“The truth is… we were seeing each other in secret.”

“…And?”

“Last week when you were busy… we went to the café where we used to go together.”

A sharp tug.

“Then… then I accidentally admitted to him…”

A sudden pang.

“…that I might still have feelings for him.”

An eerie silence.

“And after that… we kissed.”

Right there, Choi Youngjae’s world crashed and burned.

Jaebum and Jinyoung used to be a couple, a very happy couple; Youngjae didn’t need anyone to remind him about that. Heck, they were not just a couple. They were more than a couple; they were soulmates, they had known each other for God knows how long, and their lives revolved around each other so much to the point where people began to associate the word Jaebum with Jinyoung’s boyfriend and vice versa. In fact, Jinyoung’s boyfriend was the only description Youngjae knew about Jaebum at first. It stayed that way for some time until Jinyoung brought him to meet Jaebum in person, and finally Youngjae was certain that what people said about the infamous JJ couple was true. They were perfect.

Whatever attraction he felt for the oldest of the three, Youngjae was forced to bite them back.

That was until a few months back when Jinyoung found himself tangled in the charms of a certain attractive redhead. He who was quiet and delightful, he who was not rowdy, he who was the smiling angel, he who seemed to be the perfect gentleman. He who went by the name of Mark Tuan.

Youngjae thought of himself as a devil for doing what he did, but it was where he took his chance. When Jaebum was still confused, hurt and distraught by Jinyoung’s decision, he tried to squeeze himself in. He couldn’t bear the sight of the man he loved so much looking so wretched. So he made sure that he would always be there, to be the best guy for him, to fill in the gap Jinyoung left when he walked away.

When he realized his true feelings for Jaebum, he thought he stood a good chance.

Never ever had he ever thought of how wrong he could be.

During the past months, Jaebum never paid any attention to his efforts. Sure, they went on dates, watched movies together, cuddled under a pile of comforters during a stormy night, and did whatever stuff that couples do. He also treated Youngjae well, like how a gentleman should do, but he was never in his eyes. No matter what Youngjae did, at the end of the day, everything would be about Jinyoung, Jinyoung, and Jinyoung again. But he tried to hold on; wanting to believe that even if it was slight, his chance was still there.

By that, the last strings supporting his hope, was pulled off violently.

“Youngjae… I-I'm sorry. I know I broke up with him months ago, but for some reasons, it just seemed like we couldn’t… let go of each other easily.”

Enough.

“I know I have Mark now… and he’s yours… still, I couldn’t help it… whenever things got uneasy with me and Mark, I ran off to find comfort within his arms again…”

Stop it.

“You-you have the full rights to hate me… I know it’s not right, I know I had to stop, I could hear my heart telling me ‘NO’ but… after all, a part of me still yearns for his love…”

Please.

“Somehow, I still feel the same warmth when we kissed…”

“STOP IT!”

As if you didn’t know.

I loved him.

So much.

Silence fell around them as Youngjae let out a sudden outburst, beads of tears hanging off the corners of his eyes, moments away from falling, just nice enough to wait and let the boy voice out his thought without being bothered by the salty water running down his cheeks.

“P-please, for now, just stop.”

“Youngjae.”

“Jinyoungie-hyung, you’re my best friend.” The younger smiled. “You still are, and will always be… nonetheless, right now I still need to sort out my thoughts, to understand that you two are made for each other and that you two will be happier together, and…”

His voice cracked and Youngjae hated it. Ever since the first day of trying his luck in seizing Jaebum’s love, he already told himself to get prepared for things like this. He knew that this was bound to happen.

So why did it sting so badly?

“Youngjae-ah, I’m…”

“It’s alright, hyung. He was never mine to begin with anyways.”

Ouch.

“If Mark-hyung was really a jerk, then he doesn’t deserve you. So you could say that it served him right.”

“Youngjae…”

“I’m alright, too. Don’t worry.”

A smile.

With that, he left.