Sunshine’s striking into my room. I open my eyes, my room’s all white. I glance to my right, there’s a lovely face that I really love. I his hair and that makes him flinched a little. His cuteness makes me want to kiss him, so I put my lips onto his softly. Eventhough he’s still in dreamland, but he know what happened to him right now and reacts to my kiss. After I take my lips from him, he opens his eyes and smiles cutely to me. “Good morning, Hyung.”

“Good morning, Taehyung-ah.” I reply his morning greeting. He wakes up and approching his face to me, then suddenly kisses my cheek. “Aah, mwoya?”

He’s giggling and then grabs my hand, “I love you, Hyung.”

I really can’t stand his cute behavior when he’s just wake up in the morning. That’ll make my day. It’s always become my energy for a day so that I’ll never be in a bad mood. “I love you too, Taehyung-ah.”

He’s still laughing and strangely repeats that ‘I love you, Hyung’ phrase like crazy. At first it’s really cute, but the way he’s calling me ‘Hyung’ annoys me a little. Is he only look at me as his hyung?

“Yah, when you’ll stop call me ‘Hyung’? Don’t you want to call me ‘Chagi’ or anything?” when I ask him that suddenly his smile change. His childish smile becomes a more wise smile, like he’s live really peacefull in heaven for a long time.

“I can’t, Hyung. Because you have Jimin.”

I don’t understand what he’s saying. Why he’s bringing Jimin in this conversation. “What’s wrong with you? Jimin had...”

He stops me by putting his index finger on my lips. His eyes become really sad. “Please, be happy with Jimin, Hyung. You two are really important for me.”

“What are you saying? Do you forget if Jimin had...” I can’t continue my words. His sad eyes makes me froze. He seems like he’s really in a pain.

“Good bye, Hyung. I’m sorry for loving you.” The sunshine behind him becomes brighter and makes my eyes blind. I try to grab his hand, but I cant find it everywhere. I can’t feel his presence anymore.

“No! Taehyung-ah! Don’t go! Don’t leave me! Taehyung-ah!”

“Chagi-ya, are you okay?”

I open my eyes, and I can see Jimin’s worried face. I’m sweating like crazy, I can feel my back’s really wet. After gathered my breath, I wake up and sit on the side of my bed. Jimin has ready with a glass of water in his hand.

“Do you have a nightmare again, Chagi?” he hands me that glass and I eat it up in one shoot.

“Yeah, I think so.” I touch my forehead and feel a teribble headache. I think it’s because I wake up so suddenly.

Jimin grabs my hand and looks at my pale face. He seems really worried, “Do you want to have a vacation? I think you’re too tired recently. I’ll ask our manager to cancel our schedule this week.”

I only nodded and then Jimin ask me to back to sleep. I tried to close my eyes again and thinking, “Right, that’s just a dream. I’m just too tired.”

That night I’m packing my luggage for tomorow flight. After having a long and hard argument with our manager, finally he give us a break for about 3 days. We decided to have a peaceful vacation in Jeju island. Jimin has finished packing his things and helping me with mine. Eventhough we’re on vacation, but I can’t leave my lyrics book. I need them so that whenever I have an idea I can write it immediately.

I find my old lyrics book from two years ago that I never open again because of some reason. One of them is because of Taehyung’s accident. Taehyung bought me that book when we’re still in high school after realizing my skill to write a song, but I barely use it. I start to active use that book after my group with Jimin and Seokjin debuted. I hadn’t reach the last page when Taehyung left us, and I never touch that book anymore. He’s like my precious little brother, and I really love him, as a brother. His death makes leave a painful memories on me. Because of that I removed all stuff that related to him so I’ll never feel the pain of missing him.

After finishing my luggage, I decided to open again that book. It has been 2 years anyway, so what’s the big deal to remember my precious brother. He’ll feel really lonely if I forget him completely. I’m sitting on my red sofa in living room, facing the big window in front of me. I look at the sky, it’s fullmoon today, and the fullmoon’s really big as if it’ll drop and destroy this earth. Somehow this scene become really familiar to me.

“Jimin-ah, can you turn off the lights here?” Jimin who’s preparing snack for tomorow in the kitchen become really confused.

“Why, Chagi? Wouldn’t it become really dark? You won’t be able to see anything.”

“Please, just turn off the lights.” Finally he do what I ask eventhough he don’t understand what’s my reason.

When the lights turned off, the moonlight flooding to that livingroom and lights the entire room. It’s really beautiful. I can recall when I hug my beloved one here, looking at the beautiful moonlight.

“Wow, it’s really beautiful. I don’t know if moonlight can be this beautiful. Your livingroom become really gorgeous.” Jimin shouted his praise to the beautiful moonlight. It doesn’t feels right.

“You never see this room in this condition before?” I ask him uncertainly.

“Nope. You turned off the lights here only when we’re going to sleep. And of course we’re in your room untill morning.” Jimin back to his cooking. He never sits here looking at the moonlight. Then, who’s the one I hug and kiss here? People who tells me the beauty of moonlight and night sky?

I’m really puzzled with my own memory. i decided to ignore that and start to read my old lyrics book. I’m scanning every word in every page, laughing at my naive mind that time, laughing at my stupid word choice since I’m still amateur, and smile when I recall all of the memory with Seokjin, Taehyung, and Jimin that time. When I almost reach the last page, I found something slipped there. Something like a polaroid photo. I take that and see it under the moonlight. That’s the last selca I take with Taehyung. The photo of us three at the day of Taehyung’s death. It’s the one I ask him to keep. Why it’s on my book?

I’m looking at that photo careully and realize how sad Taehyung’s smile is. It’s seems like he’s already know if it’s the last time he’ll meet with us. Somehow I really miss his cheerful smile. The heartfull smile that can give me energy to face the day. I realized that since I’m dating Jimin I’m barely see that smile on him, or he does but I never noticed it? I look at the back of that sheet and I can see there’s written a note. It’s Taehyung’s handwriting.

I’m sorry,Hyung. I can’t keep this photo like what you ask me to do. But instead, I’m sure you’ll keep it well for me. I wish you’ll be happy with Jimin until the death do you part. Please be happy with him for me. You two are really important person for me.

I don’t know if you’ll remember this or not, but do you remember what I’ve told to you about night sky? Why do I love it so much? I can’t help it if you don’t remember that, since that’s only my memory. But the important part is I feel like I’m coming from the moon and I’m feeling that like my second home.

You know, Hyung? Sun can be seen because of it’s own light, when moon can be seen because it reflects the light from sun. It’s just like me and Jimin, where Jimin’s the sun and I’m the moon. You can see Jimin because he’s shining by himself in your eyes, when I’m only can be seen with Jimin’s presence. If Jimin dissappears then I can’t be seen by you, Hyung. Just like the two years that only exist in my memory, you see me as Jimin’s substitute. Then I’m deciding to just give to you your sun, so you can live more brightly with his light, since moon can’t give its light without sun’s light.

I know if this sounds ridiculous, but you’ll miss me right? Don’t be too down when missing me, because that’ll make me really sad. If you’re happy, that makes me happy too. But if you really miss me, it can’t helped. Whenever you miss me, just come to your livingroom in the night. Turn all the lights off and let the moonlight lights your livingroom, then just look at the moon. That’ll connect our heart, because the moon is me.

My tears fall unstoppedly when I read that note. I don’t know how, but it feels like I remember ‘the two years that only exist in my memory’ that Taehyung mentioned. Somehow the nightmare I had last night become so real. I looked around that livingroom, and every memory that I never do played in my head. I can see Taehyung sat in this red sofa everynight looking at the night sky, only in his tee and shorts. I can see the memory when I backhugged him and kissed him softly. I can see the memory when I kissed him passionately at our 2^nd anniversary. I can see his painful eyes when I said something that hurts his feeling. That memory seems so real eventhough I don’t remember doing that, and of course I never doing that. I never dated Taehyung. But the love I feel to Taehyung become so real, especially tonight.

I don’t know what happened to me, but I feel like I need Taehyung’s presence right now. I need him desperately. I look at the fullmoon, it does reflects his face, but that not enough. I need to find him. I’m rushed outside my apartement without jacket and makes Jimin screams in worry. I stopped a taxi and ask the driver to go to Taehyung’s apartement. When I arrived there, I knock the door in fury, but no one opened it. I’m still knocking there until the owner of that apartement remind me if Taehyung had died two years ago. I still can’t accept the fact that Taehyung had died. I know he’s still lived somewhere. Then I remember that place, the hill.

I’m rushed to that hill Taehyung often to come for stargazing. I’ve arrived to that hill, but no one’s there. I can’t find Taehyung anywhere. I start to scream calling his name desperately.

“Taehyung-ah! Where are you? Please come out! I miss you! I need you, Taehyung-ah!” but no one’s answering, “Taehyung-ah, please! I’m really sorry. I don’t mean to hurt your heart.”

No one’s answering, no one’s appearing, it’s just me and night breeze. I don’t know what’s going on, I’m feeling like crazy. I never remember feel this kind of love towards Taehyung, but my heart fells like it’ll explode. What’s with all that memory? Why does it feels so real? What does the mean of ‘the two years that only exist in my memory’?

My legs fainted, I’m curling down the ground. I folded my legs within my arms, start to cry loudly. I don’t understand, but I really love him. After two years since his death, this feeling’s errupted. I don’t know since when this feelings occurs, what I know now is I really miss him, I really love him, I want him to come back. His voice saying ‘I love you, Hyung’ keeps running inside my head.

“Where are you, Taehyung-ah? Please, show yourself. I miss you...”

Then suddenly a red haired man appears in front of me, wearing a black coat as if its in the middle of winter. His skin’s really fair and his small eyes makes him looks really cute, but he has a dull expression. He approaches me and says, “Do you want to bring him back?”