“Yah.” Taehyun voiced out of nowhere in the middle of his meal, pausing to wait for some kind of acknowledgement from his company. There were none.

Song Mino, Taehyun’s best friend – of so many years he can’t be bothered to count anymore – sat across of him in the small family restaurant they were having lunch at, wolfing down his food as if he hasn’t eaten for days and showing no particular interest in what Taehyun was about to say.

“I kind of want to be in a relationship, now.” Taehyun carried on, undeterred by the lack of response.

He’d said it rather nonchalantly, like he was just sharing another trivial detail of his day, but Mino’s reaction was the complete opposite: He promptly choked on his food; droplets of the bean paste stew he was having flying out of his mouth as he started to cough violently.

“Yah! That’s gross!” Taehyun shrunk back in his seat reflexively, his expression scrunched up into one of disgust as he looked at the man across him who was still coughing and pounding on his chest, not feeling any sympathy or a particular need to help.

When he finally recovered from the side-effect of his shock, Mino regarded his best friend for a moment before reaching over the table and placing his hand flat against Taehyun’s forehead.

“Are you sick?”

“You wanna get hit?” Taehyun jerked out of Mino’s reach and smacked his hand away quite unceremoniously.

“No, it’s just… What’s with this sudden announcement? I mean, weren’t you the one who never wanted to be attached, ‘what are relationships good for’ and all that?” Mino asked in slight bewilderment, making little air quotes with his fingers at what Taehyun always used to say.

It wasn’t anything bad, obviously, that Taehyun wanted to be in a relationship; it’s just that it didn’t make sense. Nam Taehyun had been single for a long time now – too long for even a best friend to bother keeping track of –, and whenever any of his friends would ask if he’s seeing someone, Taehyun would always answer with a little chuckle, and a variation of ‘I really don’t need anyone’ or ‘I don’t have the energy for that kind of thing.’ He had always been rather adamant about staying that way too, so naturally, Mino would be curious about the sudden change in attitude.

“Well, I want to now. I’m kind of tired of being alone.” Taehyun shrugged, picking at the remnants of his food. 

“Wow… I never thought I would live to hear this from Mr Solo himself. Are you sure you’re not–” Taehyun cut the older off with a dangerous look.  “Okay, fine, tell you what. If you really want this, I have a friend who’s been single for quite some time too. He’s a really nice guy, and I’ve always thought the two of you would make a great pair, but you were never interested in dating before. Want me to set you up with him?” Mino’s eyes sparkled with mischief and barely concealed excitement.

“Why would you introduce me to your– wait, what? You mean you’ve been mentally pairing me off with your friends? Wouldn’t it be weird, though, if two of your friends suddenly started dating?” Taehyun asked, looking up at him in mild amusement. He honestly felt quite warmly touched to know that Mino had given thought about his non-existent love life. He supposed that’s what best friends do.

“No, I think it’s cute.” Mino was smiling like an idiot now, and it made Taehyun chuckle at his silliness.

“Anyway, you shouldn’t do that kind of thing to your friends.” The younger put down his cutlery and leaned back in his seat.

“What kind of thing?”

“You shouldn’t introduce a person like me to your friend, and a nice guy at that. It wouldn’t be fair to him.” Taehyun gave him a meaningful look, “I have issues. I’m ed up, you know that.” 

The older male sighed, “We all have some kind of issues, Taehyun-ah. Listen to me and just try going out with him once, I really think you might like him!”

“I don’t want anyone from my circle, or yours, for that matter. I’m… I’m not looking for a happy ending, so it wouldn’t be nice for me to date a friend or some kind, honest guy and I certainly don’t want it to affect either of our circles later.

“I want it to be a clean break when the time comes; for me to be able to leave him behind completely, and for us to never have to cross paths again.” Taehyun explained slowly. He had a distant look in his eyes and his tone, albeit calm, was firm and full of conviction.

Mino frowned, looking at his friend and feeling both perplexed and concerned at the same time. What kind of relationship is he looking for if he had already thought about the end even before the start? Taehyun was speaking as if he was just going to try something out, like it was merely an experiment of sorts instead of something that involved commitment and effort and above all, feelings.

He wasn’t sure from exactly which point on did Taehyun become like this, but he hadn’t always been like this.

The younger had a line of thinking that Mino could only describe as unique; it was different from most people but you can’t really say it’s wrong either. His opinions were always solid with conviction and rationality that it was difficult for anyone to really disagree or argue with. One good example would be his view on relationships, prior to today, that is. It was only normal and natural for everyone to fall in love and have a relationship at some point, but if Taehyun had truly thought he was better off not being in one, then there was really no cause for argument, is there? People can keep telling him that he can’t possibly go on alone, but they can’t really tell him why.

“What are the chances of meeting decent guys at a club? I don’t want a nice guy but I don’t want a downright jerk either. I need this to last for at least more than a few days, you know.” Taehyun joked half-heartedly. Mino knew he was just trying to change the subject, but he let him.

“It’s hard to say… I’m not saying that all guys who frequent clubs are players but… pretty much.”

“Friday night?” Taehyun looked at him expectantly.

“Why exactly are you doing this, Taehyun-ah…?” Mino couldn’t help but ask. The entire thing just sounded ridiculous to him, and he was sure his best friend wasn’t doing this just to get himself some temporary companionship.

The younger male turned away. There was that look in his eyes again when he mumbled, as if to himself, “I just want to feel something at the end of it, you know? To know that I can still feel.”

Maybe if I fall really hard this time, maybe if I crash and burn just once, this frozen heart can be revived again. Maybe it’ll actually start to feel something again, even if it is nothing but pain.