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“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. 

 

All of the people in the whole world, I mean everybody — no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. 

 

Inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds... Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe.” 

 

---

 

 

I have to admit I have at least one secret world in me. 

 

The one with Irene. Buried in the deepest corner of my heart. Like a seed, a root, it creeps across my heart, my whole. I have locked everyone away from it.  If I could, even myself.

 

 

I have checked out from that luxurious apartment hotel suite and hopped on a taxi.

 

The driver is a kind-looking middle-aged guy. “Miss, you must be a very successful businesswoman. It’s rare to see a young beautiful lady lives there herself. And you must be on a business trip or something, judging from the luggage you have.”

 

I smile. “I left here 2 years ago. My company sent me back. I don’t have much with me anyways.”

 

 

“So you are Korean, right?” He steals a glance at me at the rear window.

 

“Yes, sir.” I chuckle. 

 

 

“You are going to your family’s place or ….. friend’s?” 

 

“Friend’s. Just a friend. My family is still in Canada.”

 

 

“I see. Take care of yourself then, young lady. It’s getting cold these days. Probably will snow soon.” He says with so much sincerity.

 

“I will. You too. Be careful driving in the snow.” 

 

 

“What a nice young lady.” He grins and his crow’s feet show.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

I look around the house. It’s quite nice.

 

“You hamster. Stop sniffing around and carry your own things too !” 

 

 

“Which one is my room then ?” I rush to her side and pick up two bags.

 

“The one on the right side of the corridor. Just next to my own.”

 

 

“So I guess it’s originally for Joy ?” I ask carefully.

 

Seulgi throws my luggage to the spare room and gives me a look, “She lives with her family. If she comes by, she would have stayed in my room.”

 

 

“Oh….” I raise an eyebrow as I sit on the small single bed.

 

Her smile fades as she continues, “And this...... It’s for Irene.”

 

 

My hands, which were reaching to unpack my stuff, stop mid-air. I retrieve them rather awkwardly. I place them on my lap and rub them. ‘Cause they are quivering. And I cannot let her see that.

 

Exposing my fear is the least thing I want to do.

 

 

“I thought you would never come back.” Seulgi sits on the reading desk not far away.

 

“You are friends with her now? Having sleepovers and DVD marathons?” I lean on the headboard crossing my legs.

 

“Can’t we? Since you useless coward left without a goodbye. She needs us.”

 

“She cares?” I turn my head away. I don’t want my best friend to see me cry. 

 

 

“Wendy.” Seulgi softly calls. “Listen to me.”

 

I hum. I daren’t to say anything as my tears might fall.

 

 

“She didn’t get your mail until a few months ago.” 

 

“WHAT?” A tear stream down my cheek.

 

“You heard me.”

 

 

Looking into Seulgi's eyes, I start crying.

 

Hoping to ease the pain. 

 

Why does it hit me even harder?

 

 

 

“Seungwan, Wendy, please. You need to see her.” Seulgi takes my hand.

 

“What a joke…. ” I keep sobbing. “What did she say ”

 

 

“She didn’t tell us anything. She doesn’t cry, doesn’t smile, doesn’t say anything about you and the mail whenever she’s with us. Krystal got it from the local post office. And when we gave her the box, she just took it and ran away in the speed of light. She cares. She cares, Wendy. I’m sure of it.” Seulgi flashes her warm teddy-bear smile and hugs my trembling body.

 

I am speechless with this cruel truth. And I have no idea what to do with her now. I could have hated her to death if things were what I had thought all the time.

 

I could have forgotten her with another person, perhaps the handsome son of my boss, and get married, have a dozen of children, not going back to Korea in the rest of my life. I could have ended this.

 

 

I don’t know what is in Irene’s head. She knows mine now.

 

I just know they all support me. Seulgi, Joy, Krystal, Seohyun.

 

I still keep Irene’s number, but I have no courage to call. Joy told me she doesn’t change it though.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“Seolhyun, could you help me to call the marketing manager to get here in 5 minutes ?” 

 

“Okay.” She nods holding her iPad. “By the way, do you like your coffee this morning? I heard you have a special liking for your coffee.”  

 

“It’s good. Thanks.” 

 

 

I always joke that there’s a thin line between Seolhyun and Seohyun. And of course, it’s also because Seohyun is the boss here.

 

Coffee doesn’t taste the same since I have left Irene, since I have abandoned my little secret world. It also means something else, something more to me.

 

 

I am not on my period and I am not using the manager as my punching bag. But I scolded his off as soon as he got into my office. He deserved it anyway. He should have listened to his subordinates instead of his old boss’s boots.

 

I have been a nice person in most of my life, but I guess I am not that nice to him that particular day. I might look like a squishy hamster but I could be mean sometimes.

 

 

He cried like a running out from my office after I declared he won’t be fired and he is granted one last chance.

 

Perhaps everyone deserves a second chance.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“You’re sure you don’t need me to go with you?” Seohyun calls before I leave my office.

 

“No thanks. My friends will all be there.” I hold the phone between my head and my left shoulder while fixing my scarf so that I could hide 2/3 of my face with that.

 

 

It’s a freezing day. It just snowed. I position myself right beside the french windows of the diner. Then I wait. It’s a normal weekday but I figure we should meet sooner. Enough waiting.

 

I spot a figure with a long coat approaching this way. My whole body, nervous system, organs all tense up. I have good eyesight. I see her still rocking the long hair. It grows even longer, and she has it dyed brown. She has put on some makeup. She seldom did so back in college. Her lipstick seems to be so freaking red with such background.

 

I can’t help but wonder what she does or a living and how’s she doing.

 

 

She keeps looking around as she is about to arrive. She eventually meets my gaze. It’s the second time she caught me staring. Other than that one time at the audition. She’d never noticed me scrutinizing her every feature. Oh, those creepy stares revealing my feelings.

 

It could just be I got skills, or she is too oblivious.

 

 

We just keep staring into each other’s soul even when there is a layer of glass between us. Some random pedestrian knocks her on the shoulder and she realizes she has been standing on the street for too long.

 

She always gets bumped. Maybe she’s beautiful, attractive, even physically.

 

 

“Hi.” She takes a seat with a small smile.

 

“Hi.” I lift a smile too.

 

 

She takes off her coat as I fidget on my seat. She traces her index finger on the glass of water. 

 

She fixes her hair occasionally as she switches her gaze between me and the view outside the window.

 

 

“They are late.” I check my wristwatch. 

 

“Maybe they aren’t coming.” Irene giggles.

 

“Clever.” I bite my inner lip. “So shall we start?”

 

So they just made up an excuse or set a bait to hook us up again.

 

 

“It depends on starting what.” Irene’s eyes have never left mine. “Nice song by the way.”

 

It feels so good. So good that it ribs my chest open and my heart out again.

 

 

Love is like that. Totally unexplainably irrational. Not exactly blind but it’s like a moth to a flame.

 

You can see it. And from the moment you see it, you want it. You want to touch it, go near it, owe it. And you know it can also break you down.

 

Love is the drive of wanting it beats the fear of breaking down. Love is doing anything for someone even it hurts yourself.

 

 

A moth will be burnt to ashes in a flame but the flame will burn stronger, brighter with those ashes. Even it is just a spark, lasting only for a second.

 

I guess I would be happier as a moth than a coward. When I see this flame again, I want it. I want it for myself and I am not letting it go until I turn to ashes.

 

 

“So you like it?” I want it, my eyes aren’t leaving it. “I want to start it all over. Us.”

 

“Me too." Oh, her gaze is so strong. Just like I remember.

 

 

All I want to do right now is shout into her face that “Get your here and see I have built a world for you. I won’t mind if you decide to stay there for the rest of your life.”

 

 

“Wendy,” She leans her upper body closer. “I didn’t know my feelings before. And when I finally did, you were gone. So I think we should make it up to each other.”

 

“Aren't we a  match?” I just shake my head.

 

 

“So will you?” Irene frowns a little.

 

“I will. Anything you want. In any way you like.” I smile brightly.

 

 

“Great.” She grins lopsidedly. “Hello there. I’m Irene, Bae Joohyun. A PR consultant.”

 

I think I am charmed. And so, she quitted cheerleading, orders-shouting, dancing, acrobatics once and for all.

 

 

“Hi Irene, you’re different. You know it, right?” I remove my scarf. “You can call me Wendy. My Korean name is Son Seungwan. I work as an assistant creative director. I like denim shirts and coffee.”

 

She does her eyebrow dance as she sees the shirt I am wearing underneath the cardigan.

 

 

“How about singing?” She playfully asks. “And drinking?”

 

“I don’t usually drink. I love singing but I only sing for leisure now.”

 

 

“What a pity.” She pouts tapping the table with her fingers. “Can you sing for me someday?”

 

“Sure. Your wish is my command.” I fold my arms leaning back on my chair.

 

 

“Then…. ” Her orbs scan her surroundings. “I suggest we should go for a date after the meal.”

 

“It’s cold tonight.” I shrug. “Do you have enough clothes?”

 

“Of course I do!” She complains like a kid. “So go or not?”

 

“You want this date as much as I do, I am just making sure.”

 

 

“I don’t care if it’s too fast but I have decided where to go for our date.” She grins again.

 

“Well, I don’t mind.” I just can’t help smiling whenever I look at her.

 

 

It would be a great date and a great night I think.

 

I think I would still think of her a lot too. But in a different way. Maybe I could think of us.

 

Oh Irene. I really don’t mind. I don’t mind you trash me and my heart all over again. I don’t mind you enter my secret worlds and leave your mark everywhere.

 

I would tell you my every secret, every little fear and dream. I would not hide anything from you anymore. You would know my everything. All of me.

 

I am willing to do all these not even frowning as you said this to me before we said goodbye.

 

 

“I think I like you.”

 

“I like you too.”

 

 

I like you too. I can finally say it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Merry Christmas guys :D So here is a happy ending !!!! 

And there's a sequel called "You will think of me", a light one.

They will be officially together in there.

 

Just remember I love you guys and I thank you all truthfully.

My writings have never been loved by so many people,

so I just wanna say every subscription, every upvote, every comment means something to me.

 

*group hug*

 

And...

xo