CHAPTER 38: Blame

Sukyeon found it difficult to breathe, she helds her neck and tried to gasp for air. While the waitress called the ambulance, Taekwoon remembered to call Hakyeon.

“Hakyeon ah! Sukyeon... Sukyeon.. I don’t know what happened to her..” Taekwoon was so confused.

“WHAT?? Where is she? Where are you right now?” Hakyeon was also shocked.

“Oh! The ambulance has come.. We’re going to the SNU hospital..” Taekwoon said as he hang up the phone. 

Then Sukyeon was pushed into the ambulance. The paramedic put an oxygen mask on her face and started to check her pulse. Taekwoon clutched Sukyeon’s hands so tight. He was scared that he will lose Sukyeon. 

After there are done, the paramedic asked something to Taekwoon, “Sir, does agassi has specific allergy?”

“Allergy?” Taekwoon was surprised.

“Yeah, because the symptoms are directing to an allergy.. In the dish agassi eaten, did it contain peanuts or tree nuts?”

“Tree nuts?” Taekwoon’s heart dropped. “Yeah.. I-I think there were walnuts in the sauce.” Taekwoon answered softly.

“Okay, then it’s positive.. She ate the food she’s not supposed to eat..”

Oh My God.. Then is it because I ordered that steak? Is this because of me? Sukyeon suffers like this is because of me??

“Please.. please heal her..” Taekwoon bursted in tears.

“Yes, Sir.. We will inject an epinephrine as an immediate treatment.. Don’t worry..” The paramedic said as he prepared a syringe with epinephrine inside.

Looking at  that, Taekwoon clutched Sukyeon’s hands really tight, “Sukyeon ah... I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry...” Taekwoon said that as he cried, looking at Sukyeon who is also looking at him, still having trouble breathing. 

A single tear escaped from Sukyeon’s eyes while she looked at Taekwoon, who was really worried over her.

-00-

When the ambulance reached the hospital, Sukyeon was directly transfered to the Emergency Room to be examined by the doctor. Taekwoon couldn’t go in and only wait at the outside of the room.
He was drowning in his tears, he couldn’t believe what he had done. 

Sukyeon has tree nut allergy. I should have known. How could I not know? HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW, JUNG TAEKWOON!

While Taekwoon was busy blaming himself, Hakyeon and Hyuk came.

“Taekwoon ah! What happen to Sukyeon?” Hakyeon asked immediately.

“What happen with noona, hyung?” Hyuk was also worried.

“I.. I.. I accidentally fed her walnut sauce..” Taekwoon couldn’t look them in the eyes.

“WHAT??” Hyuk yelled to him. He grabbed Taekwoon’s sweater while asking, “How could you feed her walnuts?? She has an allergy, Hyung! How could you not know??”

Taekwoon could only droop, he knew for sure he’s the one they should be blame.

Hakyeon tried to calm Hyuk, “Hyuk, let him go..”

“NO! He doesn’t realize what he has done, Hyung! Noona’s life is on the line because of him!”

“HAN SANGHYUK!” Hakyeon yelled at the maknae. And that made him loose his grab on Taekwoon.

“Taekwoon ah, you didn’t know that Sukyeon has an allergy?” Hakyeon asked Taekwoon softly.

“I’m sorry, Hakyeon.. I didn’t know..” Taekwoon answered while hiding his face.

“It’s okay.. It’s not your fault because you didn’t know.. It’s not your fault, Taek..” Hakyeon knew Taekwoon was always blaming himself over everything, so he tried to stop Taekwoon.

Not long before, Jaehwan, Ravi, and Hongbin also came.

“How is Sukyeon?” Jaehwan immediately asked Sukyeon’s condition to Hakyeon. Taekwoon looked up to see his younger brother looks so much worry. He knew that Sukyeon is mean a lot not only for him, but also to Jaehwan. But Jaehwan’s next question is shooting Taekwoon.

“Is it because of her allergic?” Jaehwan asked.

He knows? Even he knows it? Of course he knows it! It’s only you who didn’t know it! Damn you, Jung Taekwoon! You say you love her, but you know nothing about her! You don’t deserve her! DEFINITELY don’t deserve her.. Taekwoon’s feet feel wobbly, he didn’t have energy to stand, so he sat on the floor and laid his back on the wall and covered his face, trying to isolate himself from anything and only blaming himself.

-00-

Around 20 minutes later, the door was opened and the doctor came out. Hakyeon, Hyuk, and Jaehwan immediately rushed to him, and followed by Ravi and Hongbin, while Taekwoon paid attention from afar.

“Miss Cha Sukyeon’s family?” The doctor asked.

“Yes, I’m her brother, doctor..” Hakyeon answered.

“Oh okay.. Let me explain Miss Cha’s condition to you.. Miss Cha has anaphylaxis, or shall I say a severe allergic reaction. We already injected epinephrine on the way to the hospital as the immediate treatment. It really helped to stop the reaction. And after reaching here, we drained her stomach to clean and empty out before her body absorbs more of the allergen. And we injected antihistamines and steroids as a follow-up treatment. We gave her a minimum dosage of a sleeping drug in order to make her rest and for the drug to have optimal time to cure the body. So to conclude, Miss Cha has gone through her critical stage and is now fine.”

The doctor’s explanation made the House’s members sigh in relieve.

She’s fine... Taekwoon felt relieved. But then...

”Do you know about her allergy?” The doctor asked.

“We know, Doc..” Hyuk answered.

“But why weren't you aware about the food she was eaten? I mean.. Anaphylaxis is a sudden, severe allergic reaction that involves the whole body. If the condition is not treated immediately, the outcome can be extreme, such a heart failure and more over.. death.”

D-death? Taekwoon suddenly felt so weak.

“So, what should we do is to prevent something like this from happening.. We should be aware of the food she eats, try to avoid any food containing -in Miss Cha’s case- tree nuts.. I'll say it like this, this is not to scold you all, hahaha.. But we want to see her to be healthy, right?“

”Yeah, Doc.. It’s us who were careless..”Hakyeon responds.

“We will be more aware of the food she will eat from now on..” Jaehwan added.

“Yeah.. You can visit her in her room right now.. But don’t make a noise, she needs rest..” The doctor said.

“Yeah Doc.. Thank you so much..” They bowed to the nice doctor.

They breathed a heavy breath in harmony as they felt relief over Sukyeon’s condition. But then they face Taekwoon who was standing there by himself while still bending his head down, hiding his face.

Hakyeon walked closer to him and said, “Let’s see Sukyeon, Taek...”

But Taekwoon shook his head, “No... I... I..” He can’t finish his words.

“Yaa Taek, don’t blame yourself... It’s not your fau-“

“It’s MY fault, Hakyeon!” Taekwoon cut Hakyeons words. “It’s my fault.. Knowing she’s fine is more than enough.. I don’t have the right to see her right now..”

“Yaa Taek...”

“Please excuse me...” Then Taekwoon left from them.

“Oh, where is Taekwoon hyung going?” Ravi asked as he got closer to Hakyeon.

“Huh... I think he needs time to calm himself right now.. He’s blaming himself too much..” Hakyeon

answered as he looked Taekwoons back from afar.

-00-

Taekwoon sat by himself in the hospital park.

“Anaphylaxis is a sudden, severe allergic reaction that involves the whole body. If the condition is not treated immediately, the outcome can be extreme, such a heart failure and more over.. death.” The doctor’s words keeps replaying in his head.

D-death? Death? Please stop.. I have enough.. I have lost many people who I loved.. No.. no more.. Not Sukyeon..

Taekwoon was drowning in his thoughts, blaming himself over and over again.

 -00-

Two hours later.

Sukyeon opened her eyes slowly and looked around. She found her brother Hakyeon sitting next to her. 

“Anyeong my lovely little sister...” Hakyeon greeted her.

“Op-oppa.. Am I in the hospital?” Sukyeon asked softly.

“Yeah.. We’re in hospital.. It’s such a long time right you’re not visiting hospital?” Hakyeon tried to be funny.

“Oppa... Where is Taekwoon ssi?”

“Taekwoon? Mmm.. He’s in the outside with the others, you know it’s quite narrow here.. hahaha..” Hakyeon lied.

“I want to meet him..” Sukyeon said in begging tone.

“Ah.. Just meet him tomorrow okay? It’s not good to make noise, there are another patients here.. haha..” Hakyeon said a foolish lie.

At that time, Hyuk came in. “Oh, noona you woke up?” 

He stood next to her and asked, “How do you feel noona? Is there any parts of your body that hurt?” 

“No.. Hyuk.. I’m fine..” Sukyeon smiled to her younger brother. 

“Woah.. That’s a relieve.. You know noona, I’m really worried..”

“Hyuk.. Is Taekwoon ssi outside?” Sukyeon asked.

“Taekwoon hyung? No...” Hyuk answered in honest. Hakyeon then gave a sign for him to lie.

“He’s not outside? Where is he?” Sukyeon still asked.

“Uh.. Uhm.. He.. He went to buy coffee I think, haha.. Yeah.. to stay here all night, he needs that, right noona?” Hyuk also lied.

Sukyeon remembered the look on Taekwoon’s face when he's worried over her, so she think it will be better if he took a rest. “Humm.. Just tell him to go back to the house.. You too Hyuk.. and also tell the others.. just go home.. I have Oppa to stay here with me..”

“Yeah.. Just go home, Hyuk.. You don’t have space to sleep here anyway..” Hakyeon said.

“But hyung...” Hyuk hesitated.

“Just go home right now and comeback in the morning, Hyuk.. I just gonna go back to sleep again after this, so you have nothing to do here, right?” Sukyeon said.

“Huft.. Okay if that’s what you want noona..” Hyuk agreed.

“But Hyuk..”

“Yes?”

“Tell Taekwoon ssi to come here tomorrow morning.. I really want to meet him..” Sukyeon said.

“Oh? O-okay..” Hyuk forced a smile.

-00-

Then the house’s members -Hyuk, Hongbin, Ravi and Jaehwan- were heading to the house from the hospital. On the way home, they were talking about Taekwoon hyung who was avoiding Sukyeon. 

“Where do you think Taekwoon hyung is right now?” Ravi asked.

“Maybe he’s already in the house..” Hongbin answered.

“Hmm.. He must be blaming himself right now..” Jaehwan said.

“He should.. How come he didn’t know that noona has an allergy?” Hyuk still resented him.

“Well, if it’s not because I almost giving her a hazelnut chocolate back then, then I also wouldn’t know about it, Hyuk..” Hongbin said.

“I also just knew it recently from her..” Jaehwan added.

“I knew it from Hakyeon hyung when he talked about his childhood story.. That time he said, he wanted to tell you all about her allergy, but maybe he just forgot..” Ravi said.

“So you all blaming Hakyeon hyung for not telling about noona’s allergy?” Hyuk asked in a challenging tone.

“We’re not blaming him, Hyuk.. We just wanna say that no one is to be blamed in this situation, including Taekwoon hyung.. He didn’t know because we didn’t tell him..” Ravi explained.

Hyuk pouts, he hates the fact that he even has to agree with Ravi’s explanation.

“Aaah.. I hope he’s in the house right now.. I’m a bit worried about him..” Jaehwan worried.

But Jaehwan’s worry seems true because Taekwoon is not in the house when they arrive.
“Where the hell are you, Hyung ?” Jaehwan tried to call his phone number, but he has deactivated it.

-00-

The next morning in the hospital.

“Sukyeon aaaahh..” Youngji greeted Sukyeon with a bright smile.

“Heol.. How do you know I’m here? It must be Hongbin..” Sukyeon welcomed her with smirk.

“Hish! You should tell me by yourself if you’re sick.. What kind of friend are you..” Youngji also smirked.

“Hahaha.. Sorry.. I don’t think it’s necessary to tell you when I 'm going home at noon..” 

“Oh really?” Youngji asked Sukyeon, then turned to ask Hakyeon, “Really Hakyeon ssi?”

“We still have to wait for the second check-up by the doctor. If he says she’s fine, then she can go home..” Hakyeon answered.

“See?” Sukyeon wriggled her eyebrows.

“Tsk tsk.. You sound happy but your face look so pale, Yeon ah..” 

“Youngji ah, I have a big news!” Sukyeon said excitedly.

“What big news?” Youngji asked in suspiciously.

“Uhm, Oppa.. Can you give us time for a while?” Sukyeon asked Hakyeon to leave her with Youngji.

“Heol.. What these girls want to talk about that I have to go out? Okay.. I’ll go get some fresh air..”Hakyeon said as he goes outside the room.

“What will you tell me, Yeon ah?” Youngji asked.

“I’m already in a relationship with Taekwoon ssi.. hihihi..” Sukyeon said it while smiling.

“What?” Youngji responded blankly. She knew that she should be happy to hear this news from her bestfriend, but Youngji also knew the fact that Taekwoon is the one who made Sukyeon sick.

“What? Is that only your response?” Sukyeon complained.

“What you want me to do? Scream?” Youngji responded with sarcasm.

“Huft.. You always didn’t like him..” 

“It’s not that I don’t like him.. It’s because.. I’m still on Jaehwan’s team.” Youngji forced a smile.

“Yaaa.. Don’t say that.. I’m already with Taekwoon ssi right now.. Jaehwan is just a friend..”

“Yeah...” Youngji gave a soulless res