Jackson stood at the foot of his bed looking down at the figure laying down in the center of his bed. The room was dark with a sliver of moonlight seeping in through the bedside window, it's light flowing sensually over the slender finely toned bare skin of a figure laying in his bed, the figure's face was hidden in the shadow away from the moonlight. The figure slowly sat up in the bed it's face slowly coming into the light, finely chisled jaw, full plump lips parted invitingly,high nose, deep starry eyes, ginger hair soft in the light. Jackson's heart rammed hard against his chest, his breath caught in his throat at the sight of the face, it was the same face that plagued him day and night. "Mark?" he croaked, his voice thickened with desire " why are you here?".

"You want me here" Mark said in a deep sultry voice "come to me" he crooned seductively, his voice almost a whisper. Jackson crawled slowly up the bed, positioned his hand on either side of Mark and hovered over him admiring his face "I have wanted you for so long" he whispered then captured Marks lips, the kiss was rough and sloppy, his desire overtaking him as he felt the blood rush into his groin. Mark run his hand gently on Jackson's chest taking it down to his defined abodomen and sticking his hand down his pajamas "take me now"  he whispered into Jackson's ear. "Mark oh sweet Mark" Jackson moaned sliding a hand under Marks lower back and cupping a buttock in his palm, squezing tightly....

Jackson shot up in bed breathing heavily, his eyes searched the room, his breath evening out when he was convinced he was alone, there was no sign of Mark. He looked down in his lap and saw the wet spot where his pajamas stuck to his thigh, he stuck a thumb under his waist band and peeped, there it was, white, gooey and sticky all over his thigh. He collapsed onto his bed, running his hand through his sweat wet hair. He was exhausted, furious, angry, tired and desperate, he had been having wet dreams about Mark every night for the past two weeks, he wanted Mark, he wanted him so bad, but that was an impossible wish because Mark didn't want anything to do with him now. He missed him like crazy, he missed holding him in his arms, he missed his smile and his rare laughs, he missed their late night talks and he missed falling asleep in his arms. He had pleaded and begged but Mark won't listen, he finally decided to give him some space, maybe it was for the best, maybe that way he wouldn't be able to hurt Mark anymore. He glanced over at his table side clock, it was three am, he got out of bed and got ready to leave for the studio, perhaps he could pour his pent up emotions into some lyrics which was all he could do, he was not going to be able to go back to bed with Mark filling every inch of his brain. He shuffled to the bathroom and caught his reflection in the mirror on his way into the tub, he looked gaunt with cheeks hollow, he could see his ribs, he hadn't realized how much weight he had lost over just two weeks, Mark was killing him slowly.

~~~7777777~~~

Mark could have sworn it was Jaebum he saw leaving Jinyoung's apartment as he locked his bicycle, he walked up to the door and keyed in the passcode letting himself in.

" jeesh you ing scared me" a flustered Jinyoung fumbled with the belt of his morning coat.

"It's one pm and you are still not dressed? and was that Jaebum i saw leaving here?" Mark fell back into the couch exhausted from riding his bike fifteen miles. He studied Jinyoung's red flushed face as the latter tried to avoid making eye contanct, he knew his best friend too well to know that look on his face, he hoped Jinyoung would deny his fears. They were all such good friends now that he didn't want to lose either of them, of course he would always take Jinyoung's side but he had come to value his friendship with all the guys.

"Whaat?!...No!" Jinyoung lied even though he knew his friend knew now.

"Are you holding out on me?"

"No i'm not. and you didn't see anything" he looked firmly at Mark asking for his assurance "Nothing." he said firmly almost as a command.

"Ok. fine" Mark rose his hands in surrender "what do you have i'm starving" he walked to the fridge.

Jinyoung watched as Mark made himself a salad debating whether to bring up Jackson again or not "that's a big lunch you got there" he studied Mark trying to see if it was a good time, he could always read him like a book.

"food is better than therapy" Mark retorted.

" Well...you seem to be doing very well" he paused moving back to put space between them in case Mark snapped "unlike someone we know?"

"Can we not?" Mark begged surprising Jinyoung with his calmness.

"No...the poor guy is beside himself...have you seen him"

"I don't care"

"Oh please"

"Ok, i care...so what?"

"How long are you going to keep this up?" Jinyoung was getting irritated with Mark " He already explained sunny to you, why can't you just let it go?"

"Because---" Mark began to say, he put the salad he was picking at down and looked up at his friend deciding if he should bare his feelings to him "I'm afraid Jnr, i feel insecure, i mean have you seen sunny? how am i supposed to compete with that? How many other sunnys are there waiting to spring up?" he searched his friends face asking to be understood.

" Oh honey" Jinyoung took his hand finally understanding Mark "You will never know if you don't give yourself the chance, you need to put your defenses down and allow yourself to fall in love,  if it doesn't work out, so what? love will always come again" Jinyoung tried to put his friend's mind at ease

"but i am already in love with him and i don't think i can survive the hurt if it doesn't work out" 

"Does he know?" 

Mark shook his head 

"Then tell him" Jinyoung suggested

"I have practically had my heart out in my hand, he'd be a fool not to know how i feel"

"You do know that he has feelings for you though, right"

"probably, i don't know what to think anymore...one minute i think he does, the next i don't know"

"I'm sure you do,love" Jinyoung smiled lovingly at Mark.

" and there is Yugyeom" Mark smiled " he is so sweet, everything i should want in a man. He openly shows his affection for me unlike Jackson who thinks i'm some dirty little secret that should be kept hidden" he sighed picking at his salad again "how do you chose between a guy who is absolutely in love with you and a guy you can't resist?"

"This may seem cliche, but stop using your head and follow your heart you can't go wrong with that"

"Are you following your heart right now?" Mark asked trying to work Jaebum into the conversation.

"if i had one i would" Jinyoung catching on and swerving it "i better go shower" he added shuffling toward the bedroom.

Later that night, Mark lay in bed wide awake, that was normal for him these days, he could barely sleep thinking of Jackson, he knew his actions was hurting them both, probably hurting Jackson more. He knew the truth about Sunny, Jackson had explained everything but he couldn't help feeling jealous. If Jackson could let him know how he truly felt, if he could assure him then maybe he wouldn't be this afraid, what if he was also just a friend with benefits? He'd been ignoring Jackson pretending he was still mad about Sunny but in reality he was afraid of being hurt. Jackson had been keeping his distance and he knew it was for his sake, he made sure not to cross path with him at the company and he never came to watch him dance or take him home after work anymore. He occasionally caught glimpses of him here and there and it hurt to see how bad Jackson looked, he had lost weight and he had a liitle stuble on his face, he looked scruffy and unkempt. He wondered if it was because of him or not, how was he supposed to know that. He was missing him so much that his heart hurt. He grabbed his phone and scrolled his phonebook settling on Jackson's number, his thumb lay on the screen as he decided what to do, call or not. 'Let's talk' he decided to text, then deleted it, 'Come over'. deleted. He felt stuffy and got out of bed, he stopped in his tracks as he lay eyes on his couch, he felt the tears sting his eyes, he missed the nights when Jackson had cuddled him to sleep on the couch, he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand furiously angry at himself for crying. He opened his door and walked onto the porch, he breathed in the cold winter air and leaned against the wall, he took his phone out once again and stared at it hesitating 'I miss you' his hand rested on the send button for a while then he deleted not able to bring himself to send his sincere feeling to the one person he loved the most. He slumped into a squat and hugged his knees as his tears fell, he rocked himself gently as he wept for Jackson.

~~~7777777~~~

Mark pulled the covers over his head as the bright light from the open window fell on his face, Jinyoung had barged into his bedroom pulling the covers off him and opening the window all the while screaming his name. His plan had been to spend his whole weekend in bed since he had no work, the company was on their anual winter retreat at Jeju island. He held on tight to the cover as Jinyoung pulled at it, he finally gave up and woke up kissing his blissful weekend alone goodbye as Jinyoung hopped on the bed and started jumping up and down. Mark threw the covers off and jumped out of bed "why do i keep you around?" he groaned walking out to get a glass of water, he hit his shin at something in the middle of his living room "" he cursed grabbing his shin and hopping in circles on one foot, he looked down and saw three packed suit casses on the floor, he lost his balance and fell in the couch "Jnr!! what the !!" he screamed as Jinyoung walked into the room "Why is that in my living room?" he yelled.

"What?" Jinyoung asked genuinly confused.

"That" a calmer Mark pointed to the bags

"Oh that" Jinyoung repeated " that is for our trip to Jeju-do" 

"our?" Mark got up to go get that water, wincing at the throbbing pain in his shin " first, there is no 'our'---" 

"Yes there is" Jingyoung cut in sharply.

"second who needs three suitcases for a weekend trip?" Mark continued ignoring Jinyoung's retort. He walked back to the couch sipping his water. " and what business do you have going to our company retreat?"

"Bambam... i think he's seeing someone else, i'm going there to watch him..ok, spy on him"

"well, why didn't you go with him then?"

"We are fighting" 

"They've been gone since yesterday, i don't know what the point is in going now"

"If we leave now we would have today, tomorrow and sunday" Jinyoung pleaded counting the days on his fingers, he dashed toward the bedroom Mark following in his wake. He reached into the closet and pulled out a suitcase tossing it on the bed, he began packing a suitcase for Mark.

"I'm not going" Mark insisted removing the clothes from  the suitcase and putting them back into the closet. He wasn't going to risk running into Jackson, it's already been three weeks of hell and seeing him only makes it hurt more.

"Yes you are" Jinyoung put more clothes in the bag swatting Ma