The Fall

The purple tints of the sky outside suggested that it was twilight. They were ten minutes into the horror movie that Yunhyeong suggested they watch first and nothing should be out of place. Everyone had settled into their own positions: Yunhyeong took the adjacent part of the L couch all on his own while Jiwon sat himself on the floor, head between Hongseok’s knees and it was almost disgusting how the two couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Hanbin sat on Jinhwan’s left, naturally.

There were bottles of Coke on the table, a bowl of popcorn, and the slices of triple chocolate cake on their plates.

Something in Jinhwan couldn’t process this. He wished he could bask himself in the sort of comfort that Friday nights brought, of knowing that they had the whole weekend with no responsibilities to attend to. Somehow it felt like the child in him was taken away from him.

The situation at hand was just like how it was in the previous school year, when hanging out like this came as naturally as breathing. 

Jinhwan didnt know how to react when Hanbin gripped his hand due to a particularly scary scene and apologized for it not long after. Jinhwan couldn't even watch anything, mind too occupied, vision too blurry. He crossed his legs and left his hands on his feet.

When Jiwon noticed that Yunhyeong had fallen asleep, he paused the movie and asked Hongseok to retrieve the marker pen they bought earlier. He then proceeded to doodle on Yunhyeong's face, took a picture of his sleeping face and posted it on facebook while they all tried to suppress their giggles, all except for Jinhwan who watched the scene blankly, who plastered a smile on his face when someone looked.

He couldn't think at all. Something about the rain appearing with June when it had been a clear, sunny day tilted his axis. It screwed up with his overall sense of things.

They all called it a night after they finished the third movie, with Jiwon and Hongseok calling dibs on the guest room to do who knows what, leaving Hanbin and Jinhwan in the living room to clean up after their mess, but Hanbin said they could just do it the next day.

Jinhwan drew a heavy sigh as he leaned back on the couch, relieved that he could stop expecting things to go a certain way because they simply didn’t. He expected tonight to be like one of those precious memories from his childhood that he would always go back to, but he just felt out of place and confused, almost as if he had someone's fingers wrapped around his neck, blocking his airway.

"Are you okay?" Hanbin plopped himself next to Jinhwan once he was done turning everything off.

Jinhwan couldn't look at him when he said yes and faked a yawn. Surely Hanbin would get the idea. "Just a bit tired is all."

"You should get to bed," Hanbin motioned to his room.

Jinhwan snorted. "Don’t be silly. This is my bed for the night." He patted the couch.

Hanbin raised his arms in surrender, a slight smile playing on his lips. "Right. I'd just get you some blankets."

Jinhwan didn't wait for Hanbin to come back before he laid himself down and pretended to sleep. He felt Hanbin's feet padding down the stairs and across the floor and pausing when he got to him. 

"Already?" Hanbin asked himself before he put the blanket over Jinhwan, making sure his feet weren't covered.

"You must be really tired." He sighed, but unlike earlier, he didn’t stay after that, much to Jinhwan's relief.

He heard Hanbin's door closing and he knew then that he wouldn't fall asleep that night.

He knew that Hanbin cared about him a lot. Hanbin made it a point to be obvious so Jinhwan couldn't really deny that. He appreciated the thought, but it wasn't exactly wanted affection. 

It made him uncomfortable to an extent, made him feel sorry because he didn't anymore feel that way for Hanbin. Maybe if he dug through his heart, he would find some leftover feelings, but it all felt too late.

If Hanbin didn't break up with him, he wouldn't even be here. If Hanbin showed this kind of affection sooner and held his hand through everything he'd been through, he would've been fine now. Smiling wouldn't be such a chore. He wouldn’t have to be alone. He wouldn’t have sought an escape from reality. He wouldn't have met June.

“June,” He muttered, tasting the name in his tongue. He sighed.

Somehow, all train of thought always led him back to that boy.

Jinhwan was okay with the thought of meeting June in his dreams, whether he was real or not. This, however, was a game changer. It blurred the line between what was real and what wasn't.

These were his thoughts when the same pull from earlier dragged him away from consciousness even though he didn't think it would come.

The darkness was welcoming, though it also felt like he was still in Hanbin's living room, with Yunhyeong sleeping peacefully just a couple feet away. It was the same darkness, and so Jinhwan knew not to be afraid.

Soon after, the darkness lifted and Jinhwan was back in the rooftop. What should be the blue sky was covered in dark, heavy clouds, dimming everything down as a