16 days until his first Memorial Day.

320 days since she left Seoul.

Yes, she’s been counting all the time.

She wonders how long is long enough to repent her sin.

She is unsure if she needs to pay respect to him and the family as well. The last time they met during his burial, things didn’t go well. But she can’t run her whole life, can she?

It was 10 PM, and she was in front of her laptop. Every week in the same time, at the same day, she talks with her brother through Skype. If she did not show up, he will definitely fly over here or have someone to knock her door at any seconds.

Hi bro,

Hey! So, how's your week?

Same old same old. I've just started to get used to the weather, also the people here. They are all pretty nice, though.

It's good that you adjust well there. How long are you planning to stay there?

Hmmm.. Well, I haven't really thought of it.

You've been almost a year. Should you be at least going back for 6 months and then, if you feel like living outside, then you can go? Mom missess you.

Oppa, you know, I am not ready yet. I am not ready to go back to Korea.

Yun ah, here is the thing. The problem will never go away if you are running around it. It will only become a huge stone that you have to carry everywhere until you decide to put the rock away. In order to put it away, you have to face it. If you keep running around with the rock at your back, just think how long you will be able to carry it, not to mention that it will spoil your heels, just saying.

Seriously. Are you going to give me lecture this late? Seriously? She tries to look as annoyed as she can.

I am being serious here. I don't know when you will be able to let this pass and move on. But seriously, no one has the answer to your questions.  If you ask his parents, they will say forever. If they really say that, are you really going to go around forever? You are the only one who can decide how long do you believe is enough for you to forgive yourself and let things go. If you are asking us, we would say to you that you’re such a fool for drowning yourself in something that actually is not your fault. You were just in the wrong place, at the wrong time and unfortunately with an idiot. We are fine with you mourning for him, as you’ve been with him for quite some years. But, let me make it clear to you that you are not in any way responsible for his action. We try to understand that they are mourning because they are losing a son, but that is not a reason for them to treat you as the criminal.

She can feel her eyes are moist and she looks up to avoid her tears that threaten to come out. Her brother has always been able to make her feel better. She wishes that she can just easily take in what he said and come to terms with herself, so badly.

We all missed you and waiting for you to come back home. You have to be back at least one day before 10 August. You remember, I am getting married, right? If you are not coming back on that day, we will personally fly to you and drag you along mwahahahaha.

She’s not in the mood to laugh, but her brother could always find a way to cheer her up, regardless the situation. 

Err…I’ll talk to you later.

Sun Mi and Hye Young keep bugging me to tell them where you are right now. I think you need to at least call them. They are worry sick about you.

Just tell them that I’m Ok, besides how can I not be OK? Even though I am not in Korea, I am still under your protection with working here, aren’t I? Just tell them that I don’t call home that often as well. Tell them that I’ll come back when it’s the right time.

But…

Just tell them so. I gotta go. Talk to you later.

She still doesn’t feel comfortable of telling people where she is. The trauma doesn’t really cease even though he is not here anymore.