Dance With the Devil (Re-Edit)- To be continued...

Dance With The Devil (Revamp 1/28/19 )

 

 

Waking in a cold sweat, Kim Kibum watched helplessly as the figures in front of him grew more menacing each passing second. This wasn't a nightmare though, and he wasn't waking up from the reality he himself had created. Pain shot immediately through his head as he clutched desperately to himself, trying to get a grip, trying to ground. Beside him, Hyung Jun was stirring, he could probably sense something was wrong. Being a natural empath had its pitfalls. The pain was mind-numbing, enough so that Kibum found himself unable to talk. A part of him hoped Hyung Jun wasn’t feeling any of it.

He should have predicted this. He should have at least expected it. Death had been cheated by his actions, not once, but three times. He'd given so much for those three people to be reborn again in this life and there was no way it was a fair trade without some catch. Death trading the missing bodies in his realm for a tiny sample of the threads of life Kibum himself had left wasn’t enough. Nevermind that each person cost one year.... This was a collection.

Only, it made no sense. Kibum had stood before the master of the realms and pleaded his case. He’d taken the necessary steps, honored his sacrifice, closed the circle out even. The only explanation here was that someone- something- else was coming to prey on Kibum in his weakened state. After all, having three years of your life stripped from you, at once, can really put your energy at a risky low. Entities would be looking at Kibum as a midnight snack, and that was one precaution he’d failed to take beforehand.

Now completely awake and obviously panicked, Hyung Jun scrambled around, immediately sitting up and shaking his brother. He was frantically trying to pull him out of whatever was hurting. Kibum tried to respond, to warn Hyung Jun that there was no use, he really did, but it took merely seconds. He shouldn't have ignored the warning signs; the behavior changes, the mood swings, the loss of appetite. If he'd gotten himself cleansed earlier, found the right enchantment to ward off the invading entities, this probably wouldn't have happened. The darker entities wouldn’t have attached to him like this. It was too late now though. Kibum had no defense, neither did Hyung Jun. His brother probably couldn’t even see them, though he was sure he could sense them. After all, Kibum was the one gifted with sight while his older brother was the one gifted with sensing energy.   

Another agonizing shot of pain caused Kibum to literally wail out as he felt like his very essence was being tortured. His physical body flung itself to the bed as he tried to make a dash away from his brother, one last act of protection. Hyung Jun looked absolutely horrified at the scene unfurling before him. Kibum was able to roll off the bed, crumpling to the floor. Bones creaked and groaned as they twisted against their will, contorting Kibum's body in truly gruesome positions. Blood flowed in his body as if charged with energy, then stopped, then flowed again, heavier and thicker. Kibum's brain felt ready to explode and his eyes rolled back violently. He couldn't even see. Now he could barely hear. The last thing he did hear: his brother screaming his name before the world went silent and dark.

The pain stopped, replaced by uncomfortable numbness. The way his heart had been hammering, the contortions, all stopped. Kibum wasn’t relieved in the slightest. He knew he was trapped now, in his own head. He could hear what was happening outside....but he wasn't there anymore. It was then he realized...he was unable to control anything his physical self was doing. This was possession.  

Tears now streaming down his face, Hyung Jun shook Kibum's body violently. “Kibum, wake up!” Barely able to let go of his brother to get the phone to call for help, his whole body shook with horror and sorrow. 911 was called, but he knew this was beyond them. Hyung Jun just knew that no matter what, he had to keep Kibum’s  physical body alive and his heart beating. He’d also be damned to let a demon kill his little brother from the inside out like this.  

Suddenly, Kibum gasped for breath and his eyes shot open, but the eyes that looked into his brother's were not Kibum's, not with how dark the pupils were, tinged with red. Kibum himself watched like a passenger behind the wheel of a car he was supposed to be driving. He screamed soundlessly, desperate to protect his brother from this. He was helpless as the thing smiled, a truly horrifying sight, and spoke in a y voice.

"Kibum's gone....I'm inside now"

 

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Buffalohighschool18 #1
Wow
Amalya
#2
Chapter 1: Well this was certainly an unexpected bit of tortured activity to be suddenly dropped into. The intro gives a slight hint/warning of what's to come but you chose an interesting spot to introduce us in regards to Kibum and his deal. And all I can do is feel sorry for his brother. >.> With him being an empath, that would likely be a particularly frightening experience indeed.

Though I was a little confused about Kibum's having 'given enough for three people to be reborn' though I'm presuming you were referring to years. And in that regard, I think you managed a nice play on words in indicating that he hadn't only given up that time, but by the end of your short, we understand what else he lost. Goodness, what a situation to be in too. Especially because he's completely aware but utterly unable to do anything.

I'm personally skeptical that a cleansing would have done much to change his fate but it was a nice thought, if a bit late to be of any use. You do a really good job of conveying Hyungjun's panic though and it comes through well in the writing. So good job overall. Even with it being as short as it is, you might consider breaking the second chapter up into even smaller paragraphs to chunk the panicked sections around the possessed contortions and so on. Just a thought. ^_^ Thank you for sharing!
hopelesswriter #3
Chapter 1: Gawsh...this is so.....creepy....i wonder what will happen to Hyungjun now...or maybe it's obvious what will happen to him?...aahh, it's driving me crazy thinking...i wonder what's the story of Kibum's deal with the Devil too...is this really the end? no prequel/sequel?...it's a really nice suspenseful short story though...personally i find it hard to describe scene that will evoke fear and suspense from readers, but i think you did really well. Thanks for sharing the story.