Robert

 (BTS: Seokjin)

Cold, hard lips slammed against mine and I stumbled back, before hitting a wall.  I shouldn’t be here, it’s not my fault, I don’t want this.  But it’s still happening, and those lips I hated were still against mine, demanding attention.

I used to love them, now only detest fills the void.  I used to covet them, now a deep yearning to get away coated me.  I once was pelted by them every day, quick as bullets.  Now my only wish is to blow them off with a shotgun.

Let me explain how I got here…

***Time Skip (back an hour) ***

“Come on,” Seokjin verbally prodded, opening my door.  I nervously stepped out of the car, looping my arm through his.  He smiled and led me towards the restaurant, humming in contentment.

“I’ve never been somewhere like this,” I said nervously, jittery.  He tugged my arm gently and leaned down to whisper in my ear, his eyes never leaving the double-glass doors.

“You’ll be fine,” he said, before adding reassuringly, “you look beautiful.”  I looked down at the simple black dress I was wearing and allowed myself to smile.  I didn’t dress up often and I thought I looked pretty nice.

“Thanks,” I answered, gripping his elbow as we crossed the threshold of the magnificent building.  The parlor was lined with padded seats and a man dressed in a suit stood at the podium by the entrance to the dining hall.  I felt underdressed, taking a peek at the apparel of the women served at white tables.  Seokjin took my hand and gave it a squeeze, dragging me to the suited-man.

“Good evening, sir.  Do you have a reservation?” he asked, and the man next to me stood a bit straighter.

“Of course, it should be under the name Kim Seokjin,” he said, and after a moment of looking through the list, the man uttered an ‘of course’ and gestured for us to follow a waiter who had just appeared.  We did so, and found ourselves seated in a booth by the window, in an area located away from the majority of the dining clients.

“Wow, this place is…” I trailed off, unable to form the right words.

“Magnificent, splendid, lovely,” he offered, smiling, and I giggled.  “Good,” he began, “only the best for my Sammie.”  I scoffed.

“Don’t be so cheesy; order your drink,” I scolded him, picking up a menu.  Scanning through it, I decided on water; everything else just seemed too expensive.  We talked for a good while, going on and on about everything under the sun, including the outfits around us and our lack of proper manners.

“I can’t believe you did that!” he exclaimed, nearly spitting out his cocktail.  I leaned back in my seat, laughing so hard my sides hurt.

“It wasn’t m-my fault!” I tried to get out in between fits of laughter.  “I didn’t mean to push him!”  We were discussing the time I had accidently bumped my younger brother into the pool, the penguin pool, at the zoo.  We had volunteered to help feed them and I slipped on a dropped sardine, jostling my brother and sending him into the water below.  In my opinion, he was just lucky not to land on one of those fake icebergs.

“Your meal, ma’am?” a sickeningly familiar voice asked, and the laughter died in my throat.  I turned to the new waiter, all thoughts of my previously decided entre out the window.  Rob stood at the table, only looking at me instead of Seokjin, who was trying to order.

Robert, my ex.  The one who tried to, to…  Let’s just say he tried to assault me.  The one who haunted my nightmares and prowled my dreams.  The one person who can strike fear in my heart.

“I would like~,” Seokjin began, but I couldn’t hear the rest of what he said, my attention completely focused on the hands that worked over the paper with a pen.  The same hands that had-

“And you miss?” he asked, and I struggled to form words.  My eyes flitted to the menu and I could only point to my order, never once looking back up at him as he floated from the table back to the kitchen.  Seokjin looked at me worriedly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and I shook my head quickly.

“Nothing,” I tried to say reassuringly, but he didn’t seem convinced.

“We could always go home, you know,” he offered, but I was determined not to ruin his night.

“No, no, no, I’m fine.  We just ordered anyways.”  He looked at me for a moment before attempting to cheer me with his failed napkin drawings.  I smiled, but my heart wasn’t in it.  Every fork dropped startled me, every rustle of the curtains made me cower, every time I saw a waiter drop food off at a table I dreaded the thought of our food arriving, even if I was starving.  Seokjin noticed, of that I was sure, but he kept quiet.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” I announced, already standing up.  He nodded and watched me hurry off, his eyebrows pinched together nervously.  I rushed to the bathroom, flying into the sweet-smelling room and checking to make sure no one else was there.  Verifying my solitude, I leaned on the wide sink and stared at my reflection.

My eyes were jittery and my lips quivered with the words I should have said to Seokjin; I should have told him.  My fingers gripped the counter so tightly that they turned white before I decided to turn on the faucet.  Running my hands under the stream of warm water, I began to relax and think things through logically.

“Nothing’s going to happen Samantha, Jinnie’s here, everything’s fine.  For heaven’s sake, it was almost a year ago,” I reassured myself.  Unfortunately, the running water deafened the sound of the door swinging open, and the lock being flicked into place.

“Jinnie?  That’s what you call him?” he said quietly, and I shrieked.  Rob sauntered closer, and I stumbled back quickly.  “Come on now, don’t scream, it makes things so much more difficult.”

I tried to scream anyways, forever backing away from him, but he caught my wrist and held my head in place with his other hand.  He crashed his mouth against mine and his tongue forced itself into my mouth.  I tried to break away, but I was soon backed up against a wall.  A hand s to the dress' zipper and I struggled even more, thrashing relentlessly.  I bit down hard, which made him curse loudly and back up; I could taste blood.

I made a break for it, pushing myself off the wall and tripping towards the door, but he caught my hair and yanked me back.  I screamed again, from both pain and the need to be heard as he forced me up against the tile again.

“SEOKJIN!” I shouted, but a handkerchief was stuffed in my mouth.  He started to work the straps down from my shoulders, his large body pressing up against me so hard I couldn’t move.  I knew tears were falling, I could see them, but I couldn’t feel them.  The door handle was shaking, and for a moment I felt the beginnings of hope, but the door was locked and whoever it was left.

His lips slid down my face and made their way towards softer skin; his teeth bit harshly into my neck, leaving behind stinging imprints.  The complete opposite of the nipping love bites that peppered my skin when Seokjin was feeling extra playful.

His fingers roughly scrambled to loosen the straps of the strip of clothing that covered me, unlike the practiced movements of my boyfriend’s hands.

He smelled sickly sweet, like he had been dipped into a bottle of old perfume.  Seokjin always smelled like his cooking and clean linen.

Why do I keep comparing them…?  I thought blankly, my tears a mere image of the inner turmoil within my head, my whimpers only stimulating him.

“Shhhh…” he shushed.  “I missed you so much; night after night of and s only gets a guy so far.  I’ve always had a thing for the classy ones,” he whispered in my ear, spittle splashing my cheek.  Then, the dress was yanked down to my waist in one clean jerk of the hand.  He paused a moment to look at my bra, and whistled; the tears fell harder.

“HEY!” someone shouted, and the door was pounded on.

“,” Rob muttered, backing away just enough for me to sink to my knees.

“OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!”  Shouts continued from the other side of the door and the jostling of keys echoed throughout the white room.  Rob looked around in fear, but at the moment, my attention was completely focused on how much longer it would take them to open the door.

“, , ,” Rob continued to chant, running a hand through his hair.  He looked down at my motionless body and an idea must have formed in his head, because he suddenly dropped to his knees next to me.  “Now listen , you’re gonna keep quiet about all this,” he spat at me, but my head lolling to the side must have looked like a ‘no’ to him, because next thing I knew, a closed fist rammed into my face.

The darkness that coated the countryside at night was no match for the black abys that swallowed me, drowning me in a lake of pain, tears, and solidity.

***Seokjin POV***

The two security guards that I had grabbed burst through the door and rushed in, only sparing a moment to look around before throwing open a stall and finding the waiter.  He was dragged out, kicking and shouting about how she was his to begin with; that sick bastard.

She was on the ground, half- and sprawled over the tile.  Fury bubbled up in my chest as I knelt next to her and examined the damage.  I pulled the dress up all the way and found myself hating him with a passion, the desire to snap his neck only rising as I caught sight of the hickeys on her neck and how they travelled down to the rise of her s.

Her hair was a knotted mess and her eyes were the pools from which flowed a multitude of tributaries, their salty trails carving painful cracks in my heart.  A large bruise adorned her cheekbone and if I had to guess what happened, I’d say that he walloped her across the face to keep her quiet and tried to climb into a stall to hide.

I gently pulled the wad of cloth from and discarded it over my shoulder, taking care to support her head.

“Don’t worry,” I whispered, scooping her into my arms as I heard someone else enter the bathroom behind me.  “We’re going home.”  The guard stood at attention in front of me and I waved him away.

“Didn’t you hear me, we’re leaving.  I don’t need any help, just clear off our table and haul that waiter off to the police department,” I said rudely, pushing past him and into the dining area, now full of the gathered crowd.

“You mean Robert, sir?” the guard asked, and I my heels, Sammie’s long hair swishing by my knees.

“I don’t really give a damn about his name, just send him to jail,” I snarled, dropping my regularly polite nature.  The guard froze before rushing off to god-knows-where, and I tucked Sammie tighter against me.  People stared as I walked past, but I only ducked my head low and sped up until I got to the parking lot.

Smashing my toe on the car’s wheel, I let out a very uncharacteristic curse before cradling her head carefully and situating her in the passenger seat.  I buckled her in and locked the seatbelt so she wouldn’t move around too much.  I felt the anger threaten to take control again, and I slammed the door shut, allowing my fist to collide with the metal.

Standing there for a moment, I took in the situation, weighed my options, felt the pain radiate from my knuckles to my wrist.  I shook a hand through my hair as I climbed into the car as well, slamming my foot on the gas pedal and heading towards her house.

“Mmmmmmm…”  A sudden mumble made my head snap towards my companion, and I nearly ran into a streetlamp as she tossed and turned.

“Hey, hey, hey,” I said, one hand massaging her thigh and eyes on the road.  She muttered something incoherent and suddenly bolted up before raising a hand to caress her no doubt aching forehead.

“Jinnie…”  I hummed to signal I was listening.  “Robert…  Rob…”  She suddenly froze, and I could feel her muscles tense under my fingertips.  “Rob, Rob, oh god…”

Her words slurred together as her breaths collected and grew ragged; her body shook with each intake.

“Baby, Sammie, Samantha!” I called, only able to risk a few glances over as we entered heavy traffic.

“Oh my god, Robert; he was there, he was in the bathroom, he-he-he~”

“Samantha!  Listen to me,” I insisted, bringing my hand to cup her face, now wet with tears once again.  But she shoved me away, and when I looked at her, I could see that she had wrapped her arms around her body and folded in on herself.  “Look at me, listen to me,” I continued, running my fingers through her matted hair.  But she pushed me away once again, waving her shaking hands around her like a barrier.

“How can you touch me after what-what…  I~he~oh my god~”  She couldn’t form correct sentences and I felt anxiety course through my veins.

“Hey, hey, relax.”  Her sobs continued to convulse her body like a rag doll.

“Sweetie, I’m taking you home.”  Up until then she had relentlessly batted away all my attempts to touch her, but she suddenly looked up at me with teary eyes, clutching my hand to her chest.

“No, no, don’t take me home; I don’t want to be alone,” she wailed, and I grasped the front of her dress, trying to comfort her while driving.

“I’ll stay with you, I promise.”

“No, please; don’t take me home, he-he used to go there, he used to drive me home.  Please, anywhere else,” she sobbed, letting her tears fall onto my hand.  My heart felt like it was breaking and I wished I could do something, but I couldn’t.”

“Do you want me to take you back to the dorm?”

“Y-yah…”

“The boys are there you know, are you ok with that?”

“I need to see them; th-they always make me f-f-feel better,” she hiccupped, her tear ducts finally taking mercy on her.

“Ok, ok, just relax right now,” I whispered, willing the cars to move faster.  She brought my hand to her face and pressed her lips against my palm, nodding.

The car ride was long and short at the same time, each moment feeling like an hour, yet we were soon pulling up into the staff’s parking lot of the BigHit entertainment building.  She staggered out of the car, not even waiting for me to get out.  I bolted to her side and looped an arm around her waist, supporting her fully now that I didn’t need to watch the road.

I could feel eyes on us as I dragged her half limp body into the lobby, but they were mainly from the receptionists and late-night personal trainers, all of which were kind and offered their assistance as soon as they saw us.  I asked for a sick day the next day, and they said they’d try to talk to the boss about skipping my scheduled practices.

We finally made it to the dorm, incident-free, and I fumbled to get my keys out with only one hand.  But she stepped away from me shakily, head still down and face obscured by her hair; it allowed me to quickly enter the key and push the door open.

My arm once again looped around her waist as I led her inside, only to be bombarded with questions.  ‘Why are you here so early?’ and ‘How was your night?’ propelled fresh sobs from her lips, resulting in gasps and accusations.

“What did you do?” Hoseok asked, bolting to her side as soon as the tears came.  He wrapped his long arms around her and ushered her away along with Jungkook.  Taehyung followed as well, leading Namjoon behind him.  Yoongi stood in front of me with arms crossed, and Jimin just looked downright confused.

“What happened?” he asked, and I shook my head.

“Some waiter locked her in the bathroom and~  This is all my fault…” I breathed, trying to contain my own sobs.  Jimin rushed forward and gave me a crushing hug, squeezing me tightly before letting go and grabbing my elbow.

“Come on, you need to comfort her,” he said, pulling me towards the living room.  Yoongi brought up the rear, stomping the entire way.

“Yah those dimwits are gonna cause nothing but trouble,” he said, and I tried to compose myself before seeing her.  But upon entering the room and seeing her small form, tucked up next to Hoseok and Jungkook and squished between them, I felt my demeanor crumble again.

“Don’t cry; it’s ok,” the oldest of them cooed, and Namjoon, who was sitting by her feet and holding her hand, snorted softly.

“It’s ok to cry,” he whispered.  “Letting it out is better than keeping it in.”  That did it, and she burst into a hiccupping wail, trying to bury herself deeper into the mass of arms and legs.  I felt my heart break for the tenth time that evening and I surged forward.

Wrapping myself around her, I picked her up with weak arms and hauled her away from the boys.

“Hey, what happened?!” Jungkook called, only to be the receiving end of a resounding slap, courtesy of Yoongi.

“I’ll tell you later; but for now, shut up,” he snarled, and the younger whined about child abuse.  But I couldn’t hear it all, because I was already in the room I shared with Namjoon, setting her down on my bed.  She whimpered like a lost kitten and locked her arms around my neck, still trying to hold in the endless wave of tears.

“I’m here, those idiots are out there, you’re going to be fine,” I murmured, lying down next to her on the comforter.  She nodded and snuggled closer, her fingers closing in around the front of my shirt.  She was still in her dress, but now it was wrinkled, resembling what her inner self must have resembled.

“I’m ok, I swear,” she said, trying to lean away,  but I pressed closer and tucked her underneath me.  I wrapped around her, trying to provide comfort through physical contact.

“Shhhh…  It’s ok,” I muttered, and she could only nod again, digging her face into my chest.  “I’m never going to leave you; you can fall asleep, I’ll be right here in the morning.”

“Thank you   ~ so much,” she breathed, and I hummed in acknowledgment, rubbing circles into her back.  After a while her body relaxed, but I knew that she wasn’t asleep yet, her breaths were too frequent.  She also squirmed every once in a while, moving to get more comfortable.

“You really should try and get some shuteye,” I said, and she stiffened.  “I’m serious, it’ll help.”

“No it won’t, not if all I can dream of is him,” she responded with tiredly, and I shifted so I could see her face.  Her eyes were puffy and red, her forehead bruised; yet all I could see were her lips, swollen and red, a small cut splitting their corner.  Salty tears caked her cheeks and she slightly smiled, raising a hand to cover her visage with a weak giggle.

“I look terrible,” she said quietly, but I pushed her hands away and pulled her closer, our chests pressing together and our legs now entangled.  I smiled and cupped her cheek, resting my forehead against hers.

“You look just as beautiful as you did before,” I whispered before closing the distance between us and connecting our lips.  She froze up and I worried that she was going to pull away, thinking about Rob and how he must have kissed her.  But she hesitantly kissed back, letting her hands rest on my chest.  My own arms slithered around her waist and tugged her body nearer mine, arching her back in the process.

She leaned up to better capture my lips and I felt her tongue poke out from between her teeth, which surprised me since she was never so forward.  But I graciously accepted the invitation and let my own tongue run over hers, gently coaxing her to do the same.  She did, and soon we were in a battle of dominance, each giving it our all to distract ourselves from the night’s events.  She needed to get her mind off everything, and I tried my best to help.

The night was spent in each other’s embrace, a night where kisses meant everything and led to nothing more than aching lungs, a night where no one could tell which limbs were whose, a night where arms were warmer than blankets.

A night where forgetting meant bliss and anything else was torture…