Four
Sailing Souls: A Hanbin and Lee Hi Story
"Well, you know what? you, dad. You and your selfish ways. Is money really all that matters to you? Then I guess you wouldn't even give a rat's when I tell you that hyung died hating your guts."
After not speaking to his father for months, Hanbin had finally faced his father. They bumped into each other while Hanbin was walking down the driveway in front of his home while his father just exited his car after being dropped off by a driver.
Without warning or any greeting, Hanbin's father said that he would throw away Jiyong's ashes as he wanted to stop paying for the crematory in which Jiyong's remains were placed.
Jiyong's crematory had been a place of peace for Hanbin; the younger boy would go there whenever he missed his older brother. He would talk to Jiyong's ashes as if he were insane, but it always made him feel better.
Hanbin was close to his older brother and looked up to Jiyong like any little brother would. He loves his brother more than he loved anything in the world.
Jiyong had taught Hanbin his first chord on the guitar and his first song on the piano. He had introduced Hanbin to The Beatles, Stevie Wonder, Jackson 5, Simon and Garfunkel, Jimi Hendrix and Queen. He had taken Hanbin to Hongdae everyday.
Little by little, this started to change when Jiyong got accepted into Harvard's Business School and moved to America. Hanbin was 14. It was never Jiyong's wish to study business but his father forced him, and being a good son, he couldn't say no. Jiyong would sneak back to Korea without his father's knowledge and "kidnap" Hanbin for a day or five, taking him for a walk around Hongdae to watch street musicians and treating him to ice cream.
And now his father asked -- no, demanded -- that Jiyong's ashes find a new place so that he would no longer have to pay the monthly fee.
After swearing at his father, Hanbin walked off without looking back. He wanted to run, he wanted to hide, he wanted to scream. But he stayed silent.
---
"Hey hyung, it's your dongsaeng. How are you? I miss you. I hope you're doing okay. I can't visit you at the crematorium anymore so I guess this is the only way I can talk to you now, hyung. I can't believe I still remember how to broadcast myself on the radio. Remember when we would pretend to be radio DJs and we would play our favorite songs in this frequency? Well, it's just me now. This song's for you hyung, it's one of the first songs from The Beatles that you played for me. Do you remember? It's called I'll Follow the Sun.
I love you, hyung."
Hayi was doing her daily cruise on the radio frequency, trying to find a channel she liked, before she found this broadcast. She somehow found the boy's voice soothing and his story heartbreaking. Hayi felt his pain.
Hayi tuned in and listened to the song in silence. She thought about what might have happened to the boy's older brother, and why he was holding on so much to his hyung, unlike Hayi who wanted nothing but to forget her parents.
It was midnight and Hayi slowly fell into a deep sleep, listening to the broadcast and thinking of the boy and his older brother.
---
Hanbin had been thinking about Lee Hayi after meeting her in Hongdae two days before. Hayi was so cautious and looked so suspicious of Hanbin. After shaking Hanbin's hand, Hayi left, leaving the boy confused.
It's not like Hanbin was expecting to grab coffee or ice cream with the petite girl, but he had hoped for a conversation, at least. He wanted to know what was in her mind; the mind behind such a beautiful song.
Unfortunately, the girl's walls were put up too high for Hanbin to climb over. Hanbin still desperately wanted to know more about her.
Why did she look so sad? Is she always like that? What was that song about? What's her story?
Hanbin was determined to find out.
One Thursday after class, Hanbin decided to visit Hongdae again, hoping he would see Lee Hayi sing once again. This time, he promised himself that he would talk to her, or at least attempt to.
Hanbin arrived at Hongdae to the place where Hayi performed the last time she saw him. Dozens of people had already gathered, some standing up, others patiently sitting on the concrete floor.
There she is.
Hayi was setting up her instruments on the stage, again helped by her male friend who Hanbin remembered as Jiwon. Hayi's face was stoic with no emotions. She calmly sat on the stage in front of a keyboard. This time, Jiwon didn't accompany her on stage.
Hanbin watched carefully from afar, his eyes and ears wide open, smiling at the though of Hayi singing.
"Hi, everyone," Hayi said quietly into the microphone. "The crowd gets bigger each week. Thank you so much for coming."
The crowd clapped. One man yelled, "Lee Hayi you're pretty!", to which everyone laughed. Hayi laughed along with the crowd and shook her head. She mouthed "thank you" to the man, who gaped in awe and excitement.
"This one's called Scarecrow. It's a new song that I just completed several days ago. It's the first time I'm singing this in front of people, so I might make mistakes," Hayi joked.
And she began to sing.
They say to me, “Why don’t you know -
That no matter what kind of love it is, it all changes after time passes”
As Hanbin had expected, Lee Hayi closed her eyes, and went continued to sing as though her life depended on it.
You may think that I forgot about you
You may think that I am happy with someone else
But I still can’t forget you like this
Like a scarecrow, who stands alone even after everyone leaves
Scarecrow. I'm a scarecrow too, Hanbin thought.
Hayi finally finished and the crowd clapped. Her eyes were moist with tears but she kept smiling. She bowed and got off stage, giving way for other artists to perform.
Hanbin quickly ran to Hayi as she packed her instruments with help from Jiwon.
"Lee Hayi," Hanbin said once he arrived behind Hayi, who slowly turned around and looked up at Hanbin, who was at least 10 centimeters taller than the small girl. Hanbin smiled.
"Oh, hi," Hayi said, cracking a forced smile. "Thank you for coming again," she bowed.
Jiwon eyed Hayi and Hanbin while slowly helping the girl with her instruments. He frowned and carefully examined Hanbin from head to toe, scrutinizing the latter's appearance.
"Jiwon-ah, I'm going first. Thanks for your help," Hayi turning Jiwon, who hesitated before smiling to let Hayi go. Jiwon slowly walked back to the stage, occasionally turning around to check on Hayi and Hanbin.
Hayi then politely bowed to Hanbin for farewell and smiled, and turned around. She carried her packed instruments and started to walk away.
Hanbin hesitated for a minute or five before breaking into a run and chased after Hayi. I'm not letting her go this time.
"Lee Hayi-ssi, wait," Hanbin called, out of breath from running. Hayi turned around. "I'm a scarecrow, too."
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