Junmyeon felt his heart constrict when he saw the ambulance carry the body of his younger brother farther away from him. His Mom rode the ambulance and he was supposed to follow by taxi to carry some of Jongin's and his Mom's clothes with him. Their Dad wasn't home yet and he's still clueless as to what just happened.

Silently, Junmyeon entered his brother's bedroom and felt his heart constrict some more at the photos hanging on the wall. Jongin's room was clean without a speck of dust on sight, he probably got it from him. As best as he could, he ignored the photos of the three of them smiling on the walls and the guilt crawling in his throat and threatening to eat him up.

After stuffing a few pants, shirt and boxers inside the duffle bag, Junmyeon ran out of the room and locked it. Ever since the incident happened almost a year ago, he tried not to enter Jongin's room and it was an easy task because Jongin didn't want him there. Not after what he did.

It took him another 30 minutes to get everything he needed both for Jongin and his Mom like toothbrushes and soap. He contemplated to bring his things too, but he won't be allowed to stay overnight because he still had school tomorrow. He locked their whole house and hailed a cab to bring him to the hospital.

On the way, he thought it's the best way to break the news to his Dad. He's probably finishing the major proposal he went in for on a Sunday, but Junmyeon knows his Dad loves the both of them and wouldn't mind the disturbance to be notified of Jongin's…

"Dad? Yeah. No. You don't need to buy chicken for dinner. Actually, you need to get to the hospital after work since we're all there? Why?" Junmyeon swallowed hard and fought the tears falling on his face, "We found Jongin in his room… he… Dad, he… he attempted to kill himself."

At those words spoken out loud, Junmyeon couldn't help the tears that flooded his eyes. He heard his Dad's stuttered breath and knew that he must be worried as hell. He knew that it would only take his Dad 15 minutes to sort out his work before he hurried to the hospital, work be damned.

"Yes, he's… I think he's okay. I hope he is." he paused as the tears continued to fall. "I'mafraid, Dad. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, sorry."

Junmyeon doesn't understand why he has to apologize because he knows his parents doesn't blame him at all. No one blames him for what happened six months ago and for what is happening to his younger brother. That's probably why he's carrying everything really seriously because if he doesn't punish himself, no one will. And he needed that, he needed the punishment because he knows he deserves it.

It's been six months ever since it happened and six months ever since Jongin closed off to everyone. It's been six months ever since Junmyeon regretted every single decision he made and every words he spoke. Oh what he would give to go back to feeling left out six months ago rather than being ignored six months after. If only he knew the pain is much worse to bare, maybe he wouldn't have done anything--said anything at all.

It's too late though, because at this moment, Jongin is suffering the consequences.

"We're here, sir."

Junmyeon didn't even realize he had been busy crying that they had already arrived at the hospital. He took enough money for the fare and then some to give to the driver before getting out. His steps towards the entrance were as heavy as his heart felt right this moment.

The lady on the Information Booth smiled pleasantly at him. She didn't even looked fazed at his tear stained face and messy clothes (she probably saw a number of people like him on an hourly, even minutely, basis) and just waited patiently for him to say what he needed.

"Err, uh is Kim Jongin alright?" Junmyeon grimaced at the stupidity of his question. "I mean, where could I find a Kim Jongin?"

She just continued smiling at him. "Just a moment please." Then she turned to the monitor on her left and presumably searched for where his brother was currently staying. After a few agonizing second, she looked up at him. "Is it Kim Jongin the one that's been admitted here about 30 minutes ago via an ambulance?"

He gulped and nodded.  "Yes, ma'am."

"Can you please state your name and relation to the patient?"

"Uhm, Kim Junmyeon, his brother."

She smiled once again and typed on her computer. "He was just transferred to room 424. You may use the elevator at the corridor at the left. Thank you."

Junmyeon breathed a bit better when she told him that Jongin's staying at a room already. It's a relief that he's not in operation or worse, dea--. Hitting himself lightly on the head, he smiled grimly at the receptionist and gave her a small bow before going to the way she instructed. The elevator wasn't that hard to miss so he rode with another guy just the same height as he is who was munching on a bag of chips.

When the door opened to level 4 and he got out, he realized he didn't know what to do and what to expect. He felt himself get clammy at nervousness and he walked towards room 424. On the room the words Kim Jongin was written.

Just as he was about to knock, the door opened and revealed his Mom. She was still wearing the apron she was wearing while she was washing the dishes just 30 minutes ago. Her smile eased his nerves a bit, but not enough for her knees to stop shaking on where he stood.

"Is he… is he okay, Mom?" Junmyeon asked her.

She nodded and then led him inside the room, closing the door beside him. "He's fine, the doctors were able to stabilize him earlier and he's just on oxygen and IV for now. He's still asleep from what the doctors gave him so don't worry yourself too much."

The room was white, just like all the rooms in dramas are. Jongin's bed is near the window and the IV drips and oxygen tank were on either side of the bed. There's a bedside table with a vase, but there's no flowers in it yet. Junmyeon reminded himself to buy some as soon as he could.

"When will he be able to get out, Mom?" he asked again, sitting down on the couch where she sat.

"We don't know yet. The doctors want to keep a close eye on him since this was, after all, a sui…" The look she had on her face can only be described as pain. She couldn't even continue her words and that saddened Junmyeon because he knew that his Mom was probably suffering from thinking that she almost lost a son today.

"It's okay, Mom. They'll take good care of him here."

They didn't talk for a long while, the both of them just staring straight at where Jongin was laying asleep on the bed. She looked worried and afraid and pained all at the same time that Junmyeon felt the guilt trying to claw its way up his throat once again.

He did this. He drove his brother mad to the point that Jongin was left no choice but to try and take his own life. Junmyeon couldn't describe all the feelings running through him at this point because this was all him. There was no one else to blame but him and yet, no one is doing the blaming.

It didn't take even 30 more minutes for his Dad to come bursting through the door with his suitcase in hand. He placed it by the door and gave his wife a tight hug. His eyes was teary, no doubt the result of a few tears on the way here. His parents loved the two of them and weren't afraid to show their emotions. This just made Junmyeon want to cry some more.

Just as he was about to get up and maybe stay away from this room and his parents, there's someone coming in again. She had three male nurses with her who was pushing a bed just behind her.

"Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Kim. My name is Doctor Song of the Psychology Department at the 6th floor. We understand that your son tried to commit suicide," she looked apologetic at the pain that graced his parent's face at those words. "It may be a physical illness, but the reason he did this might be the cause of some mental problems. We would like to transfer him there to further watch him carefully."

"Do you think he'll be okay, Doctor?" Junmyeon heard his Mom ask, her voice shaking a bit.

Doctor Song nodded. "If we do this the right way, he would be."

Junmyeon heard his parents agree to the transfer and watched as the three male moved Jongin to the other bed. Soon, they were walking out of the room and towards a freight elevator that is probably made for these kind of things.

It is probably lucky that they have a cousin who's a nurse at the Psychology Department of this hospital. He knew that the only reason his parents were so accepting of the thought that there might be a problem with Jongin mentally is because they loved him dearly and because Minseok had already explained about mental illnesses when he first got in there.

As his Mom and Dad went with Doctor Song to her office and left Junmyeon alone in the room with an unconscious Jongin, he knew that things won't ever be the same again. At least, with him.



When Jongin was still perfectly fine at home ignoring Junmyeon, a Jongin in the hospital could keep him out of the room by locking it during the time he knew his brother would visit. It wouldn't take a genius to find out that Junmyeon could only come after school hours from 5PM to 7PM wherein he needs to go back home and finish his homework. During weekends, the other boy is busy with treatments and walks outside the park to even spare him a moment.

His Mom who stays with Jongin is confused on why his son is acting like this to his older brother, but didn't want to push Junmyeon into explaining things to her. She just gave him a sad smile whenever he comes to visit and Jongin refuses to see him.

But Junmyeon never stops, he stays at the bench on the waiting place of 6th floor. He stays there until it's time to go home and hope that tomorrow will be different. It never usually is.

Before anyone knew it, three weeks had passed by and Jongin is announced to be doing a bit better but they had to still watch over him. The doctors wouldn't tell them exactly why and Minseok is tight-lipped about it.

So Junmyeon continued spending his time on the waiting place and watched whatever was on the television. He had to waste another hour and a half before he had to go home so he decided to get juice or coffee at the vending machine at the left wing. He could go down to the cafeteria but was too lazy to do so.

When Junmyeon got there, there was only one guy in front of him. For some reason, the boy looks familiar and Junmyeon realized that he has seen him several times already roaming around the ward. He was as short as he is and was wearing the standard patient uniform of the Psychiatry Department. Knowing the other boy must be going through something, he waited patiently for his turn.

"Why isn't it falling downnnn?" The boy in front of him whined.

Junmyeon didn't want to meddle with someone else's problems so he tried not to comment. Where was his nurse? Shouldn't the guy be tending to him or something? But no one came and the boy continued to push a 100 won bill to a machine that only accepts coins. Doesn't the boy know that?

Just when Junmyeon decided he should just go down to get some proper food at the cafeteria, the boy faced him with red eyes and pouty lips. He was terribly cute, looking like a child with that facial expression gracing him.

"Mister, why is the selling box so nasty to me? I just wanted some choco!" the boy wailed and then rushed to Junmyeon and wrapped his arms around his neck. He felt hot tears on his skin and knew the other must be crying now. "Choco!"

Shocked, Junmyeon didn't know how to react because how many times had a complete stranger come and hugged him? Tightly, he might add. Realizing the other must be in extreme distress, he decided to reach to the other's back and rub soothing circles.

"It's okay. I'll help you, uh, get choco." Junmyeon winced because he was speaking like a child. He couldn't help it, the boy was speaking like a child to him even though they looked like they were the same age.

Suddenly, he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Jongdae! What happened?" Minseok ran in front of Junmyeon and the boy--Jongdae?--immediately turned to him. "What happened to you? Why are you crying? I just checked up on your next treatment and you were gone!"

"I wanted to show you I was a big boy and buy my own choco! Liyin noona gave me money, too! See!" Jongdae, presumably, raised the money as if it was a trophy. "But the selling box won't give me any! It's mean!"

"Oh Jongdae, you need coins for that." Minseok smiled and ruffled Jongdae's hair before turning to face Junmyeon probably to apologize, but was surprised when he only saw his cousin. "Oh! I wondered where you've gone. I'm sorry about Jongdae, he's a bit emotional."

"M’not emotional!" Jongdae pouted then turned to Junmyeon with a smile so bright he forgot for a moment that the boy was crying just a second ago. "I'm Jongdae. I'm 7!"



AN: Chapters will be posted every Wednesday. Or once a week, really. Happy New Year, everyone!