"Aish! I'm so tired...when will I be able to get the song right?!" I thought to myself as I approached the elevator. Just when I thought I could just get back to the dorm and sleep, the note on the elevator door said otherwise. I clenched my fist, trying not to scream out how exhausted I am. Dizziness started taking over due to the lack of sleep as I climbed up the stairs to the dorm. 

"Oh god..."

Was what I heard when I opened and walked through the door. Moans echoed throughout the dorm. All of the members went out for a late night snack, all except one. I didn't know what or who was in the house but the noises came from my room. Out of curiosity and anger, I opened the door of my room. Horrible mistake. My stomach churned and disgust filled me. I did not expect to see Hakyeon and his petty girlfriend going at it. To make things worse, they were doing it on my bed. In MY room! I slammed the door shut and retreated to the toilet.

I need a release... I can't handle this. The image of them keep appearing over and over again. I can't stand it anymore! That's it. 

I got up to my closet and gathered my clothes and a box. I took them to the bathroom with me while maintaining a poker face. I went into the shower and took the blade out of the box. My hands were shaking as I held it closer and closer to my already scarred wrist. I have been doing this for months, something that I've kept a secret from everyone, especially the members. The season helps as well, it's mid-winter now so I've been wearing long sleeves.

I hissed as I pressed the blade down on my wrist. I looked down as blood oozes out and flows down my arm. After a few cuts, I decided to stop as my head was getting dizzy. I put the blade down and the shower. After showering, I took the first aid kit out and took care of my cuts. Then, I put everything away before returning to my room which was now empty. I felt so exhausted, like I could pass out any moment now. I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. The images from before came back again and I felt tears flowing down my cheeks again. It hurts, it hurts so much. Why? Just why did I have to walk in on that? I curled up and tried to get those images out of my head.

"I don't think... I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't think that... I can go on pretending anymore..." I whispered to myself, tears flowing down harder and harder as I thought of what I was going to do. I got up and wiped my tears away before taking out a paper to write on. Then, I left it in my room before heading to the company.

The wind blew in my face as I tugged onto the coat I was wearing. It was cold and refreshing, it's been a while since I've went out in the night alone like this. Sooner than I thought it would be, the company came into view in front of me. I sighed as I walked in. I took the elevator and went straight up to the rooftop. The wind hit my face as soon as I stepped out of the elevator. I looked around at the Seoul Night Lights and was amazed by the beauty of it. Suddenly, my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I took it out and saw Seungho hyung calling me.

"Hyung?" I answered.

"Taekwoon-ah, where are you? I went over to your dorm and Hakyeon told me you've just left. It's midnight, it's not safe for you to be out alone." He said, worriedly. At the mention of Hakyeon's name, the image from before came back and I let out a sob as tears begin falling down rapidly. "Taekwoon? Are you crying? Tell me where you are right now." He demanded through the phone.

"I'm at the company's rooftop hyung." I replied in a soft voice. "Alright, stay there and don't do anything stupid. I'm rushing over." Seungho hyung replied before the call was cut off.

~A Few Minutes Later~

"Taekwoon-ah!" I heard Seungho's voice called as he ran out of the elevator. He stopped as soon as he saw me in my crying state and approached me slowly and cautiously as though I'm going to run away if he wasn't. He took my face in his hands and started wiping the tears away. "Aigoo Taekwoon-ah, why are you crying? What happened? Come on, tell hyung who made you cry, I'll deal with him for you."

I laughed a little and said, "Hyung, you sound like my mother."

He hit my head slightly, giving a small smile before returning to his worry face again. "Taekwoon-ah, seriously, tell me why are you crying." I sniffed a little before pulling us to sit down at the edge of the rooftop and began telling him everything.

"So, what you're telling me is that Hakyeon was having with his girlfriend on your bed and you have a crush on him." He summarized as he looked at me with anger in his eyes. "Yea hyung..."

He turned around, jumped off the edge and onto the ground before marching towards the elevator. I mimicked his actions and ran to his side. "Hyung, what are you going to do?" I asked worriedly. "Seriously Taekwoon-ah? He hurt you like that and you're not going to do anything about it? Don't give me anything of that 'he doesn't know that I like him' bull because everyone knows that you have a crush on him and that he knows it as well. You were that obvious Taek." He said as he knew I was about to protest and stop him from doing any harm. Was I really that obvious? I thought as I blushed furiously.

"Hyung, don't do anything please? I'm alright, please don't do anything to make things worse. Please?" I begged, giving him the puppy eyes. His gaze soften as he nodded his head. "Fine, but you're staying at my dorm tonight. I don't want you anywhere near him right now." I smiled as I nodded. The rest of the night was spent in Seungho hyung's room with the rest of the Mblaq members as we talk and have fun like we used to before we got so busy. But before I slept, images of Hakyeon flooded my mind and before I knew it, I started crying again. I felt someone grab my shoulders and turned me around. I looked up and saw Changsun's smiling face before being pulled into a hug. He patted my back as I continued to cry silently. After a while, the both of us fell asleep in that position.

Why must love be this painful?