I play with my chair and spin around like a 5-year-old kid in my own office. And I made sure the door is shut.

 

 

Life was boring but not anymore. I was once lost but not anymore.

 

 

Life is good ‘cause I have found the goodness in life.

 

 

 

Yes, the Irene Bae suddenly turned into a cheerful optimist who would rush home after work and cook dinner, clean the house and so. You can say she does all these things just to get into someone’s pants at the end of the day. But she is also trying to say that she’s willing to settle down with that someone.

 

 

People have been spreading rumors about me and I, seriously, don’t give a . I have changed but I ain’t no housewife, just to clarify here. 

 

 

 

Although I have to admit I have trying to woo Son Seungwan the old-fashion romanticist, and get her to bed with all those efforts, it’s also out of love. I swear. 

 

 

I know she’s been doubting herself a lot even we’ve been together for quite a while.

 

 

 

I would find her standing alone in the balcony looking at the morning sky after she spent the night at my place. I would hear her mumbling incoherent words with furrowed eyebrows in her sleep.

 

 

Sometimes she would avoid my contact for one or two days after we…. our sleepover. 

 

 

At first, I didn’t mind such behavior of hers. But slowly, I can no longer ignore the awkwardness between us.

 

 

 

I am not her pillow friend, or friend with benefits, or buddy, whatever you would call it. Isn’t that I am her girlfriend ? I am not doubting her love but she acts really weird.

 

 

It makes me starting to doubt myself on the other hand. Is it because of me ? Is it because I am not giving her enough faith ?

 

 

That’s why I have changed.

 

 

 

Nevertheless, I am still the cold random cheerleader she used to know. And she is still the bright but sometimes sentimental glee club lead vocal I used to know. I just wanna make sure we are still loving the same person. 

 

 

 

“Boss.”

 

 

“Yes ?”

 

 

 

Hyejeong stands in front of me, looking down as if she were the boss.

 

 

“I’m not in the mood talking about how nice Seolhyun’s is.” I spin my chair away, rather childishly.

 

 

 

“Stop spinning for sake. You’ve been doing it all day. Aren’t you dizzy already ?” She rolls her eyes.

 

 

“You know ?”

 

 

“I’m just sitting outside, remember ? I can see the shadows.”

 

 

“Oh…….” 

 

 

 

“So what is bothering you ?” Hyejeong ditches her cold face and concernedly asks me.

 

 

“Make a wild guess, Shin Hyejeong.” I let my body lay flat on my comfy chair.

 

 

 

She bites the tip of her pen, “You’ve just sealed another deal. So it’s not possibly about money or work. It’s about love ? Wendy ?”

 

 

“Bingo.” I close my eyes and rest one arm over them.

 

 

 

“What’s up with her ? I thought you guys are doing well. I mean not only on bed but…….”

 

 

“Hey, I am very serious here.” I shoot her a glare, a deadly one.

 

 

 

She sticks out her tongue, “Just trying to lighten the mood here. You like dirty jokes, don’t you ?”

 

 

“Yeah, I do……” I run my fingers through my hair. “But not with you. Save them for Seolhyun. I’ll save mine from Seungwan.” 

 

 

 

“So what’s up with Seungwan ?” She mimics the way I called her name.

 

 

I sigh before spilling the beans.

 

 

 

“I told you, Bae Joohyun.” Hyejeong rolls her big eyes again after listening to my worries. 

 

 

“Talk sweet, not just to her. Don’t listen to Jason DeRulo or Chris Brown anymore, okay ? I am serious about that fact that you might have issue controlling your hormones. Always acting touchy and .”

 

 

 

“What do you even mean ?” I roll my eyes harder that I almost see my own brain.

 

 

She clears , “I mean instead of ing, please do something else that can make your Seungwan feel your love.”

 

 

“Now I understand.” I nod a little as I am thinking.

 

 

 

“And of course, I am not saying it’s only on you. So please talk to her about this. You two are dating and are supposedly not hiding anything behind your own backs, right ?”

 

 

“So does Seolhyun know you watch in office hours ?” 

 

 

“Damn you Bae Joohyun, how many times I have told you it’s not !!!!!”

 

 

 

My evil grin fades as Hyejeong storms out from my office. How am I suppose to do ? What am I going to do with Wendy ? What if she got mad and walks out of my life again ?

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

“Wendy, did you just call me ?” 

 

 

I faintly smile, “Yes. Please cancel tonight’s appointment for me.”

 

 

 

Seolhyun looks at me as if I was crazy, “But it’s the dinner with that CE-”

 

 

I raise my hand gesturing her to stop, “Seohyun will go instead.”

 

 

 

“But didn’t he specifically asked you to go ?” 

 

 

“He is trying to sleep with me.” I look up from my empty desk. “And I don’t want to give her the wrong idea.”

 

 

 

“Her ?” Seolhyun has “confused” written on her face.

 

 

“Irene. I don’t want her to worry. And I’m sure Seohyun won’t mind losing such client. Yoona is going with her too. So they’ll be fine.” I patiently reassures my confused secretary.

 

 

 

“I see.” Seolhyun nods and carefully asks. “So you are going out with Irene tonight ?” 

 

 

“I wanna spend more time with her. I have been busy.” I massage my temples.

 

 

 

“What a good girlfriend you are.” 

 

 

“I am not. I bet Hyejeong is better.”

 

 

“Why are you saying so ?”

 

 

“So Hyejeong isn’t good ?” I chuckle. “I can kick her or ask Irene to do it if you want to.”

 

 

 

“No.” Seolhyun shakes her head. “Why you said you are not good ? As far as I know, you are very good.”

 

 

I lean back on my chair staring at the ceiling, “I doubt her, Seolhyun. I doubt her and I feel extremely guilty for doing so after everything we have been through…. I just can’t help it.” 

 

 

 

“Then why doubting her in the first place ?”

 

 

“I overthink, maybe. It’s been there. It’s an old problem of mine. I lost the chance to be with her 2 years ago because of it. If it’s like an extra limb, I would cut it without any second thought even it might leave an ugly scar.”

 

 

 

“Does she know about it ?” Seolhyun frowns and sits down across my table.

 

 

“I don’t know. Sometimes I would avoid seeing her to give myself some space. It’s suffocating to be so intimate with her while I am doubting her. I can’t look her into the eyes, I can’t kiss her or touch her. I know it sounds totally bull but it happens. It kicks back. The more I love her, the closer I get with her, the stronger my fear is.”

 

 

 

“Like what ? She’s not flirting with anyone casually.”

 

 

“I really can’t point a finger at anything. But like am I good enough ? Would I disappoint her ‘cause I might not be the same Son Seungwan I was, back in collage ? And I am feeling she has changed too, not in a bad way. Yet it’s like she is scared to take another step. Or it could be just me imagining things.”

 

 

 

Seolhyun softly giggles at my last sentences, “Who doesn’t know she has become a housewife for you ? Yes, she could be like a player sometimes but she has definitely fallen hard for you. Everyone can see it. So you could be just doubting yourself, boss.”

 

 

I exhale another deep breath, “You’re right, Seolhyun. That’s exactly why I need the time tonight. You go date with Hyejeong. I will handle my own stuff.” 

 

 

 

“You sure you’ll be fine ?” Seolhyun took a step but turns back around.

 

 

“You don’t need to babysit me. Hyejeong will be jealous.” 

 

 

 

“Don’t flirt me then. Take care. If you can, put a ring on it.”  Seolhyun playfully winks at me before exiting the office.

 

 

Now who is flirting with whom ? Put a ring on it ? I am not dating Beyoncé though.

 

 

 

Oh yes, I don’t know I am thinking anymore. I think….. No, I shouldn’t think and I shouldn’t care about my brain anymore.

 

 

I let me heart and my body lead me and take control over my whole.

 

 

And that’s why I charge into Irene’s house without any warning and crash my lips into hers the second she closes the door. I don’t even give her time to speak.

 

 

 

I think….. Not again. I know I am out of my mind completely since it’s so not me right now. I have an uncontrollable urge inside me, that I want her to know how much I love her and I am going to make it up to her in her way.

 

 

Here we go again, tossing the bed and skipping meals. Here we go again, I slip out from the covers and watch the dawn in the balcony, while she’s still passed into a deep slumber.

 

 

I don’t know what I have done and I daren’t to think if it makes things any better.

 

 

 

Morning is surprisingly cold and I have to grab Irene’s oversized shirt I found on the floor and continue my ritual.

 

 

Morning is surprisingly silent and I have to hold my own breath not to disturb anyone who are mostly in their sleep.

 

 

 

The city looks like it’s also asleep but it is peaceful. There’re breezes on my face and they ease me.

 

 

They have gotten something out of me.

 

 

 

I have returned and I have her finally. Maybe I should quit thinking once and for all. What am I still asking for ? What should I do instead ? How should I tell her ?

 

 

Yes, I should stop thinking as a pair of hands slip around my waist and a body is pressed against mine from behind. I have to convert my thoughts into words.

 

 

But she beats me to it.

 

 

 

“Aren’t you tired ?” She gently plants a kiss on my shoulder blade where the oversized shirt can’t cover. I feel so warm now. By her hug, her touch, her voice, her kiss.

 

 

“Look at the dawn. It’s so beautiful.” I lift a smile and I don’t know if she can see it.

 

 

 

She hums and rests her head on my bony shoulder.

 

 

“It’s cold here.” I hold the arms on my waist. “Are you wearing any clothes ?”

 

 

 

She chuckles and sends her hot breathes into my ear, “Your shirt. Since you’re wearing mine. It fits you.”

 

 

“Maybe we should exchange our wardrobes.”

 

 

 

She doesn’t reply for some minutes, I think she’s enjoying the view as I do but I am wrong again.

 

 

“I know you are always up and stand here like this. I know. But I don’t know why. Tell me why, Wendy.”

 

 

 

I freeze at my spot. She knows. She knows I have been acting strange.

 

 

I want to say those words I have been planning all night but something stops me again. I feel my shoulder is now damp. I immediately turn around and meet her teary eyes.

 

 

 

It hurts me to see her trying to muffle her sobs. So I hold her trembling shoulders, “What’s wrong ?”

 

 

She looks at me, “I was going to ask you the same.” Her expression shows that she is hurt, it hurts me more to see her being hurt by myself.

 

 

 

“Irene…. Joohyun-ah…. Baechu, I’m sorry I-”

 

 

“Are you tired of me ?” She cuts me off and stares at me so hard.

 

 

 

“No !!!! Why would I-”

 

 

“Then why are you acting like that lately ? You know what you did.” She cuts me off again and is going to cry more.

 

 

 

“If I am tired of you, why would I still…… make love to you ?” 

 

 

“It doesn’t explain why are you always standing here alone after that and sometimes don’t answer my calls.” Her expression softens a bit but her tears are still streaming down.

 

 

 

“I know me thinking always screw things up and I was thinking about us.” I clumsily wipe the tears on her cheeks. 

 

 

“Why were you apologizing then ?” She sniffles.

 

 

 

“I know I could have done better and I want you to know that.” I smile a little. “Silly, don’t you cry……. You’re mine, so do your tears. So don’t drop my property, okay ?”

 

 

She also cracks a smile, “You big cheese-ball.”

 

 

 

The sun has risen and it illuminates the house with a mixed shade of yellow and light pink.

 

 

I get my eyes back on her, holding both of her hands in mine, “Look, I really love you. And this time, I have finally thought it through. What I was trying to say is, I would like to grow old with you.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Few minutes ago, I thought she was fallen out of love or something. Now she has just sort of proposed to me that she wants to grow old with me. What a plot twist.

 

 

 

“Did you plan all these ?” My voice is still a little hoarse.

 

 

She cutely shakes her head, “I was confused. And I have just found the reason I was so confused and bothered, the reason I have been thinking so much.”

 

 

 

“What is it ?” I feel like my mood has been on a roaster-ride. Extreme depression followed by ecstasy.

 

 

“I love you so deeply that I can’t stop thinking of you, thinking of us. Now I understand. Baechu, I know you have changed a lot for me. The deeper we love each other, the more I scared, the more I think. But not anymore.” She engulfs me into her embrace and her body. “I’m so sorry, Baechu. I should have seen these earlier.”

 

 

 

I pull away and see her eyebrows almost touch, making me chuckle softly as I peck her nose, “It’s alright now.”

 

 

“I promise I would be better for you too.” She smiles so brightly that her nose scrunches up so adorably.

 

 

 

“Let’s go back to sleep, shall we ?” I pats her . 

 

 

“Anything you like.” 

 

 

“Then I want to ask you one more thing.”

 

 

“Say it.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

“So you have moved in with Irene.” Seulgi states as she is stirring her iced lemon tea.

 

 

“Great, I can have that room again.” Joy claps.

 

 

 

“You ain’t gonna sleep in that room when you’re there anyway, Park Sooyung.” I scoff.

 

 

“Yes, Wendy’ll be in my house for the next 10 years.” Irene adds the milk into her coffee. 

 

 

 

“Just 10 years ?” I nearly fall from my seat. “I thought we-”

 

 

“Shh.” She puts her index finger on my lips. “I though we’ll be married by then and have a new house.” 

 

 

 

“Baechu, I love you.” I smile against her finger.

 

 

“I love you more, Seungwan.”

 

 

 

“I think I am going to throw up very soon.” Krystal’s icy voice travels down to our spines.

 

 

“Sorry, Krys. Find yourself a girlfriend then.” I playfully nudge her.

 

 

“Who said I swing this way ?” 

 

 

“We’re a gang and we are one gay big family.” Seulgi laughs.

 

 

 

Watching them fighting and laughing just like the old times, I add another bag of brown sugar into Irene’s cup.

 

 

“How do you know I need it ? How do you always know my taste ?” She raises her eyebrow.

 

 

 

I put down the tea spoon with a grin, “I figured you didn’t like your coffee too bland and bitter a long time ago. I should have known you like me from the time you drank my Americano. You finished the whole cup.”

 

 

Irene takes my hand again, intertwining the fingers one by one.  She smiles seeing them fitting so perfectly, and seeing the matching rings, “So you’re not my cup of tea, but coffee.”

 

 

 

“Nothing but yours.” 

 

 

“You’d better be.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*fingers crigined* Here comes the final chapter !!!

I hope you guys would forgive me for not being that good at making dirty jokes.

 

I guess if you read this with You Will Think Of Her, it'll be an epic love story with a happy ending indeed

(Did I just praise myself ....)

 

Anyway, see you soon.

xo