Daehyun had spent the rest of the day in his hotel room, in a chair in the corner.

He cried off and on since he left Ellie's.

Sometimes the pain was so intense his heart physically ached, and at other times he felt numb.

He didn't know it was possible to feel so many different emotions in such a short span of time.

Everything seemed to be spiraling out of control, and he had no idea what to do.

What could he do, to prove to her that he loved her, and that he was sorry, and he never wanted any of this to happen. 

What should he do if she refused to see him?

Did he give up?

Should he leave her alone?

He guessed it was what he deserved...but at the same time, he wanted her to know that none of this was his intention....

He felt sick to his stomach with anxiety.

More than anything he wanted to get something to drink and make himself pass out...stop the pain...and the fear.

But he knew he couldn't do that...he shouldn't.

He would do everything in his power to make it up to Ellie. He had to explain...

Then he remembered the baby, and his sobbing started all over again.

So she had been pregnant...and with his child...but then she'd lost it.

And he felt it was his fault.

With all the stress and trauma she must have been through...

And on top of it all, he hadn't been there to comfort her.

She'd suffered all alone.

The very idea killed him.

He must have dozed off, because he was suddenly awoken by a knock at the door.

He looked about the room confused for a moment, thinking maybe he'd been dreaming, but then he heard it again.

He jumped to his feet and moved to the door, opening it.

There stood Ellie, her eyes never coming up from the floor.

"Ellie." he said, half surprised.

"Dae." she responded, not meeting his eyes.

He opened the door wider so she could come in.

She stepped inside and moved to the corner, taking a seat in the chair he'd been sitting in until then.

Dae closed the door, running his hand through his hair.

"Can i get you something?" Dae asked gently.

She shook her head. "I'm fine, thanks."

Dae sat down on the edge of his bed facing Ellie, thinking of what to say.

Ellie sat with her hands together in her lap, her eyes downcast, biting her lip.

Dae bounced his leg nervously.

"Ellie..I ...." he began, but still was unsure of what to say.

What could he say?

Suddenly, she spoke up. "Why are you here Daehyun?"

Well that one was easy.

"For you. I've been looking for you since our concert. I needed to find you, talk to you, explain what happened...and tell you how i really feel about you Ells."

She eyed him suspiciously, and he hated it. He hated that she had to second guess everything he said. He knew it wasn't her fault and he wasn't mad at her for it. 

"Ellie." Daehyun said, staring at her with a deep sadness. "I'm so sorry, for everything." He shook his head slowly. "I...I had no idea all this was going on. I tried to find you, I tried to contact you...really I did."

She stared into his face, completely confused.

"El..." he hesitated. 

Being here, in front of her..he just wanted to rush to her, and take her in his arms and cry, and apologize and make it all go away.

But he knew it wasn't that simple.

She'd been through hell because of him.

Though not all his fault, but he should've come back to her sooner, called her...text her at the very least.

"Ellie...I don't even know where to start." he said.

He'd thought through this conversation in his head many times, but now that she was here, in front of him, he couldn't think clearly.

"Why did you walk out on me after sleeping with me?" she asked, staring him straight in the eye.

Yes, that was probably a good place to start.

"Ellie..that night...after my father died....i was in so much pain...it hurt so much, i wanted to rip my heart from my chest. And i kept thinking, I wanted the pain to stop..i needed comfort, It hurt so much....  i wanted to be with you, near you. When i came to you that night, i had no intention of sleeping with you. That's not why i came over. It wasn't planned, please understand that. I needed my best friend, I needed you, because i love you. And the next morning...." he trailed off, thinking about what he wanted to say. "The next morning, when i woke up, you were next to me, and i thought to myself, what have i done. I was worried i'd destroyed our friendship, i was worried you'd hate me when you woke up,...I was worried you'd regret it..i don't even understand it all. I was still trying to cope with losing my dad. and there you were, sleeping next to me, so perfect...I panicked. I'm sorry i left...i'm sorry i didn't say anything. Don't get me wrong.. I didnt regret it Ellie. Not once. Not even for a second. I didn't do it to use you, or just to get off, or anything like that. I did it because my love for you was so overwhelming. You were there, comforting me, crying for me, because you didn't want me to hurt."

Ellie watched him as he spoke, pain in her eyes.

"I should have stayed...or woke you up, or left a note at the very least. But i walked out, like a coward. I'm so sorry Ellie. You deserved so much better than that, and i'm sure i caused you to question a lot of things by doing what i did...."

She watched as he nervously wrung his hands as he talked.

"I should have called or text you...or at least responded to your calls and texts...but i was so ashamed of myself for leaving...My emotions were such a mess for awhile after that...dealing with the guilt of not being home more...and missing my dad...and hating myself for what i'd done to you...I was a mess...i needed time to sort through my thoughts and feelings. I wanted to be sure of what i felt, because i didn't want to risk causing you any more pain."

"And how'd that work out for you?" she asked sharply.

He stopped talking and lowered his head. "I'm sorry."

After a moment, he continued. "I spent the next two months thinking. I realized that, I knew i loved you. When i realized that I ached to be with you..i wanted to hear your voice when i was sad or lonely, or when i was out with the guys and i'd see something in a store that reminded me of you, or a sunset , or the smell of a campfire...I realized i'd loved you for a very long time.... but i had to think about what kind of life that meant for you. I thought about having to hide our relationship,....I thought about the danger and hurt you might have to face if others found out about us. I thought about how lonely you'd be with me being gone all the time and how unfair that would be for you. More than anything i wanted to be with you Ellie, but i told myself not to be selfish. Really i should have asked you how you felt...but im stupid...sorry..."

He watched as her gaze dropped and she bit her lip again.

"I realized i needed to confess to you...and that's what i had planned on doing that night after our show. I figured i owed you that at least. You deserved to know my true feelings and i thought we could figure out what to do after that." He continued on. " The last thing i text you that night, was asking if you'd arrived at the venue. Everything after that was not from me. I had set my phone down to finish getting ready and one of the staff found it. Everything else you received that night was from someone in our company. I swear to you, I looked for you, i wanted to call you but my phone was gone, and i didn't have your number memorized. I called home later and got your number from my mom....i text you so many times..but then i found out you'd changed numbers. I went home hoping to talk to you...and the house was for sale...." he paused a moment, his emotions overwhelming him as he remembered entering the house to find it empty except for the furniture. "I...I couldn't believe it, I didn't want to believe that you'd left. I was so confused...so worried about you...I called your mom trying to find you..thats how i came to be here, i got your address because i knew if nothing else i had to explain myself to you, even if you hated me, even if you decided you never wanted to see me again. I owed it to you, to explain what had happened, and to tell you how I feel about you."

She cried softly, occasionally wiping the tears from her face on her sleeve.

"Ellie...these last few months have been hell. Not knowing where you were, or if you were okay, if you were safe...It tore me apart Ells....I can't even begin to describe to you how horrible that feels...I'm sorry for what you went through because of me. And i know sorry doesn't cut it..it doesn't make everything better, it can't go back in time and make things right...i wish i had something better, but please...." he said getting off the bed and kneeling on the floor at her feet. "Please Ellie,  I am so sorry. Very, truly, sorry."

His hands rest on her knees, his head in her lap as he sobbed, pleading for forgiveness.

She looked down at him, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed.

What an emotional rollercoaster the past few months had been.

There were many times when Ellie wondered if she'd ever be able to smile again.

And when Daehyun had shown up on her doorstep,... to say she was surprised would be an understatement.

She'd figured she'd never see him again.

The whole situation was confusing, but she did know one thing. The company was right. There was no room for her or a baby. She'd ruin his career, and she would hate herself forever if that happened. She knew how happy he was as a singer, though the idol life was difficult, this was his dream, and she would not have him throw it away for her.

That was why she'd left.

So he wouldn't have to chose.

She'd made the choice for him.

But what she'd said to him earlier was true as well. She thought, if he'd really wanted to be with her, he'd have figured it out before then.

"I think what killed me the most..." she said suddenly, " Was losing the baby. Up until that point, i thought, even if i can't have you, or be with you, i'll still have a piece of you with me. I hoped and prayed that he'd have your smile and your eyes....." she paused, trying to keep her emotions under control. "but...when i lost him...i felt i'd lost everything...and i had completely lost you for good. I had nothing left. I wanted to die."

Seeing that pain in her eyes killed him.

"I'm sorry." he whispered as she sobbed.

When she regained control, she spoke again.

"I'm glad you came to see me Dae, i am. but...i think you should go home now."

His heart sank, panic filled his chest.

"What?" he asked, barely above a whisper.

"Like you said...you don't have time for a relationship....and now that...that there's no baby...we don't have to be together..."

"I never thought i had to Ellie...i want to..'

"Besides...you have your career to think about."

"But Ellie.."

She stood up from the chair and he followed, getting up from the floor.

She moved toward the door and he followed, catching her hand to stop her.

"Please don't go. I'll do anything to make this right again Ellie, please."

This was the hardest thing she'd had to do yet.

"Go home Daehyun."

"Ellie" he pleaded, shaking his head. "Don't...please don't."

She swallowed hard. She had to make this convincing.

"I don't love you Daehyun. My life is here now. I have a job and i'm going to go back to school, work on my Masters...being with me is only going to cause you grief. You came, i appreciate it. You can see i'm safe, i'm fine. So, don't worry about me, and go back home."

"Ellie wait!" he yelled, grabbing her hand again.

She yanked her hand away, turning toward him one last time.

"I don't want to see you ever again." she said , and turned away without another word.