Hanbin.

He still remembers everything.

From the sky blue carpet placed under the couch and coffee table, to the paintings of the Han River and the skyline of Incheon city hanging above their television, to the numerous medals and certificate plastered on the wall above the hundreds and hundreds of photo albums and family framed pictures. 

The telephone, the carpet, the sofa, the coffee table, the vases, the lamp shade, the dvd player, the speakers, the scent of the candles, the flowers that are everywhere, on the coffee table, on the kitchen table, beside the TV, near the door....

Everywhere he looks, he sees something familiar that triggers something in the back of his mind. Hanbin remembers everything, and everything was in place like before, when they were kids. It was like he never left, it was like she never turned her back on him, it was like they never grew up and out of their past. 

Most of all, he remembers all the memories. All those times they spent in this house.

The time where Hayi broke the vase while he was chasing her, the time where they made bracelets out of flowers and dried macaroni right on top of the carpet, the time where they spent all afternoon watching TV, the time where they watched movies on their dvd player late at night during sleepovers.

It was only the living room, yet Hanbin can't help but feel nostalgic at the influx of thoughts in his head. 

Hanbin flickers his eyes to Hayi, seemingly dizzy all of a sudden. It's been a long time since he smelled those lavender-scented candles her grandmother always lights. "Aren't you going to come in?" she asks him, an eyebrow raised in a manner that told him she was not meaning it in a good way.

Then again, she never meant anything in a good way these days. Especially at him. 

He takes off his shoes and socks, walking barefoot across the wooden floor to the coffee table where her grandmother was already setting up the cups and pouring the sugar and tea into them. 

Hayi extends her arms to her grandmother, but Hanbin beats her too it. He's already kneeling down beside her grandmother and helping her distribute equal amounts of tea in the three cups. He pours carefully while she stacks the biscuits and places them in the middle. 

"There, there," her grandmother says, patting him on the shoulder affectionately as she sits down on the single couch. "Have some tea, Hanbin."

He sits down beside Hayi, who doesn't move or protest. He sneaks a peak her way, and sees how straight her back is and how she lifts her pinky finger when she drinks from the teacup.

He almost snickers at the sight. 

Perhaps Hayi was only civilized at home, and not outside. 

Or maybe, she really is civilized... just not when he's around. 

He nudges her by the sides with his elbow, and she almost spills her tea. She snaps her attention to him, and she's already glaring. Hanbin smiles in a way he thinks is cheeky, but might appear annoying in her eyes. "Pass me the sugar, will you, Hayi?"

She glances to her grandmother and Hanbin can see hesitance in her eyes. She passes him the sugar as asked, and he realizes she was refraining from rolling her eyes at him. 

"So, Hanbin, how's your mother?"

Hanbin was only supposed to stay for a little chat, and perhaps a few more seconds to worm his way into Hayi, little by little and step by step. He ended up staying there for what felt like twenty minutes or so. He never knew talking to grandmothers would be this fun. Her grandmother had a lot to say to him, mainly about how she came to know about Jungah, and how watching him grow so big made her proud somehow.

Hanbin felt Hayi's stare, and he wouldn't blame her, he'd be weirded out if this situation happened with his own grandmother, only the one would be talking nonstop would be her. Once in a while, she'd nudged him but every time she does so, he pretends he didn't feel it. 

She wanted him to leave, obviously enough. 

But he couldn't, not when he wants to show his sincerity towards her. 

He takes a sip from his cup, and the chamomile tea cleanses his throat as he swallows it. "It's nice how you still light up scented candles, grandma." he says, taking a whiff of the air. The scent reminded him of his childhood, and it made him wish he could bring back those days where everything wasn't as complicated. 

Beside him, Hayi sighs. 

"Of course she lights up the candle," she says, and it's the first time she's talked. During their conversation, all she ever did was listen (unlikely) and bug him with her elbow-nugding. "She can never sleep without lighting one up and filling the whole house with its scent, isn't that right, grandmother?"

The old woman laughs a laugh that is not suited for her age; it is young and bold. "Right, right, Hayi." 

Hanbin looks at Hayi, and Hayi looks at her grandmother. She smiles in way that is soft and subtle, the kind Hanbin hasn't seen in a long while.

It almost makes her look decent. 

"Grandmother, go on and rest because Hanbin and I will take care of this." she says. "You can't keep him here forever, Hanbin has to go back home now." her tone is truthful and is not coated with anything at all. She seriously wants him to leave from the bottom of her heart. 

With one last pat on the shoulder and the words: "Say hello to your mother for me, dear boy" uttered to him, her grandmother stands up and walks to her room. Hayi takes the tray of empty teacups and pots and saucers to the kitchen and Hanbin follows her from behind.

"Don't you need to go? Your mom must be looking for you." 

He watches her set down the tray on the sink. She turns on the faucet and a gush of water comes running out. She starts washing them. "Dinner isn't until three hours." he averts his gaze from the water to the colorful refrigerator, the colors catching his eye. 

"Still, what would you do while you're here? You better go." 

She talks in a way that makes him snort, so he does. He keeps his eyes on the numerous postcards and magnets all with names of different countries and cities from around the world. 

Hanbin grimaces, and suddenly he feels bad for her again. 

He stares at them, and he must've stared for too long because Hayi is reciting his name over and over again until he looked at her, blinking. 

She looks back at him as the faucet still runs. She flickers her eyes to the refrigerator, and a flash of sadness appears before her eyes that Hanbin totally noticed. "What are you looking at?" he asks, although she perfectly knows what they all were and why he was staring at them.

They've gotten so many over the years, but that would've been quite obvious and a no-brainer but the last time he was here and was buddies with her, Mrs. Lee was always here, always making them food, always giving them tea, always making sure they were fine and dandy. 

There were about only two postcards then, but now there were perhaps fifty or more of them with some magnets included. It makes Hanbin wonder how much her mother has been traveling these days, he rarely ever sees her now. 

"Hayi," he makes his voice soft. He looks at her, and when she's not looking at him, he thinks his voice had been too soft and too low that she couldn't hear it. "Hayi," he says louder this time. 

She's already finished washing them, and now she places them on the sides, letting them dry before storing them in the cupboards. But even after, she still won't look at him. 

"Hayi," 

She turns her head the other way; away from where he stood, feet firmly planted on the ground as he tried to break her walls. Deep inside, deep down, she was still the same scared girl from before. Scared of losing, scared of being left alone, scared of all things dark and negative. 

Hanbin wanted to comfort that side. 

He never had a chance to tell her how everything will be alright.

When she was scared, when she was crying, when she was sad, when she was worried, when she was thinking... he remembers how he never properly comforted her before. He never properly was there for her, unlike how he was with others.

He wants to do that now. 

He puts a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugs it off. "I don't need your sympathy."

"I'm not giving you sympathy, Hayi."

"Then, what is it?" she finally looks at him, and she's not crying. Her eyes aren't even wet. If anything, she looks borderline livid. She stands up straight, straight, straight, but even at her full height he still over towers her. "Why do you have to bug me now out of all days?" 

Hanbin purses his lips. He glances over at the faucet before reaching for to turn it all the way off. Hayi takes a step back just to avoid the close proximity with him. He places his hand on the sink, and leans a little towards it as he faces her. 

"I want to be there for you." 

She snorts, it's loud and clear and obnoxious that it makes him grimace again. She crosses her arms and looks at him, hard. "I'm only going to say this once, okay? Leave now." her words are strong, her tone firm. It was clear from the beginning she didn't like having him around but Hanbin proposes to give it some time. She'll come around.

And that's what Hanbin's going to do. He's going to give her more time.

He turns his head the other way. Through the doorframe, he sees the wall of certificates and medals that are placed behind glass. Hanbin takes two steps towards it, admiring it from the kitchen. Behind him, Hayi sighs in frustration. "Kim Han -"

"You know I always liked your brother." 

He looks back at her, and she's looking at him. There are now wrinkles on her forehead; wrinkles of confusion he brought. "Your brother liked me too, you know that." he faces her completely, she looks away with her jaw clenched. "You and I weren't the only friends in this household. Hyung and I were too you know." 

There is a silence that Hanbin cannot bear. She still wasn't looking at him. They hear the cars outside, he hears his own heart beat steadily. "Do you write to him?"

There. She looks. "Hanbin," his name, just his name, but it was enough to let him know that her walls had been broken down thanks to the mention of her brother. Her brother was like her everything in more ways than one. What more if he said his name? He didn't want that now, he knows well Hayi takes long recoveries from anything and everything. 

"I hope you do, because tell him he owes me an explanation." 

Her head tilts to the side; a gesture of wonder and curiosity. It almost makes him smile.

"About that night," he answers. "He never told me what happened. Nobody ever did. I'm the most clueless one in the city about it." 

He thought she'd change her mind, he thought she'd tell him everything. The walls were gone, but perhaps there was an extra one. "Leave," she told him when she reached for a bag of salt in the cupboard above her and shoved it in his hands. "If you think I - I'm telling you anything... leave, now," she said. 

Hanbin walks downstairs with Hayi on his heels. His footsteps are heavy and begrudging. He was serious, all of it, and why couldn't she see that?

When they're back down at the flower shop, he turns to look at her as she descends the stairs. She walks towards him, walks past him, walks in front of him.

He turns again, and she's already picking a flower from a familiar pile. Her side profile is calm looking, but her voice as she speaks is hard and sustained. "I don't know much about that night either, you know." Hayi admits, not looking at him or even sparing him just a glance or two. "None of my family members told me, not even my cousins."

He walks towards her. He passes by the lillies, the orchids, the daffodils, until he's right next to her. "They swore secrecy to never mention it to me. But one night I overheard them discuss it, when they thought I was asleep." whatever was making her say all this, Hanbin didn't want it to stop. Whether it be conscience or trust, he wanted her to go on. 

"It was his first time back from university ever since he left. He spent the first two days of winter break here, peacefully. But then one day he had to go back to Incheon to pick up some documents -" she picks what Hanbin thinks is the most beautiful looking alyssum he's ever seen from the bunch. " - he visited his girlfriend, Risae first, asked her if she wanted to come with him back to their school. He told us beforehand. 'I might come home late,' he told us. He never did come home, though. Around 10, a call came. Risae got , and she died. Just like that, in the streets, where it was too cold and her body was too numb. My brother killed all three of them with his bare hands." 

She looked at him, and he stood there, unwavered with how she told the story. There had been worst versions he'd heard from others. Hanbin looks at Hayi, and he knows just from the way her face contorts that she had been telling all truth and no lies. 

She shifts to face him, the alyssum in her hands. "Now are you going to stay away from me?" she says, making him raise an eyebrow. "The only reason I told you that was to make you scared."

"I'm not scared," he blurted out. He lifts the pack of salt up and down, up and down in his hands. "I told you; I know your brother. Impulse got the best of him, but maybe he didn't regret it."

"He didn't," she cut off. Hayi looked at him sharply and shook her head. "He told me he didn't in one of his letters." 

He manages to crack a smile. "Good."

She looks at him, harder. "You aren't -"

"I'm not like them Hayi." he says, shaking his head. 

"Not like what?"

"Not like the others." he looks down at the flower in her hands. "I'm Kim Hanbin, I understand you and your family dramas. Always have, always will." 

He flickers her eyes back up at her, but she's already scowling. "Ughh," she lets out a grunt mixed with a groan. She shoves him the flower too. "Better give that to Hanbyul," she mutters, stalking off the other way, leaving him chuckling at her reaction. 

> ; <

so here is the chapter you've been waiting for so far. i've finally revealed what hayi's brother's crime is. now, the next question: what's his name?
comment on what you guys think it is c: 

honesty.