Do you ever wonder why things turned out the way they did?

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"We're moving." Mom blurted out.

"What?" I gasped as the cereal spoon fell from my hand.

She cleared and repeated, more confidently this time, "We're moving."

A wave of nausea washed over me and I instinctively jumped up from my chair. It had only been 3 days since Krystal’s funeral. And since this nightmare with no end started. I wasn't ready. 

"We're not going far, sweetie. Just down the street to Seoul national hospital. It's only a few blocks away," mom continued nervously in her exaggerated, overly kind voice. Her words rang in my head. Seoul national hospital.

That was Krystal’s dream. My dream.

I sank back into my chair, silent.

"Sujin?" Mom whispered. "Pleas--"

"Why?" I cut her off as I attempted to supress the tidal wave of unwanted memories that her words had triggered. Mom probably didn't expect that question because she had to stutter through her reply, insisting at various points that I needed 'help' with managing my 'grief and trauma' from losing a 'dear friend' who was almost like a 'sister'. "The accident was horrible, Sujin. And I know you must be in so much pain,” she added shakily, eyes glistening. It was rare to see mom so unprepared for my questions and I began to wonder if it was because she no longer understood me.

"But I don't need help," I retorted. A pained expression crossed her face. "Then what about your dream?"

Her words stabbed me and I felt like I was tipping over into some dark abyss. "Forget it," I forced out between gritted teeth.

"But I was in your room and I found those books...the medical notes…I--”  

"Just forget it mom, god!" I yelled abruptly.

Mom's face fell immediately and I swear I saw her lower lip tremble. A pang of guilt shot through me but I couldn't care less. I didn't need anyone to remind me how pathetic I was. "Sujin...I--", mom began again but before she could finish her sentence, the doorbell rang. I looked towards it in horror.

"I invited some friends--your friends--to give us a hand. They can help you." Mom said, calmly, as she strode to the door. I couldn't help but noticed how she had emphasised on 'your friends'.

That unfamiliar sympathy in which she said those words.

"Who-" I protested, but it was too late. The doors swung open and I caught sight of their imposing figures, displacing the streams of morning sunlight. A sickening churn filled my stomach and I fled to my room.

 

---

 

"Sujin, please come out. They want to see you." I heard mom pleading outside my bedroom door. On the opposite side, I had my forehead pressed against the doorknob. It hurt.

To think that both Chanyeol and Leo were sitting in the living room...that made me feel both hurt and disgusted.

"I don't want to see them."

"But they do!" Mom insisted loudly. I could feel the exasperation in her voice.

"They know you wanted to be like Krystal. You wanted to study in the Seoul school of medicine and become a doctor in Seoul national hospital! And that's what they're all doing now, aren't they? So they can help you...they can guide you! They'll be there when you get treatment and you can rely on them--just like how things were in the past!" She fired off.

I wanted to shout at her. Tell her to shut up. I didn't want anybody's help. I never wanted to be like Krystal. And I definitely didn't need anyone to know my sob story either. But my throat was dry and my head ached too much so instead of saying all that, I decided, stupidly, to open the door and give up. As our eyes met, a thankful beam lit up across mom's weary face. I could tell that there was probably a lot more she had to say--perhaps about how untidy my hair was. But I brushed past her quickly, refusing to let her speak. I was too tired.

Too ashamed.

 

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a/n: Chapter 2! I know that neither chanyeol, leo nor taehyung have actually apeared but that's all going to happen very soon in chapter 3 :D I have also realised that I'm not updating this story regularly at all and I deeply apologise. So much thanks and love to my first subscriber too; I really appreciate your support! <3