Chapter Two

One Year Later

He’s been gone a year but stepping off the plane it almost feels like no time at all.  He can’t put his finger on why but there’s something about Korea that feels different then the US, and walking through Incheon airport he breathes in the smell of home.

As he reaches the exit gate he looks around for Jinhwan. At first Hanbin almost misses him, hidden behind the crush of people waiting but then he pushes forward and Hanbin can’t help but smile at the homemade sign he holds

Welcome Home Hanbinnie!

He waves and Jinhwan’s face lights up, when he reaches him Jinhwan doesn’t even wait to say hello before pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. Hanbin had forgotten that despite his diminutive stature Jinhwan’s capable of very tight embraces. Jinhwan finally releases him and steps back, wiping at his eyes. Hanbin laughs,

“Are you crying Jinwhan? You know I was only in America, not Mars.”

Jinhwan shoots him a rather watery glare and slaps him lightly on the arm

“It might as well have been! You barely let us know you were alive! Anyways, it’s really good to have you back. We’ve missed you.”

And Hanbin smiles gently at his best friend

“Yeah, it’s good to be back.” he doesn’t let himself think about who we meant.

Since Hanbin hasn’t found a place to stay yet Jinhwan offered to let him crash on his couch as long as he needed. The ride back to his apartment is a recap of what Hanbin missed in the year he’s been gone. Graduation’s, break ups, promotions, Hanbin’s missed them all and he can’t feel a little sad because life went on without him and now he’s been left behind. Jinhwan’s still talking, eyes focused on the road ahead but Hanbin’s not quite paying attention anymore. His mind drifting to everything (everyone) he left behind.

“Chanwoo and his girlfriend got back together again, can you believe it?”

Hanbin’s silent, and Jinhwan looks over at him.

“Yah, Hanbin, are you asleep?”

Jinhwan’s voice pulls Hanbin back to reality and he shakes himself awake

“Uh yeah, sorry, what were you saying?”

Jinhwan sighs and shakes his head,

“I was giving you the highlight reel of the reality TV show that is Chanwoo and Ji-hye’s relationship but I can see you’ve got something else on your mind. So spill.”

Hanbin avoids Jinhwan’s gaze, instead staring out the window at the bustling sidewalks of Seoul.

“No, I’m fine it’s nothing.”

Jinhwan tsk’s at Hanbin and he has to restrain a laugh at how much of a mom Jinhwan is.

“Nothing never means nothing. We’ve been friends for years Hanbin, I can tell when something’s bothering you.”

And Hanbin knows he’s right, and the problem is what Jinhwan’s been carefully avoiding this whole time. He’s told Hanbin everything about everybody except for one person. Jiwon. As much as Hanbin wishes he could pretend he didn’t want to know, the truth is he does. So he turns to Jinhwan, takes a deep breath, and asks

“How’s…how’s Jiwon?”

Suddenly Jinhwan falls quiet and it’s his turn to look away. He’s been smiling the whole ride but now his face is solemn, and a little sad. Hanbin feels something in side him twist. Jinhwan’s silence stretches on and even though it’s just a few seconds it speaks more then his words ever could. Hanbin laughs nervously and the noise sounds harsh and loud against the empty air. “Come on, how bad could it be Jinhwan. It’s not like he jumped off a bridge or anything right?”

The look on Jinhwan’s face when he finally turns to Hanbin makes him swallow hard, laughter disappearing as quickly as it had come. It’s the look of someone with bad news. Hanbin has seen this look before, on his dad’s face when he told him his first dog got hit by a car, the look the doctor’s gave his mother when her grandfather passed. But now it’s not a dog, or an ancient relative he barely knew. Now it’s Jiwon. Jinhwan shakes his head

“Jiwon…”

he pauses and bites his lip, fingers tightening on the steering wheel. “He didn’t take you leaving well, Hanbin.” 

“What does that mean, didn’t take it well. How would someone-“ His voice trails off as a thought occurs, one to terrible to even imagine and he’s almost afraid to ask but he can’t not know.

“Holy , he didn’t actually jump off a bridge did he!?”

Jiwon makes a little choked noise and the car swerves abruptly, earning them a honk from the driver behind.

Jinhwan turns, his face a mixture of amusement and shock

“God no! Jesus Hanbin, don’t give your self to much credit. People aren’t going to go around throwing themselves off bridges as soon as you leave the country.”

Hanbin shrugs sheepishly, his face a little warm.

“Jeez I’m sorry, but you were kind of acting like somebody died you know.” And then, “But really, what happened?”

Jinhwan stares pointedly at the road ahead.

“We can talk about Jiwon later, for now lets get you home and get a real meal into you okay?”

His voice has that forced cheeriness of someone who is trying very hard to pretend that everything’s fine when it isn’t, strained and tense and bright. Hanbin can sense that the conversations over so he smiles and nods and doesn’t press again. The whole car-ride home though Jinhwan’s words sit at the back of his mind.

It’s funny, because he’d never really considered the possibility of Jiwon being upset. Sure he’d imagined Jiwon coming home to the empty apartment thousands of times, imagined the look of shock, the anger (maybe even the grief) that came as he read Hanbin’s note but he’d never gone further then that. Never thought that maybe Jiwon wouldn’t just move on, and he thinks that’s because going further would hurt too much. Imagining Jiwon’s pain would make him doubt his choice and that was something he couldn’t afford to do so even as he’d painted oil onto canvas he’d painted a world where Jiwon had moved on, forgotten him. Even though the thought of Jiwon with someone else hurt, it hurt worse to imagine a world in which he didn’t. So he hadn’t, and he’d never contacted Jiwon, he’d told himself that it was up to Jiwon to reach out first because it was his job to fix things but maybe he was just being a coward. And Hanbin had always thought Jiwon was selfish, maybe he was the selfish one in the end.

So Jinhwan chats and Hanbin smiles and all the while he wonders if maybe he’d made a mistake.

They finally pull up to Jinhwan’s apartment complex, it’s a modern looking building fairly close to the edge of downtown Seoul with a nice view of the Seoul Tower in the distance. Jinhwan pulls carefully into a cramped space between two cars on the street in front. Hanbin climbs out of the car, stretching out his back and cranes his neck up,

“Don’t tell me, you live on the twentieth story and the elevator is broken.”

Jinhwan laughs as he pulls Hanbin’s luggage out of the trunk  and sets it on the sidewalk beside him

“No, I’m on the sixth floor and the elevator works fine. And for your information this building only goes up eight floors.”

When Jinhwan unlocks the door to his apartment Hanbin raises his eyebrows and  whistles

“Well, you’ve certainly moved up in the world!”

Jinhwan steps aside to let him in and smiles

“It certainly is a lot nicer then where we used to live during university isn’t”

Hanbin laughs,

“That’s setting the bar pretty low, that place was a hole. I’m still amazed we made it through college with out structural collapse. But seriously, this is a really nice place Jinhwan.”

And it is, the walls are a creamy off white and the floors are some kind of pale honey colored wood. The small space looks spacious and light, with tasteful art and family photo’s decorating the walls. As he stands in the narrow entrance and looks around Jinhwan brushes past him, throwing his keys in a bowl by the door.

“So, quick tour. This is the living room” he says gesturing to the open room in front of them “The kitchen is through there, my bedroom is over there, and the bathroom is the door to the right of it. I went and bought a little folding bed so I figure we can just set you up in the living room.”

Hanbin nods as he surveys what is going to be his home for the foreseeable future.

“Okay sounds great. And Jinhwan, thanks again for letting me stay with you while I get my feet under me it really means a lot.”

Jinhwan turns and smiles that gentle smile of his

“It’s no problem. Anything for my best friend you know. Anyways, this will give us lots of time to catch up!”

And Hanbin feels his heart swell and ache with gratitude towards his best friend who welcomed him into his home and back into his life like it was nothing, who never turned away from him even when Hanbin was kind of an . Who, when Hanbin had called him half sobbing half laughing from the airport in New York, hadn’t asked any questions or passed any judgment and instead just listened as Hanbin struggled to get the words out. Jinwhan places a gentle hand on his shoulder before he turns and heads into the apartment. Hanbin follows and smiles again, it feels good to be home.