Hansol woke up the next day with a groan, rubbing his eyes and blinking as he looked around his room. He had fallen asleep near tears and it showed, face still a bit puffy and bags showing under his eyes. When he walked into the kitchen his mother turned to look at him, brows furrowed as Hansol plopped into a chair.

“Sweetie, are you alright?” she asked, sitting down next to Hansol as he nodded weakly.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled, doing his best to lie as his mother put her hand on his shoulder. Glancing at it, Hansol attempted a smile and shrugged. “I’ll be fine.” There was hesitation in his voice just as much as there was hesitation in his mother’s response.

“If you’re sure. I’ll make you breakfast.”

Hansol was happy that he didn’t have school today, because he was almost certain that he didn’t have it in him to pay attention in class.

The only thing that he could think about was what was gnawing away inside of him, and if he didn’t tell someone soon he was going to scream. But he knew what his mother’s response would be.

She would just tell him that it wasn’t right.

Sighing to himself, Hansol ate in silence and walked up to his room, flopping back onto the bed and keeping his eyes trained on the ceiling. He picked up his phone, messing with it idly before starting a text.

Hey, do you wanna come over? I wanna talk to you about something.

Hansol sent out the text, phone clutched to his chest and brows furrowed in worry. He had no idea how he was going to say what he was planning on saying, and besides he had no plan to begin with. He knew he should have thought about this beforehand, but every time he thought about it, he got more and more anxious.

There was a long silence, Hansol absently creating invisible patterns on his ceiling as he waited for a response. It seemed to take forever, but finally his phone buzzed on his chest and he opened the message.

Sure. Just let me clean up, I’ll be over in a while.

At least Hansol had Byungjoo to talk to, despite not knowing what to say.

An hour passed, Hansol pacing around in his room and only belatedly changing out of his pajamas and fixing his hair as he tried to work out a speech in his head. He was starting to actually get somewhere with it, but when his door opened and Hansol caught sight of Byungjoo, everything that he had managed to plan was seemingly wiped from his mind. Even Byungjoo stopped in his tracks, only halfway into the room but pausing when he saw Hansol’s wide eyes.

“… Hey,” he greeted, giving Hansol an awkward smile before he stepped in and closed the door behind him. “You wanted to talk?” he asked, glancing at Hansol’s bed before he sat down. Hansol just nodded.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, still pacing a bit. There was a long pause, Byungjoo looking at Hansol expectantly.

“… Are you gonna tell me what you want to talk about?” he prompted with a confused smile, Hansol looking at him with brows knit in worry.

“Byungjoo, do you promise not to think I’m gross or weird, no matter what?” he asked, and Byungjoo raised a brow.

“What? Yeah. I mean, I already think you’re weird, but you’re a good kind of weird.” Hansol laughed weakly, nodding and looking down.

He wasn’t sure if Byungjoo was making this harder or easier for him.

“What’s wrong? You’ve been acting really sad lately, it’s really worrying me,” Byungjoo added, leaning forward and reaching out for Hansol. He tried to take his hand but Hansol pulled away suddenly, Byungjoo’s eyes widening as he dropped his hand.

“Byungjoo… Can you do me a favor?” he asked quietly, Byungjoo nodding in response. “And do you promise not to tell anyone?” Once again, Byungjoo nodded. “Do you really promise?”

“Damn, Hansol. Yeah, I promise.” Hansol looked at him for a moment before reaching out, pinky out. Byungjoo raised a brow, taking Hansol’s pinky in his for a moment before dropping his hand with a small smile. “The things I do for you,” he added, Hansol nodding as he looked down. “Now, what do I have to promise not to tell anyone?”

Hansol was quiet for a long time, playing with his fingers in near silence before he let out a shaky breath.

“When you’re talking about me… Can you use girl pronouns?”

Byungjoo stared at him for a moment in a mixture of confusion and shock, not quite knowing what to say before he let himself smile knowingly.

“Oh wow, you almost got me with that one,” he said, shaking his head. “I really thought you were serious.” Hansol stared at him in silence, frowning as he let his head drop forward. Then he sighed, looking away and sitting down next to him on the bed. There was another long silence as Byungjoo’s smile fell once more. “Oh god, you are serious…”

Hansol didn’t even look up at Byungjoo as he nodded, eyes trained on his hands. Byungjoo’s eyes went wide as he stared at Hansol, watching his reactions and letting the silence echo off the walls around them.

Byungjoo was the first one to speak again.

“… Are you sure?” he asked, Hansol nodding silently again. “How long have you… How long have you known?” he continued, his words clearly unsure and awkward as the conversation continued.

“A really, really long time,” Hansol answered quietly, looking to Byungjoo finally and trying to hide the few tears in his eyes. Byungjoo frowned. “Are you gonna say anything?” he asked, Byungjoo sighing as he reached up and ruffled his hair. Hansol just watched.

“This is just… This is really a lot to take in. Hansol, you’re my best friend and this is… This is kind of a weird conversation to be having. I’m not even sure what all you mean,” he added, Hansol biting his lip.

“I mean that I’m more comfortable being referred to as a girl. I don’t… feel like I’m supposed to be like this,” he said, gesturing to himself as he stood. “That’s why I’ve been so weird lately. It’s starting to get unbearable. I needed to tell someone, and you’re my best friend, Byungjoo, I wanted you to be the first person I told. I haven’t even told my parents.” Byungjoo swallowed deeply, watching as Hansol went back to pacing.

“Hansol, you should talk to you parents about this,” he replied, Hansol turning to him with tears in his eyes. Byungjoo swallowed deeply, watching as Hansol shook his head and looked down.

“Why? So they can tell me that I’m a boy and I should start acting like one?” he asked, Byungjoo standing almost hesitantly.

“But this is really important, you need to tell them what you-”

“I don’t want to tell them yet!” Hansol exclaimed, brows furrowed as he turned to Byungjoo, who recoiled a bit.

“Hey, don’t yell at me for this. This is hard to take in, okay? It’s… It’s weird, this is weird. I don’t even know how to respond to this,” Byungjoo stuttered out, turning away and letting out a shaky breath.

“How about telling me that you’ll help?” Hansol asked quietly after a tense silence slipped into the room. Byungjoo just looked at him.

“I don’t know. I… I don’t know,” he mumbled, taking a step away. Hansol just watched him, unable to bring himself to stop him as he walked for the door. “I need to think about this. I’ll talk to you in class, okay?” Byungjoo added, looking at Hansol for a moment before walking forward for a hug. The movement was awkward in itself and Hansol noticed, waiting until Byungjoo had left the room before he covered his face with his hands and dropped onto his bed.

He knew that could have gone better.

And judging by how tense and awkward the parting hug had been, he had a feeling that Byungjoo felt the same.

Hansol didn’t hear from Byungjoo the next day, neither of them speaking until they got to school. Even then, Byungjoo didn’t say a word. Hansol saw him, quietly walking by and waiting for him to say anything but getting no response.

What Byungjoo did was watch. He watched all of the looks that Hansol gave the other girls in their classes, watched as he attempted to walk into their conversations, watched as he changed his mind and all but ran away. Byungjoo had never really noticed those things before, but now that he had been told he could see nothing else. He even noticed Hansol fidgeting with his clothes and hair more.

He even noticed how sad he looked when he did it.

Byungjoo didn’t say much to anyone that day, simply taking the time to think as the day went on. Even when classes ended, Byungjoo hadn’t said a word to Hansol, who walked home alone.

Hansol walked directly into his room, closing the door behind him and lying down with a shaky, sad sigh. He didn’t even have it in him to do his homework, and that was something that he always did immediately. All he had wanted was for Byungjoo to accept him, and he hadn’t even gotten that. He’d gotten a shaky ‘I don’t know’ and that was all. Knowing Hansol’s luck, that would lead into Byungjoo not even talking to him anymore.

“He said it was weird…” Hansol mumbled to himself, grabbing the beanie that Byungjoo had stolen for him and putting it on. He covered his eyes, trying to keep himself from crying but he couldn’t help it. The tears started and once they began Hansol couldn’t stop them.

The only thing that made him pause was a knock at his door. Looking up, Hansol pulled the beanie back as he desperately tried to wipe the tears from his cheeks, to make himself look presentable at all. He assumed that his mother would be at the door, wanting to know how his day had gone at school.

“Come in,” he said, trying to keep his voice from wavering and mostly failing.

What he didn’t expect was for Byungjoo to open his door and step in. Hansol stared at him for a moment, the two looking at each other in silence before Byungjoo set his backpack down on the floor. Hansol just watched him kneel down, rummaging through it in silence before he pulled something out and handed it to Hansol with clear worry running through his eyes.

“What’s this?” Hansol asked, sniffling a bit as he opened up the little bundle that Byungjoo had handed him. When he figured out what it was he paused, looking from it to Byungjoo and opening his mouth to respond. Byungjoo just shook his head.

“I figured I should get my pretty friend the girl’s uniform because no one else will let her get her own,” he said softly, Hansol looking up at him still and unable to even choke out a response in words. Tears fell and weren’t stopped as Hansol choked out a sob, almost lunging forward to wrap his arms around Byungjoo. Smiling softly, Byungjoo curled both arms hesitantly around Hansol, head cradled against his chest as he massaged Hansol’s neck gently. “I think my sister was your size. I took it from her closet. It’s all washed, though. Don’t worry,” he added, Hansol stifling a sound mixed between a sob and a laugh against Byungjoo.

“Thank you,” Hansol mumbled in response, eyes closing and tears still flowing. Hansol knew that there were going to be tear stains all over Byungjoo’s shirt but he honestly didn’t care. It was such a silly little thing, holding that uniform and crying like that.

But to Hansol it was everything.

Byungjoo had said her.

Byungjoo had stolen his sister’s uniform for her.

Byungjoo had called her pretty.

He had done it all for her.