“Changmin, what are you doing, standing around like that?!”

Changmin jumped, turning around, surprised by the sudden exclamation. Yoochun stood behind him, looking frazzled.

“Come on, we’re behind schedule!” his brother-in-law growled. “We have a lot of work to do if we’re going to finish on time.”

“Finish what on time?”

“The massages!” Yoochun snapped, staring at Changmin as if he had two heads. “They need to be finished in the next half hour so we have time to prepare the bubble baths!”

Without waiting for a response, Yoochun dragged Changmin forward. Changmin gaped, too confused to protest. The doors of the dining room were opened by a frantic Yoochun, and Changmin’s eyes immediately zeroed on the occupants of the room.

Well, one occupant in particular.

“Kyuhyun?” he spluttered, staring at the angel. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Waiting for my massage, husband!” the angel replied cheerily. “And when you’re doing it, make sure to press your firm against my back — for obvious reasons.”

“Oh, Yunnie, do that to me!” Jaejoong squealed. “That sounds nice!”

“Me too!” Junsu exclaimed, nodding eagerly.

“…Huh?” Changmin choked, his eyes wide. “Wha — I’m not your husband!”

“But I remember our wedding,” Kyuhyun told him, matter-of-factly. “And every night since then.”

“So do I,” Yunho chirped. “…Well, not the second part, but I definitely remember the wedding.”

“I remember the second part,” Yoochun muttered, his tone bitter. “My room is right next to theirs.”

“No, no,” Changmin said firmly. “We aren’t married. He isn’t — he’s an angel! He’s going back to Heaven tomorrow, and I’ve only known him for a day and — hyungs, what are you doing?!”

Changmin struggled as Yunho and Yoochun grabbed onto either side of him and half-carried him forward.

“Give your husband a massage, Changmin,” Yunho told him authoritatively. “And then make him a bubble bath, and while he’s enjoying that, go and prepare his three-course dinner.”

“No! There will be no bubble baths! There will be no dinners! We aren’t married!”

“And then prepare for ual times in the bed,” Yunho added.

“Hyung, you’re my brother! You can’t say things like that!” Changmin wailed.

“But Changmin, you married me,” Kyuhyun told him sweetly. “You knew what you were getting into. How could you not? You’ve seen what marriage is like.”

“You knew Changmin — you knew,” Junsu, Yoochun, Jaejoong and Yunho chorused, their voices perfectly in sync. Changmin’s eyes widened in panic and he took a step backwards.

“No! This isn’t happening! I’m not married! I will NEVER get married!”

Kyuhyun smiled and pulled out a whip. “It’s too late, husband. You are now an official member of the Whipped Husband’s Club.”

“No! NO!”

“No seriously," Yoochun interjected, "you just paid the membership fees last week.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO — ”

…

“ — NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Changmin? Changmin?!”

“Oh my god!” Changmin threw himself forward, panting hard. His eyes were wide with horror. “Sweet lord, that was a nightmare, right? That was just a nightmare right? Right?”

“Uh…sure?” Kyuhyun stared at him, head cocked to the side, confusion in his eyes.

Changmin stared at him, and then let out another terrified screech.

“Oh my god, it’s happening, just like Yunho-hyung said!”

“Are you alright?” Kyuhyun asked, shifting closer. Changmin yelped and moved backwards. His back hit the wall.

The door flew open, and three figures rushed into the room.

“Your Highness?!” a series of voices chorused.

“Uh — sorry. I’m fine. Nightmare,” Changmin choked, shaking his head as reality (embarrassing reality; apparently his screams had been heard by more than just Kyuhyun) hit him. He looked up, smiling at the three guards. “Siwon, Donghae, Kangin — it’s fine, you can go now.”

Instead of leaving, the three men stood still, staring at him with shock in their eyes.

“Oh…oh dear!” Siwon choked.

“Sorry you’re Highness,” Donghae cried, blushing.

“Avert your eyes men; avert your eyes!” Kangin snapped, turning around hastily. Donghae and Siwon mirrored this action; in his desperation to look away, Donghae tripped, almost knocking over a nearby vase.

And, Changmin — well, he realised exactly what the guards must have thought about his little bed buddy.

“It’s not what it looks like!” he cried frantically. Beside him, Kyuhyun sat silently, observing the ensuing events with interest. “We’re both wearing clothes!”

Donghae whimpered.

“Dammit, seriously!” Changmin snarled. “We’re fully dressed! Oh for the Devil's sake — if you refuse to listen, feel my body — I am wearing clothes — ”

(To be fair, the words “feel my body” had seemed perfectly innocent in his head).

“Your Highness,” Siwon choked; his gaze was fixed on the floor, “I have the utmost respect for you, but I made a promise to myself that I would not know the joy of physical intimacy until I was married.”

“King Yunho would kick my arse,” Kangin told the horrified prince.

Donghae shifted his head slightly; his fingers were pressed firmly over his eyes. They shifted slightly, forming a slight gap, and he opened one eye.

“Oh, he is dressed!” he chirped, dropping his arms to his sides, and turning around.

“Donghae!” Kangin snarled. “You dare disgrace the royal family with such — ”

“But I’m dressed!”

“Seriously, what, in the Devil's name, is the commotion about?! The girls are becoming unsettled!”

Changmin resisted the urge to slam his head against the wall (and that urge was strong), as the Head Maid, Taeyeon, stormed into the room.

“We’re hearing some pretty hot things,” chirped Yoona — one of the Palace maids — coming to stand beside Taeyeon. She turned her head, and cocked it to the side when she caught sight of Changmin, and realised who’s room she was standing in.

“Oh hey Changmin,” she said, beaming. Changmin smiled back, despite the utter humiliation he was feeling; after all, it was Yoona, and it was hard not to smile at her. “Who’s the hot guy in your bed?”

The smile faded.

“Kyuhyun,” Kyuhyun told her.

“We weren’t doing anything,” Changmin said, his voice firm.

“Jessica!” Kangin snarled, glaring at the Head Maid. “Tell Yoona to look away, before she brings disgrace upon the royal family!”

Taeyeon frowned. “…But they’re fully dressed.”

“Thank you!”

“For now.”

“Shut up Kyuhyun!”

…

The next morning, the servants’ breakfast table was filled with excited chatter — and all conversation was focused on one topic in particular.

“So what, they were having ?” Key demanded, leaning forward, an eager expression plastered across his face.

“There was no ,” Taeyeon snapped. She shot an annoyed glare at the excited male. “Kibum, please stop talking like that with my girls present.”

“ off Key,” the maids chorused.

“But they looked like they would soon — have , I mean,” Yoona said, grinning.

“Yoona!” Taeyeon snapped disapprovingly. “Have some respect would you?!”

Yoona pouted. “Yes Taeyeon.” A moment later she sat up straight, her eyes sparkling. “But who knows what might have happened if we hadn’t interrupted — ”

“Yoona, what did I just say?!”

“Not to say anything,” Yoona replied, her shoulder’s slumping.

“Exactly!” Taeyeon glared. “So keep your mouth shut!”

“But this is so juicy!” Key complained. “You can’t stop now!” He leaned forward, his eyes wide, staring at the maids. “Come on girls, I’m practically one of you! I’m King Jaejoong’s lady-in-waiting — ”

“His manservant!” Taeyeon snapped. “Kibum, you are not a woman and — other than Yoona, none of my girls saw anything, so there’s no point asking them.”

“But lady-in-waiting sounds so much more fabulous,” Key pouted. “I mean, manservant is just so tacky!”

“Maybe Minho will know what’s going on!” Sooyoung suggested. “I mean, he’s Prince Changmin’s manservant, and his best friend, so — ”

“It’s none of our business,” Taeyeon interrupted. Her tone was firm. “Girls, stop talking, and finish your breakfast. We have a lot of work to get done — the clothes need to be taken in, the palace needs to be scrubbed and dusted — Hyoyeon! Yuri! Stop giggling!”

“Have you women no shame?” Kangin cried, bursting into the room. “Gossiping about the royal family behind their backs…”

“Shut up Kangin — no one is gossiping,” Taeyeon growled, shooting him a sharp glare. "And were you eavsdropping?"

Kangin flushed, averting his gaze. “I just don’t think it’s anyone’s business if the Prince was — ”

“ — doing the dirty!”

Kangin’s jaw clenched. “Thank you Donghae.”

The guard - who had filed in after Kangin, alongside Siwon - smiled in response.

“I don’t understand how he can,” Siwon murmured, his brow furrowing. “Personally, I’m waiting until after I’m married.”

“Pity,” Yoona said loudly.

The maids (and Key) all giggled.

Taeyeon glared at them. “I said hurry up, didn’t I?” she snapped impatiently. “Or you can go without any breakfast today.”

“We need a new couple around here — things are getting boring,” Key sighed, leaning back in his chair. His eyes narrowed. “When is Minho getting back, huh?” He stood up, walking to the door. His food lay untouched on the table. “I’m going down to the stables to ask Taeminnie if he knows — Minho will surely know something.”

Taeyeon sighed, watching him leave. “How the hell does that guy still have a job around here?” she muttered.