captain’s log / 140101; new year’s day.

Hanbin sat facing the window, his legs dangling off the edge of the bed as he balanced his notebook between his knees. His parents had just left after spending an entire morning probing into areas which he had no interest in, their speeches concerning how their neighbours had been generous enough to celebrate the new year with them. He shrugged these seemingly trivial things off as he tried to keep track with the melodies in his head as he watched the colours on the ground fade and saturate repeatedly, without signs of a recognizable pattern. The only thing that had successfully disrupted his reverie amongst the multiple tunes and lines of lyrics running through his head was a light tap on the knee by his younger sister. She stood beside his bed with much difficulty since the bed was clearly too high. She had to tiptoe and extend her right arm fully to allow her fingertips to come in contact with the smooth fabric of his pants. She then looked at him with a slight smile while attempting to prop herself up with her left arm. Glancing at her, Hanbin smiled for a second and placed the book down beside him on the bedside table before reaching over to pick her up and let her sit next to him. As she began to swing her legs along to her older brother’s rhythm, he chuckled softly and pat her head gently. It wasn’t everyday that he got to sit next to her in such a quiet environment, without needing to worry about the things he hadn’t done, ranging from housework to homework and the constant urge to write. As he heard his parents’ voices blend into the faint noises of the other patients in the background, he turned towards his sister, “How have you been? Alright?”

His sister merely nodded. Even though she had grasped the ability to understand the language rather quickly, she was still young and forming coherent sentences appeared to be beyond her abilities then. This limited her to the basics of the language such as ‘yes’ and ‘no’ and the convenience of nodding in response to his questions. Hanbin squinted in the distance as he felt her lean against his arm, her weight and the pressure exerted on his thin arm increasing exponentially until she fell asleep, her need for rest and slumber ignored by his parents who merely picked her up with expressions of distaste and left the room hastily. Hanbin could only watch before reaching for his book once again. The trail of hues left behind his parents’ footprints resulted in a deep frown on the boy’s forehead as he sensed a lighter tint of yellow circling within the once bright purple hues.

“How’re you?” A slight smile crept out from the corner of Hanbin’s dry lips as he heard the familiar voice along with the soft plodding of soles against the ground. He listened to the sound of the man’s heavy breathing complemented by the periodic sounds of the clipboard colliding with his chest as he knew his doctor was holding it tightly in some sort of embrace, as usual. Jinhwan tapped the back of the clipboard lightly to a festive tune as he gazed at the patient, taking note of his facial expressions and the little gestures that he made unknowingly. He grinned slightly as he watched the younger boy return his gaze with a light expression with lesser traces of detest and unfamiliarity. He appeared to be much more at ease as compared to during their first meeting and this only served to make the process of helping him easier. Jinhwan always believed that once a strong rapport was established to the extent where conversations could be based off the oddest topics, the rest would be easier.

“I suppose you’re alright today?” Jinhwan smiled widely as he peeled the clipboard away from his chest and placed it on the table in front of the bed and pulled his pencil out from his pocket, “It’s the new year afterall.”

Hanbin nodded gently, his eyes fixated on the trees rustling in the wind, leaving him to wonder about the fresh air that he was missing out on due to the stubborn presence of the glass windows. He let out a soft sigh before curling into a ball, leaning against the back of the bed frame after pushing himself back up, “It’s been roughly a week.”

“Well, yes it has. You’re gradually getting used to the distasteful blankets and the ever so fresh and healthy air you get here due to the large amount of air freshener deployed without any signs of discretion, right?” Jinhwan chuckled a little, “Its alright if you haven’t, it takes some time to be comfortable living anywhere besides home, not to mention a quiet and stifling hospital ward. But you’ll get there.”

Jinhwan shudder slightly at the silence in the ward as he could distinctly hear the sound of the minute hand on the clock placed oddly on the wall facing the foot of the bed ticking away, its elongated body making its periodic journey across the surface of the circular sheet. He blinked at the patient sitting on the bed quietly as he shuffled about slightly. He was used to moments of prolonged silence, given that several of his previous patients loved falling into the soft embrace of sitting in a corner without speaking. He had gotten accustomed to needing to brighten the dull atmosphere with odd facts and little prompts to get his patients thinking, and to bring them out from their social bubble. His eyes darted across the room as he stopped at the sight of a photo frame placed on the once empty bedside table.

“Your sister?” He initiated a conversation softly as he heard his voice quiver in the silence of the morning, pointing towards the photo frame briefly. Jinhwan glanced at the vibrant hues of the background, and the smiles plastered across their faces as the boy he recognised as his patient carried his young sister in his arms. His hair had been left to cover his eyes as he noticed no significant traces of dark circles beneath his dark brown eyes. The young boy in the picture seemed to have been void of things to fret about as he genuinely enjoyed the company of his younger sibling to the extent that it seemed to suffice to make him the happiest boy then.

“Yes,” Hanbin spoke softly after turning to gaze at the photo with his head hung low, “She’s much younger, and she’s really adorable.” As he spoke, his fingers drew circles on his lap before closing onto a small portion of the fabric and squeezing it tightly. Jinhwan took notice of these small actions and nodded while scribbling away on his clipboard, forming a clump of nearly illegible words.

“Seems like you two are close… Did she visit this morning?”

“Yes of course.”

“You must be happy then?”

“Well- yes, sort of.” The boy smiled softly, breaking out into a soft laugh as Jinhwan nodded with a grin.

“That’s great then. Have you been having nightmares?”

Hanbin paused for a second before nodding, “Unfortunately. But they’ve become less frequent, perhaps thinking less helps quite a bit.”

“What are these nightmares about?”

“The same old things.”

“The exact same things? Does that include every scene and the plot, so to speak?” Jinhwan looked up from the clipboard and blinked at the teenager with concern as he remembered his countless descriptions of a boy, and a great number of butterflies. This always bothered Jinhwan greatly as he too, had his own problems. As much as he was a doctor, he was merely human – and he had his flaws, mentally and physically. Butterflies scared him, and the thought of a large number of these creatures often left deep creases across his forehead.

“Not exactly, there’s a little change.”

“And that is?” Jinhwan gulped.

“My father, he appears.”

_

AN: haha omg hi. so I promised to update every Wednesday, so I apologise for being late this week because its been a tad bit busy so I failed to do so ; But I'll try to keep to Wednesdays haha. Besides that, hope you enjoy!