EMPTY WISHES

The sun was hanging low when Jinhwan walked to school, two days into the week, skies still a gloomy blue, which didn’t make sense because every color that his eyes landed on appeared gloomy to him.

There was a light tap on his shoulder, followed by a quiet “Hey,” and Jinhwan looked up to meet the gaze of his new company.

It was his best friend Hongseok. His almost pitiful gaze was familiar by now and Jinhwan wished it wasn’t.

“I heard,” Hongseok prompted, walking side by side the smaller boy. He said it so quietly, and Jinhwan wondered inwardly what the boy was talking about.

“Jiwon told me.”

 Oh.

Jinhwan looked at him blankly, asking himself what he should say.

“And I found out from our teachers that you were sick,” Hongseok cocked his eyebrows up as though he was waiting for something. “I was worried.”

After a few seconds, Jinhwan found his voice, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s okay. But you’re doing better now, right?” Hongseok asked without meaning to sound so cheerful. He was always like this, always positive, bright like the sun so it was no wonder Jiwon and he got together. They fit each other like pieces of puzzle. Hongseok was a nice person to be around, so when did hanging around him become such a chore?

Jinhwan trained his eyes in front of him as they climbed up the stairs. It took him the whole flight before he could answer—albeit a lie: “Sure.”

(He wasn’t.)

When the bullying began a week ago, Jinhwan told himself he didn’t mind. It was true. He had friends, a good family, a best friend and he had Hanbin. But now it wasn’t the case even as he walked through the hallway alongside Hongseok. The not-so-subtle jabs of ‘’ quickly shoot through his guard (or what was left of it) without fail, causing a sting in his eyes and a bow of his head. He wished he didn’t cower like his bullies wanted him to. He wished he didn’t feel so utterly broken and alone.

When did he start listening to his demons?

Classes passed by in a haze, his teachers’ drones passing through one ear and out the other. Jinhwan didn’t learn a thing, and it was almost a surprise when the lunch bell rang.

Hongseok cocked an eyebrow up at him, “You didn’t end on bad terms, did you?”

Jinhwan didn’t have to think; he blankly shook his head.

“We didn’t.” (Or did they?)

“Would you mind telling me why?”

The question caught him off guard. Hongseok obviously waited for an answer as they walked to the cafeteria. Jinhwan didn’t know what to tell him when he himself didn’t know.

He decided to hide his ignorance in an “I would, actually,” then a smile, so Hongseok would know he wasn’t offended.

“Jinhwan!” It was a familiar voice that he didn’t expect to hear, in a tone laced with ‘I’m excited to see you!’.

Hongseok and Jinhwan’s heads whipped to the sound, catching the smile on Jiwon’s face as they walked over to what used to be their lunch table.

“Sit with us,” Jiwon invited eagerly, and Jinhwan couldn’t actually dismiss the pleading look on his face as well as the other pair of eyes that looked at him worriedly.

Jinhwan was glad that Hanbin was nowhe