the sound of the number board came. He stepped up to the receptionist and slid the prescription paper towards her, not saying a thing, because he couldn’t of course.

"Excuse my friend, he can’t speak yet,” The older male, who now stood next to him, spoke with a grin on his face.

The girl seemed a bit surprised but decided not to push the matter and walked to the back for Kibum’s medicine. The latter felt an arm being draped around his neck and turned his head to his crush, a blush forming on his high cheeks when he saw the other’s face so close to his. But who was he kidding, Jonghyun didn’t like him in that way, it would most likely freak him out more than he would be acceptable of it.

A sweet voice reached their ears when the receptionist had returned with Kibum’s medicine and told him how to use it and what to be aware of.

A few minutes later the fresh air worked its way into the younger’s nose that made him smile. He had really been in that hospital for way too long, but he wasn’t done yet. He had to go back here every day and work on his voice. Hopefully the doctor he got was nice and wouldn’t push him too hard, he already knew he would get hammered and pushed to his limits when he became an idol.

"Bummie, you okay?" The shorter male next to him asked. Without knowing he had slid his hand in Kibum’s and gave it a little squeeze.

Kibum turned his head to the questioning gaze of his crush and nodded with a small smile. Jonghyun could be so adorable when he was worried. His eyes would get bigger and he always cocked his head to the side like a little puppy.

"Let’s go to the subway then," the latter chirped and softly muttered, "hopefully the tram isn’t too full,”

However, it seemed luck wasn’t on their side when they entered the subway. People were literally everywhere! It was a big subway but it still seemed to be overcrowded to the point that people were actually standing on borders and some even outside. Both boys fought their way through the massive crowd and found out why it was crowded.

Some members of Super Junior were there and the fans had discovered them. Kibum felt bad for their Sunbaes, they were probably having a day off and still had to deal with the infuriating fans. He didn’t get that, why not push your way out of them?

"Poor guys, but I guess that is the job description. Even when you have a day off you have to be kind and attentive to your fans,” Jonghyun seemed proud of their Sunbaes, even though he knew it must have been tough.

Being careful if all the people around them they moved along and entered their designated tram... Which was of course filled to the brim. They were barely inside when the doors closed, Kibum pressed flush against the door and Jonghyun in front of him with his arms on each side of the younger face.

A light blush tinted the younger’s cheeks at the close proximity. He had been close to Jonghyun before, sure, but never this close where their noses were almost touching... Just a little closer and he could taste those soft plump lips. A shiver raked through his body at the thought, if only Jonghyun felt that way about him.

"Sorry about this," the older chucked awkwardly when he was pushed even closer.

Kibum felt his heart bashing away at his ribs, a couple of more minutes and he was sure that they would have to call 991. His face was heating up considerably at Jonghyun body flush against him. He could almost feel all the curves and dips of his skin!

The tram made a hard turn to the left and it was game over for Kibum. His eyes were wide open as the lights flashed a few times before everything went dark.

"Please excuse the abrupt stop, we are experiencing some technical difficulties. Please remain calm and we will inform you of any changes. Thank you," a man spoke through the intercom.

None of what the man had said entered Kibum’s brain when he closed his eyes at the intoxicating feeling of Jonghyun’s lips pressed up against his. It was even better than he had thought, they were slightly chapped but that made it much more realistic. So warm, he felt Jonghyun all around him and it was the most wonderful feeling he had ever experienced, but it was ripped away from him quite quickly.

"S...s...sorry, I didn’t mean to do that," Jonghyun stuttered softly while trying to back away awkwardly.

‘Oh no you don’t, I’ve been waiting too long for that’ Kibum thought as he felt his way up Jonghyun’s arm, to his neck and pulled him towards him. He needed those plush lips upon his, now and as many times as was legal.

It was a bit strange at first, since it was so dark their lips were clumsily positioned upon each other. However, after some struggling on Jonghyun’s side the older gave in at the strange, but rather satisfying feeling, and kissed the heart shaped lips back shyly. Kibum carding his hands through those soft, brown locks of his friend.

It was five minutes in heaven until they started moving again, and the lights flickered on. They sprang away from each other, one as red as the other.

They didn’t say anything else to each other, looking away from each other as they were once again pressed up to each other, though this time something changed.