" stop!, stop!, stop!" Jackson yelled waving his hand in dismissal toward Jaebum, he took off his snapback, run his fingers through his hair and put it back on before saying to Jaebum "JB, what are you doing? I don't see why you can't get it" Jaebum just yawned and stared at Jackson as he continued to rattle, most of what he was saying were incoherent because he was talking too fast " You have to get into the feeling, there's no desperation, no longing in your voice" Jackson droned on switching quickly between Korean and English as he opened the door and entered the recording booth. "You know that feeling when you see someone for the first time and you feel like time just stopped, like your heart will pop out of your chest, like you can't breathe and..." Jackson stopped mid sentence as he noticed Jaebum's blank expression. " Ok, let's take five" Jackson sighed and walked out of the studio grabbing Jaebum's car keys on his way out.

He got in Jaebum's car and drove off in no particular direction, he just needed some fresh air. It was eleven pm when he looked at the clock on the dashboard. They had been in the studio recording since five am. It was because of him, that boy, everytime he thought of the boy he grabbed a notepad and let his thoughts flow onto the paper, he'd written so many songs in just  two weeks span  and the company loved it so much that they decided to redo Jaebum's entire album when the rlelease date had already been set, now they had to work around the clock to beat the dead line. Everybody in the office was on edge, he was on edge too but not because of work, if he could just get him out of his head, but every time he closed his eyes he saw his face, every single fine chiseled detail of his face.

He let out the breath he was unknowingly holding, which happened a lot everytime the boy crossed his mind. Often times he found himself at the coffee shop without knowing how he got there, sometimes four times in a day. He'd just order hot chocolate, sit down and stare, he wanted to talk to him but he couldn't muster up the courage to do so, he had decided if the boy came to take his order he would speak to him, but it was always the other guy who came, but he was just satisfied with watching from a distance. He knew he felt something but he just couldn't fathom what it was, it was something he'd never felt, he hadn't the words to describe it.

Last two nights he unintentionally followed the boy while he walked home pushing his bike, he knew he shouldn't have but he couldn't stop his legs from moving, it was like they were under a spell with a mind of their own, he just followed at a distance until he saw the boy reach what he assumed to be his apartment, he watched him go inside and loitered around the front of the building for a while before finally leaving. Two days before that, he had gotten to the coffee shop right in time to see the boy and the other boy walking hand in hand toward the subway, for some reason he had the urge to run toward them and yank their linked arms apart but he didn't, it took everything in him not to, he walked closer to the shop and saw that it was closed, before he knew what he was doing he was running in the direction the boys had gone. He franctically looked around the subway and immediately spotted the boy, it was easy even though there was a sea of people at the station, he could find the boy any where, even amidst a million people, that is how much his image was imprinted in the grooves of Jackson's mind. He had followed from a distance watching the boy'severy move, making sure to catch every smile, every frown, every bite of the lip, he particularly loved the way the boy bit his lips everytime when he was concentrating on something. He followed them as they hopped on the train and went to the mall, he followed all day watching him shop and pretending to shop himself, unconsciously buying everything that they boy touched and let go. At one point he could have sworn the boy saw him or maybe not, he didn't know and for some reason he didn't exactly care. 

What really scared him was what happened a night ago, he had a brought a girl home from the club he went to with the boys. It was his usual one night stand gig, but as he kissed the girl, the image of those plump pink lips flashed before his eyes and then it wasn't the girl's lips on his anymore, it was the boy's, he devoured his lips hungrily, he pulled him in closer the very breath out of him. He moved his hand from his neck down to his chest and squeezed, it was soft and they were s! but how come? he's a boy. He pulled out of the kiss as his confusion cleared and saw the face of a girl in front of him, he felt a sense of dissaponitment wash over him as his settled down.

"I'm sorry" he said softly in his husky voice

"No sweat hon, i like it rough like that" The girl said leaning in to continue the kiss. Jackson turned his head and jumped up suddenly gathering the girl's things, he placed them into her hands and practically shoved her out the door amidst a ton of appologies. He looked at his bedside clock, it was three in the morning. He walked into the bathroom and sat in the bathtub, he still had his jeans on with his shirt slightly ed, he slowly the shower and let the water soak through him, clothes and all. He broke out laughing, mostly out of confussion, desperation and self pity.

His phone ringing brought him out of his thoughts, it was Jaebum. "ya, where are you?" asked Jaebum over the phone, the q