-

I don't smile in the school bathroom.

In there the lighting is too bright

Even when the sun shies away

And even when the giggles I think I hear

Walk out the door

I am standing there bare.

I rinse my hands in the sink,

Look up for a moment  and catch myself think:

I feel washed out.

There is a moment when I wish I could be washed away.

So I struggle to keep my eyes down.

Though it is not easy.

One sudden movement

And the light traps me in the glass.

I am there dangling by a thread.

The reflection is smeared with smudged fingerprints

From where all the imperfections were pointed out.

The figure before me is slouched over,

There is darkness under her eyes like dirt

From the hours the noise in her head stole her away from sleep.

The lighting is so bright 

That I can see the world on her back.

She finds my stare

And I fall into the black hole of her own glare.

And I am swept away by the rewinds

Until I remember.

I remember her.

I remember a girl under the blanket of night

Praying to become pretty

For boy after boy who would never care.

I remember a girl crying 

When she stepped into daylight

Because she didn't want the world to see her flaws.

All this time I thought I had parted ways with her

When all along she was stuck here.

Then I think about the girl in the mirror at home.

I wonder why she can afford to smile so often.

I wonder how she can let herself laugh all she wants

While the girl here refuses.

Then the door swings open

To let in shuffled footsteps and snickering.

I watch the girl turn away from me,

And then I remember.

They are two completely different people.

-

Personal Notes:

This is definitely one of my longer poems. In my opinion, it's also a little different than the rest of my poems. It's definitely one of the more intense and personal ones, I think...