turn table.

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SM

“Guys, foods are here!” Yongsun’s voice breaks the silence inside the practice room, waking up the member who was lying on the floor, taking a little rest after six hours practicing.

The members gather around the food, picking up one for themself. Unlike Siwon who just walks towards the foods following the members, Kyuhyun sits in the corner, undisturbed. His stomach is empty, way more empty than usual; he forgot to have dinner last night and skipped breakfast this morning.

“Yah Kyuhyun! Get yours or you won’t get any.”

“Yes.” He says but doesn’t move. While everyone is enjoying their meal, Eunhyuk comes handing Kyuhyun the lunchbox.

“We will be going for 10 more hours. You have to fill your stomach.” He speaks softly to Kyuhyun, the latter stares at him and accepts the lunchbox.

“Thanks hyung.” Kyuhyun rises from his seat and walks out to the door. The only one surprised is Siwon. He glances at Leeteuk and Heechul.

“He’s alright. He just doesn’t like sharing us his foods.” Heechul snickers; of course it is only a joke. The thing is...Kyuhyun usually shares his foods with Siwon, every single time they eat together; they would sit next to each other and share everything. Siwon would put some of his on Kyuhyun’s box while Kyuhyun kept feeding Siwon his.

It’s weird when it doesn’t happen...

Kyuhyun doesn’t come back for a quite some times, so Siwon decides –because he is so curious of why Kyuhyun eats his lunchbox outside – to look for Kyuhyun.

His legs guide him to a balcony on the right side of the building, the door is slightly open, and he can see the shadow of someone sitting on the floor next to the door. He peek a little to find Kyuhyun staring at the lunchbox, rather gloomy.

What’s wrong? Does he dislike the food? Siwon says to himself.

He sticks out his head to get a better view of Kyuhyun until it hurts him hearing Kyuhyun’s voice rings

“I miss you so much Siwonnie...” Kyuhyun ducks his face above the lunchbox. Siwon doesn’t know other things because he immediately turns around and walks away from the scene, mixed feelings inside.

There are three things about missing; one, missing them because you’ve been apart with that person for too long, so you want to meet them to recreate the beautiful memories again; two, missing them even though you just met that person a few hours ago, because you never get enough of them, addicted; three, missing them even though that person is in front of you, you are talking to them but you still missing them because the one you are seeing is not the one you knew, that person was snatched away from their body and someone resembles them replacing that person. A new version of them that you don’t know at all, so you are missing the old version of them.

And Kyuhyun feels the third one. He wants to do something to get back the old Siwon back, but it seems his effort is futile since in the new version of Siwon, Kyuhyun ceased to exist.

***

It’s either the pang he feels in his chest when he saw Kyuhyun crying in silence or he is just being all curious, which makes him rummaging the closet in his apartment to look for the package the police gave him a few weeks ago.

They are all his stuffs, from the outside; he could see his car key, his phone, his accessories and some small papers in the plastic bag.

He takes out the phone, turns it upside and down. It’s a cool phone just like the one he has now, there is a few scratches on the side of the phone, probably caused by the accident.

So Siwon tries to turn the device on; the screen lights up but as soon as it is completely on, it requires a password to unlock.

He doesn’t have any idea what kind of password he set on his phone this time. He is not a secretive person, so he is himself surprised that he set a password for his phone.

2323 is the first thing comes across his mind. He types those four numbers and unfortunately it is a wrong password. He begins to panic; he walks to the bed, trying every single possible password he ever knew; his birthday, Kyuhyun’s birthday, his debut anniversary, Kyuhyun’s debut anniversary

“Wait...why I would set Kyuhyun’s debut anniversary for my password.” He hisses and tries again and again because it is always wrong.

Three days straight, he always takes time to retry inserting the password yet the device hasn’t unlocked, so he is furious and throws the phone somewhere on the bed.

***

Siwon is getting better every day, he memorizes the songs pretty fast, and his choreo improves a lot because he practices very diligently.

That day Siwon walks confidently inside the practice room, smile never leaves his face and the members suddenly gather around him, staring at him, no, actually staring at a certain thing he is wearing.

“Have you got your memory back?” Leteuk is the first to speak and Siwon looks confused.

“Whoaa Siwon!! You got your memory back, right?” throw a bear hug to him and followed by others.

“Welcome back Siwon!”

“Yay”

Everyone shouts in joy but Siwon still looking confused as hell.

“What are you talking about?”

“You have remembered everything right?”

“What? No I am not. Why do you think so?”

“Eh you haven’t?”

Siwon shakes his head in confusion.

“So why are you wearing that necklace?”

“This one? Ah I just found it in the stuffs returned from the police, it looks good, so I wear it.”

“Oh”

Making all the members glancing at each other, disappointment is palpable on their faces; they just couldn’t hide it especially when they hear the door is being shut close from the outside. Kyuhyun was there listening.

No one speaks to Siwon about what happened; the members keep him in the dark, they said it is not their place to explain about it and it makes Siwon way more curious than ever, especially Kyuhyun start avoiding him or he looks rather annoyed by his presence.

***

After what happened in the practice room the other day, Siwon isn’t surprised when Brian Jo--his closest friend after members—stares at him weirdly when they meet in one of a coffee shop they used to go.

“Have you-?”

“Get my memory back? That is what you want to say right, hyung?”

“Yes...I mean...you”

“No hyung. I don’t. That is why I am looking for you.” He says suddenly feeling gloomy. “I wore this necklace yesterday and members asked the same question as yours. They thought I have remembered everything because I am wearing it. But they didn’t want to tell what’s with this necklace.”

“It’s not the necklace.”

“Then?”

“You really don’t remember, do you?”

“I don’t. I wore it because it looks nice, that’s all.”

“I am not in the place to tell you this, Siwon...”

“But hyung...if you don’t tell me, I won’t know because everyone says the same. You are the only person I hope to gives me explanation.”

“Siwon...I-”

“Hyung please...”

“Sorry Kyuhyun.” Brian whispers.

“Who? Kyuhyun?”

Brian nods and smiles weakly.

“Is this Kyuhyun’s ring? Or.... is this some kind of attachment?”

“Engaged. You two were engaged...”

The next words were barely heard by Siwon, he felt dizzy as soon as he heard the truth; something weird crept under his skin, tingling.

The tingling pain becomes itchy, especially his wrist. He wants to scratch it but his other hand doesn’t move at all, it feels numb.

“He is awake.” He hears someone’s saying and it is not Brian, he knows.

“Where am I?” after realizing he is no longer in a coffee shop; everything is white, definitely hospital.

“You fainted, sweetheart, Brian took you here.”

“Mom?”

“I am here darling.” his hair gently and it makes him want to cuddle and cry for no reason. He feels so weak and fragile.

***

Siwon is back to his apartment again after three days staying at the hospital. The doctor said it is okay for him to join SJ activity, it is just...he is prohibited to think too much or stressed out. Better avoid thinking about things that can cause the wound on his head relapse.

“From now on you don’t have to think anything about the past. I know you want to remember everything, but it’s better for you to stay out of it for a while.”

“Where is my phone?” he says completely ignoring what Jiwon said.

“Inside your bag?”

“No. The old one.” He says and runs to the bedroom. His mom and sister could only stare at each other confusedly.

***

He found it.

He types something in a rush. There is a click sound when he enters 131109 in the password box, a sign that he got the password right this time.

As soon as the device is unlocked, it’s not his photo, or their photo or Kyuhyun photo.... It is just a picture of two hands with the same rings he wore days ago, intertwined.

Siwon smiles “London, indeed"

TBC

regards,

Serena H