Easy

The orange light casted by the sun waned in the afternoon, drawing a long shadow from Jinhwan’s feet. He wasn’t sure how he came to this place. He had too many thoughts in his head that he didn’t know what to focus on; he either observed everything or noticed nothing. Today, it was the latter.

He meant to stand by his decision, peel himself away from Hanbin but he sure was worried. He couldn’t say he had stopped feeling things for Hanbin, but he willed himself to stay strong and not be swayed. Perhaps he was curing himself of the guilt that’s why he came.

A house much more elegant than theirs stood in front of him, with its white outer walls sending waves of nothingness like he remembered they did. Black wooden panels paralleled the white to make it seem less empty, but it was very quiet in this part of the village, and even though the sun was setting, it was still dark in the house. It would always come as a surprise to one that a person lived in it.

The house was still uninviting despite its pretty exterior. He used to always come here though, to make Hanbin feel less alone.

“Jinhwan?”

Jinhwan turned around at the sound of the voice, which brought him out of his sleepy state caused by the listless afternoon or perhaps the thoughts in his head.

There, his friends stood before him, backpacks perched on their shoulders in a lazy manner.

“What are you doing here?” Jiwon demanded, tone commanding as though it was his place. Hongseok nudged him in the elbow and the former mouthed a ‘what?’.

“I,” Jinhwan began but didn’t know how to finish. “I thought I…” He tried again. “I actually don’t know.” He shook his head.

“Why don’t you come in?” Yunhyeong asked. It was always nice to have Yunhyeong around. He was empathetic and sensitive to how others felt, whereas Jiwon was controlling no matter the time or place.

Jinhwan had heard the same words before, in the same place and boy did it bring back memories.

He simply shook his head, unable to form out words when his thoughts were unclear even to him.

“Let’s go in together,” Hongseok said as he stepped forward to ring the doorbell, Jinhwan’s wrist in his other hand.

“No, please.” There was a desperation in Jinhwan’s tone that made his best friend turn to him.

“I thought you didn’t care, but I thought wrong,” Jiwon said.

“Do you want to see him alone? We could do that for you,” Yunhyeong turned to the others for approval and they nodded.

“No.”

“Jinhwan…do you hate us?” Yunhyeong asked, once and for all.

“No! Don’t think that.”

“What’s wrong, then? Why don’t you tell me?” Hongseok tugged at his wrist.

“I can’t. I don’t know how.” Jinhwan wished that by now they’ve already figured out how eloquent he was.

“Go on in. Just…see how he’s doing. Please?” He looked at their faces and knew that whatever he saw there as everything but comprehension. They couldn’t understand. “I’m sorry but I really have to go,” he easily shook Hongseok’s hand away and he began to walk off, taking one feet ahead of the other. This should be easy but he felt heavy out of nowhere and he couldn’t breathe properly.

He turned around, because he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to go home in his state, to ask for his friends’ help, and maybe their forgiveness too, apologize because he couldn’t say the words they wanted to hear and for hurting Hanbin as well. This was all his fault, and the realization brought him the sting to his eyes and the burning of his lungs as though he was drowning. His vision blurred, and tears sprung up and welled in his sockets, but he knew for sure that his friends weren’t there anymore. They had gone in, and they took with them the orange of the afternoon because it was already gray and monochrome.

It was raining, and Jinhwan had no idea how quickly it all happened, how the skies accumulated rain clouds in so little time. How his eyes were trained on someone’s pale neck. How he didn’t need to find shelter because of the umbrella above his head.

“It’s okay. You’re safe now,” said the still stranger in a tone that didn’t guarantee safety.

His