The radio is blaring and the sounds of Excuse Me Miss are playing throughout the entire apartment. Yet I couldn’t hear the music over the even louder thoughts that kept screaming. (you have to stay calm… you must stay calm) this was easier thought than done. It was my first day back in Seoul after I finished my last final college exam. It felt so good to be back in the place where all my favorite things and people were, including my most favorite people in the world. They weren’t able to come to my graduation due to their recent activities, but that was fine with me since they promised to spend time with me before their next Japan tour.

This was supposed to be the time that I would rest and relax before looking for a job, but instead of feeling relaxed, I felt extra tense and beyond tired. My hands were shaking and my heart was beating faster and faster with every minute that passed.

I’m supposed to meet up with Jonghyun before seeing everyone else.

“Crap… Why does it have to be Jongy, why couldn’t Kibum come instead?!?!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was trying to make since of it all. The only person that knows about my epic crush on Jonghyun is my best friend and she would never let it slip that I was in love with a man that I knew was off limits… Or would she?!?! No, no way. She may hint at my secret feelings but she would never just come out and say it!!!

“I can’t believe this is happening”

I thought about faking sick. No that wouldn’t work. Key and Taemin would just come over here and try to play nurse while nagging me about my health. Especially since they know I don’t have the best immune system in the world.

“What else can I do, I can’t just not show up, that would be rude. I can’t fake sick, that would be even worse, Aish!!! I’m just stuck, I have to go. But if I’m alone with Jonghyun for more than 10 minutes I start to feel dizzy. Well, that might not happen if I just remember to breathe. I mean passing out would be the lamest thing in the world. Plus I really want to see all my old friends and see how much they have truly changed.”

“Okay. That does it. I’m going, I mean what’s the worst that could happen. As long as I keep breathing everything will be fine”

As I waited for my cab in front of the amazing hotel that Onew hooked me up with I thought, ‘I don’t know why I was so nervous. I mean it wasn’t like I hadn’t spent time with them before. I mean we have been friends since high school, thanks to a chance encounter with Taemin.’  My cab finally arrived and I sat quietly in the back seat smiling to myself as I headed deeper into the heart of Seoul.