Why? God why? Why am I in a casino? 

Oh yeah! That's right. 

APPA DRAGGED ME HERE!

I understand. We're on vacation in Las Vegas but we could be shopping! Why did we decide to go to a casino? Because my appa thought it would be so cool if he could win a game or two. 

But what would we end up with? Bankruptcy. I'm not going through that again. It's too much. I lost omma because of it. Now we're doing this again. The next thing you know, the next thing that would be gone is me.

"!!!!!!!!!" .!!" Appa called.

"Ne...?" I asked in a bored tone. 

"Here's $100. Do whatever you want with it. Just don't wander off too far. Be back here to meet me in 3 hours." Then he left like a rocket as I shoved the money down my pocket.

"More like 10 hours." I muttered to myself in annoyance. I felt so alone. But then again, I was used to it by now. I've been alone for most of my life. Omma left us when I was about 5, so I don't have much memory of being together with her. But the moments that we did have together were remembered just as if it had happened yesterday. Her smile. Her warmth. Those kind eyes. All that seemed to be permenantly burned into my mind. I miss her.

Now I'm 19. 14 years since her death. But there was nothing we can do. Yet after going through that devastating period, my appa continues to go out to clubs, get himself wasted, and go gambling. He would always come back home empty handed and I would always have to work my off to pay back his debt. He has no job and no life. He's a drunk. Yet I can't leave him. If I leave him, who's going to look after the man who had taken care of me since omma has died? Well, in all honesty, I took care of myself most of the time while he would walk back home drunk and I paid for my own education fees as well by selling the empty bottles of beer that we would always have lying around. But an appa is an appa. We're DNA related and there's nothing we can do to change that fact.

So I decided to stay with him. No matter how much of a useless he is, he's still my appa.

Heaving a sigh, I pushed open the grand doors of the casino and took a step outside. The night life was lively. Crowded place, neon signs, endless traffic and a huge area ready for me to explore. Yet I don't have the energy nor enthusiasm to do so. I'm just not that "shopaholic" type of girl. 

Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces past and no. Just no. Why am I even here? I should be at home, huddled under my blanket while I fangirl over Rain and Krystal's cute moments in "My Lovely Girl" in the dark. Oh how I miss my room. I want to go home. Back to Korea. But that doesn't seem like an option right now. I would go back to the hotel but I don't know the way back. I don't want to get lost either. With my hands shoved in my pockets and my headphones on, I stroll past shop after shop. Crowd after crowd.

Then something stops me in my tracks. The shop to my right. A kpop merchandise shop. My eyes lit up and my jaw drops in happiness.

Finally, something that suits me. Taking a step inside, I skim through all their collections. FT Island, UKISS, B2ST, BTS, Teen Top, f(x), Big Bang, EXO, Ladies Code, you name it. All here. 

That's when I found it. The 2NE1's All or Nothing album. I check the back and it was confirmed that this is the official version shipped by KOMCA. I have been dying to get this album. But then again, why buy an album in America when I can buy one back at home? Due to my appa's expenses, I was never able to actually afford it. That money he gave me could've been used for paying or daily expenses like morgage, food and clothing. We shouldn't even be in Vegas. We should've stayed in Korea. But my father and his gambling ways. He practically forced me here.

Putting the album back on its rightful spot on the shelf, I shove my hands back into my pockets and stroll away disappointingly. 

I make my way around corner after corner, wishing there was something that I can do. 

Eventually, I turn back around and head back to the casino. I struggle to take my phone out and checked the time. An hour. I have wasted only A WHOLE ING HOUR ever since I left the godforsaken casino. OH GOD WHY?!

Walking past that kpop store again, I peer inside and notice a poster.

"CL OF 2NE1 COMING SOON TO AMERICA" it said.

"What's the point? I'll never be able to see her in person anyways." I mumbled to myself. I have no money. Just trying to balance out my education and my 3 jobs is a pain in the . I'll never go to concerts. I'll never have time to go to fan meets. I'll never be able to attend autograph sign-offs. And now here I am. In Vegas with a druken no-for-good father who knows nothing but gamble. I can't do anything besides be at his mercy. He's stubborn and he'll never listen to me. He'll continue to do this until he dies. He thinks he's right all the time and he thinks that a 19 year old like me would know nothing. 

To be honest, I don't think he ever care for me. For omma. For the home. He'd be a drunk hobbo on the streets and he'll still continue his ways of life. Because he never cared. Just this thought made my eyes start to water. But I held it all back. I'm strong. I'm successful. I lost my childhood but I'll never lose my youth. I will live to see every tomorrow. And I will never let my appa influence me or tell me otherwise.

Taking in a shakey breath, I continue on and act as if nothing happened. Women in bunny suits greet me by opening the grand doors for me at the entrance. I heave a sigh, feeling tired and and mirserable. I enter the roulette section of the casino. Lazily looking around the casino, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Sitting on one of the roulette tables. I frantically rub my eyes in disbelief.

"You must be joking." I told thin air. 

Lee Chae-Rin. CL. Of 2NE1. Sitting right in front of my eyes, watching a roulette game. Awkwardly, I walk up to her with my jaw hanging loose.

"You-! You're-!" I stuttered, pointing at her. 

"Hi!" she waved. "Didn't expect to find a fan in a casino." My jaw kept hanging. I can't believe my eyes.

"And I didn't expect to find the CL in Vegas. I'm dreaming right?" I told her honestly.

She laughed, "Definetely not dreaming." I took my phone out awkwardly.

"Uhh... Do you- uh...." I stuttered.

"No, I don't mind." she chuckled, hopping off the table. I snuck a grin on my face and stood next to her for a selfie.

"Thank you." I bowed awkwardly.

"What's your name?" she smiled.

"Umm... ." ." I replied.

"You're very awkward aren't you?" she giggled. I scratched my head awkwardly and nodded. "I can also tell that you're not from around either."

"I live in Seoul actually." I forced a giggle.

"Oh! How come I've never seen you around before?" she asked curiously. I shrugged. To be honest, I was too embarassed to tell her. Omma. Appa. Our poor background. How can I tell her such a thing?

Suddenly, appa drunkly staggers his way over.

" !" he shouted. I smacked my palm against my face.!"

"Why... Why..." I mumbled to myself.

"Who you've got there? A friend?" he hiccupped.

"Appa! Get out of here!" I shouted in embarassment.

"What? Can't a father spend sometime with his own daughter?" he mumbled. His words were all jumbled up together, his voice was barely audible. 

"Go somewhere else appa!" I ordered.

"Hey pretty lady! What's your name?" he ignored my order and tried to hold himself up against the roulette table, eyes glued to CL.

"Chae-Rin." she took her hand out and offered a handshake to him. He took the handshake but his eyes suddenly averted someplace else when he heard screams of winning at the other side of the room.

"Who the is winning without me!?" he asked, rushing over to the winning table.

"S-sorry about that." I told her in disgrace.

"Don't worry about it. You're father seems nice." she smiled. I forced a laugh, thinking back to all the times he had cruelly beaten me up when I was a kid.

"So what brings you here in Vegas? We were told that you weren't to continue your career in America until next spring." I asked her.

"Well the girls and I were offered to sing a couple of songs here in Vegas to start so we took it." she answered willingly.

"Oh." my eyes lit up. A smile stretched across my face as the thought of finally able to see 2NE1 live in action on stage filled my mind. But then my smile immediately turn to a frown. Nothing in life is free. That includes watching her on stage. I don't have the money. Money was always the problem.

"You haven't been to any concerts have you." she figured. My head shot up to make eye contact with her and I raise an eye brow. The only thing that came to my mind was "how did you know?" when she stated that.

"I used be just like you. Having to go to school and hold the family together. I saw you walk in earlier, you didn't look like you were here to gamble at all. To add to that, you have a drunk father. I know because I've lived through it." she told me. 

"You were what?" I asked in disbelief. She nodded.

"I became an idol to escape my father. You're a little different than me though. You're still willing to live with him after all this." 

"He is my appa afterall," I replied sadly, "I can't bare to watch him sleep on the streets when I know I am able to support him." CL looked at me with concern but she nodded understandingly.

"CL!" her manager ran in. "I've been looking all over for you!"

"What's up?" CL turned to face her manager and casually shoved her hands in her pockets as if our conversation never happened.

"You're on in 20 minutes! We need to get your make up and constume done." she rushed in panic.

"Do you have our album on you right now?" CL asked her manager.

"Yeah." She took a copy of the "All or Nothing" album out of her purse and handed it to CL with a black Sharpie. Quickly scribbling her autograph onto the album, she handed it to me.

"See you later ." "." she winked at me and left for the stage.

Longingly, I watched her back disappear behind the crowd. See you later? I wish. I know that that will never happen. You need special VIP access to watch her concert. 

Heaving a sigh, I weaved my way around the casino, wondering what I should do. As I walked, music was audible nearby. They were starting. And all I can really do now was sit outside and listen. It's better than nothing right? 

So I find a corner nearest to the entrance and sit there paitently, listening to their singing, their opening, their mini conversation they have on stage. I was able to meet CL in person and now I get to hear their mini concert. That was good enough for me.

"What are you doing here? Don't you know you're not allowed to sit here?" a mean lady asked me. Startled, I spring up and bow deeply.

"I'm sorry. I'll be going now."

"What's your name?" she asked, flipping through a clipboard that she was holding.

"What?" 

"Are you deaf? I asked you, what's your name!" she shouted in annoyance.

"." I gulped. Looking through the lists, her eyes widened.

"I'm so sorry Miss . Please excuse my harsh tone. Please follow my right this way." she opened the door and signaled me to go through it. Confused, I went with the flow. 

Row after row, I was lead closer and closer towards the stage until I was at the third row, at a chair with my name written on it in huge font. My jaw dropped.

"Enjoy." she smiled politely. She left and I was left by myself with the best seat in the house. I stare at the seat, not knowing what to do.

"Here she is!" CL smiled into the mic, walking to the edge the stage.

"You took quite a while didn't you." Bom laughed.

"Did you get lost or something?" Dara teased. I stare up at them in confusion.

"Come on up ! You're the guest of honor tonight." CL signaled me up as every pair of eyes were pinned on me. Nervous, I stood still. I had no idea what was going on.

Soon, two of their back up dancers were walking up to me and bringing me onto the stage. They brought me to stand next to 2NE1 and I stayed there nervously like a rock.

"C-c-L!" I stuttered in a whisper. She took my hand and took me to the edge of the stage.

"I'm here to show you the life as an idol." she smiled, "Let's give a welcoming round of applause to our special guest tonight, !" The crowd roared. "This one is for you ."

Suddenly, one of their famous songs "I Don't Care" came on. I started to cry in happiness as they sang their song. I can't believe this was happening to me. It was a miracle. 

"Thank you." I lisped to CL. She gripped my hand in response as we all clapped to the rhythm of the song. "Thank you." I repeated.