I've never truly loved myself. If I couldn't then who could? 

I've had crushes, where every day I would rush to school to see my crushes face, endless flirting that led to of course... Nothing. Girls at school making fun of me and laughing in my face. I held back those tears and endured my final hours of the school day just to relive those moments in my head on the bus journey home. Why are the girls with beutiful faces so harsh to me? What did I do so wrong other than mind my own business. Rushing through the front door and painting a fake smile on my face to greet my mother and siblings. My heart beginning to tighten, I rush up the narrow stairs, throw open my bedroom door and stand myself in front of the mirror. "God why can't I be beautiful as the girls at school, I promise I will continue being kind to others and never make them feel as I do," suddenly the endless flowing of tears fall off my face and I hurry to change out this repulsive school uniform in exchange for my cosy pjs. I climb into my bunk get under my bed covers and release the stress and emotions I held back throughout the day.

Some days I just couldn't wait for night to come along just so I could cry to God before I slept, sharing a room with my sister didn't make crying easy though.. Holding my breath to prevent my whimper being heard by my sister who lay in the bunk below me. Praying I would wake up with gorgeous green eyes, beatiful curly hair and people do nothing but shower me in compliments. Now that would be a life I wouldn't have any problems living.

One day at school, during the awful winter consisting of dark skies and weather that can only bring about more depression in my life, my beautiful friend Aria during art class begins telling me about a drama she had watched. "Maya, I know you'll think it's weird but I'm watching this drama and it's korean.. It's called Boys over flowers. My sister made me start watching it and I think i'm obsessed!" In my head I'm thinking errmm what? Korean dramas hahaha sounds so silly but I respond with a smile "do you watch it online for free?" I see Aria's face brighten although I see she's kind of embarrassed about what she's told me, "Yes, it's on youtube. Please, please watch it!"

This is the point in life where I begin to accept I'm nothing special and begin watching this drama "Boys over flowers" that my crazy friend introduced me to. As I watch I begin thinking to myself "what the hell!? This is amazing!!!!" It really was, screen full of Lee Min Ho, which girl could complain? Now at school I had something to look forward to, talking about dramas I was watching and k-pop groups I was listening to.. But all this made me feel a lonliness. I wish I could have a man like Lee Min Ho to  protect me and care for me. 

But it all just seemed like a silly, childish fantasy....