Its my fifth bottle of beer today. A lot of emotions building up to me,

anger
pain
sadness

 a lot of questions that want to be answered.

 Why its always happening to me?
 Why do i always have an easy ending?

 I thought you are the one, the one who will love me, forever. The one who will take care of me, the one who will understand me and love me for who i am. But im wrong. You’re just like them, one of my easy ending. The one who will left me.


we’ve been best of friends since trainees. You always ask for my help even though im younger than you  and there are other hyungs that is better than me, but you’re always saying that im the best. I thought you were just exaggerating  andyou just need my help that’s why you’re saying that. But no, i can see the sincereness in your eyes, your beautiful doe eyes. You’re always on my side, especially those hard times; the monthly evaluation, when i can’t think of lyrics, when i have family and love problems you’re always on my side, you never leave me.


I can still remember few months before WIN,  your face, your happy face when i confessed to you and asked you to be my boyfriend. At first i was nervous because you might hate me for saying those words to you, you might slap me and never talk to me again. But then the opposite of my thoughts, you gave it to me. I was so happy. When you said yes, i jumped and punched the air like a crazy man. I hugged you, and said thank you. You chuckled and hugged me back. I also remember the time you said you love me. I can’t and never forget that. Its my birthday and the members suprised me in our dorm. I was looking for you, but the members just teased me and said that you’re in my room. You don’t know how excited i am that day, i open the door it was dark but then i saw you standing in the middle of my room with a cake in you’re hand with a lots of candles. I also noticed that my room was filled with balloons with a lot of our pictures in the tail of them. Its so beautiful like you. I walked towards you, you said happy birthday to me. You asked me to wish before blewing the candles. After i blew them, you said those 3 magical words. I can’t believe it, im so happy,  I’m always happy with you. I replied to you saying those 3 magical words with too in the end. Then i kissed you, its our first kiss. You don’t know how much i want to get the camera to have an evidence of our first kiss but i don’t want to end it. i can’t let go of your soft lips. But then i heard a flash and a tease from other members, i was so thankful to them to capture our first kiss. Again im so happy.

i don’t know after a few months of winning  WIN, everything changed about us. We’ve been so busy preparing for our debut. We didn’t have time for ourselves. Most of my time, i was working with new songs in recording studio, while you, you were busy practicing with seunghoon for the steps in the training studio. We barely seen each other, even text each other becuase of the busy schedule,  even though we are living in the same roof. Everytime i went home, you were sleeping soundly in your bed. I want to kiss and cuddle with you but i know you’re tired and i don’t want to stress you more.

its our day-off when you suddenly  barge in my room and started kissing and cuddling to wake me up. I said not today, i’m tired. Well i really was. I just recorded a new song with taehyun and practicing with seunghoon the steps because i barely had a time to practice with them since i wrote and work with our songs  yesterday, i even got home 4:00 in the morning and all i want to do today is to sleep and eat. Then you just said okay while getting out i my room sadly. I know you were disappointed  but i can’t get up and to say im sorry because my body is still aching from all those practices. I want to sleep more

later than night, it was 6:00 pm  i woke up remembering to cuddle with you and apologize for rejecting you earlier. I get up and take a bath. After that i saw taehyun in the living room watching something in the television i asked him where were you, he said you went out with seunghoon hyung.  i just shrugged and started eating everything in the kitchen because i haven’t eaten all-day. After eating i joined taehyun in the living room. You didn’t even text me that you were out with senghoon hyung. I don’t want to text you because i want to talk to you personally to say sorry but I fell asleep waiting for you and seunghoon-hyung to come home.

after a week you didn’t talk to me, you’re avoiding me. Since that day you’re always talking to seunghoon hyung and i started to get angry with you. Just because i didn’t date you in our day-off, you need to avoid the hell out of me. Im pissed, im really pissed. That’s what you want? Then go, you’ll do whatever you want then i’ll do whatever i want. I started not talking to you. I always hangout with taehyunnie, he’s fun to hangout with. Were always playing and having fun together and i started to forget you and your stupid attitude. Then i felt seunghoon hyung’s glare everytime i will ask taehyun to hangout with me in front of you. The younger even asked me why are we not talking to each other anymore or did we broke up already because he saw you crying in seunghoon hyung’s arms. I just shrugged, telling him i don’t know. He didn’t ask more. He knows there's something wrong. I feel guilty. That day i want to talk to you and clear things out. But i was scared. Scared of what might happen.

after that night i went home late. Jumped in my bed like its the most important thing to do. i felt a vibration in my pocket. I fish out my phone opening it. Then i saw your name in it. At first i was happy, because you’re starting to talk to me again like nothing happened but my world crashed when i saw your message.

“ let’s break up”

i want to barge into your room. I want to throw your things. I want to punch the wall. I want to break everything, i even want to break you, why? Why the hell did you want to break up with me? i got off my bed walked in your door ready to open it, when i heard seungyoon. He’s comforting you, you’re crying. I know it hurts you too, but why jinwoo-yah? Why did you have to break up with me. I can’t feel anything right now. I want to drink. I left our dorm and here i am having my fifth bottle of beer in my hand in a bar.

Why do i always have an “easy ending”?

to be continued

-.-

the next chapter will consist of JINWOO'S POV T.T