Hyesung was crying a mess. Beside him, Eric, just stood still. He was doing nothing. But everyone knew  if Eric was more crestfallen than his boyfriend.

“How could you…how could you…,” Hyesung couldn’t finish his sentence. His tears prohibited him from doing that. He chocked for hundred times that night.

Yes, how could he do that? After what Hyesung gave for him, he kissed Yumi in his car after did the last shoot for their drama. How could he thought that he wanted to know the feel of kissing a girl after many years of his relationship with Hyesung? Is kissing with her according the script wasn’t enough for him?

Hours passed and Hyesung’s tears were already dried. He looked at his boyfriend, who sat in front of him, with a cold stare.

“How’s the kiss? Is it good? You enjoyed it?”

After Hyesung finished that questions, Eric was on the brink of crying.

No, he didn’t enjoy the kiss. He excited at first, but he felt nothing. Eric kept his head down. Everything was going crazy after Yumi showed her love for Eric. Made some stupid idea came in Eric’s mind. But that was not the only reason. After many years of rejection from their parents about his relationship with Hyesung, he already felt the tiredness. He already though about the possibility of dating a girl and got bless from his parent.

But Hyesung, being so loyal with their relationship, never think about it. He believed if Eric will always support him and make him tough. But what he had been saw that evening made him in a shocked state. His mount of toughness broken.

He loves Hyesung, indeed. Love everything about him. But he knew, this time, his love for that beautiful man couldn’t make Hyesung believe in him anymore.

“You will say nothing, huh?” Eric could heard Hyesung’s chuckled. And in a blink of eye, Hyesung already stood, left Eric alone in living room and entered their bedroom, which was become Eric’s in Hyesung’s mind now. But the sight of Hyesung went out from their bedroom with his luggage made Eric couldn’t hold his tears anymore.

“No…please, don’t…,” finally, Hyesung heard Eric’s cracked voice. His face stained with tears and his eyes full of fear.

But Hyesung shook his head.”You’ve been late for answering my question.”

“Please,” begged Eric. But Hyesung passed him, opened the door and disappear.

***

Eric could not see Hyesung for more than one week. That main vocal’s apartment was empty. Everyone in Livework said they had not see that fair man. His band mate gave same answer. Thye said that Hyesung never answer their called. Recently, Hyesung’s phone seemed off because their call always answer by mailbox.

“Did Hyesung stay in your house, Jinnie?” ask Eric.

“No,” Junjin shook his head, made a thinking pose and talked again.”It’s strange. His brother called me too, asked for his hyung.”

“Jinki called you?”

“He said their parent wanted to meet Hyesung.”

“When he called you?” Eric became more anxious.

“Last night…,” Junjin suddenly stopped and fear came in his eyes. His voice cracked. ”Hyung, where’s Hyesung hyung?”

Eric fell out and cried. Junjin already called all of their band mate. In half an hour they already came with fear in their face. They know Eric had a so much meaning in Hyesung life. So they already though every dangerous possibility that Hyesung might done.

“Help me…help me to find him…,” Eric cried.”I can’t live without him.”

Without Eric told them, they knew how broken Eric state now. Minwoo said that Eric barely eat. It’s become a very good thing if Eric could eat without crying then vomiting once. He even didn’t sleep well for days. Minwoo already saw how Eric just sleep for one hour before woke up and screamed for Hyesung’s name.

“What happended Eric?” ask Minwoo after once again, Eric woke up in the middle of the night.

“I…I dreamt about Hyesung…he…he killed himself in front me,” Then after finished his sentence, Eric run to bathroom and vomited.

When Eric came back from bathroom, Minwoo sat beside him and asked,

“So Eric, can you tell me why you kissed Yumi that night?”

Eric looked at his friend.”Yes, I will tell you.”

Need more than one hour for Eric to tell everything. Now, he was crying and vomiting again. Minwoo could only stare and felt sad for him.

The feeling of guilty is the strongest punishment.

***

Monday morning they started to find Hyesung. They cleared their schedule for that day, except Dongwan who can’t avoid his ton of work after leaving Korea for learning in Canada. But he promised he’ll come for them right after his recording.

“Take your time, Dongwannie,” Eric said in a small voice, tried to smile but failed.”I know you need to gain back money after spent them for your holyday in Canada.”

Dongwan laughed, glad Eric could still make a little joke. Then he hugged his leader.

“You need to believe that Hyesung love you more than anything, even more than his stock of sesame.”

Minwoo smacked Dongwan’s head, before claimed that they must been already started to find Hyesung.

“Dongwan, hurry, you need to finish your work.” Said Minwoo.

Eric and Minwoo started to search at Hyesung’s friends home, like Kangta and Ji Hoon. Andy and Junjin started from Hyesung’s family because both if them really good in taming old people. Except Hyesung’s parent. All of them had same thought if Eric was the only one who has the responsibility to face Hyesung’s parent rage after talked honestly about his mistake.

But the plan never could be done. In the middle of searching, Eric faint. Minwoo that already felt Eric lack of power, seemed so worry from the start. But Eric, as he know, was so stubborn. Eric believe if he could do anything for Hyesung.

“Whayt? He fainted?” Junjin jolt in his seat, make Andy and Hyesung’s grandparent shocked.

“Who? Who had been fainted? It’s Hyesung?” ask Hyesung grandmother.

“Oh, sorry,” Junjin hurriedly close his phone.”No grandma, it’s not Hyesung. We have not found him yet. The one who fainted is Eric, Hyesung’s boyfriend.”

“Oh, poor child. How come he couldn’t take care of his healt if he wanted to take care our grandchild?” Hyesung’s grandma shook her head. Andy and Junjin felt agreed with her.

***

Dongwan came to hospital one hour later. He brought food for them and a bottle of sesame seed. Eric had asked for it.

“You really want to eat with this?” Dongwan give that sesame seed.

“I missed him, Wannie,” said Eric with tears.

The guilty eat Eric alive. They could see that clearly. Junjin almost crying saw how Eric started to eat with a lot of sesame seed, like Hyesung always did.

“Hy…hyung, you want to eat something else?” ask Andy.

“No, it’s good,” said Eric calmly.

Four of them only could stare the sick man with sad eyes until the heard the door opened harshly. Hyesung stood, breathless and eyes full of tears.

“Eric!”

The said man seemed really shocked. He only saw how Hyesung ran and fell over him. Hugged him tightly, kissed his face and muttered how afraid him.

“Hye…Hyesung…love…,”

Four of them took that as sign to going out. So they left the leader and lead vocal crying and hugging like there is no tomorrow.

“Hyesung,” Eric kissed his lip, nose, eyes and cheek.”Please, don’t cry anymore. It’s my fault. So better if you angry and hit me. But please, don’t cry.”

Hear what Eric said, Hyesung’s cried again. Made Eric hugged him more tight, and kissed him more, all over the beautiful man’s face, head, neck and hand. It made Hyesung calmed. Yes, Eric touch always make him calm and feel safe.

“How you know I’m here?” ask Eric.

“Minwoo gi…give me re..report everyday about y..you,” Hyesung started to sob agaib.n”He tell me everything, why you kiss…kissed Yu..that girl.”

Eric’s body tensed.”I hate myself. When you left me that night, I really wanted to kill my self.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s my fault. I wanted to tell you that my feeling about dating a girl is already gone and…,”

“Can we talk about it later?” Hyesung bitted his nail. It was a silent pregnant.

“Yes, of course, love.”

Hyesung smiled before buried his face in Eric’s chest. And he heard Eric said to him,”For now, I really want to tell you that I love you so much. You could do anything after this. But I will still waiting you.”

Hyesung stared Eric’s eyes.”Yes, thankyou.”

“I love you,” Eric hugged his boyfriend again.”Hyesung?”

“Yes?”

 “One week I’ve lost you. One week Shinhwa Changjo couldn’t hear any information about you. How poor we’re,” said Eric, made Hyesung blushing and hit his boyfriend.

“Yah!”

Eric laughed. Felt so blessed saw how Hyesung cuddle in his arm. How Hyesung cameback for him and show him that he ready to face their problem again.

“So Hyesung, tell me, did Minwoo really called you every day?”