A/N: I came up with this a long time ago, but never got around to finishing it... It was originally meant for Taehyung to be the main character, but then I was like ' it Jung Hoseok deserves some attention' so yeah...

(PS This is in journal entry format... Although this isn't her journal. I just thought including her age would be helpful in preventing confusion as to the storyline.)

(PPS I actually finished the story, except with Taehyung like it was originally planned (sorry Hobi). Maybe I'll post it later? Huehue)

Age: 30

  As I flipped through the book of our memories, I came to a drawing realization that my relationship with Hoseok was made of regrets.

  We were engaged, and I never told him I loved him. I put too much trust in the assumption that he would naturally know.

  In the end, all those blank silences where I should've said it added up to a silence that would last forever.

Age: 15

  My sister hated our parents.

  Every night consisted of screaming, dramatic door slamming and the very familiar phrase of 'I hate you'... and that was on the good days. My parents had to keep tabs on everything she did in order to prevent her from doing something stupid and rebellious - which she did quite often despite the high security placed on her. As a result, I was labelled 'the other child', the one who brought home good marks and cooperated and did the dishes as she was supposed to. Compared to the colossal horror that was Park Haesun, her elder sister was just a background character.

  Not that I was complaining. My parents were too busy with my sister to be anywhere near strict with me. I could be caught smoking joints in the school cafeteria and they wouldn't give a damn. My sister had done it twice already.

  It was sad that no one other than me got the chance to see the other side of her, the side full of sparkling eyes and wonder-filled expressions. The one who looked at an overcast night sky and dreamt it was full of stars, the one who would spend hours gazing at the map of the world in her room and tracing with her index finger every place she wanted to explore. The girl who once nursed a squirrel back to life in our backyard, the girl who practically made flowers bloom as she walked by. They only saw the girl who threw fits for the fun of it, who wasn't afraid to punch people and insult them to her heart's content.

  Eventually, the little sister I knew faded away and the troublesome girl everyone else knew took over.

  When she disappeared a week before Christmas with a note saying she was going to our aunt's with the intention of starting over, no one organized a search party.

  I wanted to, but my parents looked more relieved than concerned. Two months later, I moved out to go to college. It was the same expression, just more subdued - finally. Sometimes I wonder if they raised us just so they could tuck the experience under their belts for future reference. Like a social experiment gone wrong. Like a story to tell at a party.

Age: 19

  I met him under a broken umbrella, rain dripping from snapped metal beams. He had a nice smile, a nice voice. He was beautiful. His name was Jung Hoseok.

Age: 22

  The scent of roses was like poison that heavy night.

  The thick summer night sky was illuminated by candles, the lights of the city all around our safe little haven drowning out the stars that I could still see in his eyes. On that little hilltop of memories, the moonlight dripping into his smile, he asked me to be his for the rest of his life. I wasn't sure which sparkled more - the ring, nestled in velvet, or the 'yes' that burst from my mouth.

  Yes, I will be his for the rest of his life.

  And, just like everything else about the entire notion of us, I broke that promise.

Age: 23

  I found it funny how the first person the hospital called was me.

  Completely regardless of what I was doing, how it was my birthday, completely regardless of the smile lighting up my fiance's face, a nurse's detached voice still chose to shatter me on that day.

  "Hello?"

  "Hi, is this Park Haesun's elder sister?"

  "Yes... why?"

  "Could you come to the hospital please? It's rather urgent. Do you know the address?"

  "You mean the one near Big Hit Secondary School?"

  "Yes."

  "Then I know... Is anything wrong?"

  "Yes... I'm afraid your sister has passed away."

  And everything fell apart.

~

  The pain, grief, and silent regrets strung my nerves tight across my stomach that night. Within me I was waging a war of self-blame and destruction, things like 'why wasn't I there for her?' and 'why did I only find out now?', things that I couldn't blame on myself but chose to anyhow, because they were the only things I had to fill the hole in my heart.

  Actually, they were the only things I could think of.

  I unlocked the door to my apartment with trembling hands, the details of the reality around me blurring from the tears that covered my eyes. Pushing the door open, I was greeted by an artificially lit, familiar living room, Hoseok standing in the middle like a centerpiece.

  "Haerim," he said gently, taking a step in my direction, "we need to talk."

  It was those words that broke the taught line that my sanity had become.

  "No," I whispered shakily, anger infusing my voice, "we do not need to talk."

  "What's wrong?" If I hadn't been crying, I would've seen the concern in his eyes. "Hae-"

  My head snapped up, a mixture of unidentifiable emotions burning through my mind. "What's wrong? I leave in the middle of the day, on my birthday for 's sake, and you don't think anything's wrong? Why didn't you bother to call me? Huh? Do you even care?"