I Didn't Know That
Love? Hate? Death.I kept quiet, refusing to reply. I couldn't look away from his eyes though, which were, forgive me for sounding so clichè, seeming to pierce my soul. He levelled his gaze and held it.
I finally lost, and looked away. 'I don't know what you're talking about,' I mumbled.
Silence enveloped the room, as Yunho didn't seem to want to drop it.
I felt Yoochun place a gentle hand on top of my head. 'Enough, Yunho,' I heard him say, 'If he doesn't want to talk about it, then it's his choice. Don't force things on him.'
I looked up and smiled gratefully at him, as he moved to lean against the headrest of the bed, smiling gently back at me.
'So... What's Dr. Kim's relation to you? You two seem awfully close.'
I shrugged as I rested my chin on my kneecap, my arms wrapped around my legs. 'He and my current adoptive father are close friends. And he's my doctor.'
'Ah...' he said, nodding in understanding.
'You seem awfully calm for someone who has just seen his little brother collapse,' I said.
He shrugged in return, a soft smile on his lips. 'It's not the first time this has happened.'
I tilted my head, curious. 'What do you mean?'
'Jaejoong has been sickly basically most of his life. He's always pumped full of drugs, so his body will have certain reactions to some food. His body is very dependant on the drugs, and I guess we missed a dose.'
'O-oh...' I answered, slightly taken aback. 'I wouldn't know it. He's quite cheerful for someone so sick.'
'Yeah...' Yoochun agreed, voice soft, 'He's really something.'
Silence enveloped us for a while.
I could tell how much the two of them loved Jae. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them jumped in front of a train to save him. The boy was just so sweet and bubbly and lovable that you would readily lay your life for him just to see him smile. That was Jae's impact on me, and I had only just met him a few hours ago. So I couldn't imagine the love and care these two showered upon him.
It really was something of a blessing to meet Jae and see how he changed people. His positivity and happiness was addictive, and you would just want to find any excuse just to see him smile.
It was sad that he was so sickly.
I wondered how he managed to keep on such a happy front.
'Why does Jaejoong have so many injuries...?' I asked hesitantly, afraid that I would be treading on dangerous waters.
Both Yoochun and Yunho looked up at the question, surprise on both their faces. I saw the two of them exchange a glance, before Yunho shrugged slightly. Was that the okay-go sign?
I saw Yoochun tilt his head as he tried to find the right words. 'As I already told you, Jaejoong is a very sickly kid.'
I nodded my head in understanding, asking him to continue.
'But its not really sickness of the body... Its sickness of the mind.' Yoochun tapped his temple gently to emphasise his point.
'Oh...' I said softly. Yoochun nodded, his lips pressed together in a thin line.
'He suffers from severe Bipolar since he was young. As a result, he likes to hurt people. Including himself.'
'But he didn't hurt me. Or you. Or Yunho.' I was slightly confused.
'Those occur during his episodes. They occur from time to time, but we try to keep it under control by keeping him on the medication.'
I blinked. 'What do you think made him this way?'
Yoochun only shrugged. 'He's been this way for a long time. I can't really remember when exactly, but I think somewhere when he was about...four that we started noticing something was seriously wrong.'
'Four?' I repeated incredulously. 'What did he do?'
'He stabbed his pet cat to death with a fork.'
I let out a small eek involuntarily. That should have hurt. 'Poor cat.'
Yoochun nodded. 'Well, after that, he was brought to a hospital and tested, and he's been on medication ever since.'
I nodded my understanding, frowning slightly.
Time passed, and soon, about an hour later, I heard the door open. Heechul hyung entered, a solemn expression on his face as he shut the door behind him. Yoochun hyung got off the bed to stand and bow slightly to him. Neither me nor Yunho moved, as Heechul hyung bowed back.
'How's Jaejoong, Doctor Kim?' Yoochun asked.
Heechul smiled slightly, as he came forward. 'He's perfectly fine. His body just had a reaction to all that sugar. He's still out though, but should be awake in a few hour's time.'
Heechul hyung came to me, that look in his eyes. I whined and shrunk back, knowing what was coming.
'Is something the matter...? Do you want us to leave...?' I heard Yoochun ask hesitantly, moving to stand next to Yunho as the two of them looked at us.
Heechul hyung laughed, as he straightened and looked up at them. 'Don't worry, Yoochun shi. Its perfectly fine. I just need to give Changmin a check up.' He took the stethoscope off his neck and plugged it into his ears as he came to the bed I was sitting on. I bit my lip hesitantly, as he sat on the edge, a soft expression on his face. 'It's okay, Changmin ah. Its just a stethoscope. It won't harm you, okay?'
Despite his reassurance, I still winced when I felt the cold metal hit my skin, as Heechul hyung's hand traveled under my shirt. Laugh all you want, but I have a fear of being in contact with metal objects. Think it's funny?
Yeah, well, try getting beaten by metal rods as a child and get back to me.
The stethoscope traveled up my stomach, to my chest, then to my back. Heechul had a frown on when he finished, and started scribbling notes on my medical file.
'Your lungs are wet, Changmin ah. Have you been eating your medication?'
'No,' I answered, grinning cheekily.
'Yah,' Heechul said, coming to me with hands on his hips, 'How do you expect yourself to get better when you never even place the effort?!'
'Uh... Luck?'
I was answered by the painful pinching of my cheeks. 'Your father is going to be furious if he finds out you know that?!'
'Yeah, furious at you. You know he'll never get mad at me,' I replied, squirming out of his hold.
Heechul hyung sighed as he dropped his arms. We both knew it was true. 'You're a spoilt, spoilt little boy, Changmin ah,' he grumbled as he walked away, entering another room.
He came back wheeling a machine of sorts, connected by a thin tube to an oxygen mask. My legs dangled over the bed as I stared at him turning on the machine with the press of a few buttons. He came to me with the oxygen mask in hand, putting it to my face, purposefully stretching it unnecessarily so it would snap back painfully against my head.
The air the oxygen mask produced was heavily medicated, and left an itchy feeling in my throat.
'Lie down, Changmin ah,' he said, pushing against the side of my head firmly but gently to force me to do so. My head hit the pillow, but I immediately tried to sit back up. Heechul hyung held me down with a palm against my chest.
I rolled my eyes at his actions. 'Don't force things against me,' I said, taking off the mask.
Heechul only smiled, as he put it on me once again.
It was then I realised.
My eyes met his, my own shooting out lasers as I stared at him with anger. 'You son of a...'
'Ah ah ah...' Heechul scolded me gently, 'Mind your language, Minnie.'
My vision started getting hazy. 'I. Hate. You.' I enunciated every word as I tried to keep eye contact, despite being extremely sleepy.
I couldn't manage for long, as my eyelids dropped, my body automatically relaxing to the drug. 'No, you don't,' I heard him whisper, as he gently pat my head.
I was out like a light.
Yoochun POV
I stared at what was happening before me, my mouth hanging open in shock. Beside me, Yunho stared with a frown on his face.
'Are you allowed to do that?' I asked, my voice incredulous, as Dr. Kim straightened up, and smoothed the hair on Changmin's face, who was by now, totally knocked out.
Dr. Kim looked at me, amusement in his eyes. 'Don't worry, Yoochun shi. I'm a qualified doctor, as well as psychiatrist. In fact, Changmin shi is one of my assigned patients.'
It slightly unnerved me how he treated Changmin, but I grew to trust him over the years, so I didn't say anything.
Dr. Kim came to his desk and sat down, scribbling notes on a folder chock full of papers.
'Why did you drug him?' I asked.
'Changmin suffers from extreme bouts of insomnia. He also suffers from vivid nightmares of his past, so he doesn't actually enjoy sleeping. We usually have to administer powerful sleeping pills just to get him to sleep on a regular basis. It's fine, Yoochun shi. We've been administering him drugs for quite some time now. Its just that Changmin doesn't want to sleep, so he usually puts up a fight.' Dr. Kim said all this without even looking up from his papers, which he was still scribbling on. It slightly irked me to see how laidback he was to all this.
'Still, how could you drug him without his consent? He's twenty one years old. He's old enough to make his own decisions,' I argued.
Dr. Kim sighed and nodded as he closed the folder and looked up at me. He had the look of an adult who had explained the same thing over and over to an over-inquisitive child, only to be asked the same thing again. 'Yes, you're right. Changmin is a twenty one year old adult, which gives him legal consent over all his decisions, but unfortunately, he is a sick and unstable child, much like Jaejoong shi. Those conditions bind him to his legal guardian, who makes the decisions. True, we don't always have Changmin's best interest in mind, but everything we do is for his sake. We try to do what's best for him.'
There was silence, until it was broken once again.
'Why is he like that?' Dr. Kim and I looked up, surprised that Yunho had opened his mouth to talk. It was the first time Yunho had talked, or even acknowledge the presence of the doctor.
'Pardon?'
'What happened in his past to make Changmin like that?' I blinked in surprise. It was the first time Yunho had taken a remote interest in anyone other than Jaejoong or me. I mean, this was Yunho we're talking about. The man who kills on a regular basis, who never cracks a smile, who is everything you would expect a cold-blooded killer to be.
Could he be... Concerned for him? Concerned for Changmin?
That would be really cute, if Yunho opened up to him. It would be nice if he acted remotely sociable to anyone other than Jae and I.
I found myself warming to the thought, and I smiled slightly.
Yunho remembered. He had noticed Changmin's reaction to the nurses, had figured out something was not right, and actually cared enough to ask about Changmin's past.
Oh God this man was just way too cute.
Dr. Kim frowned slightly, his chin resting lightly on the back of his hand, as if he was considering what to say. 'Changmin was given up when he was a baby, and was sent to an orphanage. Orphanages are tough places to be in, and he didn't really grow up in the best environment. When he was about four, he was adopted by a family. I presume they were nice people, but two years later, they were all involved in a car accident, and Changmin was the only survivor. He re-entered the orphanage, and was later re-adopted by a seemingly nice couple when he was eight.'
I tilted my head at the word 'seemingly'. 'What happened?'
'Well... Everything seemed to be alright, until a routine check by the agency came back as a tad too suspicious. Changmin seemed to be losing weight, so he was brought to the hospital.'
I gulped at the growing sense of dread filling me. 'And...?'
Dr. Kim sighed as his eyebrows came together in a look of anger. 'It turns out he was abused really badly by the husband, both ually and physically.'
My jaw dropped. Beside me, Yunho frowned. It was the most powerful emotion he had ever revealed to a stranger.
'How long did it take them to realise that something was wrong?' I asked.
Dr. Kim smiled almost painfully. 'Ten years.'
Powerful silence filled the room.
Ten years. Ten whole years for them to figure out that something wasn't right. 'What was wrong with the system? I mean, how can you not notice something that obvious?'
'Nothing. It was just that the couple were... Extremely talented in hiding things.'
'What happened next?' I asked, completely enthralled by the story.
'Of course Changmin was immediately taken out of their care. He re-entered the orphanage, since he had yet to be officially eighteen, and hence be a legal adult. But the damage was done. Changmin was beyond broken. It was around that time that I was assigned as his doctor and therapist. I tell you, I have never seen a more serious case of trauma. He was probably the most difficult patient I had. A week before his eighteenth birthday, my good friend heard of his plight, and decided to adopt him. Changmin was extremely lucky. Not many people choose to adopt teenagers, but my friend did. I guess fate has it's own ways of working.'
'How was Changmin at that time?' I asked.
Dr. Kim frowned. 'He was in a bad state. He wouldn't let people touch him, and he was always throwing tantrums. He would refuse to eat, and suffered briefly from bulimia. He wouldn't sleep, and grew intense fear of the dark, and anyone approaching him holding objects that could be used to harm him. He was quite difficult at first, but we made him do intense therapy, and my friend who adopted him was really patient, and refused to give up on him. So we are where we are now.'
So that would explain his reactions to the nurses.
I stayed quiet, awed at the thought that Changmin went through so much, yet came out so...good. Wonderful, even.
That boy was a walking role model.
'He's something,' I heard Yunho say softly.
'Yes...' Dr. Kim agreed, now looking at Changmin with a soft look in his eyes. 'He's quite something.'
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As I was writing this, I just couldn't help but wonder.
LOL IS A DOCTOR SUPPOSED TO REVEAL THAT MUCH
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