"Appa!"

Jinhwan puts the mug he was looking at back on the shelf just in time to catch a blur of brown hair and limbs in his arms, smiling affectionately despite the force of Yunhyeong's jump because he's always happiest when Yunhyeong is excited. 

Yunhyeong waves the colouring set gripped in his small hands so frantically that Jinhwan has to laugh and catch his wrist in order to see the item properly. "Can I get this for Chanwoo?" Yunhyeong asks, eyes pleading. 

It's the night of Christmas Eve and Jinhwan - finally getting a night off - decided to take Yunhyeong out Christmas shopping for presents and a few decorations for their small apartment. Jinhwan has always wanted to be able to let Yunhyeong experience the spirit of Christmas, to take him out shopping at night when the streets are alive with busy shoppers, colourful lights and Christmas cheer, when snow is falling from the dark winter sky and their shoes can crunch against the ice on the asphalt as they bundle up in thick winter clothes and brave the cold. So far he's been unable to do it, always having to take on extra shifts at the cafe or getting bogged down by university commitments, but he manages to clear his schedule this year and seeing the sheer excitement in Yunhyeong's eyes makes him so glad that he did. 

"Of course," Jinhwan says, laughing when Yunhyeong plants a sloppy kiss on his cheek before scrabbling to get down so that he can put the colouring set in the shopping basket. 

"Don't go too far!" Jinhwan calls after Yunhyeong once his son sprints off again to find more presents. Jinhwan makes sure he can still see Yunhyeong's tuft of hair and red winter jacket before resuming with his own shopping, picking out gifts for Jiwon and Donghyuk as well as Junhoe, Soohyun, Hongseok and Jinhyeong. He grabs some small and simple gifts for acquaintances like Chanwoo's mother and Mrs Kwon as well as some of his friends in university, making sure to keep within his budget. He'd already bought Hanbin's and Yunhyeong's gifts a couple of days before, hiding them at the back of his closet so neither of them would chance upon it so easily.

Jinhwan looks down when he feels weight being added to the basket, narrowing his eyes at the toys Yunhyeong put inside. He counts them quickly and after making sure that Yunhyeong stuck to his agreed limit of seven gifts for only his closest friends, Jinhwan takes Yunhyeong's hand in his and walks to the cashier so that his son doesn't try to run off again. When they finish paying and head over to the gift-wrapping counter, Jinhwan is busy with his phone as Yunhyeong teeters on the balls of his feet and grips the edge of the counter, craning his neck in his struggle to see how the salesgirl is wrapping the gifts. Just as Yunhyeong is about to tug on Jinhwan's jeans to ask to be carried, however, he's hoisted into a pair of arms.

Jinhwan swears his heart stops for that one second where Yunhyeong lets out a surprised shriek, but then he sees who picked his son up and the relief that washes over him practically makes his body sag.

"Sorry," Hanbin says with a laugh, but his eyes are tired and his face is pale, exhaustion so clear in the set of his features. Jinhwan's just about to ask him about it when Yunhyeong, as always, brightens up immediately in Hanbin's presence, prompting the latter to take a step nearer to the counter so that he can see the salesgirl wrap the colouring set he got for Chanwoo. Jinhwan was just messaging Hanbin, so he knows that the younger just came from school after another long and arduous day of rehearsals and preparations for the upcoming showcase. He's wearing a snapback today, grey scarf wrapped around his neck while his nose and cheeks are slightly ruddy from the cold outside. Hanbin has lost a bit of weight over the last week, Jinhwan is sure, considering how he barely even has enough time to sleep. With Yunhyeong's eyes fixed on the gift-wrapping, Jinhwan reaches up a hand and carefully brushes his thumb over the smooth skin of Hanbin's nape, successfully getting the younger's attention. Since they're in public, Jinhwan drops his hand. 

"You've lost weight," Jinhwan accuses lowly, brows furrowing slightly in frustration. 

Hanbin smiles sheepishly, remembering the promise he made to Jinhwan to get enough rest and not skip meals, but he really couldn't help it. 

"Have I?" Hanbin tries for the ignorant approach, chuckling. 

Jinhwan sighs, and it's a mix of exasperation and concern. "Hanbin - "

Hanbin's eyes soften. "You can feed me and force me to sleep later, okay? I promise."

Before Jinhwan can say anything else, the salesgirl finishes with the gift-wrapping, placing all the wrapped presents back in the paper bag and handing it over to Jinhwan who receives it with thanks. 

"Walk, Yunhyeong-ah," Jinhwan chides his son as they make their way out of the department store. "Hanbin hyung is tired." 

Guilt clouds Yunhyeong's expression as he struggles to be put down, but Hanbin simply tightens his grip on the little boy and runs out of the mall, which reduces Yunhyeong into excited giggles and causes Jinhwan to sigh from behind them. 

Sometimes, he wishes Hanbin would let him take care of him.

-

"Remind me again why I agreed to come out with you?"

Soohyun rolls her eyes at Junhoe's grumbling for what is most probably the umpteenth time that evening. "Because you realised you actually neither have friends nor a life," she replies, picking up another scarf on display and wondering if her brother would like it for a gift. 

Junhoe scoffs at her, breath coming out in a white cloud of air before he ducks his nose into his scarf to block out the winter chill. Junhoe and Soohyun had shared an afternoon shift at the cafe before deciding to head out together to complete some last-minute shopping. Soohyun thinks Junhoe must be stupid considering how he accepted her invitation to go out and yet here he is now, complaining about his decision every five minutes. The only reason why Soohyun hasn't yet bashed Junhoe's head into the cold and hard asphalt is because he's been able to offer her somewhat useful (albeit unnecessarily snarky) advice on gifts to get for the guys that she knows. Once he stops being helpful, she's definitely either going to kill him or ditch him. 

They continue to walk down the streets, alternating between bickering and sharing light conversation. Sometimes Junhoe says something mean about a random shopper on the street and Soohyun laughs because it's kind of funny, and sometimes Junhoe can't help but smile when something catches Soohyun's attention because happiness and excitment roll off her in waves. They've almost finished getting all the gifts they need when they pass by a small shop selling caps and beanies, and Junhoe stops Soohyun in her footsteps with a hand to her arm.

"Let's go in here," Junhoe says, already turning to push open the glass door.

Soohyun raises a brow but follows behind him, leaving him to look at his own things while she ghosts her glove-clad fingers over some colourful beanies. 

"Hey," Junhoe says, and Soohyun turns to see him holding two beanies in his hand, one grey and one red. "Do you think Jinhwan hyung will like these?"

Soohyun's first instinct is to complain about how Junhoe only wants to get nice things for Jinhwan but not for her, to about how he's always been weak for Jinhwan. But then Soohyun sees the tinge of red on his cheeks and notices his slight embarrassment from the way his head is ducked a little to avoid meeting her gaze. When he chances a glance at her expression, Soohyun sees tentativeness, earnesty and a slight glimmer of hope in his eyes and - oh. 

"I'm sure he'll like whatever you give him, oppa," Soohyun answers softly. 

Junhoe's grip on the beanies tightens, and he smiles a small smile. "Yeah?"

Oh, Koo Junhoe. "Yeah," Soohyun affirms. 

Soohyun steps out of the shop to get some air and clear her head while Junhoe pays, wondering if she should bring up what she wants to say to Junhoe. He rejoins her shortly and they continue to walk down the streets in amicable silence. There are little children running and screaming around them, their laughter resonating loud and clear as worried parents dash after them and try to pick them up into their arms. Soohyun watches blankly as a mother hoists her son into her arms before reprimanding him for running off, but she's jolted out of her thoughts when she hears a chuckle next to her.

"What, out of energy already?" Junhoe says, smirking a little. "Just a while ago there were practically hearts in your eyes and you were squealing at everything, like some ing anime character."

Normally Soohyun would roll her eyes, scold him for using a cuss word and then toss back an insult, but instead she chooses to ask a question that could potentially ruin the comfortable dynamics of their friendship.

"I might be wrong when I say this so don't take it personally if I am, but," Soohyun begins, and the smirk fades from Junhoe's face at the rare, serious tone of her voice. "You like Jinhwan oppa, don't you?"

Junhoe freezes in his steps and immediately, Soohyun knows she's right. Junhoe looks pale now, and Soohyun can see the warring emotions in his eyes: shock, confusion, speechlessness, slight disgust at himself - they're all there. But the one that causes her heart to break a little and to take a step closer to him is this: fear. 

Soohyun reaches for his hand that isn't shoved into the pocket of his winter jacket and realises belatedly that Junhoe is shaking a little, pain so palpable on his face. They've been friends long enough for Soohyun to know that the life Junhoe leads isn't easy: Junhoe was already a whiz kid since young and has only continued to excel academically throughout the years, pulling ahead of many of his peers to top the cohort mulitple times and enter one of the most coveted high schools in the city. He's in the student council's executive committee as well as the vice-captain of the track and field team, and he's expecting scholarship offers to both local and overseas universities at the end of the year. Junhoe takes on all these commitments because he's a good son who has chosen to fulfill his parents wishes, but it's precisely because of how much he has achieved that he has sky-high expectations riding on his back. Soohyun suspects that Junhoe's family wants him to grow up, get his degree and top the ranks in the military before finding a filial and loyal wife to settle down with and start a family. It's then that Soohyun realises how much Junhoe must be struggling, not just against the expectations being held over his head but with an even greater demon: himself. Soohyun's heart hurts at the thought of Junhoe alone in his bedroom at night, confused and angry and disgusted at himself as he fights against these forbidden feelings he's been harbouring for Jinhwan, fearful and alone because he doesn't know who to turn to, who will push him away, who will despise him for good. 

So when Soohyun gives his hand a reassuring squeeze and tells him you know I don't care about these things with a voice as firm as she can muster, Junhoe takes one good, long look at her expression and when he's finally convinced that she means it, he lets out a shaky breath and chokes out a low, broken .

"Come on," Soohyun says softly, tugging on his hand once and offering him a small smile that he at least tries to return. They continue to walk down the street as silence falls upon them again, both caught up in their own thoughts. It's not any heavy or uncomfortable sort of silence and Soohyun is relieved. 

"Do you - " Junhoe's voice cracks a little and he winces, which causes Soohyun to let out a laugh. "Do you want to grab a drink? Since it's freezing and so we can - uh - you know, talk? I mean there's something to talk about, right? Or - "

"All right, you emotionally-stunted boy," Soohyun smiles, amused. "Let's go."

When Soohyun yells at him after he flips her off before trudging into the nearby cafe, Junhoe realises that the fact that he and Soohyun are still able to fool around like this really does show that she means it when she says she doesn't think of him any differently, even after what she just found out.

And Junhoe will never admit it, but she's probably one of the biggest blessings in his life and he's so, immensely grateful. 

-

It's about an hour later when Junhoe finds himself scrolling through his phone aimlessly as he waits for Soohyun outside a clothing store, refusing to go in because the shop space is tiny, flooded with people and contains too much pink and lace for his liking. Soohyun had gone inside to look for gifts for her female relatives and friends what seems like ages ago, so Junhoe decides that if she doesn't re-appear in front of him by the time he finishes this round of Crossy Road, he's leaving.

Junhoe's just about to surpass his previous high score when someone calls his name.

"Junhoe?"

Junhoe curses under his breath when his chicken gets knocked down by a truck, but when he looks up and sees who it is, he doesn't really care about his game anymore.

"Hyung!" Junhoe calls back, laughing at how Jinhwan is squinting at him a little uncertainly from a short distance away. When Jinhwan sees Junhoe gesturing for him to come closer, his face immediately goes from confusion to recognition and he smiles, walking towards the younger.

And then Junhoe notices that Jinhwan is with someone. It's a boy who looks oddly familiar - Junhoe just can't seem to remember when he's seen him before. At first he thinks it's Jinhwan's coursemate from university, but then he realises the boy is carrying Jinhwan's son (Junhoe has only met Yunhyeong once but that was all it took for him to completely fall for the wide, pretty eyes and bright smile that reminded Junhoe so much of Jinhwan's own) and suddenly, something doesn't feel quite right. 

"June-ah," Jinhwan greets him with his typical, friendly grin when he nears, and Junhoe clasps Jinhwan's outstretched hand in his own to accept the quick, one-armed hug. Even then, though, Junhoe can feel just how tiny Jinhwan is compared to him. 

"Hey, hyung," Junhoe smiles back, trying to ignore the nagging feeling in his gut. 

"What are you doing here? I thought you hated shopping," Jinhwan teases.

Junhoe's face twists into a grimace that confirms Jinhwan's statement, and the elder laughs. "I'm with Soohyun."

Jinhwan's eyes widen briefly before they take on a mischievous glint, lips curling in the beginnings of a knowing grin. "So it's a date with Soohyun?" 

Junhoe almost laughs at how sadly ironic this whole situation is for him. If only you knew, hyung, Junhoe thinks wryly. Instead, he settles for his usual, disgusted expression. "You're kidding, right? I was dragged here. I'm probably already suffering from hypothermia." 

Jinhwan laughs fondly at Junhoe's usual knack for exaggeration just as Soohyun steps out of the store. She looks surprised to see Jinhwan, but her expression quickly morphs into one of elation as she beams at him and hurries over. 

"Oppa!" She calls out, voice bright as it always is when she meets Jinhwan. Jinhwan pats her affectionately on the head and watches the smile on her face grow at the sight of Yunhyeong in Hanbin's arms. Jinhwan sees her hesitate in her approach to get closer to Yunhyeong and realises it's because she's never met Hanbin before. 

Jinhwan wraps a gentle hand around Hanbin's arm. "This is Hanbin," he says, and Soohyun bows slightly before introducing herself as well. Hanbin smiles and tells her she doesn't have to bow around him, to which Soohyun responds to with a grin and a nod.

Jinhwan gestures at Junhoe and is just about to introduce him when Hanbin beats him to it. "You're Junhoe, right? You introduced us before, hyung," Hanbin reminds Jinhwan.

"Yeah," Junhoe affirms, clearing his throat as he finally remembers where he's met Hanbin before. "A couple of months ago, at the cafe."

Just then, excited shrieks from little children are heard from down the street as the small fountain in the open space begins to light up in a myriad of colours, especially green and red in light of the Christmas season. Yunhyeong is craning his neck in Hanbin's arms to get a better view, but when he realises he can't see anything from where they are, he struggles to get Hanbin to put him down so he can run over and get a closer look. Once Hanbin sets him down on the ground, Yunhyeong tugs incessantly at Hanbin's hand to get the older boy to follow him to the fountain. 

"Hyung! Hanbin hyung!" Yunhyeong begins to whine. "Let's go there!"

Yunhyeong gives Hanbin's hand a particularly hard tug that causes Hanbin to stumble forward a step, and the latter smiles apologetically at Soohyun and Junhoe before placing a gentle hand on Jinhwan's wrist to get his attention. 

"I'll bring Yunhyeong to the fountain, okay?" Hanbin asks.

Yunhyeong sees Jinhwan nod and immediately pulls at Hanbin again. "Stay with Hanbin hyung!" Jinhwan shouts after them, knowing Yunhyeong had the tendency to dart around when he got excited.

Soohyun smiles at Jinhwan. "He really is the cutest."

"Yeah," Jinhwan agrees, then playfully knocks the side of Soohyun's head. "And we know who he inherited that from." 

Soohyun doesn't disagree because Junhoe knows she thinks Jinhwan is insanely cute and almost perfect, but even if Junhoe thinks the same, it doesn't stop him from making gagging noises on Jinhwan's other side.

Jinhwan somehow manages to jump up and successfully hook an arm around Junhoe's neck, causing the younger boy to yelp in surprise when Jinhwan begins to mess up his hair thoroughly before releasing him. Junhoe can't see anything now, fringe covering his eyes and hair undoubtedly looking completely dishelved. He gets his confirmation from Soohyun, who informs him brightly that he looks so much better with half his face covered.

"So Hanbin is your friend from university?" Soohyun asks Jinhwan as they stroll leisurely towards the fountain, Junhoe giving up on his hair and instead unhooking his snapback from his backpack to yank it over his head. 

Jinhwan shakes his head. "I met him at the cafe. We were complete strangers."

Soohyun looks a little surprised, but she smiles anyway. "Well, then I'm happy you found a good friend in him. The fact that you trust him with Yunhyeong says a lot."

Junhoe's gut churns uncomfortably at the soft smile that curls at the edges of Jinhwan's lips at Soohyun's words. Something innate in him tells him that he isn't going to like the direction this conversation is heading towards, so he's just about to open his mouth and change the subject when Jinhwan's expression takes on an uncertain, hesitant edge and he utters the few words Junhoe wish he never did. 

"He's not just my friend," Jinhwan says quietly.

He's so soft and the children around them are so loud that both Soohyun and Junhoe swear they mishear him. But Jinhwan remains rigid like he's just waiting for their backlash and the realisation sinks into them, slow but sure. Soohyun looks like she completely doesn't know what to do, torn between wanting to reassure Jinhwan but unable to bring herself to do it because she's thinking of Junhoe's feelings. Junhoe clenches his jaw and wills away the pain that's slowly starting to constrict his heart because even now, to Junhoe, it's always been Jinhwan first.

So Junhoe does what he does best: he forces his own feelings aside - always one to shut them out instead of dealing with them - and puts on a smile, looping an arm around Jinhwan's shoulders like he always does.

"You started seeing someone and you didn't think of telling me? You always said I was your favourite!" 

Jinhwan looks up at Junhoe with wary and guarded eyes, just like how Junhoe had regarded Soohyun earlier. So Junhoe gives Jinhwan's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and loses the mock-hurt expression on his face, wanting the elder to feel his sincerity. 

"Hyung," Junhoe says, voice more firm and serious than Jinhwan has ever heard. He swallows his pain, swallows his hurt, and can't help but laugh at himself inside because even so, the smile that curls at the edges of his lips for Jinhwan is sincere, as it always is. "I don't care who you see as long as you're happy." 

A few beats of silence fall upon them, but when Soohyun manages to catch Jinhwan's gaze and offer him a small, reassuring smile, it's like Jinhwan's tense body deflates like a rag doll, and Junhoe smiles a little softer and lets out a quiet chuckle as he playfully pulls Jinhwan into a comforting hug. 

None of them say anything even as the excited squeals and tinkling peals of laughter from the children grow increasingly louder as the fountain lights up faster in all the different colours. Soohyun stands about a foot away from Jinhwan and Junhoe, but apparently Jinhwan mumbles something to Junhoe because Junhoe just tightens his grip around Jinhwan and tilts his head up a little to the dark night sky. Junhoe's jaw is clenched tight, eyes unblinking for the longest of moments until a gust of wind blows and he blinks rapidly, willing himself to keep his tears at bay. 

And this, Soohyun thinks, is heartbreak.

-

A/N: iKON is going to make their debut on 15th September!!!!! YG is finally letting them out of the dungeon!!!!! (✪‿✪)ノ sorry this update is later than the last: I just ended a slew of tests in school so just managed to find the time to update; hope yall like it and thanks for reading, as always!! (◡‿◡*)❤ on a side note, I realise I haven't asked yall this before: who is/are your favourite/favourites in iKON, and what other groups/singers do yall like?? Also, I went for Bigbang's MADE Tour and it fully re-instated my love for Bigbang (✿ฺ◕ฺ‿◕ฺ) I hope yall like Bigbang too because they are absolutely incredible and talented and wonderful ♡ hope yall have been well!!

twiggs: when I read your comment, I smiled so wide I honestly thought my face would split in half. I laughed really happily too and really, ty for taking the time to read and to leave such an encouraging and lovely comment: there really is no greater joy than knowing that people enjoy reading what you write!! Hehe omg I've thought about writing it but I've never actl written it?? And yES with iKON finally debuting (tho lez be real lol 90% chance YG might pull a fast one on us and delay their debut when 15/9 draws near) really hoping I can write more fic!! Would really love to, too :') HAHA honestly tho when I watch the fancams and their videos and stuff doesn't Hanbin always smile at Jinhwan like he's the most precious hyung on earth?? Tbh it's like how GD smiles at Seungri (sorry as you can see I ship G-Ri quite intensely too lmao) if you're a VIP!! And YES OMG I'M SO HAPPY YOU NOTICED TY I know this is AU but I wanted to try to incorporate parts of their personalities into the story?? I mean as far as to our knowledge at least and it's so clear (?) that Jinhwan is the kind of hyung who all of iKON adores because he's always taking on their burdens and helping the kids and just generally being selfless and not talking about his own troubles much since he's the mat-hyung?? CRY so happy I finally have someone to talk about these things with!! Honestly thanks again for reading and commenting and I hope you continue to enjoy the fic!! ♡

jessi38: ohman I'm so honoured to hear that ty for reading and I'm glad you like it :")

GraceLily: hehe yes Taiwan was extremely magical and amazing!! I watched the concert on both nights and it was the best ever thanks for commenting!! :')

fazkei: thanks for your continuous support and I'm so glad you like the fic!! NOW THAT THEIR DEBUT IS ~CONFIRMED I need to mentally steel myself for the amount of Binhwan and golden trio moments we are gonna have it and let's be real essentially iKON/Jinhwan moments HAHA.

darkdu: thanks for commenting and for reading!! Hope you continue to enjoy the story :-)

esthieIgot7: HAHA indeed that is The Question to have or not to have ?? ;) lmao thanks for commenting!! 

BaoZiXiuminnie: glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reading, as always!! :')

hanjinjin: I'm so happy you like it and thanks for reading!! :")

youngkwangstories: fanboy really?? That's so cool haha thanks for reading!!

KenIsMyBias: I'm really glad you like the fic and sincerely hope you continue to do so; thanks for reading and commenting :') and yea Yunhyeong is super cute hehe.

Myungyeolot7: sorry that there tend to be big time gaps in between updates, I'm in my final year of college so things are immensely stressful and I'll definitely keep updating but I honestly can't promise how quick they'll be :-( nonetheless hope you continue to read and enjoy!!

jonginsoo_: hehe thanks for reading!!

winterfly99: sorry it's late ahh but here!!