Jongup looked at his friend and he understood. Because there couldn't be a problem in Junhong liking their hyung, that was a given fact, unless the like he was talking about wasn't that simple.   The older didn't say anything. What was there to say. This was a bad situation. Liking someone who you knew for most of your life was definitely not easy. It brought many problems. And many worries. Jongup didn't know how to give advice. He didn't know what one should do in a situation like this..   “Are you going to be okay?”
Junhong's eyes turned away from his friend. “I don't know..”
He pulled his legs up against his body to hide his face. “I don't know...”       The next weeks were like hell for the boy. Now that he had realized his feelings, everything seemed more uncomfortable and forced. Every time his hyung looked at him, smiled, touched him.. he felt his heart clench.   He tried to hide it but the pain was deep. Ignoring it was impossible. How could one simply forget the feelings grown over so many years..?   Junhong couldn't.   He simply couldn't..       Junhong slowly let his fingers wander over the arm of the boy lying next to him. Yongguk was still asleep. Though the touch let him slowly wake. With a quiet and deep sound, which the younger liked quite a lot actually, he turned around but his eyes stayed closed. The blue hair had to smile. He the other's skin again. This time the older gave a hum and lifted his lids halfway. “What..” His voice was thick of sleep, it's roughness sending shivers down Junhong's spine.   The younger placed his head on his hyung's chest. “I'm bored.” Yongguk ran a hand over his face. “And that's why you woke me?” The other only grinned.       “This can't continue. You're hurting yourself..” The younger looked at Jongup who continued speaking. “You're seeing each other practically every day. And each day you'll feel like this. The longing, the hurt, the fright.. Your feelings have built over time, they won't just change.. If you keep this up, you're going to break.” Junhong turned his gaze away. “I know.. But I can't tell him. This shouldn't have happened in the first place. How can I risk something we have built over so many years? What right do I have.. I'm afraid..”   “So that's it? You're simply going to give up?” “What should I do in your opinion?” The younger seemed so fragile. The conflict inside him was hurting him so much, it was obvious. Jongup grew quieter. “..I don't know ..But don't you have any thoughts of actually starting a relationship with him? Maybe you should try to make him notice you as a potential lover.”   Lover.. That word sounded so weird.. So unrealistic.   “I'm only a little brother to him..” “Then change that. Make him realize. And maybe give him an understanding of the idea of being more than friends.” Junhong looked downwards, unsure. “What if I fail..? What if I break our friendship..?” His friend put an arm around him.   “You'll never know if you don't try.. Don't you want to have the chance of things working out?” The younger leaned against the embrace. He felt secure and warm. Jongup was such a good friend. “Why didn't I fall in love with you..” The older laughed quietly. “Because I'm not Yongguk-hyung.”       Junhong strolled into the kitchen, looking for something to eat. He headed for the refrigerator and opened the door which was cluttered with pictured memories, mostly of him and Yongguk. They went from their first moments until a few weeks ago. The older had a habit of putting the ones he liked the most up for the world to see. Junhong had complained once because he thought it was embarrassing. However, now he looked fondly at their time together, remembering each like it had been yesterday.       Junhong didn't know what to do. He thought about Jongup's words. Should he really try..? Should he really risk it...? Though on the other hand.. What if he succeeded..? What if Yongguk somehow saw him not as brother but something more..? Was that possible...?   The boy closed his eyes. Why was this so difficult..   “Junhong! Dinner's ready!” Junhong remained in his position for a second before leaving his room and joining his mother. She only gave him a glance and knew something was up. “What's wrong? You've been down lately.” The woman gave him a plate after he had sat down at the table. “Is it because of school? Choosing university? You know I'm not pressuring you-” “I'm okay, mum.”   The younger took a bite. “Just dealing with some stuff.” She lifted a brow. Dealing with some stuff huh.. “If you don't want to talk to me about it, why don't you ask Yongguk or is he busy again? Are you sulking because he doesn't have time?” “What the hell, mum?! I'm not sulking!” The woman eyed him suspiciously. After a moment of silence she opened again.   “So is it about Jongup?” Junhing groaned “Oh my god please stop!” They looked at each other for a moment before the older lifted her hands in surrender and finally began to eat as well. “I know you can't talk to me about everything.. Since you don't have a fatherly figure, I always relied on Yongguk to take care of those things.”   Junhong stopped his movements, turning away from the gaze of the other, though he meant every word. “It's okay. You did a great job, mum.” The older gave him a knowing look. “Don't lie to this old woman! You were the most ill-behaved kid in the whole neighborhood and you're still full of mischief.” She smiled lovingly at him.   “Even with Yongguk staying by your side, you still didn't really calm down. Though he helped a lot. And I'm so grateful.. I love him like a son. But I am also your mother. And I want you to be happy!” She paused to simply gaze in her son's eyes. “I remember a much livelier and way more daring Junhong who tried everything to get what he wanted..” Junhong stared at her. His mother was right. Once he had set his mind on something, he was very determined to follow it.   So what was different now?   Was he that scared..?   This wasn't like him at all. He liked, no, he was in love with Yongguk. So what if there was a possibility of things going for the worse.. as Jongup said it could also work out. And he had forgotten an important fact.. Yongguk would never ban the younger from his life. He wasn't like that.   Junhong actually had a chance.       A warm hand touched his waist for a second. An automatic movement. “What are you looking for? I'll fix us breakfast.” Junhong turned around to see the older already taking a pan. He grabbed the eggs and closed the refrigerator door. “I want fried eggs. Sunny side up.” Yongguk lifted an eyebrow amused. “Any other wishes?”   The younger made a thoughtful face. “Maybe.. Pancakes? And fruit salad? Oh! Cherry tomatoes!” Now his features lit up, the impossible demands forgotten. “Do you have some?” Yongguk sighed, though the corner of his mouth was slightly lifted. “Behind the yogurt and cheese.” Immediately Junhong searched the refrigerator again, quickly finding what he was looking for.   The older watched him. “I definitely spoil you too much.” The blue hair smirked. “You love spoiling me.” Yongguk scoffed with half a smile.       Junhong sat beside the older on the couch, the two watching a movie. Though it wasn't anything new they were doing, it suddenly had become anything but normal for the younger. He had decided on trying. Trying to make his hyung see him differently. However, now he had to realize, it wasn't that easy. His heart was beating wildly against his ribcage. He was nervous. Should he touch him? Should he say something? What should he do..? What was he supposed to do?   The problem wasn't only what he should do, but also doing something that was daring, though not too much. Junhong had to be subtle while on the other hand most touches would be seen as nothing particular since there were few boundaries between them.   The boy took a breath before finally deciding on slipping his hand between Yongguk's. The older threw him a glance and almost immediately responded. Obviously..   After a few minutes Junhong leaned over to huddle up to his hyung, who lifted his arm to put it around the younger. “Someone's cuddly.” He could hear the amusement.   Amusement.. He didn't take this serious at all..   Though Junhong couldn't expect the other to suddenly change what had been formed over years.. Could he...       “Youngjae asked if we wanted to meet later.” “Sure. Haven't seem him in a while. What's he up to?”
“He's starting university in a few weeks. He's pretty nervous.”
The older laughed while shaking his head. “I bet. That boy..”       Junhong sighed. “I don't know what to do..”
He rubbed his face. “He doesn't realize anything.” The room grew silent. Jongup thought about it. “Maybe we should talk to someone who has experience?”
The younger looked up skeptically.   “Like who? Do you know someone in a same-gender relationship?” Jongup had never been in a relationship because he was too shy and too afraid. His mother didn't like it so he had always tried to hide his preference, though his friend was encouraging to be more outgoing and to find someone and tell them. But maybe that still needed some time.. “Actually.. I do.”
Junhong blinked. “You do?”   The older nodded hesitantly. “I found out that one of our upperclassman is dating another guy. He asked me not to tell anyone.” “Is it alright for you to talk about it then?” Junhong wasn't mad at his best friend for not telling him. He knew Jongup. The boy respected others. It wasn't like he didn't trust the younger or anything. If he promised he wouldn't tell anyone, then he wouldn't. “He's nice. If we explain to him the reason, I'm sure he will help.”  
The next day they waited in front of said boy's classroom. Upon noticing Jongup and someone he didn't know, he reluctantly walked over to the two. “What do you want?” Jongup smiled carefully. “My friend needs some advice. I thought you might be able to help.” The older seemed slightly surprised. He looked at Junhong and then back to Jongup. Though his defenses had gone down. “Alright.”   They went through the corridors to go outside and search for a quiet place to settle down for lunch. However, the atmosphere was quite awkward. The oldest was the first to open his mouth. “So.. What did you want to talk about exactly?” Jongup looked at his younger friend who returned it and then answered. “I.. Jongup told me about you.. My name's Junhong, I kind of am in love with my hyung?” This was way more embarrassing than he had thought. And Junhong normally always knew what to say.   The other looked at him for a second. “Youngjae... You said hyung? So you're in love with a boy. And that's why Jongup thought I could help.” The younger nodded. Silence arose. Youngjae eyed his new acquaintance. “I assume it isn't that simple?” “We grew up together. We're like brothers and that's what I'm still seen as.” That was indeed not simple at all.   Junhong hesitantly parted his lips. “How did you start your relationship?” The older finished the bite of his lunch. “We met at the bus station seven months ago. He helped me pick up stuff I had dropped. There wasn't anything special at first. Though we accidentally met again. He laughed and joked how it was fate.” A smile stole itself upon Youngjae's lips. “He was friendly and nice and pretty funny so when he asked me if we wanted to be friends, I said why not.”   The others watched him, listening to his story curiously while the boy himself seemed to remember the moments. “Though after some time something else developed. We both didn't know what the hell we were doing, what we were feeling.. On one evening we sat in the park and just talked. And somehow we ended up kissing.” He ended with a shrug like it was no big deal. “We started dating shortly after that.”   Junhong had also begun to eat his lunch. The air between them had become light and comfortable. “Are the two of you gay?” “Not really. At least that's what we thought before that. We just didn't care I guess. We liked each other more than friends. Though I did freak out a bit. It's not everyday you end up being romantically involved with the same if you haven't done that before.” The younger blinked. He was really surprised and intrigued. “And it worked out just like that?”   “We did have some misunderstandings. I thought he already had a girlfriend and he wasn't sure if I actually liked him like that. And yeah.. For both of us it's the first relationship with a guy, so problems and awkwardness arise sometimes. We both experience as we go. That's what life's all about, isn't it.” Junhong was speechless. Though mostly simply impressed. When the older noticed his look, he had to laugh.
“Don't think too highly of me. I'm not perfect. I'm far from it actually..”   “..But you're happy.” Youngjae's face softened. “I am..”
His eyes formed crescents, the following words only a mumble to himself, though Junhong was still able to hear them.
“Who wouldn't be if someone loves you even with all of your imperfections..”       “Is Daehyun going to be there, too?”
Junhong shrugged, drying the dishes the older had washed. “Youngjae didn't say anything.”
“That means yes.”
They both had to grin.       Jongup and Junhong spend more and more time with Youngjae. They got on well together. And so they were introduced to Daehyun. A smiling, charming, good-looking boy. As Youngjae had told them, he was indeed very friendly and nice and he immediately took a shine to the two younger.   “Junhong! Jongup! My two favorite dongsaengs!” He slung his arms around them, walking in the middle. Though when he saw his boyfriend, he let go of the two and gave Youngjae all of his attention. Junhong always watched them jealously. The way they looked at each other.. Their touches.. The first time he had seen the two with each other, he had felt like he was intruding in a very intimate moment.   Though Junhong also noticed the looks people were sending Daehyun and Youngjae. They weren't openly kissing but the way they interacted was obvious. They were holding hands, smiling at each other like most boys wouldn't. At least that's what society viewed it as. “This is what you're going to have to face as well.”
He turned to Daehyun, Youngjae and Jongup standing in line for a hot drink. The older continued. “It's normal sadly.. But that's the world we're living in. Same-gender relationships especially between males are often returned by disgust, fright, sometimes curiosity.. From words to actions you have to be prepared to encounter bull everyday..”   “Have you experienced those?” The older looked over to Youngjae. “Many times.. It was pretty hard for Youngjae at first. He probably hasn't told you yet but his parents are a bit.. difficult. They want to be seen as perfect and hate it when others are talking bad about them. So of course they would never approve of Youngjae having a relationship with a boy. We decided we wouldn't tell them until he's at least out of high school. But that's also a reason he felt kind of uncomfortable showing affection in public.”   Junhong was shocked. He hadn't expected Youngjae to have that kind of problem. “You should be aware that you're also going to affect the people around you. Your family.. His family.. Friends.. They most likely will look at you differently. It won