Some of you might know why I continue writing this certain fic.

Thanks for putting up with me during the weird time. I really appreciate that.

special thanks to Nippy for everything. :)

***

“Kyuhyun! This is too much. You have to get off from your bed and go to the hospital already.” Heechul yells in the edge of Kyuhyun’s bed, hands ready on Kyuhyun’s ankle about to pull the lazy maknae out of his misery.

“No.” He says burying his face deeper on the pillow and covers his ears with the sides of the feather.

“No. You have to go. I’m telling you if you don’t go today, he will forget you forever! I mean it” Heechul threatens made Kyuhyun sits up hugging the soft blue baby pillow to his chest, he whimpers, his hair is in a mess, face even more and he’s been avoiding to visit Siwon for a whole week.

“Hyung.... I can’t do this.”

“Why? You can. Give it a try.”

“Look, imagine you are in his position. You sleep at night like usual, then you wake up in the morning with people telling that you are gay and dating your band mate. How does that sound for you?”

“Well....I’m gonna scream and go crazy. But if it’s the truth.... I can't do anything right? Just don’t scare yourself out of the outcome. We won’t know if we never try.”

“I’m not ready.”

“I’m not buying it, you’ve already said that hundred times. Now you have to go, because the last time I visited him, he asked Jiwon to call and ask her to come.”

“What?”

“Yes. I believe you are not deaf, so please get ready, I’ll drive you there.”

Kyuhyun has been silent all the way to the hospital, thinking of what he should do or what should he say in this first encounter with Siwon, old version of Siwon. Kyuhyun told the member not to tell anything about their relationship, because he wanted to convey it to Siwon himself, and he needs to be alone with Siwon, but just the image of him in one room, breathing the same air with a new version of Siwon is just a headache, let alone he does it for real.

Heechul needs to snap his head when Kyuhyun halts and wants to go home after walking five meters from the hospital entrance. He just never gets ready, so Heechul grips his wrist and pulls him.

The window glass room shows there are Kangin and Sungmin inside the room talking with Siwon. He takes a long breath before Heechul turns the doorknob and lets them both enter the hospital room.

“Hi!” Heechul waves and followed by a shy Kyuhyun. He stares at Siwon and in one second he sees the reflection of Siwon who loves him, but it was just a mere second before the new version of Siwon comes back. This is his first encounter but he can feel the difference, thousands different things, first thing is his eyes; he is seeing Siwon but he isn't seeing Siwon; it was too palpable to ignore.

“Kyuhyun-ah?” Siwon says softly. And Siwon feels so magical that his heart starts pulsating fast more than he usually does. He wonders what’s wrong...maybe it’s the prescription working.

“Hyung, how are you?” he says warily but Siwon doesn’t catch it.

“You are getting handsome.” Siwon says and Kangin can help but snorts,

“Geez.... you always have that on you, right?”

“What?” Siwon says innocently but Kyuhyun hears himself curses inside, the first thing he noticed is Kyuhyun’s getting handsome, but he doesn’t like it because usually Siwon tells him beautiful. “I never see you around. They said you are so busy these days.”

“Hm..yeah. It’s kind of hectic week for me, hyung.” Lie.

“Well...you know he plays many musical roles and it always becomes a hit.”

“Whoa....I’m so proud of you Kyuhyun-ah...”

“Ah...I forget something.” Heechul covers his mouth and signals Kangin. “Kangin, please accompany me, I need to get something in the car.”

“Ah...yes hyung. You too...” Kangin drags Sungmin out from the room as well.

“W-where are you going?” Kyuhyun mutters, eyes blinking rapidly.

“You just stay here. Okay. We will be back in a few minutes.” Heechul winks and whispers “take your time.”

As soon as the three disappear from the door, the room goes silent and awkward, suddenly the series of beeps are louder than before and it makes Kyuhyun fidgeting.

“Hey, sit here.” Siwon says, patting the edge of his bed.

“How....how is your condition?” courage himself to sit on the chair next to the bed.

“It’s getting better, actually my injury is not that severe, but my memory is making me crazy.”

“You really don’t remember anything the past five years?”

“No. I don’t remember a thing, and it hurts me when members told me that I broke up with Stella few years ago.” He looks dejected, adding more anxiety in Kyuhyun’s heart.

“Oh.”

“It was so sad, I mean, how? I never knew that I would’ve broken up with her. I love her so much. There is no chance for me to let her get hurt. I-”

Kyuhyun casts down his eyes, he couldn’t hide his expression well, he needs to get out from this room fast before he bawl his eyes out or throws stuffs to the wall.

“They said because we had hard time in long distance relationship, I don’t know...but that sounds so unreal for me, I always think that no matter what happened, I will always love her and stay by her side.”

Kyuhyun chokes his own saliva and has to bite his own tongue to dissuade the gasp which about to escape from his mouth. It hurts him to hear Siwon says such things about someone else in front of him, even though he knows this is the 2009 version of Siwon who is talking, reminding himself not to take it to heart because once Siwon gets his memories back, everything will be back to normal.

“Many things happened the past few years hyung.” He mutters nearly crack his voice out.

“Yes, but I need to see her to figure everything out.” Siwon speaks in confidence.

“Yeah, you should.” Another lie.

The door opens and someone enters and Kyuhyun couldn’t be more thankful to the visitor, it’s Jiwon.

“Oppa.” Jiwon says and jogs to reach Kyuhyun, hugging him tightly. “How are you?” Jiwon says; hand still in Kyuhyun’s arm.

“I’m fine Jiwonnie.”

Siwon stares at them in question; he doesn’t remember that Kyuhyun is so close with his family, preferably his sister. He just introduced her once to the members, but they seem so close.

“What is this? Are you two dating?” Siwon jumps in conclusion.

“What? No....” Jiwon chuckles covering his mouth. “You are the one who-“

“Jiwonnie...” Kyuhyun sends a ‘don’t say it’ look and Jiwon stops.

“No, we are not dating, you always forbid me to date any of the members.” Jiwon continues and gives a warm smile to Kyuhyun.

“I think I should take my leave” Kyuhyun says.

“Why so fast?” Siwon pouts and Kyuhyun swears if this Siwon is his Siwon, he will definitely hug him and shower him with kisses, unless it is not.

“I have schedule in an hour hyung.”

“Oh okay...busy brother.”

Brother.....

“I’ll send him off.” Jiwon announces

“Oppa, you haven’t told him?” Jiwon questions as soon as they leave the room.

“No.” Eyes staring at the white marbles

“Why?”

“I can’t.” He looks up ‘”I can’t Jiwon””

“But..... It’s been a while and he keeps nagging me to call Stella...”

“You should just call her.” He says hastily

“What?—aren’t you going to tell the truth?”

“I don’t know. I am confused, I need time, I-I..... am sorry.”

Jiwon sighs; she isn’t originally their supporter, but through times, she saw how Kyuhyun made his brother happy and happier each time, she thinks Kyuhyun is fine. “Oppa, this weekend he will be released from the hospital. I hope you already told him by then.”

Three days after...

“Changmin! I need your help.” Kyuhyun yells through his phone

When they enter Siwon’s apartment, Kyuhyun goes to Siwon’s room and collects all his things.

“Wait....what are you doing?”

“Moving out from his apartment.” Kyuhyun says, removing the photos from the cupboard, their pictures together, his single shot, his jacket from the hanger, his accessories, his perfume, everything.

“This is crazy. You’re just helping him to get rid of you, I mean don’t you have hope that he’ll get his memories back soon?” standing in the middle of the room, looking at Kyuhyun walking back and forth collecting his stuffs.

“I don’t think so. He is so far away from home, I can’t keep up.”

“What’s with you? I don’t want to help you doing this. Kyuhyun, we should help Siwon not abandoning him.”

“I am not abandoning him. I just don’t want him to freak out if he knows the truth.”

“But he will know, he should, he must.” Changmin persuades “I’m so going to tell him if you are not going to do it yourself...”

“No please....just give me time!”

“Come on....”

“Please please Changmin please...”

In the end Changmin helped Kyuhyun to get all his stuffs from Siwon’s apartment and Kyuhyun is about to go insane when he knows that Stella is in the town.

Siwon is waiting at the hospital, he missed Stella so much and he has so many things to ask to her.

Once the petite girl enters the room, she smiles. It’s so awkward how Siwon feels, he has been wanting this moment, he has been nagging about how he misses and needs to see this girl so bad, but the moment it happened, he feels nothing, it’s just a dull tryst that far from what he expected, it’s just like he meets an old friend, the feeling is overdue. He awkwardly smiles back and when they hug, Siwon can’t feel anything special about it, it was so weird. Why doesn’t his heart race like he remembers do? Something is wrong, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it is.

He finally released from the hospital, his family and some members fetch him to his apartment. The manager said he can go back to work if he feels ready to, lets himself getting comfortable in his new surroundings first. But he convinces the manager that he will go back fast since meeting with friends and coworkers will help him a lot in getting his memories back.

When he enters the room he was surprised at the furniture, they are all good but they weren’t the things Siwon remembered wanting, it was like someone else styled it for him, or maybe his taste changed a lot, so he thought. Expect one room in the corner he doesn’t like because it’s empty, other things are quite comfortable for him.

“King sized bed?” He mutters, facing the giant bed in front of him. “Three closets... Mom...did I live with someone?”

His mom who is changing the bed sheet looks up with nervous gaze. “Why did you ask that?”

“It’s just so weird for me to have this all alone.”

“You like it spacious when you are sleeping and you have many clothes to put in those closets.” She smiles, assuring.

The next morning, his mom is still around providing his needs; Siwon somehow is getting used to the new environment, with his curious questions he is easy to learn to become Siwon.

“Have I flied to all these countries?” He says while checking the magnets tagged on his two fridges. “Brazil, Barcelona, Chili, Greece.....India?” knitting his eyebrows. “Have I really gone to India?”

His mom who is busy preparing their breakfast smiles “Most of them weren’t bought by you, they were gifts.”

“So...I haven’t gone to any of them...” he pouts.

“Well, you have been there too, but some of the magnets, you got them even before you went there.”

“From fans?”

“From a friend.” His mom states.

“Same person gave me all of these?” and with that his mom only nods “Why would they give me this?”

“Because you collected them.”

“But....most of them were gifts from them...” he laughs “Funny. That person should be the one who collects the magnets...not me. But who is it mom?”

“A good friend of yours. You will find it out later.” Siwon smiles, he is getting interested in this Siwon’s life, he has so many good things in the past five years.

It was during noon that his mom left him alone in the apartment, he convinced her that he will be alright; ever since he stayed in the hospital, his family has been abandoning the business, and Jiwon had leave school for a week straight.

So he was lounging himself on the bedroom while watching TV when his stomach grumbled. His mom already left some foods on the fridge but he feels the need to go out and getting some fresh air too, so he decides to go out for a bit.

When he comes back, he is dumbfounded on the front door, thinking hard of his passcode numbers, and he knows his effort is futile since all the two series passcode he remembers didn’t match and he doesn’t have his phone with him. After the police give him back all his stuffs, he never checked it.

“I must change it already.” He sighs, then he remembers Suho, one of his junior who visited him in the hospital said that he lives in the next door, he sure can help him.

Thankfully the latter is at home, at least he has a place to stay for a while or better he gets Siwon’s family’s numbers with him.

“I am sorry hyung, but I don’t have them.”

“It’s okay. Do you know anyone by any chance knows my passcode as well?”

“Your passcode....ah Kyuhyun hyung!”

“Kyuhyun?” he mumbles clueless.

“Let me call him.” He starts dialing the number. “Kyuhyun hyung....Siwon hyung wants to talk” Suho says.

Siwon takes the phone and speaks “Hello Kyuhyun...”

Kyuhyun can hear his heart beats faster; he can’t help but stuttering “H-hyung...”

“I was out for a bit, and then when I came back I can’t enter my apartment since I forget my passcode. Suho said you might know it...do you?”

Kyuhyun is flustered, Siwon comes to him to ask passcode, this sure is strange and Siwon will definitely question why he got his passcode.

“2323.”

“Huh?”

“Your passcode is 2323.”

“I’ll try.” It gets through. “Oh. It’s right!” He says surprised. “How do you know my passcode?”

Kyuhyun goes mum for a while. “I just know.”

“Well, thank you Kyuhyun-ah...”

“Hyung!” Kyuhyun suddenly calls out.

“Yes?”

“I will be there in a few minutes.” Before Siwon could answer, the line is cut. Siwon gives Suho a perplexed look but Suho just grin innocently and chaperons Siwon to get inside his apartment.

Kyuhyun doesn’t know that his so called self-prepared to tell Siwon the truth will be discouraged as soon as he is in the same room with Siwon again. The air is cold, his lips go parch and words stuck in between his throat. So heavy.

“Coffee or tea?”

“No thanks hyung. And by the way I don’t like coffee.” He smiles awkwardly

“Oh.”

This is only a small thing Kyuhyun has to retell Siwon all over again; I don’t like coffee and spicy foods. I hate all sorts of insects and anything that looks scary. I hate thunder, I hate dark, I hate being lonely and I hate being forgotten....

But the thing he should settle first with Siwon is

“We are dating.” Kyuhyun speaks softly

“Hm?” Siwon looks up “We what?”

“We are in a relationship.”

Siwon blinks his eyes “We? In a relationship? You mean you and I? We? What kind of relationship?”

“Dating. We are lovers.”

Siwon laughs hysterically at Kyuhyun’s confession.

“You are so funny Kyuhyun.” He is laughing while rolling on the couch.

“Hyung.... I am serious.”

“No no... Kyuhyun, you are not an actor. Don’t fool me. Are you coming here to entertain me?” he giggles

“I am not!” Kyuhyun voices out, a bit too loud which makes Siwon stops giggling. “I am not acting now. I am telling the truth. We are dating... for three years. You and me, we love each other.”

Siwon stares at him with plain expression that could tell Kyuhyun he doesn’t grasp it at all.

“Kyuhyun...please...”

“I am not kidding hyung.”

“But I am not gay...”

“You are not. Neither am I, it’s just.... I fall in love with you and you love me too, so...”

“I am not gay and I don’t love guy.” He recites.

“But you loved me!”

“No! Probably I loved you, but don’t mistake it as that kind of love Kyuhyun! I loved you as a brother.”

“You lost your memory hyung, you forget the whole five years; there were so many things happened during those times. We even get-”  

“NO. Enough. I don’t remember anything about it. I never did it. That is a sin. I wouldn’t do that kind of thing, which was just impossible!”

“Hyung...listen, I know it’s unacceptable for you, it seems so bizarre for you, but we were dating.” He moves to sit beside Siwon “You know where you were going in that accident that night? You were going to pick me up even though i refused because it was already late, but you kept saying it was alright. You loved me so much.”

Siwon just couldn’t buy it.

“We were living together” Siwon snaps his head and stares at Kyuhyun angrily. “We did. But I am afraid you will be shocked to know it when you got back so I moved all my stuffs. Believe me....”

“No...”

“I know your passcode, because it is my birthday, hyung.”

“No...”

“Hyung...”

“I said no!” Siwon flares his eyes at Kyuhyun. Never in Kyuhyun’s life is he so afraid to look at Siwon in the eyes. Those eyes hold so much anger, he is boiling.

The next word cuts Kyuhyun into pieces, million broken pieces. “Get out of here.”

Kyuhyun doesn’t say a word but his legs remain still; he doesn’t want to give up just yet.

“Get out of here! Now!”

TBC

regards,

Serena H