When the month of September entered and cold autumn air started making its presence, Junmyeon had to bundle Jongdae in a scarf because the boy seemed to easily get sick. Not to mention the fact that he started became restless with his moods switching from one to another.

"His birthday is in September," Minseok told him with a smile that turned to a frown. "And that was also the month that the accident happened. I wonder if he's starting to remember now…"

On the second week, instead of switching from one to another, Jongdae's mood just stayed sad and heartbroken that Junmyeon has a hard time catching up with him. The doctors said that Jongdae's probably remembering them through nightmares that he seems to get, but the boy won't tell them so they can't confirm anything.  The only thing that seemed to make him any happier are Junmyeon's visits.

"What if you had to stop, Junmyeon?" Minseok may be his cousin, but it was obvious that to the older boy, his patients are equally as important to him as family are. "What would happen to him, then?"

Junmyeon shook his head. "I'm not going to stop!"

"You say that now, but what if?" Minseok continued, his stance obviously guarded. He has probably thought about this a lot. "Jongdae is fragile and his reliance on you isn't healthy if you'll just leave. And you will, you have to. There's College, remember?"

Oh. In the span of less than 2 months, Junmyeon had almost forgotten his plans of studying abroad for University. Honestly, at the start of the year, he hasn't even thought about leaving. But what happened in the past 8 months had made him realize he had to, if he wanted to stay a little bit sane.

"I--I can stay." Junmyeon was still the top of his class now that…he is gone. "I'll stay."

But Minseok shook his head. "Remember what happened to Jongin, Junmyeon? Jongdae's reliance on you is almost as… loyal as Jongin was to him. He would be devastated if you were to leave. And you will, one of these days you will. You can't stay here in the hospital every day."

Junmyeon almost had half a mind to suggest he could study to be a doctor or a nurse, but they both knew he couldn't. What happened with Jongin was too much bear for him to eventhink about curing anyone else, Jongdae was just an exception.

Sometimes, Junmyeon forgets that Jongdae's even a patient that's a year younger than him because all he sees is a 7 year old boy excited for kitten cookies and choco.

“Think about what you have to do, Junmyeon. Think about Jongdae and Jongin, but, mostly, think about yourself,” Minseok reminded him before patting him on the back and leaving to go back to the nurse’s quarters.

This is why, when Junmyeon knocked on Jongdae’s door and the boy opened it only to envelope him in a tight hug, Junmyeon returned the gesture. He doesn’t know why it’s even happening and he’s in a mess, so he let it happen and sought comfort in the warm embrace.

Even when Junmyeon thinks of Jongdae as a 7 year old, he couldn’t deny that Jongdae was 17 with his built and height. The warmth radiating from the other boy was comforting and he could inhale the faint smell of medicine in the boy’s neck. He couldn’t deny that Jongdae isnot a kid, even though he thinks like one.

It was only when Jongdae let go of him that he realized they were hugging in front of the door, viewable by one who passed and anyone who even checked. It’s not that he’s embarrassed, but he knew this was a bit inappropriate for a hospital, no matter how innocent the touch was.

“Let’s go inside, okay?” he told Jongdae who smiled briefly at him before going inside. He soon followed and took his favorite place on the couch. “So? Is there anything wrong?”

Jongdae sat beside him and looked up at him, quiet at first. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times, as if continuously debating with himself over what he was going to say. “I… I thought you weren’t going to come, hyung.” his voice was weak and Junmyeon wanted to reach out and pat his back but refrained from doing so.

Instead, he just asked, “Why would you think that? I always come.”

Jongdae nodded and bit his lip. “You were late today. I was counting.”

Oh. Junmyeon was late because Minseok pulled him to the side to talk to him. Also, Minseok was right about the fact that Junmyeon had become a huge part of Jongdae and that him leaving… he didn’t even want to think about it. If Jongdae was so hurt about him being late, he didn’t know what the boy would do if he never came back.

Suddenly, Jongdae jumped up to stand in front of him with his pinky-finger raised. “Promise me, hyung! Promise me!” he demanded.

“Promise you what?”

“My birthday… it’s in 2 weeks. I want you to come.” Jongdae waved his pinky-finger in front of his face. “Promise me you’ll come!”

Junmyeon frowned. “In two weeks? Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t even have a gift for you, yet!” His thoughts immediately planned where he could and what he should buy. Maybe the toy shop near the coffee shop?

Jongdae pouted, his pinky-finger still raised. “It’s on the 21st. Promise me!”

Just as Junmyeon was about to raise his pinky finger and make the promise, he realized what the 21st was.

“Oh, Jongdae! That’s my Dad’s birthday, too!” Junmyeon felt his heart breaking at the realization of this. Every year, his Dad hosts a birthday party for his close friends and family held at their backyard. Also, every year, Junmyeon hosts it just like he would be doing this year.

With Junmyeon’s sudden exclamation, Jongdae stepped back with his finger put down as well. He looked like he’d been struck, but was trying really hard not to cry. In fact, now that he thinks about it, Jongdae has been crying less… actually, he hasn’t cried in the past week at all.

Struggling, Junmyeon tried to put out some words to assure Jongdae. “I-I want to come for your birthday. But. My Dad’s birthday means I have to be there and I already promised him months ago. I’m sorry?”

Jongdae looked sad and his eyes were downcast, his fingers gripping his pants tightly. It was so obvious that he was trying not to show he was upset.

“Hey, I can still come?” Junmyeon was trying to analyze exactly how he could achieve this. The party starts at 1PM, but he has to help at home in the morning so he can’t visit then. There’s the program and some special performances from his nieces and nephews. After the presentations, there’s food for snacks before the games start. Then dinner and drinks for the adults while dinner and play time with the children. If he’s lucky, dinner will be served at 7PM and will be done by 8PM and he could leave. But can he?

Jongdae didn’t look impressed either, by the way he was looking warily at him. “It’s okay, hyung. You don’t have to force yourself.”

But Jongdae was so dejected and it hurt to see him that way. “No, it’s okay! I’ll come, but I won’t be here until it’s time for your bedtime. Is that okay?” he asked, already calculating how long he’d take from his house to here. Will his parents even approve of him leaving early? Currently, Junmyeon doesn’t really care.

“That’s too late though…”

Junmyeon raised his pinky finger and had it on eye level with Jongdae, “I promise.”



Life outside of the hospital was fairly normal and boring, honestly. Junmyeon wakes up a good two hours before he has to leave for school. He washes up, studies for the day and even do some occasional unfinished homework, takes a shower, gets dressed, eat breakfast with his parents and by 7:15, he’s out of the door on his bicycle.

School was dull in a way that all he does is study, socialize a bit, work on club duties and then leave. He has friends like Chanyeol and Baekhyun to keep him entertained during lunch, but they’re both occupied with each other to really bother with him.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Junmyeon?” Baekhyun had asked, peering at his sleepy form.

“Yeah,” he answered, waving him off. “Just a bit sleepy.”

Chanyeol was the one who peaked at him next, “That doesn’t look like a bit, right Baek?”

Baekhyun nodded. “What’s really wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, okay?” Junmyeon didn’t want them talking about the past, which he knew they would try to bring up sooner rather than later.

Chanyeol had opened his big mouth and said, “After he die--”

“No.” he shot the tall guy down, not wanting to hear it. “I’m fine. I’m okay.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Baekhyun countered.

“Sure-sure that you’re okay-okay?” Chanyeol reiterated, although not making enough sense.

As firmly as he could, he answered, “Yes, I am.”

That was the end of it because Baekhyun and Chanyeol had been friends with him for a long time (not as long as him, though) to know that Junmyeon won’t talk. They hated that about him and never forgot to remind him of it, but they didn’t really have a choice.

After school and after declining his friend’s and classmate’s invitations to hang out, he heads home to drop off his school bag and to change clothes. It’s not long before he’s out of the door and riding his bicycle towards the hospital immediately. The same could be said with life at home. They eat dinner, talk a bit and then he’d help his Mom with the dishes. Sometimes, when he knew his Mom was tired from being at the hospital a lot, he’d offer to do it himself.

But nothing was enough to have him distracted like the way Jongdae distracted him. It was all about to change.


“Hey, Junmyeon,” his Mom called him after he finished drying the dishes.

Hearing the importance in her tone of voice, he walked towards where she was seating on the couch. “Yes, Mom? Why aren’t you asleep yet? You have to wake up early tomorrow.”

She just smiled at him. “Your Dad’s birthday is in a week.”

“Yeah,” And so is Jongdae’s birthday. He had already bought a gift yesterday: a box of their favorite kitten cookies and an mp3 player. “What of it?”

“The doctor said Jongin can come home for the day,” she told him and even though there’s a tinge of happiness in her expression, the worry was as plain as day. “We have to bring him back at 8PM, but because he’s doing well, he hasn’t… seen…”

Yes, the doctor had been updating them that Jongin has being doing well and hasn’t shown any signs of suicide (yet). This must be some sort of trial to see if Jongin could do it without help.

Junmyeon reached over and wrapped his Mom in a tight embrace. “Hey, it’s okay to get worried, Mom. That’s normal.” he whispered to her even though he doesn’t believe his words either.

“But what if--”

“Mom.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to see him like that again, Junmyeon.”

“Me too, Mom. Me too.” Junmyeon whispered, “I’ll look out for him, if you want. Try and see what he’s doing and where he is, just in case. Is that okay?”

Immediately, her eyes brightened and that seemed like the best thing Junmyeon has said. “Will you? Please? I know Jongin is old enough to look after himself, but the last time he… Please?”

“Of course, Mom. I’m the one who suggested it, right?” Junmyeon held her even tighter, wishing that everything would go alright if not for himself (because who is he who to deserve Jongin’s forgiveness), but for his Mom and Dad who didn’t do anything.



Jongdae was curled on his bed, giggling madly at the thought that a few days from now, he’d be older! But not really! Somehow? He doesn’t really understand how he should count his birthday, Minseok hyung told him to think however he likes for now.

“Kim Jongdae will be 8 and 18 soon…” he whispers to himself just as the giggling ceased and tears started to fall. “Kim Jongdae will be 8 and 18 soon and yet… where’s my Mommy? And Daddy?”

No one heard him cry, but he feels like they do and they just don’t bother caring about him.

Where was his Mommy and Daddy? Why did they leave him? Was Jongdae not enough of a good boy for them to take him wherever they went?

That night, and like all the other nights before it, Jongdae cried himself to sleep. His body tucked under the blanket while he curled into a small ball, his head barely on the pillow while he held his hands together--he didn’t have anyone else to hold it for him.

And that night, like any other night before it, he heard a boy band song in the background with the sound of the pitter-patter of the rain mixing with it. Then he felt his body get slammed as he heard screeching of car tires before he felt the whole image disappear into thin air. He won’t necessarily remember it in the morning, but he would be reliving the ache time and time again.

When morning comes, Jongdae will feel the ache and dizziness, but he doesn’t mention this to anyone. He continues to pretend like everything is fine even though he could feel his heart breaking.

No one buys his lies, but it’s not like they can push him to tell, either.


“His treatment is going quite well,” Minseok told him.

Junmyeon raised his eyebrows. “I can feel there’s a but after that.”

Minseok sighed and motioned for him to sit. “I just heard this. He’s working on the treatments, but he’s not doing well with talking. All the doctors are hoping that the 21st would do him well.”

“Is there a chance… it won’t?” Junmyeon didn’t like the thought of that.

“You have to be on your best behavior, Junmyeon.” Minseok didn’t answer him and that answered his question. “If it doesn’t work then he might get stuck here longer than he should. That would help him mentally, but emotionally… no one’s really sure.”

“How about… what about what I told you? Was I right about that?” Junmyeon asked and Minseok smiled sadly at him. He obviously didn’t want to confirm. “You watched him, didn’t you? I… I saw it. You should’ve too, if you watched him.”

“We watched him.” And that both didn’t and did answer his question.

Junmyeon really ed things up and he didn’t know if his life could even repay that.

AN: Happy belated birthday to my bias, Do Kyungsoo! And Happy Birthday to my second bias, Kim Jongin!  To everyone who reads this, I hope you all liked this chapter ^^Really Important To The Plot Things will start happening one by one soon. See you next week!