Jackson leaned on the rails on the roof top of the JYP building looking down at the city of seoul, his vision was blurred and all the lights had become just one big blob because he had stared at one spot too long deep in thoughts.He had done a lot of thinking in the few hours that he'd been alone,he had come to realise he was never going to be able to be the man that Mark needed him to be, he wouldn't be able to protect him or love him the way he should be, the way he deserved to be. He had to put a stop to his crazy obsession with him, how he was going to that he didn't know, but he knew he had to stop before anyone got hurt. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder and turned to see Bambam looking at him with what appeared to be pity in his eyes. "I knew i'd find you here" Bambam reached in the plastic bag he had in his other hand and pulled out a can of beer, Jackson rolled his eyes and look away."You know you need this" Bambam held Jackson's hand and pressed the can of beer into his palm. "Thanks" he opened the can and took a long sip, Bambam smiled at him and took a sip of his own beer.

"He got the job. Didn't have to break his leg to get it" Bambam took another swig of his beer "and it had nothing to do with you, he's really good, ballroom, ballet, contemporary and hiphop, martial arts...and did i mention hiphop? we couldn't have found anyone better" Bambam announced stealing glances at his friend to see his reaction to the news. 

"Does he know?"

"Yep. I gave him the news at the hospital" pausing to look at Jackson "he seemed happy, maybe just being polite, but i think he would have liked to hear it from someone else" he added. Jackson puffed air into his cheeks and started pacing up and down, Bambam knew his friend too well and so he answered the questions he couldn't ask, he didn't need to ask.

"He's ok, hyung. The doctor said it's just a hairline fracture and it should be healed by Monday, he just needs to take it easy over the weekend, I dropped him off at home before coming here and Jnr is staying over tonight". Jackson sat down on the floor where he was standing and let out a sigh of relief as he folded one leg on top of the other, Bambam joined him. 

"I am so pathetic...a fool...a coward" He took a sip of his beer and looked at Bambam " When i'm not with him i can't do anything, can't eat, can't sleep, hell i can't even think straight until i see him" he smiled at the thought of Mark's face "you know what's funny? I see him and i can't even speak, not a single word" he laughed at himself " i have never felt this strong about anyone before, it's so strong that it hurts, it makes me want to laugh and cry...Bambam...what do i do?....what do i do?"

"You know there's a name for that, it's not that complicated...it's love hyung...and it's ok" Bambam tried to assure his friend.

"I'm afraid...afraid of this strange feeling...afraid of society,the stigma...afraid of my mom....my dad" He blinked back the tears in his eyes not wanting to breakdown in front of his friend. Bambam could see the struggle on jackson's face, he took his hand in his own.

" Mark is the sweetest, kindest person i know, i have never come across anyone with a heart as big as his, you should talk to him, tell him your fears" Jackson shook his head slowly from side to side. Bambam put his hand at the back of Jackson's head as if to will him to accept what he was saying " he will understand...the journey is always easier and shorter when you have someone" he let go off his head "i know this may not be much coming from me,  but this i know for sure, you can't let the chance to love him pass you by" He patted Jackson's back and left him to mull over his words.

~~~7777777~~~

It was Monday night and Jackson found himself on the street across from the coffee shop spying on Mark. He had come to the area with the excuse of picking up his betty, who was he kidding. He had tried to stay away, god he had, but he was going out of his mind with grief and self-pity, he had to see him before he did anything stupid. He hadn't seen Mark since that saturday night but it felt like a thoudsand years and as if not being able sleep or eat wasn't punishment enough, he was being tortured by the memory of Mark's scream and the image of him falling. He had thought about what Bambam said and he was going to try to make things right, he was not going to care what anyone thought, he was going to be strong, and bold, and...and...he saw Mark step out of the shop....and he was going to love Mark.

Mark closed the shop and waved goodbye at Jinyoung as they went in different directions, he didn't have his bike because his ankle was still healing, he walked with a slight limp up the street. He caught a glimpse of Jackson crossing the road and walking  toward him but he ignored him, they walked silently Jackson keeping his distance a few feet behind Mark. Mark wondered what he should do with Jackson, his head was telling him to run while he still could but his heart couldn't. He remembered something Jinyoung had said back at the hospital that had made a lot sense. He had been sitting on his hospital bed legs folded under him with jinyoung sitting across from him, he was weary of crying for a person who wasn't going to show up and had sobered up. " Are you ok?" Jinyoung had asked. 

"No" he had said flatly not looking at Jinyoung " was i wrong? did i read too much meaning into it?" he raised his head to look at Jinyoung as if he held the answers he was looking for. Jinyoung reached out his hand and carresed his cheeks softly.

"I don't think you did, hon" he said with a warm smile.

"Then why?" he had asked in a broken voice as the tears began to well up in his eyes again.

"Honey, you've always known you were different, i have always known i was different, we always knew who we were...you are the first boy he's ever liked, first person actually from what i hear, put yourself in his shoes,ok, you're having the time of your life, women at your beg and call and then boom you wake up oneday and you're in love with a boy, i mean how do you deal with that" he searched Mark's eyes to see if he was getting through to him "mm?, he's scared Mark..you have to help him accept who he is, help him find himself".

He walked up the stairs to his apartment and left the door open when he got it in, Jackson hovered at the door for a minute unsure what to do, then he entered when he noticed it'd been left open for him. Mark picked up Nora who was meowing and weaving herself in between his legs, he sat on the sofa, folded his legs indian-style and placed nora in the groove that his legs had made, he leaned his head back against the back of the couch and closed his eyes gently, all the while massaging the neck of Nora who seemed to be enjoying it immensly. Jackson closed the door behind him and looked around the apartment, there were tiny potted plants on the window sill of the kitchen and larger potted plants in the dinning area and living room. The couch was as white as the walls with a black, big fluffy rug in the center that swallowed his leg when he stepped on it, it was very cosy he thought. The whole room was matched, even the cushions in the sofa was zebra stripped, the order and perfection of the room was, so...so..so, what's the word?...so Mark.

He sat down on the other side of the sofa keeping a reasonable space between them. Mark felt the sofa sink beside him and said in a low, tired, throaty voice without opening his eyes " Don't you have anything to say to me?". Silence. He opened his eyes and looked at Jackson dead in the eye " Why did you do that?". silence. Jackson's eyes were moist and shimmering almost at the brink of tears, his brows were furrowed in confusion, his cherry red lips were quivering. Mark's heart was breaking at the sight of Jackson "What do you want from me?" Mark asked in frustration. "I don't know" Jackson said in a sob as a tear escaped his eye, he looked up at Mark with a tear stained face as his eyes begged him to save him from himself. Mark couldn't bear looking at Jackson so broken and lost he jumped up without thinking, making sleeping Nora fall out of his lap with an angry meow, he wrapped his arm around Jackson and cradled his head on his chest "sh,sh,sh...it's ok now, everything will be ok now" he whispered softly into his ear as he rocked him gently. Mark's embrace was warm, his words were comforting and his voice was soothing, all the emotions he'd been suppressing spilled over and he sobbed softly into Mark's chest, after a long while his heaving body became calm and he laid silently against Mark's chest listening to his heart thump against his ear, he drifted slowly into sleep as Mark rocked him gently and cooed into his ear like the big baby he had become.

~~~777777~~~

Mark was trying hard to ignore Nora and drift back into sleep but she kept nudging his face with her own meowing. He snuggled deeper into his bed and pillows and pushed Nora away from him. He realized he was laying on his bed as he came to, but he could not remember getting in bed last night, he had fallen asleep on the couch with...'Jackson' he almost yelled. He shot up in bed and looked around, no sign of Jackson, he jumped out of bed and looked in the bathroom, kitchen, living room, no sign of Jac