“OUR STORY [Yunho] - Part 1”

Have you ever wonder how your life will turn out if you’re able to marry your first love? People said, first love is the most truthful and innocent love where you hopes for nothing except for the other person to love you equally. And for that reason, first love is known to remain forever at the very special part in your heart.

In my case, my first love is everything to me.

I came from a family that can be categorized as rich with a strong law background. My two hyung deul, my uncle and even my late father are lawyers. I’m as the youngest was expected to follow their footsteps and naturally I had a clear plan of how my future would be. Knowing that it’s not gonna be that easy to achieve, I studied hard to enter the law school. Aside from studying and studying, my life had no much of interesting chapters in it.

There’s no fun, no love, only books. I couldn’t even care how I look in the eyes of other people. Wearing shabby clothes, thick glasses, burying myself in book was what I prefer. Just like a nerd who doesn’t know how to cherish his life, who has zero experience in love – flinching whenever a girl’s approaching; that’s how I used to be.

What makes me different than those nerdy characters that the movies or drama normally portrayed is that I was among the popular guys at school. It’s all thanks to my cousin, Choi Siwon. We’re the best buddies and he’s my biggest supporter. Our personality is a different story though – he’s like the sky and I’m like the earth. But there’s one thing that doesn’t change even if I’m in the popular group – an ugly and a nerd like me would be the least favorable to any girl. Heck, they wouldn’t even willing to spare a glance at me; not that I really care.

I never see the importance of dressing up fancy just to gain other people’s attention. All that matters to me is as long as I’m comfortable in what I’m wearing then anything’s fine. But everything’s changed after I met him. Siwon and I, we’ve joked about this – if he has his Cinderella then I have my Snow White.

No. I should rephrase it. ‘Have’ would be an overstatement. I’ve found my Snow White. But rather than 7 dwarves, he has 7 sisters protecting him. His world I’d described it as a world of perfection and free from any contamination. Because he’s always smiling; like he doesn’t even have any problem to worry about. And I’m not exaggerating when I said that he’s the one that responsible in changing my life and make the man I’ve become now.

The ‘Jung Yunho’ now exists because of him.

In a journey to win over his heart; I’ve waited for 4 years to finally have the courage to speak with him. It’s not easy. Waiting for him is torturing. It’s heart-wrenching to have witness him smiling happily with someone else before I could step in. I never knew if I have a chance to step in. Loving him is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life but even so I couldn’t stop loving him. I just can’t.

Even if I messed up, I’d rather spilling tons bucket of tears than stop loving him.

I’m Jung Yunho and here is my story.

*****************************************

The drizzles started turning harsh and it poured down heavily like a thousand slaps on his face. No one would dare to go out in that angry weather. The road in front of Jaejoong’s hostel was empty but Yunho remained still, soaking and drenched but still waiting for Jaejoong to come back.

His body began trembling, his vision blurred because of the rain. It’s really cold but that was nothing when compared to Jaejoong’s cold eyes before he left.

*Flashback

“YAH!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!!!” Yunho pried Ara’s hands away from his body.

“Yunho-ah…I miss you…I really miss you…” Ara stepped forward, attempting to hug Yunho again but Yunho stopped her before she could do it.

“Get your hands off me, I warn you! What if somebody walk in?”

“I don’t care…I just don’t care anymore…”

“But I do care!” Yunho shoved her away and raised both of his hands; blatantly expressed that he doesn’t want to be touched by her in any means.

“Do you really hate me that much?”

Yunho didn’t answer; he just wanted to get out of there as fast as he could. Ignoring her presence, he shoved the books back inside his bag. Ara eyed him with watery eyes; feeling completely dejected.

“Sang Hyuk and I…we’re getting married by the end of this year…”

“Congratulation then…” Yunho answered simply, doesn’t really care. He stood up and threw the bag on his shoulder. Their eyes met again and Yunho exhaled deeply before turning around.

Seeing how Yunho was about to leave her, she hastily ran after Yunho and stopped him by grabbing his forearm.

“How could you do this to me?! You do know how much I love you…” Her chin trembled as she looked at Yunho with pleading eyes.

Yunho rolled his eyes when she brought up the same issue over and over again. It’s getting annoying actually with all the dramatic scene that she’s trying to imitate. He’s not surprised when she’s labeled as a Drama Queen by others. The tears, the pleading eyes, her ‘innocent’ face – any man would fall for that trick. But he’s not just any man.

“You should stop doing this…no matter what you’re trying to do, it won’t work. We’re over…it’s in the past…We dated each other because I thought I could love you…” and because he was heartbroken at that time - after he found out that Jaejoong’s actually dating a popular jock.

“… but I was wrong. Be it yesterday, today or even in the future, my feeling won’t change. I don’t and I won’t love you. I just couldn’t…” Because he knew that it was useless to pretend to be someone that he’s not. And slowly, he pushed her hand down and stressed it out by shaking his head.

The tears were slowly making their way down her rosy cheeks. Yunho closed his eyes and rubbed his temple with his fingertips. Ara’s expensive perfume, adding up with her tears was starting to give him headache. He was sorry for using and later dumping her like she’s just a toilet paper. He admits that he’s wrong for treating her that way but that’s a part of their history. He wished that Ara would stop popping up in front of him and bring up such topic whenever she likes.

“You have Sang Hyuk now…he’s the perfect one for you and I know he would make you happy…he loves you unconditionally, you know that too…so please…can’t we just end thing cleanly between us…? Once and for all?”

Not saying anything right after that, Ara smiled bitterly.

“Then…can I at least have my ‘goodbye kiss’ now?”

“What?” Yunho blinked at her in surprise.

“Goodbye kiss…remember what you’ve said to me the day we broke up?”

Yunho lost in his thought as his mind’s replaying the exact scene of that day.

“I don’t want your kiss!!! Go away from me! You know how much I love you…how could you said that? Our relationship doesn’t mean anything at all for you?!!”

“Then I’d keep it for you…when you’re finally ready to let me go…the day when you’re fully ready to let me go…I’ll give it back to you…Goodbye kiss…as a sincere apology from my heart…”

Right…Ara doesn’t make it up. It’s actually the promise he made to himself as a compensation for dumping her like a cold heart bastard. A promise is a promise and he has to fulfill it but he felt that it was wrong. It’s like he’s betraying two important people in his life; his best friend and…Jaejoong.

Jaejoong.

He’s supposed to meet Jaejoong after this and he doesn’t want to be late. Jaejoong said that he has something important he wanted to tell him. He should rush over to him instead of being there with her. 

And who would have thought that out of all people in that faculty, Jaejoong would be the one who caught them in the action

*End of Flashback

He ran there straight away from the lecture hall, searching for Jaejoong right after Jaejoong left him. And waiting is what he did, ignoring Junsu’s scolds – telling him that it was useless.

“I will wait for him…here…” He insisted. He had to do that, to make Jaejoong hear out his explanation. And that’s why he’ll wait.

He waited for 3 hours straight, in heavy rains and still waiting even after the rain stopped. The sunset began painted the sky with red color and he’s still waiting.

Waiting – that word became so synonym in his life for years already.

It’s because he’s been waiting for Jaejoong for 4 years and waiting for another 4 hours wouldn’t give him any different.

“Jaejoong-ah…Please…give me another chance to tell you how much I love you…”

The road is still wet from the rain and he’s still standing on the same spot. His body’s shivering from the cold and his legs were losing their strength to keep holding on but he waited nonetheless. He’s been standing there for hours even after the day was replaced with the night he continued to wait for Jaejoong’s return.

“Thank you so much~~!” Jaejoong then threw his arm around Yunho’s neck, awarded the later a peck on his cheek.

“I really love you~~~!!!”

Yunho brought his trembling hand to touch his cheek and slowly, his frozen lips formed a soft smile. It would be really wonderful if Jaejoong really meant it.

I love you – the words that lingered around his mouth, the words that he’s been memorizing thousands of times, the words that his heart kept on telling him to say whenever he meet Jaejoong.

What if those words never reach Jaejoong? What if those words never meant for Jaejoong to hear? The rain’s already stopped but the tears rolled down silently.

“YAH JUNG YUNHO!!!”

Yunho lifted up his face and saw Heechul’s running out of the gate heading towards him.

“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!!!”

“H-Heechul-ah…J-Jae-Joong-” Yunho took a step forward, stumbled and fell inside Heechul’s arms.

“Jung Yunho…you are crazy…”

Crazy…Yes…he’s crazy because of Jaejoong. Because he’s too scared to lose Jaejoong till he became like that. Jaejoong made him that way. Without him, he’s nothing but helpless and vulnerable – just like how he used to be.

 *****************************************

“I’ve warned you so many times before…you should have stop treating them like you’re giving them hopes…when something like this happened, you have no one else to blame except yourself…” Heechul knelt down in front of Yunho, carefully drying Yunho’s hair with the towel.

When Yunho didn’t respond to him, Heechul halted as both of his hands dropped down from the towel and let it rest on top of Yunho’s head. Still in kneeling position, he’s studying the latter and then sighed.

“You should have told him about your feeling, Yunho-ah…”

And finally he gained some reaction from Yunho when he glanced up at him.

“…and I’m not just talking about today…” Heechul changed his position from kneeling and shifted to sit next to Yunho.

“…you have so many chances before…and I wonder what hold you back from confessing…you know almost everything about him…so many things that even his close friends might have no idea about it…about that birthday cake too…you know when is his birthday, his favorite cake…”

“…you should have given it to him personally…prepare a small event for him yourself…just the two of you…” Heechul added. When Yunho lowered down his gaze, he detected a hint of regret in his expression. An abundant of regret. Heechul couldn’t help but heaved another sigh.

“Jaejoong went back home… his sister is getting married this weekend so he won’t come back till next Monday…” Heechul rose up to his feet and reached out to grab his phone on the table.

“You can use his bedroom…I’ll tell him…” With his back facing Yunho, he clicked on Jaejoong’s number and waited for the other to pick up. Unfortunately, the call couldn’t go through.

“Jaejoongie-”

“Hmm?” Heechul turned around when he heard Yunho’s voice as he tried to call Jaejoong for the second times.

“…when I’m in front of him…I’m nothing but the same Jung Yunho that I used to be…the one who only dare to look at him from behind the rim glasses…the one that no one notice that he actually exists…”

“You’re no longer that person anymore, Yunho-ah…you’re different now…” After the 3^rd failed attempts, Heechul gave up and put away his phone so that he can give Yunho his full attention.

“I am…when I’m in front of him…he’s standing in front of me but it feels like my hand couldn’t reach him…couldn’t even touch him…it’s unreal…and it’s hard to believe…”

“He’s looking at you, Yunho-ah…can’t you see? He’s been looking at you for the past several months…that’s what you want, remember? For him to acknowledge your existence…”

*Flashback

4 years ago – 2 years before they enrolled into the same university, whether Jaejoong realized about it or not, they actually went to the same school. Except that, Jaejoong’s always the same stunning Kim Jaejoong and he on the other hand went into a little bit of transformation.

Yunho’s just coming out from the library when a group of students bumped his shoulder from the back causing the books to drop out from his hands and scattered on the floor. But none of them stopped to help him. What they did is just laughing at him and ran away. After spending a minute standing and cursing them inside his head, Yunho brushed off his shoulder and bent down to pick up the books. That’s when he saw another hand’s reaching out for the same book as he did.

Slowly, Yunho lifted his head to stare at the stranger. He’s panicked for a brief moment, the second when their hands brushed each other. The book dropped out of his numbed fingers. With his eyes wide opened, Yunho jerked his hand back and supported it with his other hand – stupefied. That was the first time he met Jaejoong.

“Are you okay?” He asked Yunho; feeling concerned.

“I…I…mmm…y-yeah…I g-guess…yes…I mean…I’m…mmmm…”

His attempts to explain that he’s perfectly fine somehow came out in an incoherent jabber, not to mention that it’s barely audible. Just like a toddler who’s still in the learning process to talk, that’s how he could described himself as. Maybe it looked even worst in Jaejoong’s eyes? Who knows?

Just like he could watch his internal struggle, Jaejoong responded it with a bright smile and a soft chuckle. His smile was so bright that it’s almost looks like he’s glowing. Maybe he really is, in Yunho’s eyes.

“I’m glad that you’re fine…” He said and continued collecting all the books one by one.

And Yunho? He just froze there. He stared, transfixed. He just lost his breath, his mind and his heart.

Jaejoong rose back to his heel and Yunho copied his steps.

“Here you go…please check if there’s anything missing…” He handed to him all the books he just gathered. Looking down at his hand, Yunho browsed through all the titles of the book and quickly memorized it. And slowly, he took them from him.

“T-thanks…e-everything’s here…” Yunho pushed his glasses as he answered; nervously his lips.

“W-wait…your shoes…”

“S-shoes?” Yunho’s gaze fell down on his shoes and realized that the shoelaces were untied. He took one cautious step in retreat when Jaejoong suddenly knelt down in front of him.

“It’s fine…I’ll help you with it…” Jaejoong then helped to tie the shoelaces neatly and watching him with a pleasant surprise, Yunho realized that he couldn’t possibly stop admiring the latter. That was the first time; a stranger’s treating him nicely.

“Okay done!” He announced and bounced back to his feet. He looked at him while brushing both of his hands together, his face brightened up with a smile and sending the dimple at the corner of his mouth to winking.

“Jaejoongie~! Sorry I’m late…”

Both of them threw their glances to the owner of the voice.

“Sorry…I gotta go…take care…” Jaejoong said, tapping Yunho’s friendly and jogged towards his friend.

Yunho recognized that boy. It’s Park Yoochun; son of the richest family in their neighborhood. He’s also an acquaintance of Siwon. Seeing the way he casually wrapped his arm around Jaejoong; an unexpected and totally inappropriate jealousy washed over him.

Meeting Jaejoong has broadened his perception of his life and his desire grew into another level. A simple crush on Jaejoong gradually turning bigger and deeper till it becomes what other people called as love. The unexplainable happiness, the flickering of excitement, the longing developed inside his heart whenever he saw him from far. He never thought that such feeling would sprout inside his him to that extent.

But he soon realized that he wasn’t the only person who’s trying to gain his attention. Kim Jaejoong is a trendsetter at their school. And idol. What he wears reflect his personality, flaunting his high self-esteem and naturally he will attract an amount of admirer including him.

While others would try different methods just to have a conversation with him but he…all he could do is just watching him from far, paying attention to whatever he’s doing and even to the simplest thing like what he’d do before he enter the class.

When he thought that he did a great job in masking his feeling, he got busted by none other than his own cousin, Choi Siwon. It’s probably because it’s in his blood, a natural gift as a well known playboy that makes him easy to tell. But thanks to him and Heechul, the new Jung Yunho was born.

In his small world, he planted a dream to be with Jaejoong and as sheer thinly as it might be, he hopes that one day Jaejoong would notice him.

*Flashback End

*****************************************

It was slightly cold dawn when Yunho’s already on his way back to his bedroom. He wrote Heechul a simple thank you note and left without waking him up. He needed some time to be alone and figured a long slow walk to his hostel early in the morning would do the trick. He needed to refresh his mind. It’s in a total mess and his heart felt even worst.

The cool morning air brushed over him making his body’s trembling. He pulled the jacket to wrap his body fully and continued walking. The darkness had already lifted and the lights were turning off one by one. The sun’s waiting to make an entrance in any minute to celebrate a new day.

*****************************************

Heechul stood by his desk and read what’s written by Yunho.

Heechul-ah…thank you for last night…I’m feeling better now…~Yunho

“Will he be really okay?” Heechul blew out a sigh. Yunho was devastated. His heart ached to watch Yunho in that condition. The price of loving someone devotedly like that is high.

Recalling his conversation with Yunho last night, he got this sudden urge to call Jaejoong again. He moved back to his bed and grabbed the phone from underneath his pillow. Unfortunately he met with a failure on his first attempt as the call couldn’t get through.

“Why do I feel like this?” It’s a bad feeling. He’s been having a bad feeling since last night. Just then he remembers that Jaejoong used to call his noona by using his phone.

Scrolling down the contact list with a wild desperation at heart, he’s almost screamed when he did find it. Pressing the key as he sat down on the bed, he’s been arranging sentences of an apology inside his head for intruding her that morning.

“Annyeonghaseyo…I’m Kim Heechul, Jaejoong’s roommate…”

“Y-yes…”

“I couldn’t reach him through his phone… I’m wondering if-” He lapsed into silence when he heard it. The faint sound of someone’s crying at the back. And it became clearer as to why when she’s relaying the news to him.

And the tears escaped from his eyes while listening to it.  

*****************************************

Yunho’s halfway through when he suddenly stopped and threw a glance up on the sky. Inhaling the fresh air deeply and exhaled right after that, he knows he should be thankful for every second he’s given a chance to live. But without Jaejoong…his world is like a windowless prison.

“Jaejoong-ah…”

*****

A/N: Another update~ Please support me by subscribing and comments are most welcomed^^ thanks~